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Has anyone been involved in those types of friendships/relationships/marriages where you've been the contributing factor and all the other side could do is procrastinate you/put you off and fill you with excuses? How did it feel and what was your solution?

I guess you mean that you don't feel that your friend is spending enough time with you, if so you could address that with them and see how it goes.

Originally posted by atv2
Has anyone been involved in those types of friendships/relationships/marriages where you've been the contributing factor and all the other side could do is procrastinate you/put you off and fill you with excuses? How did it feel and what was your solution?

Hmm, sounds like you should cut that part out and start new.

Originally posted by Time Immemorial
Hmm, sounds like you should cut that part out and start new.

Sounds like you've seen some shit and had super shitty friends and are speaking from experience.

Originally posted by dadudemon
Sounds like you've seen some shit and had super shitty friends and are speaking from experience.

Nah, just like if something is dragging you down, cut it out.

IF the issue can't be addressed through communication then it's time to move on. Healthy relationships are all about reciprocation. Although, many times the sense of being taken advantage of is the result of miscommunication.

I think you should turn to an online movie discussion website and ask its forum members.

313

Originally posted by Digi
I think you should turn to an online movie discussion website and ask its forum members.

313

Works for me...

Originally posted by atv2
Has anyone been involved in those types of friendships/relationships/marriages where you've been the contributing factor and all the other side could do is procrastinate you/put you off and fill you with excuses?



Two sides to every argument...

Maybe you're too demanding & expect too much back?

Knifehand strike to throat.

Still looking for the other half.

Originally posted by Digi
I think you should turn to an online movie discussion website and ask its forum members.

313


and here I thought we had something more.

I seriously think every thread should be required to be prefaced with:
"Hey! F*cking strangers, in a back alley of the internet that is mostly nerds getting angry at each other over fictional vs. battles! Yeah, you f*ckers. I got something I need your input on..."

Then the OP actually starts. It would lend an entirely new, often hilarious perspective to many threads. Serious topics are fine, but there's something about advice solicitations that always tickled me in this context.

dgrin

Originally posted by Digi
I seriously think every thread should be required to be prefaced with:
"Hey! F*cking strangers, in a back alley of the internet that is mostly nerds getting angry at each other over fictional vs. battles! Yeah, you f*ckers. I got something I need your input on..."

Then the OP actually starts. It would lend an entirely new, often hilarious perspective to many threads. Serious topics are fine, but there's something about advice solicitations that always tickled me in this context.

dgrin

Do you have friends?

Originally posted by jinXed by JaNx
Do you have friends?

Lol, plenty. But I'm a jaded forum vet that's been posting on this board for far too long...what do you expect?

Originally posted by Digi
Lol, plenty. But I'm a jaded forum vet that's been posting on this board for far too long...what do you expect?



Then you are qualified to lend advice on the subject

Originally posted by jinXed by JaNx
Then you are qualified to lend advice on the subject

Indeed.

Originally posted by Digi
Indeed.



good talk

Originally posted by Esau Cairn
Two sides to every argument...

Maybe you're too demanding & expect too much back?


I'm far from demand; I've been making things fairly simple, extending time and keeping it basic but in spite of that they tend mess up. Some have had the nerve to complain and want to say they need their quote on quote "space" when it is them who is taking up space. They couldn't meet a 1/4th of what I've given them, go down the units. These past few friendships have been fragile.

always do friendship with that person, which is being your true friend. give you always right advice. like always speak true etc.......

I'm trying my best to be patient and I've communicated and simplified things for them yet they are still falling behind and it's becoming a big shame. It's getting very close for me to let them go but I'll endure this for a little while longer to see if things will get better.

You are speaking in very generalised terms & being very vague with details.

How exactly can we form an opinion or give advice when we don't know what you're talking about?

You've simplified things & they're still falling behind...what the hell does that mean at all?

Originally posted by Esau Cairn
You are speaking in very generalised terms & being very vague with details.


How exactly can we form an opinion or give advice when we don't know what you're talking about?

You've simplified things & they're still falling behind...what the hell does that mean at all?

I kept it that way so the viewer can relate to their own experiences of a friend that procrastinates them.

Have you not been a friendship where you've given a lot to them and met their needs on a constant basis yet they have a problem with doing anything for you. Have you ever had a friend that told that they was going to do something for you but ends up not doing and have a habit of putting things off on they say they would do for you? Have you ever had a friendship where you were expecting something from them yet they gave excuses to why they keep holding out on you? You simplify standards and they still had a problem with meeting expectations.

HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE THIS? OR HAVE YOU BEEN THE ONE PUTTING OFF YOUR FRIENDS WHEN THEY NEEDED YOU?

HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN TIRED OF TAKING CARE OF A FRIEND THAT BARELY DOES ANYTHING TO HELP YOU AND YET THEY STILL WANT MORE FROM YOU?

Originally posted by atv2
I kept it that way so the viewer can relate to their own experiences of a friend that procrastinates them.

Have you not been a friendship where you've given a lot to them and met their needs on a constant basis yet they have a problem with doing anything for you. Have you ever had a friend that told that they was going to do something for you but ends up not doing and have a habit of putting things off on they say they would do for you? Have you ever had a friendship where you were expecting something from them yet they gave excuses to why they keep holding out on you? You simplify standards and they still had a problem with meeting expectations.

HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE THIS? OR HAVE YOU BEEN THE ONE PUTTING OFF YOUR FRIENDS WHEN THEY NEEDED YOU?

HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN TIRED OF TAKING CARE OF A FRIEND THAT BARELY DOES ANYTHING TO HELP YOU AND YET THEY STILL WANT MORE FROM YOU?

My answer to all your questions is simply, no.
Friendship isn't based on keeping a point score.
If a friend constantly disappointed me, constantly proved unreliable or untrustworthy...then this would simply prove that we weren't really friends to begin with & we'd naturally drift apart.

I have friends who I can rely on when sh#t hits the fan, I have friends I know who wouldn't be able to cope if I turned to them for help or advice. It doesn't mean I value their friendship any less, it just means maybe they're not mature enough, not in a position to help or simply they have their own problems to worry about, for me to rely on them.

There is no reason to be surrounded by negative people...you don't need them in your life.

Originally posted by Esau Cairn
My answer to all your questions is simply, no.
Friendship isn't based on keeping a point score.
If a friend constantly disappointed me, constantly proved unreliable or untrustworthy...then this would simply prove that we weren't really friends to begin with & we'd naturally drift apart.

I have friends who I can rely on when sh#t hits the fan, I have friends I know who wouldn't be able to cope if I turned to them for help or advice. It doesn't mean I value their friendship any less, it just means maybe they're not mature enough, not in a position to help or simply they have their own problems to worry about, for me to rely on them.

There is no reason to be surrounded by negative people...you don't need them in your life.

You said that if they were a constant disappointment to you that they were not really friends to begin with and yet the next paragraph you tell me that you have "FRIENDS" who wouldn't be able to cope if you turned to them for help or advice. Which would cancel the first part of not being friends. It's easy to claim a friendship when it's convenient, but what about the hard times. If they can't be reliable yes it can be hurtful because they have the title of "friend" on them and it would matter that they continued to fall short with you especially if they had a lot of potential to being a great friend to you. If the friends you had that were reliable let you down it would hurt you from the inside.

In terms of the point score, progress and drifts would matter. If they made progress in the friendship, it would matter and be worth rejoicing over and if they fell apart it can bring hurt to the friendship. Immaturity can be costly too. In that, there can be a choice to let them go or to show compassion on them to get right.

Originally posted by Esau Cairn
My answer to all your questions is simply, no.
Friendship isn't based on keeping a point score.
If a friend constantly disappointed me, constantly proved unreliable or untrustworthy...then this would simply prove that we weren't really friends to begin with & we'd naturally drift apart.

I have friends who I can rely on when sh#t hits the fan, I have friends I know who wouldn't be able to cope if I turned to them for help or advice. It doesn't mean I value their friendship any less, it just means maybe they're not mature enough, not in a position to help or simply they have their own problems to worry about, for me to rely on them.

There is no reason to be surrounded by negative people...you don't need them in your life.

I'm trying to be optimistic about their progress but I'm am getting tired of what's been happening and I have communicated to them that their time is running out but I've also told them that if they were to remain strong in the friendship then they could keep it.

Enjoy each day whether your with those friends or not. Not everyone is a type A personality that can fill that time you need. Run on their clock and get along with them and see how that goes.

Originally posted by Esau Cairn
Two sides to every argument...

Maybe you're too demanding & expect too much back? As u get older your view point and ideals change, what was once dear to your heart is now strange. People change everyday and you sometimes look for ways to get out walk away from. Its time for u to think for a sec and ask yourself what u want and what it will take for u to get there.

Originally posted by atv2
You said that if they were a constant disappointment to you that they were not really friends to begin with and yet the next paragraph you tell me that you have "FRIENDS" who wouldn't be able to cope if you turned to them for help or advice.


"Disappointment" & "unable to cope" are 2 different things.

Simply, I wouldn't turn to friends who are single & ask them for relationship advice...they wouldn't cope to be placed in that situation.

Same scenario...I wouldn't expect to borrow money from a friend who still lives at home, studies full time & only has a weekend job...they wouldn't cope to be placed in that situation.

Every friend has their strengths & weaknesses...it's your role as their friend to know & respect that...the same as you'd expect them to perceive your role amongst them.

Originally posted by Esau Cairn
"Disappointment" & "unable to cope" are 2 different things.

Simply, I wouldn't turn to friends who are single & ask them for relationship advice...they wouldn't cope to be placed in that situation.

Same scenario...I wouldn't expect to borrow money from a friend who still lives at home, studies full time & only has a weekend job...they wouldn't cope to be placed in that situation.

Every friend has their strengths & weaknesses...it's your role as their friend to know & respect that...the same as you'd expect them to perceive your role amongst them.

However sometimes those copings that friends fall short of can turn into a disappointment and escalate to falling outs. In that second paragraph I was the friend who lived at home, going to college and working yet friends put me on a high pedestal of dependability. They borrowed money from me, and had me do all sorts of chores for them, I was a dependable guy. However some of friends lived on a more independent side and would not do even a quarter effort of what I did for them. I can remember in college during my first undergrad program not having a car and for a temporary amount of time I was without a job unless I was working in the summer at a factory. I gave my friends my heart yet they appeared to have greater resources than I did and did not meet expectations. They were lazy and cleaved to their fears as pride. Underneath all of that they were hurt and had a hard time changing their ways. Respect they had plenty of it but they on the other hand were not as respectful.

Bottom line, I'm tired of trying and my patience is wearing thin. I've worked with them for years and things don't like they are getting better. It's falling apart. I have the judgment call to get rid of them but I put it aside to give them a chance to get right and doesn't seem like it's better. It seems like when they ask me to help free them from problems that bind them they distance themselves from me when they should be getting closer to me and I feel made out to be the enemy while they go back to the enemy and make them feel like the ally. It's been a few instances like that. They tell me that I'm in their space when in actuality they were holding up my space. Right now things are looking like they are a having a reverse effect.

Then I guess you have to truly admit to yourself that they're not friends that you need anymore in your life & walk away...

Originally posted by Wonder Man
Enjoy each day whether your with those friends or not. Not everyone is a type A personality that can fill that time you need. Run on their clock and get along with them and see how that goes.

I don't think that they are even Type C now. It's falling to Type D. Things are falling apart and it has taken a downhill slope fast. As for that last statement of running on their clock, I have done so. I'm not getting the same energy back. I have even made things easier on them and tasks keep getting put off and therefore so do I.

Originally posted by Esau Cairn
Then I guess you have to truly admit to yourself that they're not friends that you need anymore in your life & walk away...

I may have to. I'm giving it a couple of more weeks to play out and I'll decide from there.

Take in a movie with them some time.

Originally posted by Wonder Man
Take in a movie with them some time.

I'll try it out. Thanks!

For what it's worth I'm ok now.

That's good. I'm glad you feel better. Did you come to a decision regarding what to do?

Yea sometimes it happened to me people are in relationship avoided me and I thought of myself and after while even i ignored them.