The Undisputed King of Nothing - Post apocalyptic comic book

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grebn
Hi all,

I've begun work on a new post-plague comic book called The Undisputed King of Nothing. Set several months after a virulent pandemic in present day England, Undisputed King will tell the tale of a handful of survivors and life after the end of civilisation.

So far I've written and drawn fifteen pages (with more to follow), all of which can be seen here:

ukon.thecomicseries.com

As it's still very much in early days, any feedback, thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. The strip can be subscribed to by visiting the above link, and the first chapter will be finished by the end of July.

Cheers for stopping by!

Paul Stapleton

Scoobless
Not bad. Not sure if the artwork is what you were aiming for or just that you need a better artist. Not saying it's "bad", just not professional standard.

Story idea ... well, can't really comment as I'm not sure what the story is going to be, the whole 15 pages is just setting up the main characters lifestyle.

Does seem interesting though, obviously "The Omega Man" story has been told a few different ways through a number of different angles (recently "Y the last man" and movies like "28 days later" & "I am legend"wink so I'm hoping you have something fresh to add to the scenario.

How do you see the story progressing?

Kazenji

Scoobless

Kazenji
Checked out the guys comic i did i agree the art needs some improvement, but i suppose if thats the style he's going for go ahead and continue.

grebn
Hi all,

Cheers for the feedback - curious to know what constitutes 'professional' quality artwork in a medium which is by nature so subjective and expressive though - the artwork in the comic book adaptation of "I Am Legend" was sufficiently scratchy and lo-fi to convince me that a few rough edges are fair enough :-) I'm happy with it anyways, although I am aware it's a ways away from being perfect.

As for the story, he will find other survivors. It will follow the sort of trajectory of stories such as Survivors, Empty World and I Am Legend in that respect.

Funny enough, a few people have mentioned The Twlight Zone and I've never seen it - I think I may have to check it out to make sure I don't tread on any toes!

Cheers again - I do appreciate the feedback!

Paul

grebn
Just realised I managed to delete a whole passage about the progression of the story by mistake. I meant to say as well that the big issues in the story will be mental health and the progressive effects of isolation. The difficulties of living in a powerless England in winter will also be explored.

Funny enough, despite the proliferation of post plague fiction, there are very few examples of it in graphic novels - especially ones that don't have zombies, vampires or futuristic elements.

basilisk
I kind of agree with the previous comments about the art. OK for just a web comic I guess, but if you are aiming for anything beyond that I also think it isn't near professional enough.

As for the rest... nothing exactly wrong with the story so far, but obviously nothing much has happened yet. There are some interesting bits, like the fact that the average person these days wouldn't know much about generators etc and how to get by without society providing most things. It's OK for what it is I guess.

My main complaint is the writing. In parts it's getting way too wordy for a visual medium - are you aiming to be the next Chris Claremont? (Heh, I'm meaning that in the bad way, not in the good way). Seriously though, half the wording could be cut out without any problem. Ignoring the spelling & grammatical errors, there are just too many clunky and over-worded sentences:
"It was like the film had finished..."
"That said, going by my first few weeks..."
"In this instance, I could use my fridge..." etc
And most of the stuff like "In this instance", "On the other hand", "I'm returned to a single basic tenet" etc could just go. Even in a novel or short story this stuff is rarely needed, but you know a comic is having problems when there is so much extra wordiness. Take a look at some of the successful comics (like Walking Dead for a similar example) and see how they usually don't need all the verboseness.

Just my opinion though. I don't write, at all, so I guess it's easy to be a critic.

grebn
Hi Basilisk,

That's certainly some food for thought, and I'm chuffed you read it through and gave honest and constructive feedback. I'm looking at some of that text with fresh eyes and do agree that it could be cut down a fair amount. Funny enough though, some people said they liked the fact it had plenty to read. I guess what suits one etc, but I take your point - there's a lot of redundant wordage in there.

One thing I should have mentioned in the opening of the thread is that there's an element of first-draft in all of it (hence some of those typos and errors), so a lot can change between now and the finished piece anyway.

As for the artwork, I'm determined to get the story told so that will have to stay! As I said above, I'm happy with it although I am aware of the limitations I have - I've been self-publishing (reasonably successfully, with all that being small press entails) for eight years but Undisputed King marks a brand new style for me. Like I say, I'm happy with it (and have seen far worse in apparently "professional" comic books) but I know later down the line it'll probably just hurt my eyes and I won't believe I was ever happy to put it out there! Anyway - time will tell.

Thanks ever so much again though - I do appreciate the responses, and yours has got me thinking on a few points. It would be interesting to get your opinion on rewrites and progression if you're happy with that.

All best,

Paul

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