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What do you call a horse with no legs propped up on cinder blocks?


Post an inquiry with a new joke.

WTH???!?

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs buriedsix fee under? Same guy, three feet under?

Punchline, dammit!

3 women wash up on an island beach and are found 2 days later by a tribe of strange cannibles.

the women are taken and tied up to poles in the camp, one of the women is begging not to be eaten, so the cannibles tell them. we have a tradition "if you want to live you must find a fruit in the jungle and fit 10 of that fruit up your arse without making a face, if you do you will die"

so the women agree and go into the jungle. 3 hours later two come back with fruit and the chief cannible sends men to find the third.

the first women had apples and made it to 3 before she made a face, she was executed. the second women had grapes and maded it to 9 before she laughed, she was executed.

when the two women met in heaven the first said " what happened, you could have easily made it to 10 without making a face"
the second responded " i saw the cannibles come back with the second women"
the first looked at her "so why did you laugh?"
the seconds said "she had Pineapples"

* "i saw the cannibles come back with the third women"

I don't get it? Ur joke is lame.

Originally posted by rudester
I don't get it? Ur joke is lame.


the third women was found but the fruit she found (the one she had to have 10 up her ass) was a pineapple

Well, in mine the guy buried six feet under is named Doug. The one buried three feet under, Douglas.

Originally posted by riv6672
Well, in mine the guy buried six feet under is named Doug. The one buried three feet under, Douglas.
Ha

Originally posted by Bardock42
Ha only took me 10 minutes!

I still want the punchline for the horse...

The horse's name is "Phillip".

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs hanging on the wall? Art.

What do you call his arms and legs? Pieces of Art.

What if he also doesn't have a tongue? Tasteless Art.

What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs in the water? Swimming trunks!

Originally posted by Genesis-Soldier
3 women wash up on an island beach and are found 2 days later by a tribe of strange cannibles.

the women are taken and tied up to poles in the camp, one of the women is begging not to be eaten, so the cannibles tell them. we have a tradition "if you want to live you must find a fruit in the jungle and fit 10 of that fruit up your arse without making a face, if you do you will die"

so the women agree and go into the jungle. 3 hours later two come back with fruit and the chief cannible sends men to find the third.

the first women had apples and made it to 3 before she made a face, she was executed. the second women had grapes and maded it to 9 before she laughed, she was executed.

when the two women met in heaven the first said " what happened, you could have easily made it to 10 without making a face"
the second responded " i saw the cannibles come back with the second women"
the first looked at her "so why did you laugh?"
the seconds said "she had Pineapples"

Originally posted by riv6672
Well, in mine the guy buried six feet under is named Doug. The one buried three feet under, Douglas.




Sorry it took so long to respond.

A horse propped up on a cinder block with no legs....,Amish mechanic.

What do you call a dog with no hind legs and a set of brass balls? Sparky.

A dog with no legs? Nothing, he wont come to you regardless.

Yeah that last one's mean!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under a pile of leaves?
Russell.
Same man two weeks later?
Pete.

...think about it.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Screwed.

A hot blonde ordered a double entendre at a bar.

The bartender gave it to her.

So there's a pirate sitting at a bar and he's got a pegleg, a hook hand, and an eyepatch. One of the customers asks him how he got his various injuries.

"Well, we were a sailing, and along came a squall and I was knocked overboard, got me leg bitten off by a shark".

and what about his hook?

"Ohhh, there was a bit of swordplay, lost the hand, now I got me hook"

and what about your eye?

"Sailing one day and a bird sh*t in me eye"

That's it? a bird sh*t in his eye and he lost it?

"First day with the hook laddie, first day with the hook"

Pirate walks into a bar with a ships steering wheel sticking out of his pants. Bartender observes, "That looks uncomfortable, what's the deal?" Pirate replies, "Arrr, it's driving me nuts!"

A city guy fed up with the rat race moves to the country & buys a farm.
He decides to stroll over to the next farm & say hello to his neighbour.
The old farmer is pleasant enough & says to the city guy, "Considering you're new to these parts, let me throw you a good ol' fashion Welcome party tonight.
But I've got to warn you, we do things differently around here..."
"Firstly," the old farmer said,"We like to drink a lot."
"That's ok." The city guy replied, "I've been known to handle my own, I'm sure I can keep up with the best of you."
"Well when there's drink sometimes fights may break out..." The farmer explained.
"Once again, I can look after myself & I like to consider myself a happy drunk, not a violent one..."
"That's good to hear & lastly," the farmer went on explaining," I hope you're not a prude. Around here we're pretty open minded & there's a big chance you'll be rolling in the hay by the end of the night..if you know what I mean..."
"Even better! I haven't been laid in a long time!" The city guy confessed getting excited about the party.
"Well..." The farmer concluded, " you best go back to your farm & get ready whilst I organise this shin dig for tonight."

The city guy thanked the farmer for his generosity & was about to leave when he had one last question to ask," I've never been to a country party, what should I wear?"
"Oh whatever you want...there's only going to be you & me."

.....

Hadnt heard that in years!!!

But I just made it up tonight.

Bran over at HeroChat can vouch for me.

Want to hear a word i just made up?

Plagiarism.

Sounds foreign.
You mustn't be white

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street one day discussing theology when a little boy runs by chasing his ball.

Priest leans over to the rabbi and says: "Hey, want to screw that little boy?"

Rabbi response: "Screw him outta what?"

!!!

The Reason Fish Smell.
One fine morning in eden, God was looking for adam and eve but couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw adam and asked were he and eve had been earlier. Adam said, "The morning Eve and i made love for the first time." God said, Adam you have sinned". I knew this would happen were is eve now? Adam replied, "she's down at the river washing herself out." Damn says god, now the fish will smell.

Oh, that was awful!

So this young couple of newly-weds book themselves in a country side hotel for their honeymoon. The friendly concierge takes them to their room & helps them settle in, offering his services & congratulating them on their marriage.

Early the next morning, the same conceierge notices the husband leaving with his fishing gear. The same thing happens for the next 3 days...the husband leaving early each morning to go fishing only to return by sunrise with the fish he caught requesting that they get cooked for dinner.Meanwhile the wife never once leaves her hotel room.

The conceierge is puzzled & after the 4 day of the husband leaving to spend the day fishing, he approaches the guy & politely says," Sir, I know it's none of my business but I can't help noticing that this is your honeymoon but all you do is fish. If I may be bold enough to say but if that was my wife, I wouldn't be out fishing all day...if you know what I mean."
"Well," the husband explains, " my wife has gonorrhea so sex is out of the question."
The conceierge is surprised by the husband's frank honesty which prompts him to say, "Surely there's other ways you can consummate your marriage...?"
The husband replies, "She also has haemorrhoids so anal sex is out of the question too."
The conceierge is stunned, "I don't want to sound rude but for God's sake, why did you marry her if you knew she had all this conditions?!!?"
The young husband just smiled & replied, " Well she also has worms & I love fishing!"

Wife and Husband at the hospital, the wife has a terminal illness and is at death's doors, this being her final moments. While her husband is holding her hands, tears in his eyes as he knows he'll soon lose the love of his life. Mustering all the strength she can, she leans forward and whispers into his ear:

Wife: "I want you to **** me up the ass."
Husband looks on incredulously: "W-what? You can't be serious, these are our last moments and you're so weak."
Wife: "Just trust me. I want you to **** me up the ass."

Husband shocked and at a loss for words abides and grants his wife her last wish. Soon he sees the color and vigor returning to her face, strength coming back in her once frail body with each thrust. By the time he finishes, his wife looks as healthy as can be.

He looks on in joy and disbelief, but then falls to the floor sobbing in abject sorrow.

Wife: "What's wrong, you just saved my life!?"
Husband: "I know, dear. But I just realized I could have also saved my father two years ago."

Hahaha!!!^^^

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.
One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn, licking his balls.

One guy says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that".

The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Originally posted by RanebowSmack
So there's a pirate sitting at a bar and he's got a pegleg, a hook hand, and an eyepatch. One of the customers asks him how he got his various injuries.

"Well, we were a sailing, and along came a squall and I was knocked overboard, got me leg bitten off by a shark".

and what about his hook?

"Ohhh, there was a bit of swordplay, lost the hand, now I got me hook"

and what about your eye?

"Sailing one day and a bird sh*t in me eye"

That's it? a bird sh*t in his eye and he lost it?

"First day with the hook laddie, first day with the hook"

Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

Guess what? Chicken butt!

So this Polar Bear walks into a bar.

Bartender goes "Hey there boss, what can I get ya?"

And the polar bear goes

'I'll have a.......................................................
......................................................................
......................................................................
......................................................................
......................................................................
......................................................................

........beer."

And the bartender goes "Woah...what's with the big pause?"

And the Polar Bear says "Dude...I'm a polar bear."

Hahahaha!!!!!

Two men are hunting when one accidentally shoots the other.
He freaks out and calls 911 on his cell-phone:
"I just accidentally shot my friend while we were hunting! I think he's dead! What do i do?! What do I do?"
"Ok sir. Calm down. First let's make sure your friend is really dead. . . "
"Ok! Hang on! "
BANG!
"Ok. He's really dead. Now what?"

A man goes to a doctor to get a physical. Doctor says "Your going to need to stop masturbating." The man asks why. The doctor says "Because I'm trying to give you a physical."

Good ones.
Heard them before, but those are classic!

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B7YSsLBIMAA4IgJ.jpg:large

A nun gets into a taxi, and the driver cant stop staring at her.
The nun asks, "what is the problem my boy?"
The driver says, "I want to ask you a question but i don't want you to be offended"
The nun replies, "when you're my age, you've heard about all there is to hear, go on ask me."
So the driver tells her that it has been his lifelong wish to have a nun kiss him.
The nun agrees but has two requirements, "Are you single, and are you catholic?"
The man says yes to both and the nun tells him to pull into the next ally way. The nun gives the man a kiss that would make a hooker blush, but once they start off again the driver begins to cry.
The nun asks, "What seems to be the problem my dear?"
The drvier replies, "I must admit i have sinned, I have lied to you, i am Jewish and Married"
The nun tells him, "Thats ok, so have i. My name is kevin and im on my way to a Halloween party."

Ha frikkin' ha!!!

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face.

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.

His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred
a turkey that has 6 legs!"

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

"I Don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

^^^ha!

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You ****! How many is a brazilian?"

Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?


A: You pick it up & suck him off.

Originally posted by riv6672
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" Originally posted by riv6672
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face. OK, I admit it. These two did make me chuckle!

The US Army was going to stage War Games but due to budget cuts they had no rifles or pistols for the soldiers to use.

The Captain in charge issued his men sticks and told them this is your rifle, say "Bangity Bang" and your enemy will fall over dead.

He issued them smaller sticks and said these are your knives and pistols, say "Powity Pow" for the pistol and "Knifity Knife" and your enemy will fall over dead as well.

The War Games began and the soldiers rushed into the field, one soldier was skeptical that this strategy would work, so when he saw an enemy soldier he took his long stick and said "Bangity Bang" and the man fell over. So he continued until an enemy knocked the stick out of his hand, he took out his smaller stick and said "Powity Pow" and the man fell over.

His team was winning until he saw a lone soldier walking slowly towards him killing his team mates with ease, he rushed up and said "Powity Pow" but the man did not fall over, he repeated the words to no effect. He yelled to the soldier Hey, didn't you hear what the Captain said, when I say "Powity Pow" you fall over dead! So he said it again to no effect. He asked the soldier why don't you fall over, the enemy soldier replied, "Tankity Tank"

a one legged horse?

I suck at these kinds of jokes

Originally posted by Nuke Nixon
The US Army was going to stage War Games but due to budget cuts they had no rifles or pistols for the soldiers to use.

The Captain in charge issued his men sticks and told them this is your rifle, say "Bangity Bang" and your enemy will fall over dead.

He issued them smaller sticks and said these are your knives and pistols, say "Powity Pow" for the pistol and "Knifity Knife" and your enemy will fall over dead as well.

The War Games began and the soldiers rushed into the field, one soldier was skeptical that this strategy would work, so when he saw an enemy soldier he took his long stick and said "Bangity Bang" and the man fell over. So he continued until an enemy knocked the stick out of his hand, he took out his smaller stick and said "Powity Pow" and the man fell over.

His team was winning until he saw a lone soldier walking slowly towards him killing his team mates with ease, he rushed up and said "Powity Pow" but the man did not fall over, he repeated the words to no effect. He yelled to the soldier Hey, didn't you hear what the Captain said, when I say "Powity Pow" you fall over dead! So he said it again to no effect. He asked the soldier why don't you fall over, the enemy soldier replied, "Tankity Tank"
Jeez....!

A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.

As with many funerals, it was a cloudy, rainy day. The deceased was a little old lady who had devoted her entire married life to nagging her poor husband. When the graveside service was almost over, there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by a distant bolt or lightning and more rumbling thunder. The old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."

Haha!

What did the 0 say to the 8?
"Nice belt."

Q: What does it mean when you're on your hands & knees & cum's dripping out of your ass & mouth?


A: The floor's level.

A devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."

The rancher went out and counted his cattle, which totalled 196. After he rounded the herd, he got 200.

Originally posted by Esau Cairn
Q: What does it mean when you see someone on the floor, hands & knees & cum's dripping out of their ass & mouth?


A: Another day in JR's life

Whats the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I dont know, and i dont care.

My friend was almost crushed by a bunch of books the other day.
He had only his shelf to blame.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!
...Next Day...
(Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!
Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.
Mom:...

^^^ha!

NASA was experimenting with sending cows to the moon but they only made it into orbit... it was the Herd shot round the world.

Clever!

You can tune a piano, but you cant tuna fish!

Can cardboard box? No, but a tin can!

If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader...

Hubby comes home and sees wifey with another man in bed, and says to wife "I am going to get my gun and shoot my self in the head and then shoot you in the head", wife looks over at other man and says
"I told you he was stupid".

^^^Nooice...

http://funtooo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/You-Tramp.jpg

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

a bartender has a talking horse but the horse hadn't been talking to the Bartender for a few years now so the Bartender put out a sign "a compounded bucket of money to whoever can make my horse smile"

people see the sign and add a coin in to make the horse smile but it doesnt work, more and more people try but the horse doesnt smile so the bucket grows with money.

1 day a cowboy walks in, looks at the sign and goes into the back to see the horse. 5 minutes later laughter erupts from the back and people see that the horse is lauging so the cowboy takes his bucket of money and leaves.

the horse wouldnt stop laughing so after a few days the Bartender makes a new sign "bucket of compounded coins to who can make the horse cry". once again people come to make it cry but fail and the money in the bucket grows with each contender.

a year later the cowboy comes back, sees the sign and goes in the back to the still laughing horse, 3 minutes later he comes out and the horse is crying. the cowboy takes him money and leaves

on his way out the Bartender stops the cowboy and asks "what did you do"?

Cowboy "a year ago i made the horse laugh by saying i had a bigger dick than him"

Bartender "and to make him cry"?

Cowboy "i showed him". the cowboy winks and leaves

Man i havent that since my first time living in Texas!!!!!

whats worse then 8 dead babies nail to a tree

1 dead baby nail to 8 trees

whats the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies

i take my shoes off when i jump on a trampoline

whats worse then a pile of dead babies

two piles of dead babies. whats worse then two piles of dead babies

one pile of dead babies with one live baby having to eat its way out

whats worse then finding a worm in your apple, finding half a worm

whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple

(to lighten the mood )

A DEAD BABY !

Apparently, Genesis is Zaxh Galifinakis

I love dead baby jokes, dammit!

more like phil But twisted sense of humor (joker style)

Originally posted by riv6672
I love dead baby jokes, dammit!

only good ones though

What is funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown costume.

How do you get a dead baby in a blender?
Feet first of course.
How do you get it out?
tortilla chips

whats the best part of dead baby jokes?

they never get old

whats the diffrence between a car full of dead babies and one full of bowling balls ?

you don't use a pitchfork on the bowling balls

how dod you make a dead baby float?

root beer and two scoops of dead baby

Originally posted by Genesis-Soldier
how do you make a dead baby float?

root beer and two scoops of dead baby

So, I got into an argument with my girlfriend.

"You're such an *******!"

"Why am I an *******?"

"Because you're full of shit!"


THANK YOU, I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK!

not sure if relating actual life experience into the thread or making a simple rhetoric joke based on spiting a girlfriend

Haha, jokes on you, I don't have a girlfriend. (Even though I know that ***** likes me!)

hm well that clarified things

How are babies and the elderly similar?

Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.

whats blue, veiny and flys around the room going WHOOOOSH?

a dead baby with a punctured lung

whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a McLaren MP4 -12C ?

i don't have an exotic sports car in my garage

why did the dead baby cross the road?

because it was stapled to a chicken

Haha@chicken!

Originally posted by Jmanghan
So, I got into an argument with my girlfriend.

"You're such an *******!"

"Why am I an *******?"

"Because you're full of shit!"


THANK YOU, I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK!

Hahahahahahahaha

I like the cut of your jib!

Originally posted by Jmanghan
So, I got into an argument with my girlfriend.

"You're such an *******!"

"Why am I an *******?"

"Because you're full of shit!"


THANK YOU, I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK!

http://www.waywardtees.com/images/cpgal/01/crstp.jpg

http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/3-big-bang-theory-sheldon-cooper-quotes1.jpg

Haha, visual pun!

http://www.bly.com/Pages/eyes11.jpg

whats the diffrence between a pimple and a priest?

a Pimple waits until you become a teenager to "come" on your face

what do you call a deer with 1 eye?

no idea

what do you call a 1 eyed deer with no legs?

still no eye deer

what do you call a 1 eyed deer with no legs and is on fire?

still have no flaming eye deer

I will USE that one!

go for it

what do you call a cross between a kangaroo and a sheep

a wooly jumper

why don't you play UNO with a mexican

because he takes all the green cards

what is mexico's national sport

cross country

how many mexicans does it take to build a...

oh wow they finished already

*sighs

Racist jokes.
Reminds me of work!

What's the first fastest thing in the world?
A black man with a tv

What's the 2nd fastest thing in the world?
A cheetah

What's the 3rd fastest thing in the world?
The black mans son holding the DVD player

Kim, Khloe, Kourtney

The only KKK to let a black guy inside of them

Originally posted by Genesis-Soldier
Kim, Khloe, Kourtney

The only KKK to let a black guy inside of them

Why don't u make like a fuk off and get outta here...

whats going on rudester?

Lol nuttin . . Nugg nugg. ..poke..

i thought i was deemed the confusing one

Everyone has limits I've just met mine

I love Jason movies except Jason vs Freddy that was dumb!

with you on that one

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a brandy.........................................................................................................

...........................................................................................................................

............................................................................................................................

............................................................................................................................

............................................................................................................................

............................................................................................................................

............................................................................................................................

............................................................................................................................

............................................................................................................................

.......... and coke." The bartender asks, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear responds, "I dunno... I've always had them."

you said this before

Have i?
Thought it sounded familiar!

How do you kill a circus clown?
Go for the juggler.

hehe dad joke

a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. after recieving his drink he looks around and sees a pirate at the end of the bar with a eye patch, peg leg and a hook.

the pirate sees the man looking at him and say's "if you want to know how i lost e'm come take a seat". the man decides to hear the pirates story.

"so hear it is lad", he shook his peg leg. "i lost this to a shark. i was swimming around with me shipmates and i felt a nudge against my leg, looking down i saw a fin and swam back to the boat... i ddn't make it in time".

the man nods, "the arm" he asks looking at his hook.
"well matey i lost that in a sword fight, a crew member disagreed with me and we fought".

"what about your eye?" the man says.

"bird shit" the pirate replied

"BIRD SHIT, how do you lose an eye to Bird shit" the man exclaimed

"first day with the hook son, first day with the hook" the pirate replied

Pirate joke, eh?

What do pirates and pimps have in common?
They both say "YO HO!" and walk with a limp!

What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.

Some of these jokes are pretty good!

Originally posted by riv6672
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.

hahahahah
hysterical

a photon goes into a hotel and asks "can i have a room for the night" . the desk manager goes "sure just head to the elevator and the boy will show you to your room"

the photon goes into the elevator where the bus boy is waiting and Says "i am to show you to your room, do you have any lugague with you?"

and the Photon replies "no i am travelling light"