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I don't exactly remember what my msn email address is and I definitely don't remember what my password is._

I'm trying to retrieve this account so badly. Is there a way to do this? I tried the "retrieving password" approach but of course I'll have to know what my msn email address is and I didn't see any option for retrieving my email address.

you're pretty screwed if you don't know the email itself.

changing the password is a hassle too. I have a bunch of old stuff on my very first email from ~2005 and I haven't figured out a solid way to reset the password because it wants some old info I've long forgotten, like my hero or something.

Look up a main number for MSN, and work your way from there.