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You impress me... because, unlike the majority of forums out there that include a tiny subsection for posting short stories, the writers here, such as yourself, are actually good.

This story is pretty well-written, and having surfed as much internets as I have, I must say I am shocked.

Originally posted by Noban
You impress me... because, unlike the majority of forums out there that include a tiny subsection for posting short stories, the writers here, such as yourself, are actually good.

This story is pretty well-written, and having surfed as much internets as I have, I must say I am shocked.
Thanks.

I write short stories like this one in between bigger projects. My dream is to be a novelist/comic book writer.

Good story. The beginning drew me in, and the story flowed. My only criticism (a small one) is that I would've liked a heftier pay-off at the end. I did get how you were tying it in to the beginning, it just didn't have (for me) the same weight as the rest of the story.

Good effort, though. May I suggest perhaps fine-tuning the ending and then submitting this story for publication. I really liked the character interaction, especially in the beginning.

Originally posted by Mindship
Good story. The beginning drew me in, and the story flowed. My only criticism (a small one) is that I would've liked a heftier pay-off at the end. I did get how you were tying it in to the beginning, it just didn't have (for me) the same weight as the rest of the story.

Good effort, though. May I suggest perhaps fine-tuning the ending and then submitting this story for publication. I really liked the character interaction, especially in the beginning.
Hey thanks a bunch.

Yeah the ending did lose some of the impact, I noticed that. I can't remember why, but I do remember losing my focus when I was writing the second part.