French Bashing

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Corran
An Englishman, a Dutchman and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Dutchman was first in line, he thought for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and in some pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Dutchman in horror he said smugly, "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away bleeding and whimpering loudly (as they do).

The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it - and your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.

"Tie the Frenchman to my back."

BackFire349
ahhh, nothing better then bashing a french.... well maybe bashing a canadian.

Tex
laughing out loudThat's the funniest part of the jokelaughing out loud

stick out tongue:stick out tonguestick out tongue

Augeybana
Yeah pretty interesting joke you got there I guess I would get three wishes for mine.

mechmoggy
Good one Corran, I'll be re-using that puppy his weekend. big grin

narcil
what?!!! what's this about wanting to bash canadians?!! pffffft!!! :P we're like....the universally-adored country! meanies!!

(and yes, you're talking to a french-canadian, to boot---*beats them up* meanies!! :P) ^_^

narcil
heh...i still like augey's avatar. ^_^ once again...kenshin---best anime ever!! big grin

Member.
hm...brits are cool, french are cool, everyone's cool. btw, anime is cool.

finti
I happen to dislike French people

BackFire349
along with all other decent people.

Catch 22
I find it strange that a joke about middle easterners was recently deleted, shilst a joke about the french is allowed to remain open.

Double Standards moderation perhaps?

BackFire349
well, nobody likes the french.

Corran
An American soldier was travelling on a train on his way through Europe after a long hard tour of duty. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the Little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, You Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong ***** out the window!"

Catch 22
Quite irrelevant.

Interesting that this kind of racial hatred is being condoned here.

finti
been down that road before.

Racial hatred Catch?

Ushgarak
As I recall (and never wanting to be caught up in this sort of thing), we as mods have instructions that whilst racist jokes are not acceptable, jibes at nationality are because they can be taken in better humour. And they also consist of about 25% of the forum...

But now look, you made Narcil mad... and she is normally so slow to anger!

GordonSkywalker
It is not good to make Narcil mad.

Ushgarak
Ah, you get used to it...

finti
bah humbug

GordonSkywalker
You know you make a very good Scrooge with your consistant pessimissim my friend from Norway. eek!

finti
Scrooge rules

Ushgarak
Has a very sad ending, that story. Scrooge should have stayed nasty.

narcil
*LOL*!
you should all fear the wrath of narcil!! :P

*hugs member* *and catch22* you two are the only nice ppl on this thread! the rest of you suck! meanies! stick out tongue
ok, 'cept for maybe ush, n' gord. jury's still out. >D

Ushgarak
High praise indeed...

GordonSkywalker
I am glad I am on her nice people list. One thing I have learned is nothing is quite like a woman's wrath.

BackFire349
being nice is boring. its all about being mean and annoying people who are easy to annoy. like the people who are getting upset about a silly french joke.

GordonSkywalker
Unlike you getting mad when I blasted horror flicks, right? I have a long memory my friend. wink

Member.
stop the french bashing...AHHHHHH!!!

BackFire349
lets not start the nonsens again gordon, its not my fault you dont know the difference between getting mad and disagreeing. and besides, this is a movie board, you're supposed to argue about movies on here.

GordonSkywalker
So where does it say this is a French-bashing board Backfire? I still find such commments as amounting to bigotry.

GordonSkywalker
You will of course begin to hotly debate me on this. I expect nothing less from you. It is not nonsense just because someone expresses their own opinions which differ from yours. You should know this. laughing

BackFire349
nothing wrong with arguing. what you need to understand is argumentation doesnt mean someone is mad about the topic. now stop bring up stuff from 3 months ago when it has no relevance to the current topic of discussion, makes it look like you have nothing relevant to say about the current topic.

BackFire349
and as far as french basing goes. nothing is better then a good french joke.

GordonSkywalker
I disagree.

Captain REX
Actually, blonde jokes are good too. I haven't heard alot of French-bashing jokes.

Lay them on me! big grin

finti
blond jokes are so out of date.........

Corran
Yes, French Jokes are the new Blonde jokes.

finti
only thing the french jokes have a little truth in them

Ushgarak
What about French Blondes?

Member.
laughing out loud

finti
there aint no French Blonds

yerssot
oh, there are, just not many

finti
fake blonds

yerssot
no, real blonde

narcil
heh...which brings me to smthg totally off topic (sorry), but i remember having this amusing discussion in bio. class last year, regarding how real blondes in the world were diminishing essentially cuz blonde is a recessive trait. ^_^

french jokes, george w. bush jokes...whatever. ^_^ some of em' are quite funny. admittedly i laughed at one about a french tank...was that you that told me that one, ush?

yerssot

Captain REX
I can tell. And I already know what a recessive trait is, Professor Yerss. Thank you for informing everyone else.

yerssot
that's ok, I like to educate people stick out tongue

Captain REX
Education is fun...if it's a good subject.

Ushgarak
French Tank joke- as borrowed from the Italians- requested by Narcil.

How many gears does a French tank have?

5. Four in reverse and one forward in case of attack from the rear.

Shall I tell the anti-US joke as well? I said it before in the Debating Area...

Corran
It would appear that you have your mind set on doing so anyway, go ahead, knock yourself out.

narcil
*lol* you guys..

and yes! let's hear the joke. ^_^

Ushgarak
Ok. George W. Bush is visiting Saudi Arabia where he meets the Crown Prince to discuss oil revenues. Beforehand, they are making small talk, and the Crown Prince talks thusly:

"Mr. President," he says, "here in Saudi Arabia we are great lovers of American culture. All manner of American tv shows play on our airwaves all the time. I myself am a particular fan of Star Trek. But one thing confuses me. The crew in Star Trek is a great vision of the united future. There are male and female crewmates. There are caucasians. There are Russians. There are blacks, there are Africans, there are Asians. But there are no Arabians! Why is this?"

To which Bush, after thinking a little, replied:

"Because Star Trek is set in the future."

Corran
Boom, boom.

finti
shakalaka boom

Corran
shake, shake, shake, shake the room.

finti
sick

narcil
*lol* heyyy..i laughed the first time i heard it. sad

GordonSkywalker
A very impressive joke Ushgarak. You are truly the Man of the People.

finti
United States President George Bush visits a school and explains his political actions. Afterwards he invites the children to ask him questions.

Little Bob rises to speak:
Mr. President, I have got three questions to ask:
1. How did you win the election although you had less votes than Gore?
2. Why do you want to attack the Iraq without reason?
3. Don't you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
Just in that moment the bell for the break rings and the children run out of the classroom.
When they come back from the break President Bush encourages them again to ask questions. This time Joey rises to speak: Mr. President, I have got five questions to ask:
1. How did you win the election although you had less votes than Gore?
2. Why do you want to attack the Iraq without reason?
3. Don't you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
4. Why did the bell ring 20 minutes earlier today?
5. Where is Bob !!???

finti
G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you."
She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" and hangs up.

G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."

So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"

So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."

And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

finti
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?

Corran
very good.

Dexx
laughing out loud...ok..that joke is a killer!laughing out loud

Captain REX
Funny stuff there, Finti. laughing out loud

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