Cosmo Kramer
This is a chapter from a story a friend and I wrote entitled "The Vampire Story"
I would appreciate your take on it but please try to understand we were in like 8th grade when we wrote it. This is the first chapter...
"The Dark Ritual"
It was a misty night, and Thatcher Woods was filled with an evil presence. Devil worshipers. Rob from GameStop , the leader of the group was in a dark cloak. His disciples, Fez, Mike, Fernando (also in dark cloaks) and many other freaks that worked at GameStops were gathered together to form a dark ritual. A man removed his hood-it was Tom Arnold!
"That enough," said Rob, "we need to begin the ritual. We need an offering to the Dark Lord."
They all look around and saw Newman holding a Johnnies Beef sandwich.
"Toss it in the flames Newman," said Rob.
Reluctantly Newman gives up his pride and joy and hands it to Rob. "Toss it into the fire my apprentice."
Out of the flames, a creature is revealed. A tall, lean, extremely muscular demon like man with orange glowing eyes and wide powerful wings that could easily flip a Chevy Malibu. The creature examines itself. First looking at it's hands, then flexing it's arms. It opened it's mouth wide and took a deep breath, sucking the life out of the air. This revealed fangs, each several inches long and as sharp as Steven Hawking on Celebrity Jeopardy.
"Originally" Rob said "it was a gladiator in the Roman Coliseum thousands of years ago. The pits feed both it's thirst for combat and it's thirst for blood."
It was obviously a vampire with great power and a terrible potential.
"We made it stronger by summoning it here today. It now has wings with spans of twenty feet each!"
Barking was heard coming from a nearby trail and Ranger Bill from the Trailside Museum shown a light on his newly discovered trespassers. "Now Dali, I wreckn' we's found ourselves yet another way to pay our bills!"
Mike Petracca in fear of being prosecuted knocked over his master yelling, "he's got a dog out of my way!" without seeing he'd been running toward the river and fell in.
"Go ahead Mike and leave you were never worthy of the black ribbon, you'll never become a true dark wizard!" yelled Rob angrily.
Suddenly the vampire flew down from a dark perch landing on Ranger Bill ripping him to shreds. "Excellent work my pet now return to my secret lair" commanded Rob not realizing the demon was now gleaming toward him with an intent to kill. Before the vampire had a chance to pounce Fernando charged ready to fight but was far too weak to cause any damage and was easily killed.
Rob knew very well he'd released a very dark plague on the world and took a dive into the river. Three nerds then reached down toward their sides and released their favorite most memorable weapon, their lightsabers. But not trusting the Duracell commercials their weapons beams died out and they were all brutally murdered. Suddenly the Energizer Bunny runs by laughing knowing well the fate of the world is in the hands of George Bush and not a single soul is safe!
I would appreciate your take on it but please try to understand we were in like 8th grade when we wrote it. This is the first chapter...
"The Dark Ritual"
It was a misty night, and Thatcher Woods was filled with an evil presence. Devil worshipers. Rob from GameStop , the leader of the group was in a dark cloak. His disciples, Fez, Mike, Fernando (also in dark cloaks) and many other freaks that worked at GameStops were gathered together to form a dark ritual. A man removed his hood-it was Tom Arnold!
"That enough," said Rob, "we need to begin the ritual. We need an offering to the Dark Lord."
They all look around and saw Newman holding a Johnnies Beef sandwich.
"Toss it in the flames Newman," said Rob.
Reluctantly Newman gives up his pride and joy and hands it to Rob. "Toss it into the fire my apprentice."
Out of the flames, a creature is revealed. A tall, lean, extremely muscular demon like man with orange glowing eyes and wide powerful wings that could easily flip a Chevy Malibu. The creature examines itself. First looking at it's hands, then flexing it's arms. It opened it's mouth wide and took a deep breath, sucking the life out of the air. This revealed fangs, each several inches long and as sharp as Steven Hawking on Celebrity Jeopardy.
"Originally" Rob said "it was a gladiator in the Roman Coliseum thousands of years ago. The pits feed both it's thirst for combat and it's thirst for blood."
It was obviously a vampire with great power and a terrible potential.
"We made it stronger by summoning it here today. It now has wings with spans of twenty feet each!"
Barking was heard coming from a nearby trail and Ranger Bill from the Trailside Museum shown a light on his newly discovered trespassers. "Now Dali, I wreckn' we's found ourselves yet another way to pay our bills!"
Mike Petracca in fear of being prosecuted knocked over his master yelling, "he's got a dog out of my way!" without seeing he'd been running toward the river and fell in.
"Go ahead Mike and leave you were never worthy of the black ribbon, you'll never become a true dark wizard!" yelled Rob angrily.
Suddenly the vampire flew down from a dark perch landing on Ranger Bill ripping him to shreds. "Excellent work my pet now return to my secret lair" commanded Rob not realizing the demon was now gleaming toward him with an intent to kill. Before the vampire had a chance to pounce Fernando charged ready to fight but was far too weak to cause any damage and was easily killed.
Rob knew very well he'd released a very dark plague on the world and took a dive into the river. Three nerds then reached down toward their sides and released their favorite most memorable weapon, their lightsabers. But not trusting the Duracell commercials their weapons beams died out and they were all brutally murdered. Suddenly the Energizer Bunny runs by laughing knowing well the fate of the world is in the hands of George Bush and not a single soul is safe!