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I was put in a psych-ward a few months ago for blacking out and ending up 11 miles from my house trying to get a rottweiler behind an electric fence to attack it. The authorities were alerted but had my mom pick me up. Apparently a few hours later I was hitting myself pretty hard so she took me to a psych-ward. I had no memory of any of it, no drugs in my system at all.

They were hesitant to say what it was, holding out this official diagnosis for like 3 months, but now they just prescribed me with lithium.

I'm not taking that shit.

I think I've only blacked out twice

first time I put my hand through a mirror and by sheer luck I still have full use of my fingers. Second time I somehow got rid of our gun. I still don't know where it is.

I'm literally unable to attack someone. Like, I remember getting beat pretty bad in middle school and I never touched the dude.

Usually MPDs don't express just two personalities nor do they appear like once in a blue moon. They're everyday things and even with a close eye on me all my life no one has known about me doing anything I didn't remember aside from those 3 times.

I want to try meditating, not medicating.

You're look for "dissociative" and, more specifically, "dissociative identity disorder." It used to be labelled "MPD" (multiple personality disorder) by the ICD-10 altered the classification a few years ago... I think.

I'd suggest professional self help techniques first, depending on the severity. Then, perhaps, medication.

I know that's not what it is.

I think it's self-hypnosis, something I can control. It happens when I'm about to lose it and do something that will change my life.

The only reason I can't do what I want, is because men who've been armed by people who rule other people will put their hand on me, give me a diatribe in front of judgmental and hypocritical eyes - and manipulate my life more extensively than they already are. Telling me when and what I can do until the day I die.

It's necessary to govern the people, of course. Laws that is, it's necessary to control ourselves.

Necessary, but destructive. It sustains the damage we do to the eco-system. I feel we've been given this circumstance in order to break the pattern. That's what God wants.

For the love of god, please take the medicine.

So am I the only one who thinks Oneness is going to end up hurting someone?

No.

Originally posted by Astner
So am I the only one who thinks Oneness is going to end up hurting someone?

No, if anything you are very late to the party.

I don't think he is.

You silly.

I think Neme has a point. It's not like he has general anger issues, a deep seated hatred of women, paranoid fantasies about people he knows, as well as faceless authorities that he thinks are conspiratorially try to keep him down and who he is going to get "retribution against", etc.

And he most definitely doesn't black out and has fits of anger punching through mirrors, or taking guns for a spin...

And he doesn't refuse to take medication that helps with it, and instead self medicates in all sort of different and mostly stupid ways.

And he doesn't drink and drive, and boasts about how he gets away with it.

Since none of those things apply to him, the chances that he'd hurt someone or himself are very slim.

Originally posted by Bardock42
I think Neme has a point. It's not like he has general anger issues, a deep seated hatred of women, paranoid fantasies about people he knows, as well as faceless authorities that he thinks are conspiratorially try to keep him down and who he is going to get "retribution against", etc.

And he most definitely doesn't black out and has fits of anger punching through mirrors, or taking guns for a spin...

And he doesn't refuse to take medication that helps with it, and instead self medicates in all sort of different and mostly stupid ways.

And he doesn't drink and drive, and boasts about how he gets away with it.

Since none of those things apply to him, the chances that he'd hurt someone or himself are very slim. What about the optimist who makes 23,000 dollars year while taking on a fool workload at school?

What about the rational voice that has allowed him to control himself with all means necessary to survive and stay out of trouble?

I've never attacked someone in my life, though I can relate to those who do and who're less controllable than I.

I know a psychopath, he almost mauled my ass one night. That's one man in which I couldn't win a hand to hand fight. I don't care who you are to him, if he snaps you're going to be fighting, and most likely losing.

The reason I'm not going to give in to superstition is because I'm obsessed with self-actualization, preservation. The resources available for you to use in becoming better are limited by wealth, and even more so when one is imprisoned. I'm not one to give in like that one guy you like to compare me to. My survival instinct outshines my killer instinct.

Originally posted by Bardock42
I think Neme has a point. It's not like he has general anger issues, a deep seated hatred of women,
Please. According to you everyone has a deep-seated hatred of women.

Originally posted by Oneness
What about the optimist who makes 23,000 dollars year while taking on a fool workload at school?
Hah, I make your yearly salary in 3 months.

lol

Originally posted by Astner
Please. According to you everyone has a deep-seated hatred of women.


Hah, I make your yearly salary in 3 months. In 4 years I'll be making more than you.

Besides, you didn't have to pay through the nose for your education.

All in all, I'm superior in that I live in a wealthier country.

Originally posted by Oneness
What about the optimist who makes 23,000 dollars year while taking on a fool workload at school?

What about the rational voice that has allowed him to control himself with all means necessary to survive and stay out of trouble?

I've never attacked someone in my life, though I can relate to those who do and who're less controllable than I.

I know a psychopath, he almost mauled my ass one night. That's one man in which I couldn't win a hand to hand fight. I don't care who you are to him, if he snaps you're going to be fighting, and most likely losing.

The reason I'm not going to give in to superstition is because I'm obsessed with self-actualization, preservation. The resources available for you to use in becoming better are limited by wealth, and even more so when one is imprisoned. I'm not one to give in like that one guy you like to compare me to. My survival instinct outshines my killer instinct.

Yeah, sorry I don't trust your words, when your stories of your actions so clearly suggest the opposite. In this very thread you talked about how you tried to attack a rottweiler, during your black out. What possible way do you have to know that the next time it isn't a person?

Originally posted by Bardock42
Yeah, sorry I don't trust your words, when your stories of your actions so clearly suggest the opposite. In this very thread you talked about how you tried to attack a rottweiler, during your black out. What possible way do you have to know that the next time it isn't a person? I don't give a **** what you believe.

You are trying hard to change my opinion though...

Originally posted by Oneness
In 4 years I'll be making more than you.
That may be truer than you'd think, because I'm considering going back for a PhD, and the pay of a doctorate in Sweden is roughly a third of what I'm making now.

Actually you'd still be making less, never-mind then.

Originally posted by Astner
I'm considering going back for a PhD, and the pay of a doctorate in Sweden is roughly a third of what I'm making now.


Move out of your parent's house and be independent first, it's about time you popped your mommy's titty out your mouth, son.

Originally posted by Astner
That may be truer than you'd think, because I'm considering going back for a PhD, and the pay of a doctorate in Sweden is roughly a third of what I'm making now.

Actually you'd still be making less, never-mind then. I don't know how many USD Sweden's currency is but software developers make as much as they're willing to work. Even if I only make $40 an hour starting out I can handle certain accounts with a higher rate, stay late nights and turn up 100 grand in a year if I felt the need to over-achieve which I wouldn't. Here there's technically no difference between 70 thousand a year and 100 thousand a year as far as living standards are concerned. Maybe if I were in a larger city it might, but statistics say 70 thousand is as good as anything higher in the Saint Louis area.

If I don't disprove the Beal conjecture while working towards my bachelors, and I intend to do so. I can coast off interest at around your earnings, but I won't have to work and I'll be in a more industrialized area than you.

As far as being smart, intelligence is the result of applying more effort to everything - the brain's processes do improve to suit. It even effects the preset IQ of your offspring.

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Apparently I have two instances of anterograde amnesia (knocking a kid out in second grade, and a brownout from when I got in this dude's face with one time). Those are okay, the doctor says, because I'm just letting down the mental barriers we all have against doing something we morally consider wrong. It's like when I was wrestling, the thing causing me to pussy-out and conserve energy during the match was the thing giving me fear and preventing me from hurting my opponent with eye-gouging, hitting, etc cetra.

But then he said I've two or more instances of psychological repression. That's not okay, he says. I apparently have an underlying and instinctual psychotic predisposition (given how early the symptoms were present). I do remember the incident of me engaging in animal abuse, but it gets fuzzy when I try to remember confronting the owner afterwards. The other repressed memory was hiding the gun, because I was on the brink of suicide.

The psychotic predisposition is associated with dopamine. If I'm on a depressant such as Abilify, the instances of psychosis will go down. Which was what created a gap between me being a varsity freshman wrestler and ultimately a JV wrestler. Then there's the issue of this lack of dope causing me to eat and masturbate more to satisfy a dopamine-craving. I told the doctor, I don't want to develop gynecomastia just because I'm Patrick Bateman.

I have to live with an almost permanent weight-gain because of the shit I was forced to take in high-school. I don't want depressants, I want to fix this, I want uppers like Ritalin and I want to embrace myself.

I'd put that gun to my head, while loaded, like 5 times.

I'm sick of being told how to behave and I'm sick of having to work so that I can purchasing power. Everyone could be handed the same shit and it could all be accounted for.

I'm sick of being told how to think and how to act. If I do something that someone else doesn't like, then I'll pay for it by their hand. I don't like this new setup.

Do yourself and everyone around you a massive favor. Get rid of that gun. Sell it and buy yourself something nice.

Originally posted by Robtard
Move out of your parent's house and be independent first, it's about time you popped your mommy's titty out your mouth, son.

Originally posted by Robtard
Do yourself and everyone around you a massive favor. Get rid of that gun. Sell it and buy yourself something nice. I don't know where it is, that's why it's called repression.

I thought Astner had 3 masters degrees and earned 93 thousand a year? That's the only reason I could think this b*tch is with him while telling me to get a degree through subliminal messages? She doesn't want to have to work cause she's a nit-witted intellectual elitist (bad combo btw) and she's lazy? That's what I gathered.

Although she likes the acoustic guitar and men she can control, so perhaps that's why she's with Astner and not me.

Originally posted by Oneness
I don't know where it is, that's why it's called repression.

I thought Astner had 3 masters degrees and earned 93 thousand a year? That's the only reason I could think this b*tch is with him while telling me to get a degree through subliminal messages? She doesn't want to have to work cause she's a nit-witted intellectual elitist (bad combo btw) and she's lazy? That's what I gathered.

Although she likes the acoustic guitar and men she can control, so perhaps that's why she's with Astner and not me.

Whoever "she" is, I assure you she's not with Astner. You have my word as a gentlemen on this.

Oh, that's 93,000 SEK. So about 10,000 USD. Feel better now?

No, he said he made 3 times as much as me.

That means 99,000 USD and like over 1,000,000 SEK apparently.

Or maybe he got the conversion wrong, cause I make 23 thousand a year, my family makes over 90,000 a year, and I don't feel the urge to bust my butt in college to move out...like...ever, girl, sorry.

I can pull in about 90,000 a year by gaining experience enough to be an owner operator from this job if I have to live over the road. If I can move to upper management I might not even have to do that to live off of what 70,000 a year.

Astner is a pathological liar though.

Proof: 3 X 23 = 69 and 4 x 23 = 92

Do you really think an Astner amounts to 4.3 Onenessess? I don't think so!

You both do have something in common though, Astner never intends to leave his parent's house either. Mother's milk and all that.

Originally posted by Robtard
Astner is a pathological liar though.

Proof: 3 X 23 = 69 and 4 x 23 = 92

Do you really think an Astner amounts to 4.3 Onenessess? I don't think so!

You both do have something in common though, Astner never intends to leave his parent's house either. Mother's milk and all that. I'll still be here when I'm 25 yea. Eventually I'll get my own house before like 30 but do you really think it's a good idea to rush for independence in this economy? lol

The principle at my high school even said that it's good I'm living at home still. The rich have you by the balls.