basilisk
Living Tribunal and Spectre have selected you to become a new champion of Earth, fighting for good alongside the other heroes. To become this champion you have to choose a set of powers, but with those powers come other circumstances and weaknesses to ensure that you always remain humble. As a bonus you get to choose to live in either Marvel or DC earth.
You cannot refuse their decree or you will be destroyed. The options given to you are:
1) You get Wonder Woman's flight, strength, durability, fighting skills, and lasso, but you must be wearing her costume for the powers to work. If you are living in the DC universe, Wonder Woman is still around too by the way.
2) You get Superman's powerset, but instead of kryptonite, red sunlight, and magic, your weaknesses are samsonite, red meat, and music. To be fair it has to be very loud amplified music to harm you, but it can kill you. You also have to be wearing your underpants on the outside for the powers to work.
3) You get Northstar's speed, but you also become totally gay. If you are already gay there is some sort of negative feedback effect and you become straight.
4) You get Batman's fighting skills, costume, utility belt, and $500,000 of Wayne's money, but no matter what you say or do or how you behave from then on, everybody thinks you are gay. Women, teammates, friends, family, the media, everybody.
5) You get the Thing's powerset, but you look like the Thing. Permanently.
6) You get Sub-Mariner's powers, but no matter what you do you absolutely reek of really bad fish smell, you can't drink alcohol, and you have to be wearing only his green speedos for the powers to work.
7) You get Spider-Man's powers, but you have to live with Aunt May for the next 30 years and take care of her, she only lets you eat bland wheatcakes for breakfast, and she constantly regales you with long tales of the old days with Uncle Ben that make Abe Simpson's stories seem pretty damn good by comparison.
8) You get Magneto's magnetic powers (at around his original levels). But loose metal objects constantly stick to you, you disrupt television and radio reception and computers if you get too close, and you erase any form of magnetic media if you touch it. And your hair turns white - all of it.
9) You get Wolverine's powers, but you must stand up and sing the Canadian national anthem, properly and respectfully and in your loudest possible voice, every time you hear or see the national anthem of another country played - on TV, at games, the Olympics etc. (and wearing earplugs etc as a foil doesn't work because of your enhanced hearing). You also become short and very, very hairy like Logan (and due to the healing factor it grows back instantly no matter what you do).
10) You become the Rhino. Complete with his intelligence levels.
11) You get the hammer, strength, and durability of Thor (no weather powers). But - you also get his hair (permanently), you have to be wearing his helmet for the powers to work, and you get his phony Norse-Shakespearean speech patterns (permanently). No more simply saying "Yes", "No", "Maybe" etc. From now on it's "Aye", "I say thee nay", "Mayhap" and so on.
12) You get Pym's shrinking and growing powers, but from then on everybody thinks you are a wife beater and a jerk, and you get funny looks from everyone on the street.
And now, you must make your fateful choice. Which do you choose?
You cannot refuse their decree or you will be destroyed. The options given to you are:
1) You get Wonder Woman's flight, strength, durability, fighting skills, and lasso, but you must be wearing her costume for the powers to work. If you are living in the DC universe, Wonder Woman is still around too by the way.
2) You get Superman's powerset, but instead of kryptonite, red sunlight, and magic, your weaknesses are samsonite, red meat, and music. To be fair it has to be very loud amplified music to harm you, but it can kill you. You also have to be wearing your underpants on the outside for the powers to work.
3) You get Northstar's speed, but you also become totally gay. If you are already gay there is some sort of negative feedback effect and you become straight.
4) You get Batman's fighting skills, costume, utility belt, and $500,000 of Wayne's money, but no matter what you say or do or how you behave from then on, everybody thinks you are gay. Women, teammates, friends, family, the media, everybody.
5) You get the Thing's powerset, but you look like the Thing. Permanently.
6) You get Sub-Mariner's powers, but no matter what you do you absolutely reek of really bad fish smell, you can't drink alcohol, and you have to be wearing only his green speedos for the powers to work.
7) You get Spider-Man's powers, but you have to live with Aunt May for the next 30 years and take care of her, she only lets you eat bland wheatcakes for breakfast, and she constantly regales you with long tales of the old days with Uncle Ben that make Abe Simpson's stories seem pretty damn good by comparison.
8) You get Magneto's magnetic powers (at around his original levels). But loose metal objects constantly stick to you, you disrupt television and radio reception and computers if you get too close, and you erase any form of magnetic media if you touch it. And your hair turns white - all of it.
9) You get Wolverine's powers, but you must stand up and sing the Canadian national anthem, properly and respectfully and in your loudest possible voice, every time you hear or see the national anthem of another country played - on TV, at games, the Olympics etc. (and wearing earplugs etc as a foil doesn't work because of your enhanced hearing). You also become short and very, very hairy like Logan (and due to the healing factor it grows back instantly no matter what you do).
10) You become the Rhino. Complete with his intelligence levels.
11) You get the hammer, strength, and durability of Thor (no weather powers). But - you also get his hair (permanently), you have to be wearing his helmet for the powers to work, and you get his phony Norse-Shakespearean speech patterns (permanently). No more simply saying "Yes", "No", "Maybe" etc. From now on it's "Aye", "I say thee nay", "Mayhap" and so on.
12) You get Pym's shrinking and growing powers, but from then on everybody thinks you are a wife beater and a jerk, and you get funny looks from everyone on the street.
And now, you must make your fateful choice. Which do you choose?
