Jim Colyer
He's the Eternal Novice
The amateur who never gets paid
The student who never graduates
The virgin who never gets laid
He's the Eternal Novice
The newbie who never moves on
The rookie at the starting line
The beginner who's always wrong
He stayed in college until he was 30
So much knowledge, he was saturated
He got his degree, couldn't find a job
They said he was over-educated
He joined the army to serve the country
Two years later, he was still a private
They let him go, gave him his discharge
Labeled him paranoid schizophrenic
He's the Eternal Novice
The amateur who never gets paid
The student who never graduates
The virgin who never gets laid
He's the Eternal Novice
The newbie who never moves on
The rookie at the starting line
The beginner who's always wrong
Solo
He got married to a two-time loser
He didn't know he set up a divorce
His lawyer said he married the state
State government for better or worse
They had a son as the roof caved in
He had to learn to be a father fast
His son tells him he's Forrest Gump
Tells him he's living in the past
Chorus
Jim Colyer ascap
The amateur who never gets paid
The student who never graduates
The virgin who never gets laid
He's the Eternal Novice
The newbie who never moves on
The rookie at the starting line
The beginner who's always wrong
He stayed in college until he was 30
So much knowledge, he was saturated
He got his degree, couldn't find a job
They said he was over-educated
He joined the army to serve the country
Two years later, he was still a private
They let him go, gave him his discharge
Labeled him paranoid schizophrenic
He's the Eternal Novice
The amateur who never gets paid
The student who never graduates
The virgin who never gets laid
He's the Eternal Novice
The newbie who never moves on
The rookie at the starting line
The beginner who's always wrong
Solo
He got married to a two-time loser
He didn't know he set up a divorce
His lawyer said he married the state
State government for better or worse
They had a son as the roof caved in
He had to learn to be a father fast
His son tells him he's Forrest Gump
Tells him he's living in the past
Chorus
Jim Colyer ascap