The Swearing Dictionary

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mechmoggy
I think I mentioned some time ago that I've got a book made by the lovely people at Viz magazine which is basically a "swearing dictionary". I've been looking through it to make some funny quotes but I've had a hell of a game finding some which I could write here without being banned. Here are some of the ones that made me laugh: -

beaten like a ginger step-child adj. A particularly ferocious and merciless thrashing, for example, off a bouncer at a nightclub, a policeman in a cell, or Bjork at Bangkok Airport. "This is dreadful. I don't think Hawking can take much more of this punishment. Bruno's raining blows down now, left right left right. I can't look, this is terrible. Hawking's being beaten like a ginger step-child." (Harry Carpenter, commentating on charity boxing match, BBC Children in Need, 1998)

beer scooter n. Miraculous method of transport employed when leaving the pub after drinking large amounts of beer. So called due to "lost time" effect when returning home seemingly in no time and at incredible velocity.

hand to gland combat n. A three minute, one man bout of gladiatorial combat involving a spam javelin.

mole at the counter euph. A mammalian turtles head. "From the imprint of his shoes, Watson, I deduce that our quarry is a left-handed doctor of unusually short stature, who has known prosperity but has fallen on hard times. And by the short, irregular length of his stride, it is apparant that he has a mole at the counter, " said Holmes." (from "The case of the Speckled Bowl" by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle).


I doubt many outside the UK will get some of these, but I'll post more should the response be good. big grin

Fitch
very useful....

queeq
Very.

finti
nah

Lara
*yawns* I think some ppl need brain stilulation, *cough, cough* Mech!

finti
a brain what????????? are we talking stimulation here

queeq
Finti needs some other kind of stimulation, methinks.

finti
i allready got that evil face......right Dim

mechmoggy
I wonder how people get by without a sense of humour? This ones for you Lara...... stick out tongue


Forth bridger n. An irritable and cantankerous woman who seems to have the painters in all year round.

Tee hee! (Only kidding Lara big grin )

queeq
Ouch time.

mah
lara vs moggy catfight

queeq
Or mud fight! We haven't had those in a while.

mah
that would need two female competitors

queeq
Can't we fix moggy? evil face

finti
well he is a limey so he is half way there already big grin evil face

queeq
laughing out loud

Fire
hehe

Thomas H
whats the problem then...cant you (mah) fight lara...Il put my money on Lara!

Fire
hmm lame joke if it is a joke
else it's strange

Thomas H
i know...thats the kind of jokes that where funny when I was 8 years old...but I could not stop it, so I had to post it!

Mujaffa
dirty words

finti
why you ask Mujaffa are you wearing one?

mechmoggy
Did someone say I'm halfway to being a chick?

Look, I may have flabby man-boobs but I'm going to gym at the moment and they won't be there much longer. sad

finti
wont what?

mechmoggy
"...be there...", it clearly says that. big grin

finti
yeah, really does

mechmoggy
You know when I make silly comments like that I get a feeling afterwards that maybe I shouldn't becasue maybe they'll be taken seriously.

I'm only about 12.5 stone wringing wet and at 6 feet tall, that don't leave a lot of room for any flab.

finti
we dont meassure in stone so I have no idea what 12 stone is in kilos

queeq
Stone age weight system.

finti
what does a stone weigh these days

queeq
Dunno really.

finti
pebbles then?

queeq
A few grammes.

mechmoggy
14 pounds (I think), which makes me 175 pounds, which makes me about 80kg too.

queeq
Light weight. Hehehehehe.

mechmoggy
I know, I have to run around in the shower to get wet. sad

finti
thats becasue the water pressure in the Uk sucks

mechmoggy
I have a power shower, it rocks. big grin

queeq
With electroshocks?

mechmoggy
Nah, my mom and dad have a jacuzzi at their house though.

I often steal over there for a quicky if their on holiday!

finti
make your own bubbles

Thomas H
hehe

Julie
you are quite right...I have no idea what you are talking about

Fitch
who is quite right?....because everyone know's what is it about.

and beeing back on topic: laughing out loudlaughing out loud

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