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Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

This is KMC's first allround championship of Fork Lift Racing!

Please enter by giving your name, the name and colour of your forklift and get yourself a start number.

When all contenders are in, the race will begin!!!

Mechmoggy - 26 from B'ham England
My fork lift is called "Forking Moggy" and is blue and has big smilies painted on each side.

You get number 3.

two places before where he ends

How exactly will this work, are you gonna roll a dice to see how far we each get?

Uhmmm..... YES! YES! Great idea.

First get your starting numbers.

Mah - forklift: Mr.Hippopotamus, colour: turqouise

Fitch - forklift: T-REX , color:dark grey nr:7

I'll put money on the hippo!

Driver: Jayride
Machine: Utensil of Death
Color: Reflective jade
Engine: 454 Alcohol/Electric Hybrid Magnum V12

(note: The barrels in the front and back are actually real beer kegs filled with 180 proof vodka. Sipper helmet included.)

name Dexx.
fork: forky.
Colour: pink
no. 007 if possible, thank you

007 is equal to 7 so you cannot have it

Name: Tex
Fork: Björklift (get it?) *giggle*
I'm lucky #13

Bjorklift! Brilliant! But my money is still on the Hippo.

you might want to practice some on perspective drawing

Is this better, Mah?

primitive.....but damn good

well, well tex..I had a chat with Björk just now and she was horrified after contact with the state of Texas!

that was a hit under belt......

*faints*

How outrageous!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in a furious rage!!!


That's brilliant Mah!

But to butcher the fabulous dress Björk wore at Cannes is unforgivable!

*cuts brake line to Mah's forklift *

See you at the race

well, who need brakes..

I was just about to get going with that latest pic of yours, but I think I'll wait some more 'till the next work of art from photoshop

mah,I think you should hire somebody to look after u're brakes...

*snip...snip*

when does the race starts ?

Okay, the starting list so far:

1 Queeqster
2 Mah
3 Mechmoggy
7 Fitch
009 Dexx (sorry dude, 7 was already taken)
13 Tex


Anymore contenders???? Sign up now!

nope.just start the race......

Not now. Not tomorrow. Maybe on Wednesday.

ok.....

Sorry. The track has to be OK'ed by the Department of Health and Funnily Shaped Cookies.

who's the director ?maybe I can help....from head to head

No, no, it's just paper work. Don't sweat. Just oil up your rig.

nice...ok .

Make it fast.

We need female drivers...

make my best here.not too many chicks around here....

too many chincks???

chicks....try ro read more careful....

chicks,chinks...they got the same features..u turn em over and boone em..the female chinkes and our chicks..

I'll be racing the Gundicopter.
Since I'll be airborne, I can simply shoot the rest of you down there on the ground.

Here's my entry fee of funny shaped cookies.

*laughs at the one shaped like a pair of boobs*

My God, Mech, you've got breasts on the brain this week.


Did you overdose on Viagra or what ?

maybe he's trying some new stuff. viagra for women...the special type...

the special type....I see you know a lot about Viagra.....
This is Mech's "nipples" week

New starting list:

1 Queeqster
2 Mah
3 Mechmoggy
5 Gundy
7 Fitch
009 Dexx (sorry dude, 7 was already taken)
13 Tex

read the papers dude.. or ur e-mail

Always Gundy dear, always.

read the papers every day and I check my email,but I haven't seen anything about a "special" type Viagra....
But anyway forget it......

We'll be checking your fork lifts soon. Get them ready.

So, are the Hutts fronting race money for you again, queeq ?

*turns on secret tape recorder*

Ssshhhh.... someone might hear!

when does the race starts ?

Tomorrow!!

can't wait!!!

So I forgot my #.
How's 21 sound?

today,today !!!!!

AND THEY'RE OFF!!

And Mech and Tex take the lead, with Fitch and Dexx right on their tails, closely followed queeq, mah and Gundy.

Make sure so either consolidate or improve your positions, gentlemans. And illegal weaponry and sabotage during the race is not allowed..... OFFICIALLY!!!

*Gundark dangles fishing lure in front of Tex with naked picture of Bjork on it in order to take his attention off the race*

*fitch pulls out a picture with the newest fashion at nipple pircing for Mech.Then he trys to improve his position.

*Gundark flies past Tex, who has now run into a mud pit*

*Palanfirith flies past Mech who stoped in the Mall *

*Mech overtakes Gundy's horse-drawn Amish Fork Lift with ease and begins "mooning" at Fitch to put him off*

what about all those spikes there?

WOW! The action! The Frenzy! Such Chaos and Mayhem. The crowd goes wild.

Not all agression has the desried effect. Here's the current ranking:

1. Tex
2. Mech
3. Fitch
4. Gundy and Dexx fighting it out
5. Mah
6. Queeq (to show he's not partial.... YET)

MAH! Get that hippo moving!

oops.
hmm, dexx and gundy fighting, that should slow them down.
mah inflates the blow up doll of a female vampire he has brought with him, and throws it to fitch's forklift.

Hope that does the trick.

Queeq hits the pedal and manouvres quickly through the live obstacles.

Gundy fires clown gun full of bantha poodoo at Xeth and zooms past, catching up to Fitch !

Who's Xeth???

I don't like vampires.I am a chick loving vampire .So it doesn't works
Gundy is in my back.damn.I pull out a picture with queeq and a beautiful lady by his side.Gundy remains in back preparing her knife for queeq...

Better keep your eyes on the road.

Dim loads her gun from the sideline.

and the top is ?

*looks at Dim on sideline*


Yikes ! Tuskens !

Sorry queeq, Xeth is BB's game name. Had RP on the brain there for a minute...

*sees pic of queeq with another woman that Fitch is holding*

*goes berzerk with jealously, calls Jango Fett on comlink, orders him to zoom in on Slave I and blast queeq with laser cannons*

*lifts shirt and flashes Fitch in order to distract him, thus neatly catching up to Mech*

I cannot look under u're shirt.....ergh hell....why not !?
But I'm speeding up keeping myself in the front area.....

*Projects hologram of brick wall in front of Fitch, causing him to swerve off course, Gundy zooms ahead !!*

*Rapidly eats 8 tins of beans then uses parp-power to take the lead from Tex, also leaving a noxious gas trail behind*

*Fitch makes a hole in the floor and start useing the Flinstones power.He goesallll the way in front.(a bit disguist of Mech's gas)

WOW....the crowd go wild, despite the fact that the dust prevents them from seeing anything. When the dust clouds lift we see the current ranking upon approach of the end of the first lap:

1. Mechmoggy
2. Tie between Fitch and Tex
3. Gundy
4. Queeq
5. Dexx
6. Mah

Queeq's reaching higher up the ranks, bumps in hard and sexy into Gundy's rear.

queeq, what ARE you doing back there ????

*flips off WWII flying scarf, allowing it to fly back in the wind and blow over queeq's face, thus blinding him* Take that, Red Baron !

*hits gas pedal hard, uses CB radio to distract racers in front*

I say, Tex, Good Buddy, ya'll best turn right up here, looks like there's a county mounty hidin' behind that portable parkin' lot at that thar choke n' puke stop. That's a big 10-4.

*prepares to zoom around Tex and take on Fitch*

*Starts dropping house bricks from back of fork lift, hoping one will make someone skid off*

*removes WWII scraf, finds himself riding up a hill, which turns out to be an excellent short, bringing back on Gundy's rank - bumps her again big time*

I go around the bricks and head for the leader.I wave at Mech and when he looks in the mirror I show him his break cable

WHOAH!!! What a slaughter!!! Major upheaval in the ranks. Queeq climbs high up in the ranks, Mech takes the lead, and Gundy stalls....


1. Mechmoggy
2. Fitch, Tex, queeq
3. Gundy, Dexx
4. Mah.

The crowd goes wild!!

A curve comes and Mech,without brakes,go outside the track.Then I rush and take the lead....

ooh, havent done much in a while...Mr.Hippo. is tired

just give him some grass...

he's a forklift..

I knew that.I was makeing a joke.....

I control the fork lift (just about) and my lack of brakes means my velocity is unparalleled.

I begin checking my reflection just in case there's a photo finish.

You are a disgrace to Hippos, mah.

never the less I'm in front and head for the finish......

Don't be so hasty. You might be peaking too soon. You're only coming up to the end of the second lap. One more after that.

it's all Mr.Hippos fault! he doesnt have any neat tricks or features

Get him to eat the others!

"Mr.Hippo; picture the others as fineee fish..now..EAT"

I forsee great things happening to Mr. Hippo.

New ranking at the closing of the second lap. One more lap to go!!!

1. Mech
2. Fitch
3. Tex
4. Queeq and Gundy (a true team indeed )
5. Dexx
6.Mah

*Phones ahead to get team Moggy to take lots of flash photography to blind the other drivers*

My give up, my give up!

*emails the afganistan snipers:Mech,the one in front is an american.kill him....
and they miss mech but they hit the gas pomp,and mech starts to slow down,no more traction.....

This post = 100.

Tex wins the race, close thread!

well....not really,u're not a mod yet .I still have my chance and head for the 3rd lap finish line.

Dont mess with Tex and his Björklift

how could I......

that's right!

she needs an own lift?

Did you say something?

my Mr.Hippo outdoes that easily!

Horrible!!
You must of spent 2 minutes on that travesty!!!

I on the otherhand put lots of time and tender loving care butchering your avatar

so you care about his avatar.....he doesn't

Photoshop is no more on my comp ...I hate MSPaint

excuses, excuses!

I just love photoshop.THat is a program always present on my computer .I'm just not good with paint....

New rankings half way the third lap!!
Fitch climbs to lead the ranks and mah makes up for lost time.

1. Fitch
2. Queeq, Gundy, Mech
3. Dexx and Tex
4. Mah (very close on dexx and Tex's tail!!!)

Okay, its time to get serious.

*Aims Death Star laser at back of Fitch's head*

Ouch...

*Texas puts 'Liquid Schwartz' fuel into emergency gas tank*
*Passes Dexx*:Evil:

You're on the roll! Coming up at the dangerous curve!!!! Major earthquake in the ranks as queeq takes the lead and mah is no longer last! Will mah win yet? Have others peaked too soon!

1. queeq
2. Mech, Fitch
3. Gundy, Tex, Mah
4. Dexx

Mah holds a pic of the middle-east infront of tex and automatically triggers his texan instincts, making him focus more on what to do with it than the race

it's not fair queeq,you bribed the host
anyway I'll use my secret weapons now:I pull out a picture with me and Gundy in a very nice position and make queeq slow down to have a word with Gundy

Not sure he will be slowing down to have a word with Gundy. Most likely be havin a quiet 'chat' with you.

I thought at it.....but that wouldn't make me the leader,so.......

Tex passes slow-poke Mah and advances upon dead meat Gundy

A picture is worth a thousand words:

or in this case worth nothing..

NO ADVANCING, TEX!!!!!

so,what's the latest top ?

*Begins swallowing hole cans of spinach and flexing his musc-les*

Almost there! Two more rankings and then..... the finish. Give it all you got guys and doll!!!

1. Queeq and Mech
2. Fitch
3. Tex
4. Mah and Gundy
5. Dexx


It's gonna be close.

I'm out of tricks..COME ON, MR HIPPO!

Kick his butt.

*Gets Team Moggy to project a picture of Gundy in her underwear to put queeq off his driving*

*enjoys the distracted look of joy on mech's face as he sees queeq's holgram chasing Gundy's*

*kicks Mr.Hippo's butt*

*Gundy grabs mah by his big Grover nose and flings him at Tex, creating a tremendous wreck*

*re-aims Death Star laser at back of Fitch's head*

when Gundy fires,I strafe a bit and the laser goes into's queeq's engine.He slows down and I pass him.Gundy stops to apologise to queeq.I'm heading for the first position.I'm pulling out my vampire wings,that give me extra power and pass mech.
am I good or am I good

*Starts throwing garlic and holy water at Fitch*

Tee hee!

I'm imune!I'm a day walker

Last ranking before the finish, people. Time to sprint it up to the end!

1. queeq
2. Mech and Fitch
3. Mah
4. Tex
5. Gundy and Dexx

I'm afraid to say that Gundy and Dexx are already out for the title. But they can still reach second place!

Mah gets up and standing on Mr.Hippo, anakin-on-picnic-on-fat-creature style.

I'm cracking the floor that is under my feet and I make the last push-up in the Flintsones style,helping the engine.....

I wonder how this race is going to end

after this he should be somewhere in the back,or strafe it,but he just jumped over my post.....

This race is fixed!!

Me in 4th place? Never!!!
What an outrage!

I wonder how did he let Gundy the last.....unacceptable
but I'm happy with my position,beeing the first and all that...

*start's sing "I'm the champion!(original "we are..."-Queen)

Anythbing can still happen people. Only two are out, the rest is still open to win. And the race is NOT fixed Tex.... it is destiny I guess.

Here's the finish:

1. queeq (sorry guys..... the dice decided)
2. Tex (with an amazing end sprint)
3. Mech
4. Mah and Fitch
5. Gundy (I'm going to have to personally comfort her )

how the hell did I get on 4th ????????
I was second and I was for the first position.but 4th !!!!!!

The top 4 was very very close together, it's all a matter of millimeters and chance. You slipped in the end, Tex took advantage of the situation.

Who wants to take on the winner on a second run? I've only won the race, not the war.