Be proud to be British because...

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mechmoggy
Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of an Ice skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the
fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of
the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control
Scalextric cars.

And finally......... In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst
throwing up into the toilet.

Corran
Those damn batteries taste awful too.

Bad Boy
I'm not proud to be British! I consider myself to be Welsh, not British!

Thomas H
I open the beer bottle with my teath!big grin

Bad Boy
Ow!

Thomas H
no it dont hurt!

Corran
I am english, but still we are British, it is the common union between all the home nations.

GordonSkywalker
I am not of a direct British descent but love their television programming-like their comedies and of course DR Who. wink

Member.
my ancestors were britishbig grinstick out tongue

Julie
I'm not british......:-)

finti
been a while since my ancestors were in Britain............

GordonSkywalker
Was this meant to be a serious topic I wonder?

finti
if you tought it was meant to be serious then you need to take a look at the first post one more time

GordonSkywalker
I just did. I see now. Otherwise I would have never posted as I did.

Ushgarak
I seem to remember about 30 Brits a year injure themselves using knives to open packets containing a new knife.

Raz
lol, that is very funny...and sadly true!

Captain REX
How come some of those things can be American? I've seen those things before...

GordonSkywalker
So British kids are that accident-prone huh?

Captain REX
Who said this just pertained to kids?

You forgot to add one to your list, Mech.

1 Brit is captured every year by aliens with pillow-destroying lasers.

BackFire349
actually mech, most of those things happen in america as well.

finti
well we never considered the Yanks to be too smart either so........ big grinbig grin devil

mechmoggy
Eeeeeep!

*Hides behind huge pile of steel pillows*

Julie
It's ok Mech....I doubt you'll be the one...and I'm sure MrsM will protect you:-)

mechmoggy
Damn straight, cus I'll push her into the aliens before they have a chance to snatch me. big grin

Member.
man, brits are so cool, they play soccer nearly everyday where i lived, it was cool, and they didn't care if i sucked, ofcourse now im so goodbig grin

Julie
I see....so you like soccer eh.....cool....it's good game....

finti
and of course it is called Football not soccer

Lara
tell them that and they'll get confused!


If I remember rightly, I've cut and scared my hands about 10 from the use of knives! djee, now I think about it thats really sucks!

Corran
Blade down in future deary.

Lara
it was, I just really heavy handed!

Ushgarak
Worrying...

Corran
Ahh self-mutilation.

Lara
oh funny guys really funny!
i didnt mean that I used to butcher myself cuz I didnt and never have!

Member.
cutting oneself is a form of depression, one has low self-esteem and is suicidal. of course i only know this becuz one of my friend cut herself for a whilesad, she's ok now though.

Ushgarak
So, not self-harm inclined, just very clumsy then, Lara?

Member.
well cutting urself ten times so far...

Lara
correction: I WAS, not any more! I'm banned from the kitcken! sad

Member.
cooking is fun, i sometimes do the cooking in my house when my mom is tired.

Lara
no I just tend to raid the cuboards and eat most of the shopping that my mum recently or had just bought. angel

finti
like your every day average teenager

Lara
smtg like that!

finti
like that

Lara
that!

Member.
laughing out loudwhile we're still young

Lara
indeedilydoo!

Ushgarak
I assume it is the food you eat, Lara. If you did that after DIY shopping we would be back to self-harm, again.

finti
huh young????????

Lara
yes granddad!

Julie
what?

finti
Lara just signed her death warrant

GordonSkywalker
This should be interesting to see.....

Captain REX
Finti's Viking armies are about to gut Lara. I've seen it happen before...

finti
dont need no army for that, no we will force her to clean all the toilets after and all mens night out drinkorama

Lara
I'll take that as " I wanna lose me head tonight!" shall I?

finti
no you shall clean the toilets after the drinkorama, guys trying to hit the can from some distance weter it being pissing or barfing sick

Lara
no, no, no! thats not what I ment, what I ment is I'll flush you!

finti
Lara the maid

mechmoggy
Mega-maid. big grin

Lara
I think not!

Corran
Did you hear the one about the architect who had his house made backwards so he could watch the TV. laughing out loud

That's maid not made btw.
It's better spoken.

mechmoggy
After two reads I got it. big grin

God, I'm slow today.

Ushgarak
You told that joke in front of LARA???

Corran
She's big enough and mean enough to look after herself.

mechmoggy
*Hides behind cushion in case Lara kicks off*

Corran
That cushion only protects from Aliens.

mechmoggy
Eeeeeep!

*Runs and hides behind Finti and his battle axe*

Lara
*side, heel-to-toe kicks corran in the chin*

Corran
not bad, for a girl.

Lara
*repeats, except with other leg and more impact!*

Corran
Obviously your weaker leg, I barely even felt that one. No Yorkie bars for you.

*falls Over*

Lara
stick out tongue

GordonSkywalker
So let me get this straight- you guys are all British-except for finti who lives in Norway? There doesn't seem to be a lot of Americans online..... big grin

Lara
theres tex, and theres tomacco, their both from the states!

GordonSkywalker
Oh cool! Didn't know that!

Lara
although they dont get online that much!

GordonSkywalker
Yes I don't think I have really conversed with either before.

Ushgarak
I think we have more US members than anywhere else, just things seem to be in a Brit mood right now. It IS a British board in origin, after all.

GordonSkywalker
Started by you?

Ushgarak
Gah! No. It's all Raz's and the likes of queeq, Dim, Gundy and Finti were all here before me.

finti
No I was not, you registered in september 2000 and made your first post on the 9 of that month, I registered on the 20 of december 2000

Mujaffa
The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

Julie
interesting......true but uh...the English language is the way it is and will probably continue to evolve overtime

Corran
eggplant is american not English.

Mujaffa
it's supposed to be a joke

Member.
laughing out loudu got some facts in that. the english language is cool when accents are used.

Lara
how do you mean, member.?

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