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I thought it'd be interesting to make a thread to post random things characters (from videogames of course) would never say.

For example:
Wesker: Haha Chris, I have beaten you to it.

Chris: Beaten me at what?

Wesker: At getting a girl first. I just went online and ordered an Asian bride and she will be arriving in 2004. I even have this marriage certificate here.

Chris: Uh Wesker, have you even read this? It says that your "Asian bride" is nothing but a spy who will serve you but won't have any intimate romantic relationships with you at all and this isn't even a marriage certificate, it's a contract. Got hit in the head with a couple rockets or something?

Wesker: You're one to talk. At least I didn't order what I thought were adrenaline shots.

Chris: And I regret it still...

Without starting a whole goddamn fanfic:

Mario: "This b*tch again?!"

Upon coming across toad.... Yet again...

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Samus: "This can't be good for my spine..."

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Luigi: "Ahaha, soon he will drink from the special drink I made for him and then I'll be the greatest plumber who doesn't do a single ounce of plumbing, mwahaha!"

Pours Mario a drink

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Sonic: "Doesn't anyone like me anymore, look! I can do this!"

As he pretends to ski.

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Batman: "It's about goddamn time I got it right..."

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Starfox: "One more barral-roll joke, just one more, and I make the uni-bomber look like Mother Teresa."

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Portal: "Some of you guys don't even know what I am."

Marcus: Dom, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.

Dom: You don't need to, I already know.

Marcus: It's not about needing to, I've fallen for you Dom.

Dom: Oh Marcus, I love you!

<And I can't fight this feeling anymore..... I forgotten what I started fighting for... >

i've never heard a white guy say the "n" word in a video game.

Ryu: Kamehameha!

Gordon Freeman: (insert any phrase here)

Kratos: Can't we just talk about this?

Link: Why am I getting the feeling I done this before?

Kazuya: Can't we all just get along and not fight all the time! God!

*Eleanor is about to stick the ADAM-absorbing needle into Delta*

Delta: Whoa whoa whoa! What do you think you're doing? I just went through an underwater nightmare saving your ass and you attempt to kill me off for no reason?! You backstabbing witch!

Eleanor: I was just trying to make you suffer no longer father.

Delta: What suffering? I was friggin exhausted having to catch up to you guys before the sub launched! As your Daddy, prepare to get smacked.

Frank West: I've never covered a war y'know.

--------------------------------------------

Jack: You killed my father!

Ryan: No Jack, I am your father!

Jack: NO!

Ryan: Join me and we shall rule Rapture together as father and son!

Sora: Okay guys... how about we not interfere with this world?

(Leon discovers that Ashley has been kidnapped...agian)

Leon: Geez...who does she think she is? Princess Peach?

http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/4875/30304285.png

Gaia: Okay, so betraying Kratos was probably not a smart idea.

All the other Titans: Ya think?

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Master Chief: You almost drove us off the cliff you retard!
Marine: Sorry Chief, I'm doing my best.
MC: Who made him driver?
Marine #2: I did sir. He's my brother.
MC: Who is he?
Johnson: He's a Dumbass.
MC: I know he is but what's his name?
Johnson: That is his name. Dumbass, Major Dumbass.
MC: And his brother?
Johnson: Private Dumbass.
MC: How many Dumbasses do we have anyways?
All the marines on the battlefield: Yo!
MC: I don't believe it. I'm surrounded by Dumbasses. Keep driving, Dumbass!

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Chris: Sheva, use the grenade!

Sheva: How do I use it?

Chris: *sigh* The BSAA doesn't pay me enough for this.

Ryu: "I give up." Or anything close to that.

ok, this just reminds me of the metal gear solid "book" (do NOT ready). Whoever wrote it needs to be shot, awful AWFUL book, and he got snakes character all wrong. but there is a scene when he is making his way to the elevator, where he jumped out in front of a genome soldier, and said "Merry Christmas!" and hit him or something, snake would never say that, unless it was actually christmas, and even then, probably not. needless to say i stopped reading after that.

sorry, it just reminded me, and i had to rant.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
i've never heard a white guy say the "n" word in a video game.

Mafia 2? I'm not sure, but i think so...

Kratos - Eww, blood!!

Blue: See ya later.

Or....

Ventus/Terra/Aqua: That was a happy ending to our adventure.

Raiden (mgs2):My hips are perfectly natural for a man

AKUMA - "PANTSU MISHUTEI MORATEI YIROSHIDISKU!" ("Please show me your panties!"
ARBITER - "MY LIFE FOR AIUR!"
ARTHAS - "The last time I went to the bathroom? Precisely....*pause*...one second ago. Going to do or say something about it?"
CAPTAIN FALCON - "SHOW ME YOUR BOOBS!"
CAPTAIN PRICE - "SOAP! Sorry, lad. It just sounds funny when I yell it loudly. SAAAHHHH...OHHHHHHH....P!"
CORTANA - "Blonde moment. Sorry. My bad."
CLOUD STRIFE - "JAX! I mean....BARRETT!"
HEIHATCHI - "SHUNGOKUSA - OH!"
JILL VALENTINE - "Chris, Wesker's bigger than you in the pants. Sorry."
LEON KENNEDY - *whiny, annoying wailing* "ASHLEEEEY!! HEEEEEELP!"
LINK - "IT'S-A ME! LINK!"
MARIO - "HADOU-AH-KEN-A!"
MASTER CHIEF - *humming the Flight of the Valkyries theme*
KAZUYA - "SHORYUKEN!!!!"
KIRBY - "JIGGLY!"
KRATOS - "ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET?!?!?!"
PAC-MAN - *belch*
PRINCESS ROSALINA - "Your 'special one' looks and sounds like a retarded version of me."
RYU - "KAMEHAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEE - DOUKEN!"
SAMUS ARAN - *high pitched screaming*
SEPHIROTH - *imitating lightsaber sound effects while swinging Masamune*
SERGEANT FOLEY - "RAMIREZ! GET ACROSS THAT STREET AND RIP THAT TANK APART WITH YOUR BARE HANDS WHILE WE SHOOT AT F**KING NOTHING!"
SHAO KAHN - "FINISH ME!"
SCORPION - "GO OVER THERE!!!!"



I take requests.

Retarded!

Especially, "JAX! I mean....BARRETT!"

Marcus: Oh my god, they killed Carmine!

Dom: You b@$+@rds!

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Wanderer: So you're telling me that I have go on a long ass journey to find sixteen giants and kill them just to ressurect the woman I love? Screw that, I'm just gonna accept her dead and move on. This is ridiculous.

---------------------------------------------

Albert Wesker: *sings the song "I Want Your Body"*

Alexia Ashford: O_o

Captain Quark: "I couldn't have done it without my team!"

Wander: "Why, exactly, am I killing these colossi?"

Duke Nukem: "For gods sake, put some clothes on!"

Originally posted by DarkC
SHAO KAHN - "FINISH ME!"
Fast-forward to 2:51.

wbeXI45wNyQ

Alfred Ashford: My name is--

Steve and Claire: Lady Gaga?

Alfred Ashford: **** you!

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Steve: I don't wanna die a virgin!

Claire: Well too bad.

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Steve: Hey Claire, do you play Bioshock? 'Cause I want you to rattle my great chain like it was the year 1959 all over again. Bow chika bow--*Claire aims a gun at him*whoa. Okay, pick up lines are over.

Claire: You're a pig.

Captain Price:

"SOAP! GET TO DA CHOPPA!"

Leon Kennedy: Ada, don't wait!

i've never heard a character say that he's or she's gay or bi. i dunno about one ever saying so either.

Originally posted by FistOfThe North
i've never heard a character say that he's or she's gay or bi. i dunno about one ever saying so either.

Shadow Hearts: Covenant has a mini game involving finding gay porn magazines.

Young Leo Stenbuck: Time to man up.

Dingo: I'm feeling emo today.

Ashley: You should be trying to get me out of here, not play at shooting galleries to win a bunch of dolls.

Leon: They're action figures!

Originally posted by Nemesis X
Ashley: You should be trying to get me out of here, not play at shooting galleries to win a bunch of dolls.

Leon: They're action figures!

http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z213/LittleLady718/gifs/applause.gif

vaca acaralhada

Infamous Jokes

Cole: I put a shock into your system!
John White's actor: That's my lin-nevermid.


John White: why do I get the feelling I done this lightning hero stuff before? *scratches his head on a Static Shock comic*

arbiter: i hate you chief
master cheif: lets have sex!

Originally posted by wammamram
arbiter: i hate you chief
master cheif: lets have sex!

Originally posted by Nemesis X
Marcus: Oh my god, they killed Carmine!

Dom: You b@$+@rds!

------------------------------------------------

Wanderer: So you're telling me that I have go on a long ass journey to find sixteen giants and kill them just to ressurect the woman I love? Screw that, I'm just gonna accept her dead and move on. This is ridiculous.

---------------------------------------------

Albert Wesker: *sings the song "I Want Your Body"*

Alexia Ashford: O_o

http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb2/OrokuSaki123/Al4.gif
Just so much unfunny in this thread

Originally posted by ArtificialGlory
Just so much unfunny in this thread

Don't be listing me next to wammaram! At least I'm trying.

Originally posted by Nemesis X
Don't be listing me next to wammaram! At least I'm trying.

Funniest thing I read so far

Sylvia: Trust your Force!

Travis Touchdown: Enough with the "Force" $#!+, woman! This isn't Star Wars!

*Dark Star appears and tells Travis that he is his father*

Travis Touchdown: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUU------------*stabs himself*

Leisure Suit Larry: This game sucks! Wait a minute, that means I suck!

badawe

Sonic: (to Amy) FINE! I'll marry you!

Duke Nukem: These steroids are making my penis small.

Dante: Don't worry Beatrice, I shall-- *looks down into Hell* pray you have a pleasent time down there.

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Big Daddy: I ain't babysitting this whiny, little bed wetter unless you pay me first.

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Alan Wake: Screw this complicated nonsense. I'm just gonna write "we all lived happily ever after" and "The End" so we can get this over with.

Peter Molyneaux: 'This game is gonna suck!'*

*i know he isnt a vg character shut up

Peter Molyneaux: Fable 3 is about either keeping promises or breaking them.
Some guy: So its Peter Molyneaux: the video game?

Originally posted by Phanteros
Peter Molyneaux: Fable 3 is about either keeping promises or breaking them.
Some guy: So its Peter Molyneaux: the video game?

I'm not gonna lie. I literally LMAO.

LucasArts staffmember: Okay guys, let's come up with an idea for TFU3.

Starkiller: We can put me in a game that isn't full of Trilogy bashing bullcrap for starters.

Originally posted by Nemesis X
LucasArts staffmember: Okay guys, let's come up with an idea for TFU3.

Starkiller: We can put me in a game that isn't full of Trilogy bashing bullcrap for starters. This is better.


*Luke comes out of nowhere and hacks the LucasArts staff apart*

How about no TFU3.

Rebecca Chambers: Those crows are after you! Run Forest, run!

---------------

Albert Wesker: With this attire, I can now go join the Matrix Convention.

Captain Price: Okay, Soap and I will take the Shipyard, Roach and Ghost--
Soap: Whoa whoa whoa wait a second, did anyone else ever actually notice that Ghost talks just like Gaz?
Task Force 141: .... huh?
Soap: Your joking right? Come on just listen to him! He's got the same goddamn voice, he has a skull mask, he got shot in the face by a f***ing desert eagle! I bet that's Gaz under there!
Ghost: Calm down Soap.
Soap: You know what, f*** ya'll. I'm going home to f*** my girlfriend.
Captain Price: ... okay then.
Soap: and by the way Price, F*** you! So what if my name is Soap! I shot Zakaev, what did you do huh!? 'Ohhh look at me, I'm captain price and I can't even win a fist fight against a dude who just got dropped from a helicopter to the f***ing ground!' Yeah you know when he stabs me at the end of this game? You know how it feels yeah well it, F***ING HURTS!

*soap walks off set then yells*

Soap: GOD **** IT!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nero: Guess you came back for more.
Dante: I want your body.
Nero: What!?
Dante: Mmmm... Ohhhhhh yeahh

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mario: *Jumps up and eats mushrooms*
Luigi: .. *looks at peach* do you think that we're setting a bad example for the future of America by telling them that doing shrooms is a good thing?
Peach: nah.
Mario: *Burps fire all over Bowser*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sonic: This is the end Eggman!
Tails: Yeah! You have no where else to run!
Sonic: Oh shut up Tails, and by the way what the hell are you?! Your supposed to be a boy but your voice and theme song say otherwise.
Tails: Sonic..
Sonic: Gah, whatever... transy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marcus: Dom, give me cover.
Dom: No.
Marcus: What?!
Dom: dude, my wifes dead. What the hell is there for me to live for in this world now?
C Carmine: *dies*
Dom: He died again, Carmine stop trying to top Kenny, you die in like every f***ing game!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goku: Your mom's a lesbian!
Vegeta: WHAT!?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bayonetta: You know why I move around so much? It's because of the damn lice! Why do I even have a suit made of hair in the first place? It's so friggin itchy!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon Kennedy: Why do you Spaniard cops hate me anyway?

S-Cop #1: Because gringo, you stole his scheme.

Leon: Excuse me?

S-Cop #2: Yeah, you stole Batou's jacket scheme from Ghost in the Shell.

Leon: I wore this before he did.

S-Cop #1: Don't be bull$#!++ing us! First episode of the first season came way before your game made its debut. Try explaining that.

Leon: Uh...

S-Cop #2: I told you he'd be speechless if we found out.

Leon: You know what, screw you all. I hope you get impaled and I hope you get eaten! I ain't gonna take this nonsense anymore! *storms out of the car*

Chris Redfield: Jill, I'm so glad it's...you? Wait, what's Nina Williams doing here?

Wesker: That is Jill you imbecile.

Chris: Why have you gone and make her look like a Tekken fighter?

Wesker: You have your fetishes, I have mine.

Carter: Jun and Noble Six, your mission is to sneak behind enemy lines without being noticed. Take these non-silenced pistols and rifles.

-------------------------------------------

Weighted Companion Cube (dropped in the incinerator): WHY?!!

Alma Wade: You are now my prisoner, Beckett. A prisoner...of love.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Point Man (looking at Alma): Hey, who's that hot naked babe?

Fettal: That would be our mother.

Point Man: *Vomits*

Before the release of Final Fantasy VII...


Sephiroth: So Nobuo, how's the progresss going with my own theme?

Nobuo: Well....

Chrorus: Bells, bugs, big cherries, little bear, mac and cheese, bells, bugs, big cherries, little bear, mac and cheese, SEPHIROTH!

Sephiroth: What in the...

Chorus: Swords in my knees, and tea bunnies, swords in my knees, and in this feast! Bells, bugs, big cherries, little bear, mac and cheese, bells, bugs, big cherries, little bear, mac and cheese, SEPHIROTH!

Sephiroth: .............

Chorus: Many many many @$$, everybody touching--

Sephiroth: Okay, that's it! Nobou, fix this or else you'll become rust on my blade!

Nobou: I could just edit their voices and try to make it all sound like jibberish but won't the fans ask what they mean?

Sephiroth: I don't care! Do it! Do it now! We'll figure it out later.

Little did he know that Nobou didn't have the time to edit...

Ark Survivor: Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me that I have to go clean house at a hideout filled with murderous bandits by myself with just a pistol and a funny-looking boomerang?

Hagar: Well...yeah.

Ark Survivor: Who do you think I am, Rambo? I don't know what you were expecting to come out of that Ark but I sure as hell ain't it. I was an accountant before all this happened and now I'm being treated like a hired gun even though this "hired gun" just woke up a few minutes from the modern ages into a world of **** and has no experience with weaponry or any type of combat and is being told to solo an entire gang as if this were a videogame. You know what old man? **** you. I am gone.

Hagar: Wow. What an @$$hole.