Han Solo and Chewbacca vs. John McClane and Al Powell

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dadudemon
(Al Powell is the black cop who also plays Carl Winslow in Family Matters.)

While doing a smuggling run, Chewie and Han run through a time/space distortion while at light speed. This propels them far into the future in a galaxy far far away: Earth during 1989. The Falcon breaks down due to the temporal distortion the "jump" caused. They make a crash landing right on top of the Nakomi building, but they are unharmed.


Several minutes later, John and Al were meeting up in the parking lot for old time's sake, talking about their various adventures while sharing some donuts and coffee.

The Falcon's fusion blaster miss-fires due to the random surges of power. The blast makes a large hole in one of the rooftop fixtures. This startles the cop duo. Luckily, Al just busted a gang and recovered all sorts of weapons including grenades, c-4, rocket propelled grenade launcher, MP5s, M16s, AK-47s, and even a combat banana just in case the cops need to split.

Of course, John has his trusty handgun, and so does Al. Al has gotten over his reservations. They KNOW these are terrorists, trying to break in from the top, simply because of the large blast. It's dark, and they can't see very well, but it looks like there's an aircraft on the building, to them. They make a quick run for the building.

Chewie sees them and tells Han the natives are coming after them. Han and Chewie both grab their trustee(lol) weapons: Han grabs his DL-44 Blaster and Chewie grabs his bowcaster.



Scenario 1: Both sides are allowed all personality traits including Chewies protectiveness of Han and both John's and Solo's "charisma". Meaning, if you guys think it can happen, they can talk each other down from the fire fight. If you think that, you must describe the conversation and cite examples from the movies to support your dialogue reasoning.


Scenario 2: There is NO diplomacy. this is an all out fight. No talking out of it.

Skip the next part so it's just my take on what happens. Read my response on scenario 2. big grin











Here's my initial assessment:

Scenario 1: They meet up somewhere in the middle of the building, each side taking cover. John warns them to stand down. Han says he's just sightseeing. John calls "bullshit" and Al says, "that's an awful big explosion for some simple 'sight-seeing'."

Chewie then quietly says that he should just tell them about the ship's damage to see if they can help.

Han says, "unlikely, chewie, but it's worth a shot."

Han then yells, "okay, you've got me. We actually crash landed and we're planning on figuring out what's wrong with the electronic systems. Those were the fusion cannons going off from the surges!"

Al and John look at each other with a confused look.

John yells back, "That's a load of bullshit. You think we were born yesterday! You're here for the safe, just like the last mother f*cker who broke in here!"

Al says, "throw your weapons this way and come out with your hands up."

Han looks at chewie and says, "damn. I think these guys are local law enforcement. Looks like we're going to have to do this the hard way."

Chewie says back to Han that he thinks they are primitive as their weapons smell like ballistics instead of disruptor's.

Han says, "well, I'll be damned. We might get out of this alive."


Han yells back, "our weapons are better and we're friendly! We can prove it. Look at the that symbol on the wall to your left."

*Han fires a shot."

John and Al jump from the sound and impact explosion.

John exclaims, "HOLY CHRIST! What the hell is that sh*t! Pull a stunt like that again and you'll be eating a lead salad, a**hole!"


Han mumbles to Chewie, "THAT went well." And he rolls his eyes....they sit there for a bit and Han has an idea. "Hey, Chewie, I've got an idea. They may have never seen a Wookie before. That should freak them out and convince them to stand down. If that doesn't work, throw the thermal detonator and make a run for it."

Chewie complains but Han nudges him spastically to do it. Han yells out, "I can prove it! My buddy here is not from this planet. He's going to come out and meet you! Don't make any sudden moves or he'll rip your arms off and beat you with them!"

Chewie slowly gets up while complaining. He has his bowcaster in one hand and a thermal detonator in the other. Han peaks above his desk and has his blaster at ready.

John anxiously yells are Al to look up. Al frantically whispers back, "heeeeeell no, supercop. You get your terrorist killing ass out there and I'LL cover YOU!" John tries to retort but when he opens his mouth, no smart-ass one-liner escapes. He begrudgingly slides his head up and looks up to see a walking carpet. He quickly sits back down and stutters out that he just, "saw a huge f***in' monkey. It looked like Sasquatch!"

John then yells out, "OOKAY! We believe you. Call back your freak!"

Chewie hears this and gets pissed as hell. He does his angry yell starts to run towards the two cops. Han yells to Chewie, "Get back here, Chewie! We're in the clear! Don't blow it!"

Chewie reluctantly stops.


Al says, "okay, we're going to both stand up. No sudden movements.


Han gives an affirmative nod at Chewie and Han slowly gets up in sync with Al and John. As each stands up

All four have their weapons pointed at one another. John says, "okay, tough guys, let's put our weapons down."

They all slowly lower their weapons.


Al speaks up, "Alright, fellas, let's take it easy as no one wants to get hurt. We believe you about your weapons and spaceship. Now, take us there."


John extends his hand to Han. Han eyeballs his hand, then John, then the hand. He takes the hand and they all have a hearty laugh.



They go to the roof and see the ship. John and Al are flabbergasted at the tech. Chewie, through Han, tells them that the ship's power transformer is fried and they need to replace it. Al says, "Well, I know this certain doctor who goes on about a flux capacitor...."




Scenario 2: Han solos. laughing laughing laughing

Rogue Jedi
Dominic, I dont think the roof of Nakatomi plaza is big enough for the Falcon to land on.

dadudemon
Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
Dominic, I dont think the roof of Nakatomi plaza is big enough for the Falcon to land on.

It sure is.

I checked.


And, if you read the whole OP, you'd find a couple of jokes. I put those in there just for you, sweetheart.

Rogue Jedi
I saw them, your worship haermm

As for the fight, and I know Rob and Sadako are gonna flip, Han drops them with two well placed blaster bolts. Remember the scene in ESB when he fires on Vader? That was some serious ass quick draw shit. Chewie can more likely than not take a few bullets and survive.

dadudemon
Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
I saw them, your worship haermm

As for the fight, and I know Rob and Sadako are gonna flip, Han drops them with two well placed blaster bolts. Remember the scene in ESB when he fires on Vader? That was some serious ass quick draw shit. Chewie can more likely than not take a few bullets and survive.

I think it's a good match-up. No one is gimped. They both have about 5 minutes of prep as each makes their way to each other.


If anything, I over-powered John's "team". I thought that was necessary to give John access to all the weapons he had access to in Die Hard and then a few extra ones because of the tech advantage of Han and Chewie.











Both John and Han have absurd luck. IMO, the Greedo vs. Han scene puts Han's luck above John's. However, John appears to have more weapons knowledge...and it's possible he's (John) a better shot.



I already put my opinion down for Scenario 1...and I even used lines from each movie franchises.

However, Scenario 2...is a toughie.

I think they would meet somewhere in the middle or closer to the top. Han would booby trap and it's an easy win for Solo's team. However, John's not stupid and neither is Al. (Al was able to deudce that John was a cop when no one else was.)

Rogue Jedi
Al will be too busy eating ding dongs.

Sadako of Girth
Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
I saw them, your worship haermm

As for the fight, and I know Rob and Sadako are gonna flip, Han drops them with two well placed blaster bolts. Remember the scene in ESB when he fires on Vader? That was some serious ass quick draw shit. Chewie can more likely than not take a few bullets and survive.

laughing out loud

Han only USED TO shoot first. Bullets are faster than Blaster bolts, McClane wins. Had we been talking 1977 edition......... stick out tongue

If Al could deadeye Karl from that range in DH1, ending his life like it were a doughnut, then a big assed target like Chewie's head or testicles might not be too much of a challenge.

Rogue Jedi
roll eyes (sarcastic)

Sadako of Girth
Whaddyamean" roll eyes (sarcastic) "?

Did you not seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the piles of dead wookies in ROTS..?

Rogue Jedi
Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
roll eyes (sarcastic)

Sadako of Girth
Originally posted by Sadako of Girth
Whaddyamean" roll eyes (sarcastic) "?

Did you not seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the piles of dead wookies in ROTS..?

Rogue Jedi
roll eyes (sarcastic)

Sadako of Girth
Whaddyamean" roll eyes (sarcastic) "?

Did you not seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the piles of dead wookies in ROTS..?

Rogue Jedi
NOT killed by McClane. roll eyes (sarcastic)

Sadako of Girth
And?

THIS one could be. smile

Its not like the Kashyyk populous had had the opportunity before, to be killed by an McClane/Al tag team.

McClane kills his enemies Al kills and eats doughnuts...... hopefully, the killing will begin with Chewies fu*ked up, annoying family. Particularly his Son, Lumpy. Anyone who has seen the holiday Special will Im sure, forgive that. smile

Rogue Jedi
Han is a faster draw, dude. The scene where he shoots at Vader he is faster than Mac ever was.

Sadako of Girth
But he missed.


Slow bolt/energy weapon..

And McClane drew as fast/faster at the end of Die Hard 1, and nailed two targets successfully. AND delivered a better witty quip too.

Rogue Jedi
Originally posted by Sadako of Girth
But he missed.


Slow bolt/energy weapon..

And McClane drew as fast/faster at the end of Die Hard 1, and nailed two targets successfully. AND delivered a better witty quip too. Vader blocked the bolts, dude, they were gonna hit him dead in the chest.

Mac had his hand right by his weapon, inches from it, was anticipating drawing it. Han's blaster is low slung, he was caught off guard, man. He saw Vader, his weapon was out and firing in the blink of an eye. You know I love the Mac, but dude, Han is faster.

Sadako of Girth
Gonnawouldacoulda.

No he isnt. Hes fast, I'll grant you that. But faster...? Nah.
Also, the drawing from a low slung holster is a cool thing, but not so much as the infamous parceltape drawing.

Rogue Jedi
So the fact that Macs hand was literally right there by his pistol, he was anticipating the draw, compared to Han being taken by surprise, drawing faster than Mac ever did, this means nothing to you?

And Han firing on Vader is like Mac firing on Magneto.

Sadako of Girth
I wouldnt say that the first bit means nothing here.
(Apart from the statement overall that Han is overall quicker on the draw/to the shot)
But Mcclane also drew pretty fast in loads of instances when surprised.

Disagree with the Magneto analogy. Magneto controls metal directly, yet Vader had some kind of armour that did that. I dont think it was force thing.

Rogue Jedi
Nah, I'm going with Han here. Chewie is almost as fast and just as deadly. Al? Weeeeeeeeeeell......He gets shot in the Ding Dong, reaches for a twinkie and has a heart attack. Basically it's Han and Chewie against Mac, Al is a non factor.

Sadako of Girth
laughing out loud As amusing as that was, noooooooooooooooooooooo.
Al shoots Chewie in the ass AT LEAST. stick out tongue

Rogue Jedi
On a serious note, I am betting Chewie would take at LEAST six or seven bullets before going down.

Sadako of Girth
Depends on quite a few variables. I bet an eye shot'd do him.
Shooting one in the mouth/brain when they howl...?
A throat shot? It'd have to something pretty critical.

Rogue Jedi
haermm

Sadako of Girth
EDIT: NM

dadudemon
I included Al for his deductive reasoning and calm reasoning. He was one of the best detectives in the Die Hard franchise. He is the voice of reason. I would put his smarts in there. Not that McClane isn't smart, it's just that Al made some really spot on conclusions with very little evidence. He's good. He's smart. He can also fire his gun quite well in a fast draw. He may be fat, but he's definitely a threat to the Solo.



And, I did some math on it earlier. Blaster bolts, on average, are around 300-500 MPH range. Anywhere from a little slower to much slower than bullets, similar to what Sadako was saying. The Fusion Cannons on the Falcon, though, shoot MUCH faster. They are a non-issue, however, as the ship's power transformer is fried.



I see scenario 2 as being retardedly difficult to sort out. I can't tell who would win that.


Speed: I gotta give it to McClane. But, Han is close behind. Al and the Wookie are about the same.

Strength: Chewie is stronger than both John and Al put together, and then some. Add in an in shape Han and it's far too one sided in the strength department. I would consider the Wookie and Al to be similar in speed. Han's team.

Hand to Hand: John wins against Solo. The Wookie wins against both John and Al at the same time. Solo's team.

Smarts: I gotta give Han the edge over John here. I wouldn't be able to say Han is smarter than Al, though. Maybe a little, since Han's education is much more broad. Chewie isn't stupid, by any stretch. He was playing a chess type game against C3PO. Overall, I gotta give smarts to John's team.

Resourcefulness: Holy Crap. This is actually an argument that could last forever. This is a toughie. I'll give it to Solo's team only because Chewie is there every time participating and even lending resourceful hands to get out of a pinch. This is a toughie. I'll definitely be open to suggestions. I'll go with my fanboyish preference on this one until someone shares some sound reasoning: Han's Team. (Cause I like Chewbacca, dudes!)

Durability: John beats out Han. Chewie beats out them all. He's a damn wookie. Al is average human levels, if that. Han's Team.

marksmanship: Chewie didn't show anything spectacular. Han was really good, but he was no Bobba Fett. Both Al and John showed marksmanship in the "excellent" category. I've gotta give this to John's team, quite handily, too. John's team.




If we tally up the results as a 0 and 1 type of deal.

We get:

Han Solo's Team: 4

John McClane's Team: 3


So far, I have Han's team winning Scenario 2.

Rogue Jedi
I have a headache.

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