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Up until this past Sunday, my relationship with my boyfriend ("John" )has been excellent. We met over a year ago and things really clicked between us. The chemistry was great. I'm 28, he's 26. He's on the conservative side so when we got serious he wanted to have "the talk." I basically told him that I don't think the past is important and that we should focus on the present and our future together. I think he grudgingly accepted that.

Things in the bedroom are pretty good. I made him wait sort of longish (about four and a half months) before we got intimate because that's how you get a guy into a serious relationship. He wasn't happy, but said he'd respect my wishes. Anyway, I concluded that he was the man for me.

Anyway when he came over on Sunday he had a funny look on his face. He said he wanted to discuss something. Basically, he found out that I had "dated" a guy he knows tangentially. He also said that he was told that I had sex with that guy on our first date. He asked me if that was true? I wasn't ready for that shock and didn't answer. I think he took that as a yes.

He quietly then said something like "so you made me wait for months but you put out to dirtbag "Mike" first night out?" I didn't know what to say. John then left. I've called him many times and it was only today that he finally picked up. He's agreed to meet up for a coffee later on tonight.

The story about "Mike" is true but I haven't admitted it. How do I handle this?! John is a really good man and I don't want him to leave me. How should I approach our coffee tonight and what can I say to get things back to the way they were?

Its true, tell him. But the you at that time had different ideals as the you in this time. If that makes any sense. Bring it to his attention that you're not with Mike anymore and the wait made it special and has strengthened you're love (or whatever) for John.

Or

Drug him... take him back to your place and brainwash him with repetitive music and a whip.

Originally posted by Dramatic Gecko
Its true, tell him. But the you at that time had different ideals as the you in this time. If that makes any sense. Bring it to his attention that you're not with Mike anymore and the wait made it special and has strengthened you're love (or whatever) for John.

Or

Drug him... take him back to your place and brainwash him with repetitive music and a whip.

I agree. 'Fess up about what happened between you and Mike, since he knows anyway, but tell him you were younger and have learned from your mistakes. Tell him that you were attracted to Mike casually and so had casual sex with him, but when you met him, John, you felt differently. He's someone you could be serious about so you wanted to wait to be sure. If he really loves you he should let the past belong to the past and focus on the good relationship the two of you have together now. I'd also tell him I'd like to forget the past. If he loves you, he will.

Originally posted by FeelinGuilty
Up until this past Sunday, my relationship with my boyfriend ("John" )has been excellent. We met over a year ago and things really clicked between us. The chemistry was great. I'm 28, he's 26. He's on the conservative side so when we got serious he wanted to have "the talk." I basically told him that I don't think the past is important and that we should focus on the present and our future together. I think he grudgingly accepted that.

Things in the bedroom are pretty good. I made him wait sort of longish (about four and a half months) before we got intimate because that's how you get a guy into a serious relationship. He wasn't happy, but said he'd respect my wishes. Anyway, I concluded that he was the man for me.

Anyway when he came over on Sunday he had a funny look on his face. He said he wanted to discuss something. Basically, he found out that I had "dated" a guy he knows tangentially. He also said that he was told that I had sex with that guy on our first date. He asked me if that was true? I wasn't ready for that shock and didn't answer. I think he took that as a yes.

He quietly then said something like "so you made me wait for months but you put out to dirtbag "Mike" first night out?" I didn't know what to say. John then left. I've called him many times and it was only today that he finally picked up. He's agreed to meet up for a coffee later on tonight.

The story about "Mike" is true but I haven't admitted it. How do I handle this?! John is a really good man and I don't want him to leave me. How should I approach our coffee tonight and what can I say to get things back to the way they were?

You should tell him the truth, tell him how you feel (that you really like him, etc.). Basically what Julianna said.

Also I don't think that waiting for months to have sex is actually a way to get someone into a serious relationship.

Of course tell him the truth, but make sure he understands that that was you then, and this is you now.

you should tell him that you want quickly quickies with other men.

starting with parenthesis

I'm curious as to why the OP hasn't justified the difference in behavior, and why everyone else has assumed kindly that it was because of a change in maturity.

Regarding what little we know of your situation, it seems that your boyfriend has made two large concessions: waiting for sex (which is a bigger deal for some than others) and not discussing the past (which seems a bit odd to request of someone you want to be serious with). There needs to be some compromise in a relationship, and in both of those situations the implication is that your standards were the standards.

Since the time frame has passed where you would have met with him, this might all be for nothing, but I highly recommend in the future making sure the standards of the relationship are not one-sided (If my perception is accurate; I admit it may not be). It can avoid one person feeling victimized by the other, especially in unfortunate situations like this.

Originally posted by Dave_97
you should tell him that you want quickly quickies with other men.

starting with parenthesis wink

With great power comes great responsibility. Use your gonads wisely.

Originally posted by Stealth Moose
I'm curious as to why the OP hasn't justified the difference in behavior, and why everyone else has assumed kindly that it was because of a change in maturity.

Regarding what little we know of your situation, it seems that your boyfriend has made two large concessions: waiting for sex (which is a bigger deal for some than others) and not discussing the past (which seems a bit odd to request of someone you want to be serious with). There needs to be some compromise in a relationship, and in both of those situations the implication is that your standards were the standards.

Since the time frame has passed where you would have met with him, this might all be for nothing, but I highly recommend in the future making sure the standards of the relationship are not one-sided (If my perception is accurate; I admit it may not be). It can avoid one person feeling victimized by the other, especially in unfortunate situations like this.

She implied heavily that she desired a relationship with her current bf, but not the guy she had sex with before. I wouldn't presume as to her maturity level then and now.

Originally posted by Bardock42
She implied heavily that she desired a relationship with her current bf, but not the guy she had sex with before. I wouldn't presume as to her maturity level then and now.

Well, instead of diving in and repeating the same advice with everyone else, I looked closely at why everyone came up with the same advice. There's no justification for the difference in intimacy levels between the two men, and there's no given time reference for how long ago it took place. The concept of date is even put in quotation marks, as if it was never really a date. So my question is:

Why is the change in maturity a given on behalf of those giving advice?

Your boyfriend sounds like a little b!tch.

But why did you **** Mike on the first date and not this guy, and why didn't you want to talk about your past?

Originally posted by Stealth Moose
Well, instead of diving in and repeating the same advice with everyone else, I looked closely at why everyone came up with the same advice. There's no justification for the difference in intimacy levels between the two men, and there's no given time reference for how long ago it took place. The concept of date is even put in quotation marks, as if it was never really a date. So my question is:

Why is the change in maturity a given on behalf of those giving advice?

I think you are assuming too much, the advice was to say that she had matured, it was not based on her actually having matured.

Originally posted by Bardock42
I think you are assuming too much, the advice was to say that she had matured, it was not based on her actually having matured.

My question still stands, regardless of what you may think I am assuming. For all we know, she slept with Mike in a one night stand right before she met this guy, so he might have a valid reason for questioning why things are different. How can I give advice to someone based on my assumption that they did their earlier mistake (which she does not refer to it as a mistake) out of lack of maturity? Why should I offer advice for her to say this if it is explicitly not the case?

I mean, the idea is that we only know what she had posted. I don't see why I have to assume the difference in behavior is tied to maturity when nothing she's stated indicated as much. I also don't see the reason to provide excuses for someone if they haven't evaluated their own relationship behaviors. Honest advice is better than dishonest advice.

Well, again, you are basing the whole response on an assumption that people think she has matured. We know what she told us and what she desires (continue to be with John), to that end one can give advice what she should say to him.

To be honest I find the whole idea that sleeping with someone on the first date is immature a bit silly. I don't know how her presumed maturity factors into it at all.

Let's take an analysis, shall we?

Her username is "feelinguilty", obviously related to the situation that she regrets not telling "John" about "Mike". Her first paragraph states she got the impression "John" grudgingly accepted her stance of not focusing on the past. By putting these two together, we can deduce that she feels she should have told him, but didn't want to because she doesn't want to talk about the past. Later in the story when she was confronted, she "didn't answer", meaning she still didn't want to tell him. There are two reasons for this, either she regrets her happenings with "Mike" or she didn't want to have her partner being compared to "Mike". Both can be true, but I think it's the former.

She put the word "dated" in quotation marks, this implies she doesn't believe it to be a real relationship. This is also confirmed by her earlier statements of "I made him wait sort of longish (about four and a half months) before we got intimate because that's how you get a guy into a serious relationship." So her belief of a serious relationship is making the guy wait (Bardock obvs doesn't believe in this but that's another debate). We can conclude that "Mike" wasn't serious and "John" is serious. With that in mind, there is no comparison, it's serious versus non-serious.

She also referred to "Mike" as "dirtbag Mike" via "John" and and said they knew each other "tangentially" which is like saying they went to school together but never really hung out. The distinction between the two men means she has a low opinion on "Mike", so she also regrets her previous actions. Her relationship with "Mike" could be a factor in her change of attitude towards men. Let's also remember she went from putting out on the first date to a guy she "dated" to making the guy wait to have a serious relationship. Some would call that maturity, I would at the very least call it a change in character. Let's also remember the point about her not wanting to talk about the past, this to me at least, implies she regrets her past, probably feels guilty about her past, so again, a chance in character.

That's why people are saying it's a case of that was then, this is now.

If I wanted to be a misogynistic dick, I could analyse further and say there were many "Mikes" and that "John" is opening pandora's box (lolololololol) hence the fear from FeelinGuilty about telling him. Julianna, as a woman, knows what it's like to be with a random guy for a while only to realise it wasn't worth it and boldly makes the distinction between casual sex and serious feelings (although they are heavily implied in the post), and stresses the importance of the past being the past. This is because women sleep around when they're young thinking they're all that, then they cry when they don't get their own way. So they stop sleeping around and become boring, I mean mature. But that's just misogynistic dick talk, I don't know these women at all.

Get over it.

You lied to this guy and still want him and want to call him special. Yet you can't answer simple questions that the guy asks. I say if he leaves you that is a good thing, as you seem to not be able to provide any clear answer as to why you did what you did.

If I'm going to becompletely honest, I did what I did because I didn't want him to think that I was easy. And the harsh truth is that up until John came into my life, I sort of was a bit. I know that guys marry different girls than the ones they party with. I wanted to be in the marriage category so I was kind of conservative with John.

Originally posted by FeelinGuilty
Up until this past Sunday, my relationship with my boyfriend ("John" )has been excellent. We met over a year ago and things really clicked between us. The chemistry was great. I'm 28, he's 26. He's on the conservative side so when we got serious he wanted to have "the talk." I basically told him that I don't think the past is important and that we should focus on the present and our future together. I think he grudgingly accepted that.

Things in the bedroom are pretty good. I made him wait sort of longish (about four and a half months) before we got intimate because that's how you get a guy into a serious relationship. He wasn't happy, but said he'd respect my wishes. Anyway, I concluded that he was the man for me.

Anyway when he came over on Sunday he had a funny look on his face. He said he wanted to discuss something. Basically, he found out that I had "dated" a guy he knows tangentially. He also said that he was told that I had sex with that guy on our first date. He asked me if that was true? I wasn't ready for that shock and didn't answer. I think he took that as a yes.

He quietly then said something like "so you made me wait for months but you put out to dirtbag "Mike" first night out?" I didn't know what to say. John then left. I've called him many times and it was only today that he finally picked up. He's agreed to meet up for a coffee later on tonight.

The story about "Mike" is true but I haven't admitted it. How do I handle this?! John is a really good man and I don't want him to leave me. How should I approach our coffee tonight and what can I say to get things back to the way they were? Originally posted by FeelinGuilty
If I'm going to becompletely honest, I did what I did because I didn't want him to think that I was easy. And the harsh truth is that up until John came into my life, I sort of was a bit. I know that guys marry different girls than the ones they party with. I wanted to be in the marriage category so I was kind of conservative with John. It's the past, he has no right to be a baby about it. And he shouldn't have ambushed you with your past. That's just plain immature. Tell him the truth and explain to him the reasons.

But he would be inhuman not to be a bit irked. No guy wants to hear things like that about their gal. If he cares for you then he'll accept your past.

For the record, my past is the LAST thing I want to talk about with a girl I date. I've got more skeletons that I care to remember. But bartending at a nightclub in college, then working at a large chain gym that's located near Hooters and 3 strip clubs will give you a colorful past. But that isn't me now.

You should tell him you're not the same person you were. Good luck with everything.

Originally posted by FeelinGuilty
Up until this past Sunday, my relationship with my boyfriend ("John" )has been excellent. We met over a year ago and things really clicked between us. The chemistry was great. I'm 28, he's 26. He's on the conservative side so when we got serious he wanted to have "the talk." I basically told him that I don't think the past is important and that we should focus on the present and our future together. I think he grudgingly accepted that.

Things in the bedroom are pretty good. I made him wait sort of longish (about four and a half months) before we got intimate because that's how you get a guy into a serious relationship. He wasn't happy, but said he'd respect my wishes. Anyway, I concluded that he was the man for me.

Anyway when he came over on Sunday he had a funny look on his face. He said he wanted to discuss something. Basically, he found out that I had "dated" a guy he knows tangentially. He also said that he was told that I had sex with that guy on our first date. He asked me if that was true? I wasn't ready for that shock and didn't answer. I think he took that as a yes.

He quietly then said something like "so you made me wait for months but you put out to dirtbag "Mike" first night out?" I didn't know what to say. John then left. I've called him many times and it was only today that he finally picked up. He's agreed to meet up for a coffee later on tonight.

The story about "Mike" is true but I haven't admitted it. How do I handle this?! John is a really good man and I don't want him to leave me. How should I approach our coffee tonight and what can I say to get things back to the way they were? I see exactly where he's coming from.

Mike must have been better at sex.

Guess my misogynistic analysis was kinda accurate. haermm women care so much about sex it's hilarious.

Originally posted by FeelinGuilty
If I'm going to becompletely honest, I did what I did because I didn't want him to think that I was easy. And the harsh truth is that up until John came into my life, I sort of was a bit. I know that guys marry different girls than the ones they party with. I wanted to be in the marriage category so I was kind of conservative with John.

You and John are both in your late 20s according to your 1st post, but you don't seem to be behaving with the maturity and honesty necessary for a successful marriage at this point in your relationship.
How does John know Mike? Are they friends, coworkers? Are you? There are still some unknowns here about the dichotomy of this relationship ( and your past relationship with John) that makes it more difficult to advise than it would be if we knew more.

I think you need to throw your "marrying girl"/"partying girl" dichotomy (edit: I wonder if I used that word cause Juliana did, whose posts I still think are quite excellent, although I think I used it more correctly) overboard. Be honest with your boyfriends, tell him how you felt, and how you will move forward. If he would like to try something sexually, and you would like to do it as well, but think that that's not "marriage material behaviour" then just do it. You want him to like you for who you are right, so tell him who you are and if he doesn't like it then it wouldn't have been smart marrying him anyways.

You guys have been dating for over a year.. And at this point he's finding out that you were doing things with/for another guy that was potentially beyond anything he's had to date?

And a year later he's never really gotten the same thing? The problem now is that he will always feel like he's living in Mike's shadow...

If you don't do the same acts... John will feel like you really did like Mike more sexually and will feel hurt by the fact that you don't feel like he's a man.

If you do do the same acts then he'll still feel like he's living in Mike's shadow and you are only doing it now because he knows you've done it for Mike.

John's likely to feel inadequate for a while.

Basically it all boils down to the fact that you are making him feel like he's a loser or you are just settling for him and that you aren't really passionate for him like you were for Mike.

This sounds like some odd "nice guys finnish last" bit.

Originally posted by Robtard
This sounds like some odd "nice guys finnish last" bit.

I agree.

You know what the moral of OP's story is, ladies? Always put out on the first date.

Originally posted by BackFire
You know what the moral of OP's story is, ladies? Always put out on the first date. They do in England.

Ask him to forgive you.
..."forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from every evil amen."

EDIT never mind I thought you cheated on him.

I'd be fine, I'd think I was special for you waiting or making me wait.

I'd want a girl that doesn't want to just throw herself at me.

i'll add to the majority of comments on here. be honest with him on everything if you plan to marry the man. "the past is the past" will always be viewed as a poor cop out to maintain secrecy. there are no secrets in marriage.
be honest with him. if he accepts it then it's meant to be. if he doesn't accept it then move on. if you hold back, the entire marriage will be based on a false premise. that is unfair to him.
just listen to the advice of others on here as well. they are steering you in the right direction.

Originally posted by ThorinWoofer
Get over it.

You lied to this guy and still want him and want to call him special. Yet you can't answer simple questions that the guy asks. I say if he leaves you that is a good thing, as you seem to not be able to provide any clear answer as to why you did what you did.

exactly.

she needs to take responsibility rather than make herself out to be the victim.

her husband to be was the victim.

Another issue that points out just which "head" men think with.

Your past is your past for a reason. Your current boyfriend does not have to know every.single.detail of your previous life before meeting him. You most definitely don't know everything that happened in his life before meeting you, so why should you feel obligated and pressured into telling him sh*t like this?

KELLY!

I missed you. I was thinking about you the other day. I was wondering what you were up to, these days. How it is with you?

Unless I am missing something, the original poster didn't exactly lie to her boyfriend. When you date someone, do you tell that person every other person you've slept with? I haven't dated anyone who would want to know that information. In fact, when I've tried to talk about it with my current boyfriend of a year, he just says he doesn't want to talk about it and changes the subject. It isn't something your partner wants to think about. Obviously you've been with other people, the past is in the past but we're in the present, we move on from that.

Which brings me to the fact that your boyfriend is being a ridiculous *****. What happened with the other guy is in the past and happened before him and has NOTHING to do with him. What you did back then and how you have changed since then has nothing to do with him. If he is angry over something so little and childish, get rid of him because there is no way you will have an actual relationship.

You didn't do anything wrong if what you have posted is true. I don't go about telling everyone I've dated who I've slept with an such. It's irrelevant.

Sorry girl, but I think you're relationship with "John" is done, now that you've blown your cover.

Looking at the way you described this guy (John), he seems to be the honest-to-goodness goody-two-shoes type of guy.
He probably thinks about this shit everyday, especially if he sees "Mike" and the gang often.
And maybe other stuff, like the times he spent with you wasted, or if you're ****ing with other guys besides "Mike".

JXRN_LkCa_o

Do you smoke pot?

If you are going behind your boyfriend's back having sex with your ex then you deserve to be gone. You and your kind make it difficult for any good man to achieve a relationship. It's in your foolishness that you keep perpetuating stereotypes of good men being a myth. As difficult it might be for him to get over you, it would be justice for you to get out of his life. This is a foolish generation where it's common for a woman to go back to their ex's. The way you believe has hampered you from making any real progress in the world, the media's got you messed up like a child and the videos got you dancing like a marionette and you buck dance for the enemy. I bet you got your boyfriend thinking he's failure for your mistake. Made him feel weak for not having a powerful enough influence to remain faithful to him. However if the tables were turned, you'd want him to assume full responsibility for it. Guess again, you are responsible for your actions. Suffering isn't fair and doesn't have to come from wrongdoing but the wrongs of the other person. You made a bad choice and you will lose the trust that you once had for each other. He should move on with his life and heal, you wounded the relationship. Commitment is a serious thing in a relationship and never to be taken lightly. I would advise you to stay away from your ex because what you did to your boyfriend, your ex can do to you and can come with severe consequences that will drain your life. I hope you find spiritual and emotional healing within yourself, your boyfriend and your ex.

Originally posted by dadudemon
KELLY!

I missed you. I was thinking about you the other day. I was wondering what you were up to, these days. How it is with you?
Hello, friend! I'm doing okay. It's pretty much "all work and no play" for me since I've been working 3rd shift for a few years! And yourself?

Originally posted by atv2
If you are going behind your boyfriend's back having sex with your ex then you deserve to be gone. You and your kind make it difficult for any good man to achieve a relationship. It's in your foolishness that you keep perpetuating stereotypes of good men being a myth. As difficult it might be for him to get over you, it would be justice for you to get out of his life. This is a foolish generation where it's common for a woman to go back to their ex's. The way you believe has hampered you from making any real progress in the world, the media's got you messed up like a child and the videos got you dancing like a marionette and you buck dance for the enemy. I bet you got your boyfriend thinking he's failure for your mistake. Made him feel weak for not having a powerful enough influence to remain faithful to him. However if the tables were turned, you'd want him to assume full responsibility for it. Guess again, you are responsible for your actions. Suffering isn't fair and doesn't have to come from wrongdoing but the wrongs of the other person. You made a bad choice and you will lose the trust that you once had for each other. He should move on with his life and heal, you wounded the relationship. Commitment is a serious thing in a relationship and never to be taken lightly. I would advise you to stay away from your ex because what you did to your boyfriend, your ex can do to you and can come with severe consequences that will drain your life. I hope you find spiritual and emotional healing within yourself, your boyfriend and your ex.
Learn how to read before insulting others.
This was BEFORE her current boyfriend.

TS has not responded for months.

I assume it didn't work out.

Maybe she died?

Maybe John felt inadequate due to his girlfriend giving it so easily to a piece of crap and left her, thus leading her to be a alcoholic who in her despair broke her computer and has not gotten a new one?

Originally posted by Kelly_Bean
Hello, friend! I'm doing okay. It's pretty much "all work and no play" for me since I've been working 3rd shift for a few years! And yourself?


Learn how to read before insulting others.
This was BEFORE her current boyfriend.

Well, she mentioned that the past wasn't important and that's not true. Learning about the person's past is what helps the relationship move forward to a healthy present and future. For that instant when her current boyfriend found out that she had sex with her ex on the first date it stirred jealousy in him because he had to wait along time before they got any intimacy. But revealing that alone, the fact she had sex with her ex on the first date means she did not give herself time to build trust. Trust is a process not just something that comes on automatically. Sex should be saved for marriage not done during the relationship stage. For the fact her current boyfriend had to wait so long for any kind of romance and intimacy means that there could have been a period where she was still dealing with her ex and she hasn't gotten over him and this is common. New relationships can come but the woman can still feel emotional ties from the previous relationship that hasn't healed and when she enters the new one, the man in the relationship can suffer form past issues. If she is one to have had children from a previous relationship then it gets harder to fix the past and it is a greater requirement to confront it before moving onto the next relationship inside of the friendship stage. On that note having sex quickly during the first date can bring herself at a risk of being pregnant and she would had to bear a child and that is a lifetime commitment to the death. Sex is nothing to play with for the misuse of it can serve as a gateway to poverty. I had a lot female acquaintances and many of them were filled with great potential and they ruined themselves from their hunger for sex and pleasure.

We live in a society where pleasure comes before virtue. It is portrayed in the music videos and music has been a powerful tool to influencing the mind of the individual. Everytime we see an artist, they look popular with quantities of women, money, cars, sadly tattoos, drugs and alcohol. They are seen getting wild in parties even in campus and sadly religious settings. The music attracts the masses and the masses will go along with what they are conditioned to hearing. In the education setting, high school is one the hardest stages to overcome for the individual/teen struggles with the transition of adulthood. Relationships are more common, the desire for liberation comes in and therefore the need to rebel against parental guidance comes with it. There's not a lot of emphasis for moral value nor education for that matter, There's a lot of push for sex, fame and popularity, drugs and alcohol and it is being pushed into the youth at a quick rate. The need to control passions is important to prevent present and future damage.

As for her new boyfriend, it is wise to hold off on sex until marriage. Patience is a virtue. Patience does pay off in the long run. He should take the time to build trust before getting pleasure. A lot of relationships have suffered because trust and commitment was out of order and pleasure took precedence over it. As long as this was BEFORE they entered the relationship but I know ex-relationships can go back and forth and there is a chance that it could have happened during the new relationship and he should take more time to look into it and decide whether or not to take her back.

Originally posted by rotiart
You guys have been dating for over a year.. And at this point he's finding out that you were doing things with/for another guy that was potentially beyond anything he's had to date?

And a year later he's never really gotten the same thing? The problem now is that he will always feel like he's living in Mike's shadow...

If you don't do the same acts... John will feel like you really did like Mike more sexually and will feel hurt by the fact that you don't feel like he's a man.

If you do do the same acts then he'll still feel like he's living in Mike's shadow and you are only doing it now because he knows you've done it for Mike.

John's likely to feel inadequate for a while.

Basically it all boils down to the fact that you are making him feel like he's a loser or you are just settling for him and that you aren't really passionate for him like you were for Mike.

The best way to get out of Mike's shadow is abstinence.

AS FOR YOUR NEWLY YOUNG FRESH, BOYFRIEND, YOU'LL BE FORTUNATE. HE MAY BE MAD AT YOU FOR A MOMENT BUT IT SEEMS FIXABLE BUT I ON THE OTHERHAND AM NOT. MY LIFE IS A MESS AND IT FEELS LONELY. I'VE BEEN DISFIGURED, I DON'T FIT ON ANYSIDE; RACE, RELIGION, RICH AND POOR. I'VE BEEN A REJECT FOR EVERY PLACE I WAS IN. I TRY TO BE PATIENT BUT I'M BREAKING AND I'M BREAKING FAST. I USE TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MY LIFE BUT NOW I'M FALLING APART. IT'S SO SAD THAT EVEN DRUG ADDICTS ARE FAVORED OVER ME. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO WIN INTEGRATION AND I'M NOT GETTING ANYWHERE FAST. I TRY TO STAND STRONG AND THE TEMPTATION HAS BEEN STRONG TO FEEL LIKE A MISTAKE. THAT MY FAITH AND DEDICATION IN WOMEN WAS A FAILURE. EVERY TIME I SEE AN ARTIST IN A MUSIC VIDEO IT GETS ME JEALOUS BECAUSE THEY ARE FAVORED IN THE WORLD AND IT'S EVEN PLAYED INTO THE FAITH I BELIEVE IN AS A CHIRSTIAN. I'M BREAKING AND I'M BREAKING FAST. MY HOLIDAYS ARE EVEN MESSED UP, I AM UNDERMINDED ON THE HOLIDAYS; WOMEN TEND TO TELL ME THAT THEY ARE TOO BUSY TO MAKE ANY TIME FOR ME AND THAT'S A SHAME BECAUSE I'VE MADE SO MUCH TIME FOR THEM! I HAD TO PLAY THE BLACK SHEEP ON THE HOLIDAYS AND ON HALLOWEEN I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO BE A "SPOOK"; I DON'T GET TO BE ME, I DON'T GET TO BE A SUPERHERO, I AM PROGRAMMED TO PUT ON THE COSTUME OF A "SPOOK"! MY SPOOK COSTUME DOESN'T STOP AT HALLOWEEN BUT IT GOES ON TO THE NEXT HOLIDAY AND THE YEAR TO COME. I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER LIVE UP BE A GOOD FATHER FIGURE; THE KIDS QUESTION MY LOOKS AND THEY ARE TERRIFIED INTERNALLY ABOUT ME. I DON'T KNOW WHEN THE SUN IS GOING TO SET FOR ME. I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

Originally posted by FeelinGuilty
If I'm going to becompletely honest, I did what I did because I didn't want him to think that I was easy. And the harsh truth is that up until John came into my life, I sort of was a bit.



Originally posted by FeelinGuilty
I know that guys marry different girls than the ones they party with. I wanted to be in the marriage category so I was kind of conservative with John.

Absolutely true of high quality men - which "John" may be one. And if he is, he will figure you out sooner or later. Such men don't commit to (i.e. marry) girls who are promiscuous.

But don't worry, you will always be able to find someone (see schmuck) who will accept your past.

Everyone must live with the consequences. I'm sorry if society made you believe otherwise.

Originally posted by n2nbaby
In fact, when I've tried to talk about it with my current boyfriend of a year, he just says he doesn't want to talk about it and changes the subject. It isn't something your partner wants to think about. Obviously you've been with other people, the past is in the past but we're in the present, we move on from that.

That is because your current boyfriend has no intention of ever marrying you (and you him).

In the OP's scenario, its time for her to "settle down" (wink wink ).

Originally posted by n2nbaby

You didn't do anything wrong if what you have posted is true. I don't go about telling everyone I've dated who I've slept with an such. It's irrelevant.

If it's so irrelevant and such a non-issue, I wonder why it is that girls with colorful pasts always try to hide it. You should loudly and proudly proclaim it.

There is a clear disconnect on how one really feels, and how they think they are supposed to feel (indoctrination).

Originally posted by n2nbaby
If he is angry over something so little and childish, get rid of him because there is no way you will have an actual relationship.

I completely agree. Every girl, including the OP should follow this advice.

Originally posted by Kelly_Bean
Hello, friend! I'm doing okay. It's pretty much "all work and no play" for me since I've been working 3rd shift for a few years! And yourself?


Learn how to read before insulting others.
This was BEFORE her current boyfriend.

You think I was insulting her? She was putting distance between her new boyfriend and she was still dealing with her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately this has been a common thing for a woman to go back and forth between her ex and current relationship. Sadly the emotional attachment was intense and she wasn't likely to get over him fast and she may have been looking for someone that would be like her ex. She really wasn't interested in her new boyfriend but she went along with him for convenience. It may seem that sex was withheld however that may not have been the only thing that was held out. Other intimacies could have been held back from him inside of the relationship. For this, the relationship exploded and he started losing trust in her. He suffered over her ex but he owes no apology for her. He doesn't have to apologize for being a good man, he was willing to be patient with her. Sadly the good man is being reduced to a myth and so is the virtuous woman. She can go on this forum and ask for opinions all across the site but ultimately it will be up to them to work out there differences.