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I dont know what to do with myself!

Friday, the love of my life, my parnter for 4 years broke up with me becuase apparently I dont talk to him enough.
There is more going on the he is letting on but he keeps hiding from me.

I want to sort it out but he isnt interested. He wants to be FRIENDS!!!!

I'm so hurt and insulted. I dont know what to do for the best.

Aww so sorry that this happened Lara, it must hurt right now, however at least he's being decent enough to ask if you can still be his friend, most of the time people get real bitchy over this stuff, you should take a while to collect you're thoughts and calm down, he obviously highly values you enough to hope you guys can still get along.

we were friends before we were together so that bit doent bother me its the fact that he cant be honest with me. yeah the truth hurts but any attempt to get him to talk about what is going on with him gets shunned and he gets so cold with me. I'm just so confused as we didnt have a bad relationship, we didnt even fight this just came out of the blue and the shock hasnt help its made me so ill I've had to take a week off work. I miss him and I dont want to lose him but I just want some honesty and of course some answers. I think he owes me that much.

Originally posted by Lara
we were friends before we were together so that bit doent bother me its the fact that he cant be honest with me. yeah the truth hurts but any attempt to get him to talk about what is going on with him gets shunned and he gets so cold with me. I'm just so confused as we didnt have a bad relationship, we didnt even fight this just came out of the blue and the shock hasnt help its made me so ill I've had to take a week off work. I miss him and I dont want to lose him but I just want some honesty and of course some answers. I think he owes me that much.

Belive me i know how you feel, something simmilar has happened to me with a so called friend.

I'm sorry this has happened though all i can say is i hope you can work stuff out and well both be happy.

4 years is a long time, sorry to hear it.

I know thanks guys. Doesnt stop you wondering though. at the moment I'm just trying to get back in touch with myself and putting a bit od distance between us.

I never thought this would happen. I though we were happy. I WAS happy. I just wished he'd be more open with me.

Originally posted by Lara
I dont know what to do with myself!

Friday, the love of my life, my parnter for 4 years broke up with me becuase apparently I dont talk to him enough.
There is more going on the he is letting on but he keeps hiding from me.

I want to sort it out but he isnt interested. He wants to be FRIENDS!!!!

I'm so hurt and insulted. I dont know what to do for the best. sorry about your troubles, I hope things turn out for the best.

Originally posted by Lara
I dont know what to do with myself!

Friday, the love of my life, my parnter for 4 years broke up with me becuase apparently I dont talk to him enough.
There is more going on the he is letting on but he keeps hiding from me.

I want to sort it out but he isnt interested. He wants to be FRIENDS!!!!

I'm so hurt and insulted. I dont know what to do for the best.

Sorry to hear that...

Yeah, give him some time and space, and give yourself some space to calm down and think

The more you try to approach him, the more he's gonna hide away. When the time is right for him, I'm sure he'll approach you to talk about it

thats what every one keeps saying.

There is a saying that my Grandma has: "if you love some thing, let it go. If it comes back to you then it was always yours."


I just dont know. I went to pick up all my things on saturday and things were so weird. He was weird. To begin with he was so cold and then he realised I wasnt there to have an argument I just wanted to see how he was, get my stuff (which he had already packed, every last little thing!) and go.

But there was a look in his eyes I hadnt seen for a long time which made me leave in a much better mood. That look he had tells me there is some hope of this being resloved but my common sense and understanding of him says "that it".

I guess only time will tell. He knows How I feel and what I think about all this so he knows where he stands with me. I just done know where I stand with him which is the hardest thing. That and the fact I'm in love with him and I just cant turn it off. Oh, he knows that too.

oh well, tick tock goes the clock.

I'm available naughty

thanks, but I dont want any one else.

sorry to hear

i guess it wouldn't matter so much now if you want to show me your **** again srug

Here for you.

Relationships are funny that way. One minute everything is going well, at least you think things are going well, then BAM, chaos ensues. Good luck with it all, I have been there.

Originally posted by Lara
Walshy your such and arse!


thankyou scythe *you're
*an

sorry peaches

i hope you can work things out petpet

its just madness, Its like he's just turned into some one else over night!

what ever it is I hope he sorts it out and comes to his senses and starts talking about it. If he couldnt talk to me about it then who else can he talk to about it? I just dont understand and probably never will

Meh!

I'm really sorry to hear that happened, I've been there, men can be so weird at times, I agree that he does owe you some answers though

stupid thing is, I should hate him right now, But I dont.

I know the feeling, thats how I feel about my ex, even after all the shit he put me through I still love him and I always will

Originally posted by Lara
its just madness, Its like he's just turned into some one else over night!

what ever it is I hope he sorts it out and comes to his senses and starts talking about it. If he couldnt talk to me about it then who else can he talk to about it? I just dont understand and probably never will

Meh!

Just a thought, it most likely wasnt "over night"

If it seems to you out of the blue, then hes probably been interested in someone else for a longer time now..
(my current partner had been meeting me for about 2 months while he had another girlfriend, and eventually he just quit her to be with me and I bleieve he never told her why)

Im sorry this is happening to you, but you have to believe things will get better hugOriginally posted by Lara


stupid thing is, I should hate him right now, But I dont. you are just confused about the whole thing.. so you cant sort out your feelings.. but its gonna be ok aweyes

no I dont think there is any one else. if there was he would have told me straight off. Hes not sort. that and the fact his sister would rip him to peices.

I know he's had alot of stuff to deal with recently. Maybe he just wants so down time, I dont know.

but if there was some one else he would have definately told me rather than leaving me like this. He's given me some hope which I think was wrong of him but I dont think even he knows what he wants right now.

Maybe he's confused right now
Perhaps thinking about commitment to you and other shit.
And that by being friends with you, he's saying he's not ready yet.

Or perhaps he has a secret relationship with someone else.
I mean, you never know what goes on a guy's mind.

Believe me, I know what it's like. I had a BF too, ya know. We've been together for 2 years and broke up. I found out he had another. That stupid scum!

Anyway, you can always talk to him. He remains a friend after all.

hey there're a lot of fish in the sea. knowhatimsayin'

Originally posted by Lara
we were friends before we were together so that bit doent bother me its the fact that he cant be honest with me. yeah the truth hurts but any attempt to get him to talk about what is going on with him gets shunned and he gets so cold with me. I'm just so confused as we didnt have a bad relationship, we didnt even fight this just came out of the blue and the shock hasnt help its made me so ill I've had to take a week off work. I miss him and I dont want to lose him but I just want some honesty and of course some answers. I think he owes me that much.

Seriously, just bang his best friend. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll be over him and you'll get the last laugh. Unless he bangs your best friend. . . unless your best friend is a guy, then that would mean he was gay, and maybe that's what he's been hiding all along. However, if HE is your best friend, then he would have to bang himself, and that would just be masturbation. Anyway, I'm full of great advice, and it's free too.

Oh, and I'm here all week.

Originally posted by =Tired Hiker=
Seriously, just bang his best friend. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll be over him and you'll get the last laugh. Unless he bangs your best friend. . . unless your best friend is a guy, then that would mean he was gay, and maybe that's what he's been hiding all along. However, if HE is your best friend, then he would have to bang himself, and that would just be masturbation. Anyway, I'm full of great advice, and it's free too. full of something haermm

Originally posted by Lara
I dont know what to do with myself!

Friday, the love of my life, my parnter for 4 years broke up with me becuase apparently I dont talk to him enough.
There is more going on the he is letting on but he keeps hiding from me.

I want to sort it out but he isnt interested. He wants to be FRIENDS!!!!

I'm so hurt and insulted. I dont know what to do for the best.

Go back to the things you like...like your hobbies or take a vacation.

Just get some time out. Give yourself a break.

Im sorry about that Lara.

Originally posted by Lara
I dont know what to do with myself!

Friday, the love of my life, my parnter for 4 years broke up with me becuase apparently I dont talk to him enough.
There is more going on the he is letting on but he keeps hiding from me.

I want to sort it out but he isnt interested. He wants to be FRIENDS!!!!

I'm so hurt and insulted. I dont know what to do for the best.

I'm sort of going through the same thing right now.

petpet Sorry to hear that.

I went to a friends house last night and to day I just feel so guilty for having a good time. its stupid!

It's strange how women still like us men even after all the shitty things we do to them...I just don't understand, I've always thought women to be complicated but never this complicated...I guess women could say the same about men though

Originally posted by Lara

There is a saying that my Grandma has: "if you love some thing, let it go. If it comes back to you then it was always yours."



While that sounds sweet, that only actually guaranteed to work with Boomerangs. (and even then its a bit dodgy if your throwing is off.)
It definitely doesn't apply to all situations.

If you dangle someone you love off the side of a 40 story building for example and let them go, no matter how much you love them, they ain't coming back to you.

Well sometimes in life that metaphor definitely applies to these kind of situations.

Of course it will always be diametrically opposed to the "Tighter you fasten you grip, the sand slips away" etc.

Ive gripped too tightly/lost and Ive "nobley" let people go and really regretted it...

Four years is a long time indeed. And I hope that you go on to be happy again no matter the outcome.

Good luck.

it seems to me that he has just given up. I think he has reached the pinacle of his laziness. that and the fact that we are both depressed only difference being I know how to deal with mine as it never really goes away, I just push it aside. he on the other hand prefers to bottle everything and then talk to no one.

Originally posted by Lara
it seems to me that he has just given up. I think he has reached the pinacle of his laziness. that and the fact that we are both depressed only difference being I know how to deal with mine as it never really goes away, I just push it aside. he on the other hand prefers to bottle everything and then talk to no one. You know, there's always a chance that he is just as confused and is hurting as you are. Give him time, give him a week, then call him to see where he stands.

Originally posted by Lara
it seems to me that he has just given up. I think he has reached the pinacle of his laziness. that and the fact that we are both depressed only difference being I know how to deal with mine as it never really goes away, I just push it aside. he on the other hand prefers to bottle everything and then talk to no one.

Sounds like your b.f. could really use an extra x chromosone.

dnaplasty and everybody's celebrating

well, we said that we would meet up in a few weeks and go do some thing, like see a film or what ever, as friends.
I'm going away to my cousins tomo, for a long weekend as its halloween, so its an important time of the year for us pagans.

He's going away to the coast so see a friend in a couple of weeks and in between all that there is a club we have both been invited to go to by different people.
He's been asked by some people he works with and I've been asked by some college friends I havent seen for ages. Trouble is, this club is only open one night a month and I dont want to make him uncomfortable by seeing me there with my friends. He'll think I dont care.

He doesnt know about my invitation yet either. I dont want to ask him if its ok for me to go as that will seem like I'm stalking him.

This is really starting to get annoying.

I think you should be who you are and not what people want you to be.

I am who I am. **** every one else.
However things tend to get a little complicated when you've just come out of a long term relationship.

Originally posted by Lara
I dont know what to do with myself!

Grieve, it's natural.

Originally posted by Lara
Friday, the love of my life, my parnter for 4 years broke up with me becuase apparently I dont talk to him enough.

I'm willing to call shenanigans on that one. Communication is a two way street. This sounds like the excuse of a guy who wants to appear sensitive, but put all the blame on you. It's kind of the childish way to negate one's own guilt.

Originally posted by Lara
There is more going on the he is letting on but he keeps hiding from me.

Please be prepared to see him going out with someone very soon. I don't want to sound cruel, but not wanting to talk about it, blaming you, it sounds like he's already making moves on another relationship.

Originally posted by Lara
I want to sort it out but he isnt interested. He wants to be FRIENDS!!!!

I hope I am wrong, but I doubt very much that you will end up being friends, especially the way he ended it. Plus I think you deserve friends that treat you with a little more respect.

Originally posted by Lara
I'm so hurt and insulted. I dont know what to do for the best.

I understand hurt, but don't be insulted or embarrassed. As for what to do for the best...give yourself time, and learn something from the relationship and what happened. Remember the positive, learn from the negative and use all that experience to find someone who deserves your attention moreso than this individual.

A broken heart is just one way to tell that it still works, that you have something to give, and that the one who broke your heart isn't worthy of recieving it.

Just my thoughts.

Hope you feel better soon.

thankyou I feel a bit better now.

Originally posted by Lara
thankyou I feel a bit better now.

No problem. Glad I could help, if even for just a moment.

mmmm.

I spoke to him on my lunch break, Because I heard some stuff and I needed to know if it was true or not. He says its not so I'll let that one be at the moment.

He has agreed to come to the rock club next week to see me and just try and have fun.

It could end up going any of four ways.

OooooooooooOOOoOooooooo!!!!!!!! MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!





blowup

Yeah we suck haermm

very few of you accept blame for anything.

Not all of us are like that. Men and women are on par with each other here, it's the person, not the sex.

Just go absolutely f*cking mental.

Do everything.

That's my suggestion to every problem in the world.

-AC

Originally posted by Alpha Centauri
Just go absolutely f*cking mental.

Do everything.

That's my suggestion to every problem in the world.

-AC Let mayhem ensue?

Nah, just do stuff.

-AC

Originally posted by Alpha Centauri
Nah, just do stuff.

-AC Pencil me in.

aww Lara!! hug!

If he's breaking up with you after four years because "you don't talk to him enough"... I think he's lying, yeah.

Regardless, I hope things work out.

well right now I'm trying to get myself sorted. Just hanging out with friends and such. it just feels really weird!

its like a bad dream I can wake up from. speaking of which I'm now having nightmares again. ****ing brilliant!!!

hope you start feeling better

have you talked to him? do you want to get back together?

Originally posted by Lara
well right now I'm trying to get myself sorted. Just hanging out with friends and such. it just feels really weird!

its like a bad dream I can wake up from. speaking of which I'm now having nightmares again. ****ing brilliant!!! Bad dreams are never any good.
It took many months to understand and come to terms with the break-up Alex and I went through.
As cliche as it may seem just remember every thing works out as its meant to and for the best...
Use your friends as a distraction and keep moving forward.
Hope you feel better soon Lara.
hug

he knows how I feel, and what I want. I have made that very clear. All I get when I ask him where I stand is:

"I'm confused, I'm sorry"


Always the "I'm Sorry"! wouldnt be so bad but after hearing it so many times it just gets annoying and loses its value.


Yes, I love him to bits, always have and always will and Yes I am "in love" with him and yes I want to be with him.
I guess that makes me the fool.

Even if he got himself sorted out and came to me and said "lets try again" I'd do it like the big softie I am. Even after all this.

DOes that make me an idiot?

lolllll

you kow that is such juvenile behavior! I'll remember that when you get ditched!

Originally posted by Lara
he knows how I feel, and what I want. I have made that very clear. All I get when I ask him where I stand is:

"I'm confused, I'm sorry"


Always the "I'm Sorry"! wouldnt be so bad but after hearing it so many times it just gets annoying and loses its value.


Yes, I love him to bits, always have and always will and Yes I am "in love" with him and yes I want to be with him.
I guess that makes me the fool.

Even if he got himself sorted out and came to me and said "lets try again" I'd do it like the big softie I am. Even after all this.

DOes that make me an idiot? "Im confused, Im sorry." is a brush off... specially if everything seemed fine till the moment he broke it off.... what is he so confused about? He should be able to tell you whats confusing or bothering him.

Even with that, I know it doesnt cut off the feelings you have for him...
Let him go.. if he comes back to you and you feel its right, then take him back.... that doesnt make you an idiot. Only you know whats best for you.

Aw, thankyou. you always seem to know how to make me feel better

I wish I knew what it was that was bothering him but I dont think I'm ever going to find out.
I'm letting go, its just harder than I thought it would be.
I just hope that if he does come to me and wants to try again, I hope its before too much changes in me and I give up on him.


life is truelly ironic.

Originally posted by Lara
Aw, thankyou. you always seem to know how to make me feel better

I wish I knew what it was that was bothering him but I dont think I'm ever going to find out.
I'm letting go, its just harder than I thought it would be.
I just hope that if he does come to me and wants to try again, I hope its before too much changes in me and I give up on him.


life is truelly ironic.

That would actually be the best and smartest thing to do. Move on.

Originally posted by Ms Chelle
"Im confused, Im sorry." is a brush off... specially if everything seemed fine till the moment he broke it off.... what is he so confused about? He should be able to tell you whats confusing or bothering him.

Even with that, I know it doesnt cut off the feelings you have for him...
Let him go.. if he comes back to you and you feel its right, then take him back.... that doesnt make you an idiot. Only you know whats best for you. A brush off indeed. Even if he knew it would lead to a fight, he owes it to her to tell her the truth, especially after four years.

it took the guy 4 years to realize you dont talk too much?

A) it should not take such a long time to realise that and B) you are every man's dream if you dont talk to much.

I actually talk more on line than I do actual verbal speech

I dont have much to talk about these days. I dont get time to do much that gets me excited and wanting to talk about it.

its mostly work, family or music and the occasional comment about a new artist I've discovered or a new peice by one of my fave artists.

But generally no, I'm not a big talker. I think some times words are over rated. I only say things when I really mean them.

I dont know what to think now!

He called me just before midnight, he sounded upset he wouldnt tell me what was wrong said it would be better to discuss it in person and then asked me to go out with him tonight to have dinner and see a film.

mesa sooooooooooooooooooooo

hope everything works out for u

If it hurts too much then don't be friends, leave him intirely otherwise your feelings for him will never go away, and it'll slowly kill you emotionally

I know that. The thing that is bugging me is why call me in the middle of the night and ask me out for dinner and a film?

Maybe he did something that he feels guilty about and is trying to make it up to you while keeping you from finding out just what it was he did

maybe. maybe he just had a reality check? I dont know.

its just this whole thing is making me jittery, I'm trying to get on with my work but I cant becuase I'm nervous about tonight and I'm curious because he wouldnt tell me on the phone he said he wanted to do it in person.

my curiosity is my worst problem. I just cant leave things alone if its bugging me I have to get to the bottom of it.

I know the feeling, i went through the same thing with an ex of mine .. and turned out she'd been cheating on me for months

no it isnt just with the relationship. My curiosity come into play with every thing.

Not only that if he was cheating he would have told me by now. The guilt would have eaten him away not only that some one would have told me if they thought some thing fishy was going on.

I'm a rather curios person myself.
And you can't trust everyone to notice something like that, or expect it to eat away at them, assuming like that will only get you hurt in the end

no I know him well. His mum cheated in all her marriages and he cant and wont stand for it, let alone do it himself.

well then i dunno, hopefully he just got cold feet or something

I dont know I guess all will be revealed tonight.

i wish you well .. and if it doesn't work out with him i'm sure you can still find happiness

yeah but it wont be the same thankyou.

hey, even if i can't find happiness it's still wish that others can find it, and you seem to be sweet so you def need to find it

aw, thankyou. I think its funny how I always seem to give people that impression

yea ... ppl always confuse me for a nice person at first ... by the time they realize otherwise it's too late MWAHAHAHAHA ... err i mean of course i'm nice

but no, you really do, otherwise you wouldn't be getting so worked up about the whole thing with him

I just worry too much and over think things just part of my mechanism I guess.

when you've been a major part of some one's life for the best part of 7 years (just to clarify, we were really close friends for 2 odd years before we got together) and put alot into it, it hurts when some one just gives up on it for no apparent reason. So of course the want of an explanation is only natural.

Well it's not a bad thing to think about things, at least you make intelligent choices ... unlike the majority of ppl

well I do like to look at things from all angles. I dont like making mistakes.

that's good, a very admirable quality that too few ppl have

I was brought up to make the most of what I have, i try to do that by not making rash decisions.

good to know

yeah, how every this situation is out of my control and I dont know what to do for the best because he cant tell me how he feels.

which kinda sucks. I dont know how I should approach this meeting with him tonight.

um ... see it as just a friend needing help, someone to talk to

yeah. I just hope I dont end up with egg on my face.

why would that happen?

some times I have the tendancy to be too honest and say things that sometimes are better kept to myself.

well if he's immature enough to take that out on you your better off without him

no I think its more a case of me making him uncomfortable.

oh i see

I'm a Leo and I can have the tendancy to be quite pushy but only when I know people are holding back information.

well then he better not hold back

true. He knows how infuriating it is for me when I have to lose my rag to get people to talk to me. I'm done with sitting on the side line and waiting for them to be ready to tell me cuz that never works. I quess you could say I go about it like a bull in a china shop. not always right but I judge it by the situation.

your right tho, sitting on the side and waiting all the time gets nothing done

no I dont like sticking my head in the sand. I know that things dont sort themselves out and they certainly dont go away. they always come back to bite you in the arse

yea, that's def not fun

how ever I think that is what he is going, I think he is avoiding actually thinking about the situation.

I asked him out right, last night, "am I kidding myself? am I wasting my time?" and all he could answer was "I dont have the answers for you, I'm sorry."


doesnt really help me but hey.

I'm sorry, that really sucks that he wouldn't give you an answer

well I think its because I get depressed. I have alot of family issues which I have explained to him time and time again and I;ve also made it very clear that its not his fault and I try not to let it interfere with our relationship.I've also been really ill recently with regular trips to the doctor and the hospital so I;ve been worried about my health and the impact of that on every one else again I've explained that to him and that that also is not his fault. I guess he feels that until I;ve sorted out my family he cant deal with me.

I dont know. I'm not always depressed, its just when it kicks in I try and fight it but it always wins, I dont realise and by the time I realise I need to see the doctor he has had enough, but hasnt said anything. I'm back on meds now and I'm fighting the mistress the best I can, I want her gone for good for my own happiness not just the relationship which he has thrown over-board.

I'm back on medication for the long term maybe 6 months to a year. I'm starting to spend more time with friends and doing stuff I like doing and getting back to being me. But he cant see that.

I told him last night if he wanted my friendship, like any relationship there is work involved and its a two way street, he has got to start working for it. I'm already doing my bit.

I think I have been very grounded and very fair and very honest.

Originally posted by Lara
how ever I think that is what he is going, I think he is avoiding actually thinking about the situation.

I asked him out right, last night, "am I kidding myself? am I wasting my time?" and all he could answer was "I dont have the answers for you, I'm sorry."


doesnt really help me but hey. Thats a pretty lame answer to give you.

God! life is so confusing

survival of the fittest honeybun. To compete for your lovers affection you gotta buff up and ditch the emotional/family baggage it drives guys away faster than Nagging. No one likes a girl with friends/fam/issues which are attatched to her like a growth.

nice terminology.


How ever this evening out we had on friday was crazy! and the end result truely astonding

what happened at that rock place thing?

I didnt go, I went out for dinner with my ex, who is now no longer my ex

YAY? aw00t

how?

did you guys sex it when you got back together yeah? awesome

not yet.

take pictures when you do ermmhappy

how are his parents being complete and utter arse holes?

they dont agree with whats happened. His step mum has never liked me and she's pissed because kris took his younger sisters advice over her's. I'm not allowed in the house unless kris is there or I'm coming through the front door with him and I'm not welcome to stay.

For some reason She has this stupid idea in her head that I blamed her and her son's GF for kris and I breaking up which is absolute shite. It had nothing to do with any one else.

So yeah. I'm not playing her games. I'm not going anywhere and she'd better get used to the idea.

I just feel bad for kris. But then again it gives him more reason to come to my house

Originally posted by Lara
how ever I think that is what he is going, I think he is avoiding actually thinking about the situation.

I asked him out right, last night, "am I kidding myself? am I wasting my time?" and all he could answer was "I dont have the answers for you, I'm sorry."


doesnt really help me but hey. He sounds pretty confused about it. When people say "I'm so confused" and "I don't answers", it can mean they're either too scared to admit what they mean, or they don't know how to say what they really mean.


Glad to hear you're together again, though. Nice to see you're able to forgive him for being so vague about why he ended it, because I reckon he was feeling maybe a bit mixed up about things.

I'm sure you two will continue happily together for a long time.

Aw thank you. Yeah we just have to remind each other when we get lazy

Originally posted by Lara
Aw thank you. Yeah we just have to remind each other when we get lazy Sometimes going through a short split like you did can really strengthen the relationship, I reckon.

things are very different now. We laugh at each others stupidity now like we used to at the begining. I forgot how funny he was

K.

Good Luck ___-_ ____ __.

Thankyou. I'm still stumped as to what the hell happened though! oh well no use dwelling on that now. I got bigger and better things to think on