How to survive a horror movie. part 1

Text-only Version: Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.



NeonRainbows
1) If a creepy old person tells you to get away from somewhere, GET THE **** AWAY.

2) Don't walk around in the dark. It's just stupid.

3) Do not be a ****. Be a virgin. The sacrificial virgins are usually saved, whereas the sluts never make it.

4) DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE TO UNKNOWN NUMBERS. I promise, it isn't granny calling to check up on you.

5) Do not do drugs. You will either trip while running away, or kill your girlfriend in a fit of mushroom induced chaos.

6) When you get into your car, always check the back seat. Always.

7) If you find him, kill the killer more than once. Stab him in the chest, run him over, and shoot him between the eyes. Because really, he's not dead yet.

8) Kids who are stupid enough to go into a cemetery at night will die.

9) Don't be black. Not being racist, but we all know how they die. It isn't pretty.

10) Don't make any phone calls. At all.

11) Don't go off on your own and say you'll be right back. Because in fact, you will not be right back.

12) Do not, under any circumstances, 'go and check it out'.

13) Remember, you need not outrun the killer- only your friends.

14) ALWAYS BELIEVE THE KID.

15) Do not wear soft footwear- kicking the killer in the balls will never fail you.

16) If your friend is trying to eat you, it's probably too late to save him.

17) Do not go in if the sign says keep out.

18) Do not spit on a grave.

19) Do not piss on a grave.

20) Stay the hell away from graves of any kind.

21) Do not solve puzzles that open a portal to hell.

22) Don't solve puzzles at all.

23) Do not enter a deserted town. If the town is deserted, there is a reason for it.

24) Do not stay if anything besides water comes out of the faucet.

25) Do not poke the alien eggs with a stick.

26) Do not call the cops.

27) DO NOT BABY SIT.

28) Do not use an Ouija board.

29) Always assume the killer is, indeed, behind the door.

30) Do not sign a contract written in blood or make a blood oath no matter how badass it feels.

31) You will never, ever run into a decent person who is foaming at the mouth.

32) Don't seem lost. If you don't know what you are doing, act like you do. If need be, act like you have killers after you all the time. The others will see you as the leader and if things get too desperate, you can lead them into the killer's arms while you escape through the back door.

33) Don't let the infected ones live. Typically, you have about 30 seconds to tell grandpa how much you love him, kiss his forehead, and then put a bullet or two through his head.

34) Do NOT use the car. It will never, ever work.

35) Heavy breathing does not bode well.

36) If appliances start starting themselves, get the **** out.

37) Do not go anywhere near Amityville, Elm Street, Camp Crystal Lake, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

38) Do not be mean to the quiet, shy, unpopular girl in school.

39) If you hear dramatic music, creepy music, or 'Chh chh chh ahh ahh ahh', YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. Run.

40) If you hear "Jeepers, Creepers where'd you get those peepers, Jeepers Creepers, where'd you get those scary eyes" Your ****ing screwed. Move out of the country.

41) Now the final, and best way to survive a horror movie: BE THE KILLER.

the ninjak
laughing You're a funny girl. Well done.

You can make a coffee table book out of that.

rudester
I never understood why they could never use their shoes, every thing can be used as a weapon

Text-only Version: Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.