Captain REX
Wreck the Mall to the tune of Deck the Halls
Wreck the Malls this Christmas Seasons, Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Blow your cash for no good reason, Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Push your charge card to the limit; Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Your checkbook now has nothing in it. Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
1. The restroom door said Gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized
I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices turned and found
The place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies, and a nurse
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.
2. The restroom door said Gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace
And snapped me with her bag.
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day
What can I say?
It just wasn't turning out to be my day.
3. The restroom door said Gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign
Cause I've got two black eyes
And one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy
Boy, oh, boy
No, I'll never sit with comfort and joy.
Parking Space to the tune of Good King Wenscelas
Parking space is hard to find, during Christmas season.
Looking all around the lot, some place you can squeeze in.
When you finally find a place, you'll be disappointed,
It's set aside for handicap, specially anointed.
When that Beemer cuts in front, swerving while you linger.
Peace on earth, good will to men,
Put down that middle finger
Parking space is hard to find, in the Christmas season.
All you do is drive around, no one's ever leavin'.
When you finally reach the store, your heart is filled with sorrow.
They kill the lights and lock the doors.
Try again tomorrow.
Come again tomorrow.
There's a Santa Who Looks a Lot Like Elvis to the tune of It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
There's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis
The king of rock and roll
Take a look at the double chin
He's weighing about 310
With golden chains and sequined belt below
There's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis
down at the K-Mart store
But the scariest sight to see
Is that jolly VIP
In a pompadour
A pair of blue suede boots and a beard with black roots
And a face you knew way back when
A drawl in his talk and a swaggering walk
And the hips that wiggled back then
My mom and dad can barely wait to see the King again
He's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis
With every Ho Ho Ho
There's that faint peanut butter smell
Whenever he says noel
Those lips are always twitching to and fro.
There's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis
Soon the band will start
And the thing that would pleasure Bing
Is a carol by the King
Right here in K-mart
Most Fattening Time of the Year to the tune of Most Wonderful Time of the Year
It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year
With that pumpkin pie filling
and everyone swilling down eggnog and beer
It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year
It's the lip-smakinist season of all
while you're shopping you're cheating
impusively eating that junk at the mall
it's the heav heaviest season of all
There'll be turkeys for basting
and stuffing for tasting
and giblets and gravey ill flow
there'll be cookies that mom baked and leftover
fruitcake from a Christmas a long time ago
It's the scale flattening time of the year
while your diet your blowing there's calories
going straight down to your rear
It's the scale flattening time of the year
There'll be after meal dozing and arteries closing
cholesterol levels will grow
It's to cold to jogging
tobrisk for tobogganing
so pass me a hot buttered roll
It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year
all those gingerbread shingles and chocolate
Kris Kringles will tremble in fear
It's The Most Fattening Time - It's The belt loosening time
It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year
Wreck the Malls this Christmas Seasons, Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Blow your cash for no good reason, Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Push your charge card to the limit; Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Your checkbook now has nothing in it. Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
1. The restroom door said Gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized
I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices turned and found
The place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies, and a nurse
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.
2. The restroom door said Gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace
And snapped me with her bag.
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day
What can I say?
It just wasn't turning out to be my day.
3. The restroom door said Gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign
Cause I've got two black eyes
And one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy
Boy, oh, boy
No, I'll never sit with comfort and joy.
Parking Space to the tune of Good King Wenscelas
Parking space is hard to find, during Christmas season.
Looking all around the lot, some place you can squeeze in.
When you finally find a place, you'll be disappointed,
It's set aside for handicap, specially anointed.
When that Beemer cuts in front, swerving while you linger.
Peace on earth, good will to men,
Put down that middle finger
Parking space is hard to find, in the Christmas season.
All you do is drive around, no one's ever leavin'.
When you finally reach the store, your heart is filled with sorrow.
They kill the lights and lock the doors.
Try again tomorrow.
Come again tomorrow.
There's a Santa Who Looks a Lot Like Elvis to the tune of It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
There's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis
The king of rock and roll
Take a look at the double chin
He's weighing about 310
With golden chains and sequined belt below
There's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis
down at the K-Mart store
But the scariest sight to see
Is that jolly VIP
In a pompadour
A pair of blue suede boots and a beard with black roots
And a face you knew way back when
A drawl in his talk and a swaggering walk
And the hips that wiggled back then
My mom and dad can barely wait to see the King again
He's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis
With every Ho Ho Ho
There's that faint peanut butter smell
Whenever he says noel
Those lips are always twitching to and fro.
There's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis
Soon the band will start
And the thing that would pleasure Bing
Is a carol by the King
Right here in K-mart
Most Fattening Time of the Year to the tune of Most Wonderful Time of the Year
It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year
With that pumpkin pie filling
and everyone swilling down eggnog and beer
It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year
It's the lip-smakinist season of all
while you're shopping you're cheating
impusively eating that junk at the mall
it's the heav heaviest season of all
There'll be turkeys for basting
and stuffing for tasting
and giblets and gravey ill flow
there'll be cookies that mom baked and leftover
fruitcake from a Christmas a long time ago
It's the scale flattening time of the year
while your diet your blowing there's calories
going straight down to your rear
It's the scale flattening time of the year
There'll be after meal dozing and arteries closing
cholesterol levels will grow
It's to cold to jogging
tobrisk for tobogganing
so pass me a hot buttered roll
It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year
all those gingerbread shingles and chocolate
Kris Kringles will tremble in fear
It's The Most Fattening Time - It's The belt loosening time
It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year
