Do we need to love, or be loved?

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Stoic
This is more of a question of romantic love, and not the love that most of us get from our parents or other family members. During the course of my life, I have seen serial daters, and those who date as many people as possible out of conquest, or to fill some dark void in their existence, people who have been together since high school, and are now elderly. I'm sure that I've nearly seen it all.

My question is this; can we live an entire lifetime without love, or are we too weak physically, mentally or spiritually to go it alone until the day we die? What are the consequences of being alone for prolonged periods (years), and why are so many people alone in a world filled with so many others?

Comments.

AsbestosFlaygon
No.

ADarksideJedi
It is nice when we do love or feel loved. I know I love it.

Mindship
Originally posted by Stoic
My question is this; can we live an entire lifetime without love...Generally I would say yes because many compensate with family love, loving a pet, losing oneself in work, a hobby, a fetish, etc. But as a rule, human beings operate best with romantic love at some point in their lives. Lonliness is the one wound time does not heal. If a person does not adapt, he/she dies inside.

...or are we too weak physically, mentally or spiritually to go it alone until the day we die? I don't see needing love as a weakness at all (at least, no more a "weakness" than needing food or air). To love means to grow; it facilitates maturity and wisdom. Any kind of love, and certainly romantic love, gets you out of your self-box and connects you to life.

What are the consequences of being alone for prolonged periods (years)...Men become angry snipers; women become bitter assistant principals.

...and why are so many people alone in a world filled with so many others? Because we live in a world with excessive emphasis on I/Me; everyone can indulge in their own little self-box. That is not fertile ground for love.

Wang owns you5
I have learned to be without regret and beautiful.

-Wang

the ninjak
I believe you need to be be loved. But Love is such a broad term.

I believe being loved can be broken down to recognition but on a deeper scale.
People who live alone for instance will dwell in their own heads and sooner or later it usually ends with negative results.
Those who have people in their lives have inspiring influences. Wether positive or harmful they keep a person grounded.

But to have a person in your life who would dedicate themselves to you. To have them know your traits and habits. To promote growth positively is a great thing.

But even greater is finding a person who you are absolutely smitten with love you as much as you love them. It's the most amazing feeling in the world. But the odds are stacked.

Do we need love? Yes. But true love? No.

Originally posted by Wang owns you5
I have learned to be without regret and beautiful.

-Wang
I guess being without regret and seeing themselves as beautiful regardless would be a troll's quote.

siriuswriter
Human beings need companionship. They worried about that when they began experiments to send men into space - how long could people last by themselves without going completely crazy?

That's just part of being human, I think there can be substitutes, but they don't last forever. I know someone who lives alone in an apartment with a dog, and she's very cheerful all the time. Most of us are socialized as tiny children, some people can cut themselves off, but they live with a lower quality of life

Stoic
Originally posted by Mindship
Generally I would say yes because many compensate with family love, loving a pet, losing oneself in work, a hobby, a fetish, etc. But as a rule, human beings operate best with romantic love at some point in their lives. Lonliness is the one wound time does not heal. If a person does not adapt, he/she dies inside.

I don't see needing love as a weakness at all (at least, no more a "weakness" than needing food or air). To love means to grow; it facilitates maturity and wisdom. Any kind of love, and certainly romantic love, gets you out of your self-box and connects you to life.

Men become angry snipers; women become bitter assistant principals.

Because we live in a world with excessive emphasis on I/Me; everyone can indulge in their own little self-box. That is not fertile ground for love.


I like the way you think. Most men feel this way, but women are somewhat different. if they might feel the same, they seem to hide it, or play it down to... Originally posted by ADarksideJedi
It is nice when we do love or feel loved. I know I love it. No offense to you ADarksideJedi. I just noticed that there are more men that are able to readily admit their feelings than women. Maybe I'm wrong, I probably am, i guess I'm just generalizing, so I'm sorry for this, but the women that I have met would likely all answer the OP in a similar way that you did.

I was once told that we were not made to be alone, and that the stresses of being alone would not only cause negative psychological effects on people, but it would also extend into the physical (perhaps he was referring to stress?).

jinXed by JaNx
Not everyone needs love but it is certainly a special thing.

Stoic
Originally posted by jinXed by JaNx
Not everyone needs love but it is certainly a special thing.

It's kind of strange that you say that. There was a study done on children that were regularly held and nurtured as infants vs ones that were not (foster children, and others in similar situations). They found that the ones that were, led more productive lives, and were generally happier people, and the ones that were not, were generally more prone to being morose, depressed, and sociopaths. Many of them were said to also to prone to having suicidal tendencies. Whoops there I go again generalizing.

I've always wondered that if one of the rules of becoming a Priest was that you had to have a spouse, or if they were allowed to marry, would the the number of pedophile incidents decrease?

Digi
There's biological/chemical answers to most of the OP's questions, even if the questions are a bit too vague to demand exacting answers. Trying to mystify the proceedings by turning the conversation abstract or spiritual tends to obscure the discussion imo.

Originally posted by Stoic
I've always wondered that if one of the rules of becoming a Priest was that you had to have a spouse, or if they were allowed to marry, would the the number of pedophile incidents decrease?

Technically we could gather the data for this. Plenty of religions allow their spiritual leaders to marry. Not sure anyone ever has bothered to conduct the research though. Would be interesting.

dadudemon
Originally posted by Digi
Technically we could gather the data for this. Plenty of religions allow their spiritual leaders to marry. Not sure anyone ever has bothered to conduct the research though. Would be interesting.

Maybe we do have data on this. I'll look. I'm interested myself.


edit - quick Google search is inconclusive. The protestants don't "shove it under the rug" like the Catholic church does, in all cases. They lack cohesive organization like a mega-church does. So the data appears unreliable.

Blinky
To answer the question in the title... I believe most of us need to be loved more than feel the need to love another.

Why? Because deep down inside we are all selfish assholes, anybody who denies that is a blatant liar too.

dadudemon
Originally posted by Blinky
To answer the question in the title... I believe most of us need to be loved more than feel the need to love another.

Why? Because deep down inside we are all selfish assholes, anybody who denies that is a blatant liar too.

I agree with that, mostly. However, some people feel the most loved when they can serve others and the others receive it thankfully. Mothers come to mind...

Blinky
Originally posted by dadudemon
I agree with that, mostly. However, some people feel the most loved when they can serve others and the others receive it thankfully. Mothers come to mind...

Seems like the OP is talking about romantic love (Eros), not motherly love.

Anyways, that's what I was talking about.

dadudemon
Originally posted by Blinky
Seems like the OP is talking about romantic love (Eros), not motherly love.

Anyways, that's what I was talking about.

Well, I wanted to get married because I wanted to take care of someone, shower them with gifts, serve them, and make them happy. Some people are better fulfilled by having someone to love than someone loving them. I think life works best if you take that approach, too.

Lord Lucien
Originally posted by Blinky
To answer the question in the title... I believe most of us need to be loved more than feel the need to love another.

Why? Because deep down inside we are all selfish assholes, anybody who denies that is a blatant liar too. /thread

jinXed by JaNx
Originally posted by Stoic
It's kind of strange that you say that. There was a study done on children that were regularly held and nurtured as infants vs ones that were not (foster children, and others in similar situations). They found that the ones that were, led more productive lives, and were generally happier people, and the ones that were not, were generally more prone to being morose, depressed, and sociopaths. Many of them were said to also to prone to having suicidal tendencies. Whoops there I go again generalizing.

I've always wondered that if one of the rules of becoming a Priest was that you had to have a spouse, or if they were allowed to marry, would the the number of pedophile incidents decrease?

I would be apprehensive, to so quickly, accept the results of that study to mean love is the key to success. I'm sure the environments were quite responsible as well. I don't claim to know all the depths of love. I know it certainly has a profound impact on people and seems to affect people differently.

I'm positive love can help you succeed and even become a driving force for all type of other positive behaviors. I dont think we NEED love though. Success and perseverance can be acquire and maintained by other ways

Mindship
Originally posted by Stoic
I've always wondered that if one of the rules of becoming a Priest was that you had to have a spouse, or if they were allowed to marry, would the number of pedophile incidents decrease? Sounds like you're saying that the 'romantic isolation' of priests inclines them toward pedophilia. I suspect it's more like, those men already inclined toward pedophilia seek priesthood because then their lack of 'normal romantic relationships' would be less questioned (plus they'd have 'trusted access' to youth on a regular basis).

ADarksideJedi
Originally posted by Stoic
I like the way you think. Most men feel this way, but women are somewhat different. if they might feel the same, they seem to hide it, or play it down to... No offense to you ADarksideJedi. I just noticed that there are more men that are able to readily admit their feelings than women. Maybe I'm wrong, I probably am, i guess I'm just generalizing, so I'm sorry for this, but the women that I have met would likely all answer the OP in a similar way that you did.

I was once told that we were not made to be alone, and that the stresses of being alone would not only cause negative psychological effects on people, but it would also extend into the physical (perhaps he was referring to stress?).

None taken. wink

inimalist
Originally posted by Stoic
I'm sure that I've nearly seen it all.

...

Comments.

I will defer to your expertise then

Deano
''All of your cells in your body are unique systems, right? WHAT is animating them? YOU. YOU are EVERY cell in your body. If you know the scalar nature of this reality, there is only one truth. YOU are ME. If that is true, HOW can you "send" me love? Just LOVE ME.''

Magee
Originally posted by Stoic
My question is this; can we live an entire lifetime without love, or are we too weak physically, mentally or spiritually to go it alone until the day we die? What are the consequences of being alone for prolonged periods (years), and why are so many people alone in a world filled with so many others?

Comments.

If you spend a prolonged period of time alone, that is with out human contact, that feeling of being loved, a hug, a kiss or just lying in bed with a person you care about you become resentful of not just people who have it but pretty much every thing else in life.

It does change you, becoming a very cynical person it's natural to start hiding your emotions and even pretending like you don't care about any one or any thing. It's not a good experience or maybe it is, maybe I appreciate my girlfriend more than I would have with out going through the years of loneliness and depression.

Just wanting to love some one, for some one to love me even though I would not admit it at the time or even now to any one out side of an internet message board. It's part of who we are, no different than needing air to live we need human contact to survive because we are not designed for a life of solitude.

Just my thoughts based on personal experience it's been a long time since I came here.

azam
Everybody wants to love or be loved . The God has given us heart to love. you can't live your whole life lonely

Darth Truculent
Hey, I've been single for 6 years since I walked in on my ex cheating on me. Was with her for 5 yrs and then she threw it away. Putting a ring on her finger was the worst mistake I ever made. Haven't been in love since then, so I sometimes ask myself do I remember even how to express much less feel love.

Building walls and psychological defenses is very easy for me. What Magee has written is true. I have become bitter and resentful and sometimes when I see a couple I hate them. I never let go of the anger I felt towards my ex. Contrary to popular belief, it very easy to shield your emotions. Sometimes I also deal with Depression. It's a fault I deal with every day. Maybe I'm also fearful of leaving myself vulnerable - not wanting to be hurt again.

Also the music I listen to doesn't really help. Underground 80s punk and rap/metal like Rage Against the Machine, Korn, etc etc is a way for me to release the "stress." Songs like "Narcissistic Cannibal"http://youtu.be/sR-ZBWzxfkI] is like a catharsis. I haven't been exactly celebate either, but I look for the wrong person who end up treating me like crap. I guess you and me buddy have to be patient.

ADarksideJedi
We all been through heartaches and never think we are going to love again but then you met that person and you do fall inlove. So don't give up love it will find you.

Stoic
Originally posted by inimalist
I will defer to your expertise then

Your point? Do you have a point or are you just being petty?

AsbestosFlaygon
On a more serious note, I think it really depends on a person's experience and/or principles.

I've seen people go through life without ever getting married, and they get through life just fine.
e.g. Marriage is a form of love, imo. A long-lasting, affectionate one.
I've seen others who live a solitary life, away from family and friends and community. The stereotypical 'loner'.

I think first, you need to define love.
What is love for you? Does it play a significant role in your life? Can you live your life normally without loving anyone?
Do you love yourself more than others? Or do you love others more than yourself?
If you show care and respect towards others, do you love them too?

For me, love is partly essential, in a way related to family.
The family is, imo, a person's first real love (unless they have a rather dysfunctional family). The people closest to you are the people you care the most.
And as you grow up, you either find your soul mate or you don't.

I know some people who were brainwashed heavily by religion to the point that they claim to love God above all else.
God is what love is for them.

Arash010
both smile and i m lucky i have both.

rudester
I loved to be loved but depend on who, not just anyone I am picky and It has to be from the person I love.

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