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Saw this while surfing the net...

"Its not cheating if you're not the one who's married."
So, a few questions to maybe get some conversation going:

1. Would you cheat on your spouse/partner?

2. Would you sleep with a person who had a spouse/partner?

3. If your spouse/partner cheated on you, would you be angrier at them, the person they are cheating with, or would it be equal?

I would not cheat on my partner.

I may sleep with a person who has a spouse or partner if they wanted that and I did not have a friendship with their spouse.

If my partner "cheated" on me I would be angry at them and not the person they cheated with, unless I had a friendship with said person.

As a further caveat, I have no problem with my partner having sex with someone else if they wanted that. If they are honest with me about it I don't view that as cheating.

Your answers match my own.
When i was single i went by your #2 response in those circumstances.

Nice caveat, BTW.

No.No.I'd be angry at my spouse/partner.

1. No. Unless it was Jessica Biel. We have an agreement that if Vin Diesel wants to get with her or Jessica Biel wants to get with me, go to town. F*ck, I'd Hi-Five her if she got with Vin.

2. Maybe, maybe not. Depends on the situation. There are a trillion situations that can cause something like this to come up. If the couple was separating, going through a divorce, or separated, and I was single, I would not consider it cheating for any parties involved.

3. I do not think I would be angry. Not even a little, really. I would be sad. There was a time when it would not have bothered me in my current marriage. I would not have cared at all. But, as relationships mature and grow, you love your spouse more and more.


Originally posted by Bardock42
As a further caveat, I have no problem with my partner having sex with someone else if they wanted that. If they are honest with me about it I don't view that as cheating.




It's not cheating if all involved adults give informed consent (meaning, they are all aware of what is taking place and with whom). Americans seem to miss this, from my experience.

Originally posted by riv6672
1. Would you cheat on your spouse/partner?

2. Would you sleep with a person who had a spouse/partner?

3. If your spouse/partner cheated on you, would you be angrier at them, the person they are cheating with, or would it be equal? 1. Nyet.

2. Did back in the day (well, they were separated). Still felt weird about it. Wouldn't do it now.

3. Depends. But most likely, would be angrier with spouse.

1. Nope.

2. Not intentionally. It happened once but I didn't know she was married at the time.

3. I'd kill them both.

Originally posted by NemeBro
1. Nope.

2. Not intentionally. It happened once but I didn't know she was married at the time.

3. I'd kill them both.

Welll....


I guess you win this thread, too.

1. i don't think so. basically i think you should either tell them you want to see other people or break up instead of hiding shit.

2. yea. my logic is basically that it's not my responsibility to maintain other people's relationships.

3. i dunno. i feel like if you get cheated on and you find out then really they did you a favor. better to find out and deal accordingly than be unwittingly investing in a bs relationship.

Pretty rational answers, folks. Cool.

Originally posted by NemeBro
3. I'd kill them both.
Originally posted by riv6672
Pretty rational answers, folks. Cool.

I play to win.

I don't need to cheat.

I look at that beach-blonde and I couldn't see myself with anyone else.

We have a history. The good, strange kind.

Originally posted by Bentley

Yeah, i may nit call the killing one rational, more like viable.
Lord knows its happened a gazillion times throughout history.

Originally posted by riv6672
Saw this while surfing the net...

"Its not cheating if you're not the one who's married."
So, a few questions to maybe get some conversation going:

1. Would you cheat on your spouse/partner?

2. Would you sleep with a person who had a spouse/partner?

3. If your spouse/partner cheated on you, would you be angrier at them, the person they are cheating with, or would it be equal?

1. Absolutely never.

2. No, not personally.

3. I'd be a lot more upset with my spouse than the person they had cheated with, under any circumstance.

1. no.
2. no (but i can wait till they get divorced)
3. angry at both

Thanks, and thanks!

1. No
2. Depends
3. My spouse/partner.

1. Would you cheat on your spouse/partner?

2. Would you sleep with a person who had a spouse/partner?

3. If your spouse/partner cheated on you, would you be angrier at them, the person they are cheating with, or would it be equal?

__________________

1. No. The purpose of being in a monogamous relationship is that rather it's bf/gf, engaged, married or whatever label you want to put on it, you are with that one person and nobody else. If I wanted to sleep with multiple women, I wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.

Now if you get super drunk or intoxicated in some fashion and are in far less control of yourself; I wouldn't say it's acceptable, but it's understandable and things should be talked out. Never done it, just think I'd want the benefit of the doubt if I was blackout drunk and I woke up in someone elses bed.

2. Yes & No. Yes if I wasn't informed they had a SO, or they were swingers or something like that. Or if the guy was an ******* to her or something and she wanted to get back at him. No if they tell me and it's not something they want found out, or if it's a friend of mine or something(I'd tell them if I found out).

3. I'd be mad at both, but more my girl for betraying my trust and knowing that if I found out, it'd hurt me, but not caring enough that she till went through with it. I'd also be really torn up because I can no longer trust her or even care about her the same way. I'd be mad at her partner(even if it was a girl) primarily because it's human to get upset about things like that. If they didn't know about me, after I cooled off, if there was anything to talk about, we'd talk. If they knew, or were a friend, then I'd be just as mad if not more so because they didn't let me know she was a cheating type.

Originally posted by KingD19
The purpose of being in a monogamous relationship is that rather it's bf/gf, engaged, married or whatever label you want to put on it, you are with that one person and nobody else. If I wanted to sleep with multiple women, I wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. ....in theory. i think for most of us we end up with someone we don't want to lose so we make the commitment.. but in reality the desire to be with others never leaves.

1. No. I respect the sanctity of marriage. If you wanted to **** multiple men/women, you shouldn't have married in the first place.

2. Intentionally, no. Many men/women lie about their marital and social statuses just to get more f***s. You'll never know initially if that person you slept with was telling the truth.

3. Angrier at partner/spouse, especially if done without my consent.

Originally posted by red g jacks
....in theory. i think for most of us we end up with someone we don't want to lose so we make the commitment.. but in reality the desire to be with others never leaves.
I dont think it does either.
Not an excuse to screw around, though.
I think if you feel you cant be faithful, you should be honest about it and not enter into what your partner assumes is a monogamous relationship.

Originally posted by riv6672
I dont think it does either.
Not an excuse to screw around, though.
I think if you feel you cant be faithful, you should be honest about it and not enter into what your partner assumes is a monogamous relationship.

Yes, that last part is important.

I had a buddy that pissed off/confused/made a lot of girls sad because he'd tell them that. I always respected him for it, personally.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Yes, that last part is important. Maybe they shouldn't just assume they're entering a monogamous relationship?

Unless you're swinging, I think it's normal to assume when you say, "Im your boyfriend/girlfriend", that it's monogamous.

At no point did anyone imply that someone saying "I'm your boy/girl friend" isn't necessarily a concession of monogamy.

Generally unless you've stated that you're exclusive or the relationship has moved into the stage were that is clearly understood you shouldn't assume.

Originally posted by NemeBro
At no point did anyone imply that someone saying "I'm your boy/girl friend" isn't necessarily a concession of monogamy.

I think you've watched too much star trek.

But, no, NemeBro is correct: humans are overwhelmingly polyamorous. So much so that it is weird to think it normal to restrict humans to just 1 partner.

This is not to say that we can easily justify cheating but we should recognize that this permanent monogamy thing is a new invention: an artificial construct.

Originally posted by riv6672
Saw this while surfing the net...

"Its not cheating if you're not the one who's married."
So, a few questions to maybe get some conversation going:

1. Would you cheat on your spouse/partner?

2. Would you sleep with a person who had a spouse/partner?

3. If your spouse/partner cheated on you, would you be angrier at them, the person they are cheating with, or would it be equal?

1. No. I'd only have sex with someone else if we both agreed it as okay. And then I wouldn't really consider it cheating.

2. I would have sex with something that had a partner if I didn't know that person. Their problems are their problems.

3. If my partner cheated on me, I'd be angrier with them, unless they cheated on me with a friend.

Again, I don't care if my partner has sex with other women/men, as long as I get to as well. (Preferably at the same time.)

At the same time, eh?
Too old and lazy for that!

Originally posted by AbnormalButSane
1. No. I'd only have sex with someone else if we both agreed it as okay. And then I wouldn't really consider it cheating.

2. I would have sex with something that had a partner if I didn't know that person. Their problems are their problems.

3. If my partner cheated on me, I'd be angrier with them, unless they cheated on me with a friend.

Again, I don't care if my partner has sex with other women/men, as long as I get to as well. (Preferably at the same time.)



You're a good person.

Originally posted by dadudemon
But, no, NemeBro is correct: humans are overwhelmingly polyamorous. So much so that it is weird to think it normal to restrict humans to just 1 partner.

This is not to say that we can easily justify cheating but we should recognize that this permanent monogamy thing is a new invention: an artificial construct. This reminds me of, 'If man was meant to fly, he'd have wings.'

I believe lifelong pair bonding precedes humanity; we see it in a lot of animal species (birds come first to mind). We see animal polyamorousness too, but the point is, one seems 'as natural' as the other. Afaik, humans have permanently paired throughout history, across cultures. There seems to be a strong genetic predip (at the very least, a strong meme-set) for it, since it does have (or certainly had) survival value in rearing human babies.

I think modern humanity's predicament is that we are a much more long-lived and egocentric species than ever before. Thanks mainly to technology, everyone can more/less self-indulge, and this would include (if not star) worldly, sensual pleasures. Why should I have to put another person's needs/feelings first, and not what I want, for the rest of my life?

Yeah, given future tech, the permanent human pair bond may become a thing of the past. Imo, that would be our loss. I'm not sure an escalating self-indulgence is an entirely good thing.

Interesting post. I think our tech is finally catching up to our egocentric self indulgent ways.

Originally posted by Mindship
This reminds me of, 'If man was meant to fly, he'd have wings.'

I believe lifelong pair bonding precedes humanity;

It probably does. But there is a difference between social monogamy and sexual monogamy. While there may have been monogamous pair-bonding as far back a the split (when chimps and humans split), they would be the rare exception.


Originally posted by Mindship
we see it in a lot of animal species (birds come first to mind). We see animal polyamorousness too, but the point is, one seems 'as natural' as the other. Afaik, humans have permanently paired throughout history, across cultures. There seems to be a strong genetic predip (at the very least, a strong meme-set) for it, since it does have (or certainly had) survival value in rearing human babies./B]

That strongly depends on what you would like to target. In short, no, humans are definitely not monogamous. Monogamy, in the strictest sense, is very rare among humans unless heavily enforced through very harsh social norms (meaning, deviation from the norm causes severe negative social consequences). Even then, there are large amounts of deviation ("fooling around", as it were).

Humans are becoming less polyamorous but we still have the vestiges (pun intended) of our polyamorous roots such as our penis size and shape and the lingering presence of sexual asymmetry (we are sexually dimorphic).

I don't even know if "polyamorous" is the correct word, too! Basically, both males and females have multiple sexual partners but not necessarily at the same time. Generally, polamory means "at the same time (but not necessarily an orgy...just concurrent relationships)" but it does not mean 1 partner here, move on, 1 partner there. I looked for the word and I think polyamorous is the closest fit.

Regardless, pair-bonding is weak in humans. Even among the seemingly monogamous bird species, we are discovering that the offspring sometimes have different fathers than the social father. Also, they observe that the male goes off and mates with other females. But, at the end of the day, the social pair-bond stay together.

In fact, monogamy seems extremely rare among all species.



I should clarify that in order to be strictly monogamous, we would need to pair-bond with only 1 partner the rest of our lives, a majority of the time. Humans don't do that....we shop...6, 7, 8, or 20 partners.

Thinking over question two, it occurrs to me that if my ex wanted to meet up and **** every now and then I would probably do it despite my previous answer. so I guess 2 is a yes.

I wouldn't do #2 because I'm a meek coward and would be like "b-but what about your boyfriend? ._. "

Originally posted by AsbestosFlaygon
3. Angrier at partner/spouse, especially if done without my consent.

So you'd be mad even if you gave consent? I guess that can be a realistic way to look at it, depending on your personality.

Originally posted by Tzeentch
I wouldn't do #2 because I'm a meek coward and would be like "b-but what about your boyfriend? ._. "

Originally posted by dadudemon
That strongly depends on what you would like to target. In short, no, humans are definitely not monogamous. Monogamy, in the strictest sense, is very rare among humans unless heavily enforced through very harsh social norms (meaning, deviation from the norm causes severe negative social consequences). Even then, there are large amounts of deviation ("fooling around", as it were).

Humans are becoming less polyamorous but we still have the vestiges (pun intended) of our polyamorous roots such as our penis size and shape and the lingering presence of sexual asymmetry (we are sexually dimorphic).

I don't even know if "polyamorous" is the correct word, too! Basically, both males and females have multiple sexual partners but not necessarily at the same time. Generally, polamory means "at the same time (but not necessarily an orgy...just concurrent relationships)" but it does not mean 1 partner here, move on, 1 partner there. I looked for the word and I think polyamorous is the closest fit.

Regardless, pair-bonding is weak in humans. Even among the seemingly monogamous bird species, we are discovering that the offspring sometimes have different fathers than the social father. Also, they observe that the male goes off and mates with other females. But, at the end of the day, the social pair-bond stay together.

In fact, monogamy seems extremely rare among all species.



I should clarify that in order to be strictly monogamous, we would need to pair-bond with only 1 partner the rest of our lives, a majority of the time. Humans don't do that....we shop...6, 7, 8, or 20 partners. I see your point. I was generally thinking monogamous as in married.

While I am a fan of it, polyamory does not seem very common in humans. Most common is probably serial monogamy, plus recreational sex (hookups or "cheating".

Think it was the "Unhung Hero" docu, but it posed the idea that human populations with the smaller penis size averages, are the populations where monogamy is more common. That a large(r) penis is just for show/to attract the females, like a peacocks plumage.

Though I do question why primates like Chimpanzees have small penises for primates (we're huge by comparison to other primates), when they're supposed to be extremely poly.

lol

Originally posted by Tzeentch
lol

And according to that Docu, S. Korea has the smallest penises on average.

http://direct.rhapsody.com/imageserver/v2/albums/Alb.107347150/images/500x500.jpg

Originally posted by Robtard
Think it was the "Unhung Hero" docu, but it posed the idea that human populations with the smaller penis size averages, are the populations where monogamy is more common. That a large(r) penis is just for show/to attract the females, like a peacocks plumage.

Though I do question why primates like Chimpanzees have small penises for primates (we're huge by comparison to other primates), when they're supposed to be extremely poly. I prefer the theory that Man evolved larger dicks to better scoop out the semen of their rivals.

I thought that was the theory behind why the head of a dick is wedge shaped and bigger than the shaft.

It's kind of an idiotic theory either way. Even if you were to throw a dude off a chick seconds after he blew his load and rammed your shit in there and started scooping like a mad man, it'd already be too late. Once the jizz reaches the womb it's all over brah.

In other news, I had waffles with blueberry syrup for breakfast this morning.

Maybe your dick just couldn't reach far enough Blax?

You're alive, so obviously.

Not my fault though- she was pretty stretched out by the time I got there.

But we're siblings.

I know.

This took an odd turn.

waffles

Haha

Originally posted by Bardock42
While I am a fan of it, polyamory does not seem very common in humans. Most common is probably serial monogamy, plus recreational sex (hookups or "cheating".

Yes, polyamory is not the correct word. Polysexual was already taken. Monogamy is not correct, either.

It is a word that does not mean concurrent relationships like polyamory, it means polysexual in a direct root word understanding (but not the actual use of polysexual), and it does not mean monogamy.


All in favor of calling this type of sexual relationships, "Serial Monogamy", say "aye."


Edit -I should note that humans are poly-lots-of-sex-with-different-partners, down to our roots. They figured this out by analyzing our DNA and discovered that each mother had, on average, at least 2 partners. Meaning, two baby-daddys. lol It was initially 11 which is clearly impossible...so they redid the stuff and got a number between 2 and 3. This would mean, fundamentally, that we are not monogamous. Reading an online article, they liked the label "monogamous-ish."

Serial monogamy is the correct term for it.

Originally posted by Robtard
Though I do question why primates like Chimpanzees have small penises for primates (we're huge by comparison to other primates), when they're supposed to be extremely poly.

The testes size also has to do with it. Because of the competition between males in highly sexual animals, they need bigger testes to make more sperm to increase the chance of getting a female pregnant.


This hypersexuality is not seen as much in humans but we are still relatively competitive which is why we still have "vestiges" of our super-sexual behaviors.


Perhaps our penis shape indicates we become more competitive in other ways and no longer needed giant balls with lots of leydig cells to make more sperm. Instead, our penis shape is another way to ensure impregnation?


To me, that's gross....getting seconds and your penis assists in removing the sperm from the previous male.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Serial monogamy is the correct term for it.

Oh really? I looked and could not find the correct term.

Edit - Yup, that's the word. But humans are not strictly serial monogamists. We are...well, some are polyamorous, some are polygamous, some are polyandrist, and some are hypersexual. I think the best terms for humans would really be, "Sexual." Because we like to have lots of sex with lots of people in various ways. And we don't even limit our sex to each other...sometimes, we make the sex with inanimate objects or animals. Humans just **** the shit out of everything, really.

^LOL

1) No.

2) No.

3) I honestly don't know whom I would be more angry with; however, I would literally walk. Trust is the first principle in any relationship, be it romance, business partnership, or whatever...

I said no all the way up until I got put in a situation..

Originally posted by Kelly_Bean
I said no all the way up until I got put in a situation..

And then???

All cheaters can go to ****ing hell. I was cheated on when I was engaged and the devastation that followed was severe. She hurt me so badly that I have difficulty trusting women to this day.

It's all contextual. Without going into details, I've been faced with this type of question twice in my life (I'm not married, it was other stuff). I made a different decision the second time, not because my opinion had changed, but because the situation was very different. I'll say that my actions in both situations wouldn't be looked down upon by nearly anyone in this thread, given the feedback so far. And I have no moral quandaries about either decision.

Originally posted by Darth Truculent
All cheaters can go to ****ing hell. I was cheated on when I was engaged and the devastation that followed was severe. She hurt me so badly that I have difficulty trusting women to this day. Start cheating on your significant other, you'll feel better.

Originally posted by Darth Truculent
All cheaters can go to ****ing hell. I was cheated on when I was engaged and the devastation that followed was severe. She hurt me so badly that I have difficulty trusting women to this day.

Originally posted by Galan007

I've yet to come across a more cruel use of a smiley.