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so i came across some claims that people basically filter information about their lovers to their lovers advantage - i.e. they amplify their strengths and diminish their weaknesses. i saw a psychology article about this as well as a section in my communications book which said the same thing.

in the article the scientists qualified it with something along the lines of "yea, it's a delusion, but it's a good kind of delusion that makes your relationship healthy".

something about this makes me uneasy. it feels like if i fall in love with someone and then i delude myself into having a certain image of them, it is that image i'm actually in love with and not the person themself. anybody have any thoughts on this? i can go back and find the referenced articles if need be btw.

Originally posted by red g jacks
so i came across some claims that people basically filter information about their lovers to their lovers advantage - i.e. they amplify their strengths and diminish their weaknesses. i saw a psychology article about this as well as a section in my communications book which said the same thing.

in the article the scientists qualified it with something along the lines of "yea, it's a delusion, but it's a good kind of delusion that makes your relationship healthy".

something about this makes me uneasy. it feels like if i fall in love with someone and then i delude myself into having a certain image of them, it is that image i'm actually in love with and not the person themself.We perceive our entire world through various degrees of distortion, skewed by the emotional charges we attach to things.

On the other hand, if we live with someone we love, over time the love matures. You see less your projection and more the person, just like that person is experiencing you.

Does being in love require delusion?

No, but it sure does help.

Originally posted by Mindship
We perceive our entire world through various degrees of distortion, skewed by the emotional charges we attach to things. yea i know some level of delusion is inevitable, but it's weird to hear them say it's actually desirable in this case. can you give me some other examples of delusion that are "good for you?"

this seems intuitively true to me as well, but in the article they said this:


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/01/love-science-you-need-delusion_n_2790774.html

Originally posted by red g jacks
yea i know some level of delusion is inevitable, but it's weird to hear them say it's actually desirable in this case. can you give me some other examples of delusion that are "good for you?"No one considers the reality that today could be their last day on Earth. Instead, we are complacent, functioning largely, comfortably, on "autopilot."

Originally posted by red g jacks
this seems intuitively true to me as well, but in the article they said this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/01/love-science-you-need-delusion_n_2790774.html Ultimately, it depends on the people involved and the choices they make.

Originally posted by Shakyamunison
Does being in love require delusion?

No, but it sure does help. yeah

love is different for many different ppl. you cnt put yoself in someone else shoes.. just as someone wnt understand how you can feel somethen for someone if they dnt know that person as you do

For me it requires a clear view, a steady hand and a powerful pair of binoculars.

Originally posted by Mindship
We perceive our entire world through various degrees of distortion, skewed by the emotional charges we attach to things.

On the other hand, if we live with someone we love, over time the love matures. You see less your projection and more the person, just like that person is experiencing you.
And THATs what leads to divorces.

Is love just a chemical reaction or is it something more...,we'll never know, but it's better to have loved than to have never loved at all, so i'm told. ;-)

Originally posted by jinXed by JaNx
Is love just a chemical reaction or is it something more...,we'll never know, but it's better to have loved than to have never loved at all, so i'm told. ;-)

Well, that's the old saying, about loving and losing vs. never having loved at all. I guess..

Originally posted by Mindship
We perceive our entire world through various degrees of distortion, skewed by the emotional charges we attach to things.

On the other hand, if we live with someone we love, over time the love matures. You see less your projection and more the person, just like that person is experiencing you.

Interesting...I've always felt that at one time or another both parties have to stop and look at what the other is doing for them emotionally vs. what they're doing TO them. How are you benefiting vs. what possible effect the relationship is having on you?

If you're truly happy with that person and not living co-dependently where one feels the other is responsible for their well-being, that can lead to some issues. But there too, making each other happy is part of the game, so that's whetre the balancing act come is, so to speak.

Its better never to have loved.
Life is less complicated without the baggage attached to that emotion.

That said, i'm speaking of love of the eros type.
Storge, agape and phileo all come with baggage of their own, but the eros variety carries more than all the others combined.

To be honest, if i knew as a young man what i know now, i'd be sorely tempted to never date at all.