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I guess thats what most of you thought of this site when I was appointed a mod!

No seriously, it was my mates birthday yesterday and we're all going to the dog track on Saturday for a meal, some drinks and a few bets. I plan to get drunk and have a go at that tic-tac stuff, very amusing it looks.

I could do with some handy betting hints, where's Finti when you need him?

Bet on the one who is going to win.

*Scribbles down onto notepad*

This is all good stuff Ush, keep it coming.....

Also number 4. Try it.

Gotcha.

How about the tic-tac, any veterans know the lingo?

So you are a moderator?

I bloody hope so, else his closing of threads is disturbing...

How was I supposed to know? I am not exactly on the guest list at the moderator's parties.(This is meant as a joke. Do not take it seriously)

Number 4 fared well for me last time I went Mech, and it was all Ush's fault he told me to do it.

crazy dog races.

so, you have to guess which one finishes FIRST??
*smacks head*

GRRRRRRRRR.....

either you're against dog races, or you also just found out guessing who ends last isn't how people play this game

I suspect the first... I am sure Mech means no harm, Gundy!

Mech- perhaps you should call it off and go to that Circus and Zoo place instead...

why bet.........oh well...have fun

No point going if he does not bet, Julie

WOOF WOOF

*giggles*

So have we all gone to the dogs then? I happen to like dogs as they are man's best friends.

I like dgos too, but I'm more of a cat person.

"Cats are cool and nice, They bite not once but twice" Another effort at rhyming. I am a songwriter you know.

Move over Maya Angelou!

I do not know who that is I am afraid, Tex.

Ooo, that's the best HAL I've ever heard!

Sorry I still don't understand.

Your're starting to sound like Tiny Tim.

Riiight.

Any chance of bringing Tiny Tim back Raz?

What's wrong with Gundy? Did I miss something?

Gundy loves dogs, maybe she thinks its cruel?

I've never been before so I'm quite looking forward to it. But what I really can't wait to see is the jockey's, how small are they gonna be!

don't the dogs ride the jockeys these days?

I'm going to the Dogs again on 3rd June, mech if you can note down which dogs win which races and let me know the results I would be most grateful.

and if not?

Then I will not be grateful.

something no one wants to see!

Oh well, I shall have to rely on the tried and trusted method of asking Ush for a number between 1 and 6 just before each race.

and associate that number with something first

OK so tonight's the night. Mech have you remembered the order of the winners yet? If not then I'll need to get picking some numbers.

I'm not sure if the dogs from B'ham track will be the same at your local track.

And if they are, won't their little legs be tired from the long haul up north?

I'm going to Brighton, am working in Surrey at the moment, so if you look at the map it's a downhill trek for them, shouldn't be too difficult.

Oh, then thats okay then.

I'd suggest going for the trio bets or straight wins, its not really worth going for a "place" unless the odds are good. The problem with being there is that the odds aren't fixed until just before the race, so you can place a bet at 25-1 but only get 2-1 by the time the race starts!

I'll be betting mostly at the bookies ring, you can play the odds a little better there. The Tote is no good because it goes up or down depending on what bets are on what dogs.

Indeed.

Are you having a meal and everything too?

Well those basket meal things plus free drink and bet, going to win I can feel it in my water.

Maybe thats a storm coming and not a win.

The meals are never anything special, but the beer isn't badly priced.

The beer's warm and flat down here so I might have to stick to the old Whiskey until I am in a state where warm beer doesn't matter.

Stick to turbo-shandy's!

Can't do vodka.

Try an Incredible Hulk then, its cider and blue curaco.

Tastes like s**t, but gets you p****d.

We call that something like monkey snot. Or is monkey snot snakebite and blue curacao?

That sounds good too.

I've heard it called Green Death before too. Snakebites rock, they are without doubt my fave strong drink.

You get bars that refuse to serve snake-bite so you just order a pint of lager, a pint of cider and a half pint of water, then you, well it's simple isn't it.

A lot of the bigger pubs won't serve it, but the smaller more local ones don't give a monkeys.

I once ordered a pint of snakebite and was refused, 10 minutes later we were doing tequila shots at the bar from the same barmaid. Where's the logic in that refusal?

barMAID - logic - barMAID - logic, please explain oxymoron.

Actually this women is the pub landlady I think. Real odd looking female she is too. She looks like a mish-mash of a number of other women, we've effectionatley named her, "The cut and shut".

Need to be careful how you say it when drunk.

Good lord, I wouldn't say it to the lil' poison dwarf, she'd kick my ass!

Are you a man or a mouse?

Neither, I'm a mechanical cat creature.

Oh yes I'd forgotten.

Its all in the name I tells ya!

OK so I left here with 60 quid and have returned with the same amount. I am extremely drunk so have spent a fair bit on alcoholic beverages, I believe I did quite well on the dogs,

You da man C!

Were there any sexy ladies present?

and were you sober when you noticed them?

There were a couple of quite nice ladies and by the end of the night they were absolute stunners, funny that!?!?

not at all!

Hmmm...I know some guys who have gone to the dogs. Shame really.....They give dogs a bad name.

Riiiiiight....

Those beer goggles really are useful aren't they Corran?

Standard Issue Beer goggles, can't beat them.