Comics explained

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Branlor Swift
So a lot of people either don't read comics, or just don't understand what's going on in front of them. Maybe they need help on a single aspect. Maybe they just don't want to read the comic in the first place. Maybe they just carved through the book and looked at all the pretty pictures.

That's where I come in.

I plan to explain any sort of arc, comic, mini, or even a series to help people better understand them. Hell, I may go so far as to single pages if I'm feeling really lazy. Actually it's more like I'll summarize any random event on my own if I don't get good suggestions.

What makes me qualified? Nothing really. Half the time I understand them the least out of everyone who has even read the events, but I enjoy writing from time to time outside of debating so I'm doing it. I don't oppose anyone from doing the same.

I'll be adding to this... pretty much whenever I feel like it. But I will take suggestions if anyone wants help. There's a good chance I won't use your suggestion, but it gives me ideas nonetheless.

Oh yeah, and expect every event I post to have a lot of spoilers, so don't read the post if you don't want things spoiled. I'll have a big pretty obnoxious title for everything I talk about. Maybe a little bit of space in case you read the title and think "Hey, I would enjoy this if this event wasn't spoiled for me. I think I won't read this."

I also won't be doing tie ins to events as many times they're their own thing, but I might do tie ins on their own.

So with that out of the way...

Branlor Swift
So let's start things off with the one event everyone has been wanting explained. This is one of the most confusing series for a lot of people, and for good reason, but I think I can help everyone here understand it. It's a really cutting edge piece of literature I think stands shoulder to shoulder with the best novels in history.


Ultimatum




*This is not in the 616 universe, but rather the Ultimate universe. Which basically means everyone can ignore this story entirely.


The event starts off with Tony being a drunk, like all events should. Out of nowhere New York is instantly flooded like really high and it's raining really hard. Sue pushes the water back into the ocean and KO's herself. Reed blames Namor, Namor says no dawg it wasn't me, and Reed hilariously knocks him out with a neck electrifier.

We cut to Dr Doom in Latveria. He's all furious and shit so he goes outside and everything is frozen. The people, the ground, probably a couple lollipops. What is going on here guys? Water, ice? What's next, fire...

No, no fire. But we go to Xavier on the floor having a panic attack and he realizes Magneto did it in his flying fortress of Magneto, and Magneto has Thor's hammer so that explains it. Magneto has killed millions and wants to kill the world. Bad guy. Xavier tells the world what a bad guy he is too.

We see heroes cleaning up and Captain America and Sue Storm in a comics coma, which is code for knocked out, but in real life it'd be near death, pull the plug they're gone.

Apparently Valkyrie died to the water because water... so Thor strikes up a deal with Hela and he instantly starts fighting her minions. Captain America appears besides Thor.

Blob is seen eating the Wasp because...
Xavier meets with Magneto with absolutely no backup and let's Magneto walk up behind him and snap his neck.

Dazzler, Beast, and Nightcrawler drowned. Emma, Sunspot, Cannonball, Polaris got killed by Madroxes. Longshot, Hardrive, Forge, Detonator died in the Savage Land after torture. All right, this event is going swimmingly so far.

A Multiple Man tries to kill Magneto but doesn't. Mystique was Scarlet Witch in some really weird scene with Magneto where she kept calling him daddy and then he started choking her and shit.

Hank bites off Blob's head and said "It was only personal..." then he loses it and says he can save Wasp when she's clearly dead. The X-Men also confirm the deaths of their buddies, and Xavier.

Thor/Cap defeat the army and Hela says she'll only let Valkyrie live if another stays in her place. So Thor's dead.

Hank takes a bunch of suicide bombing Madroxes out to the ocean. He's dead. But before he died he told them to save Wasp because he could with "the Jocasta project". But this wasn't followed up in the main series because bringing a just dead body back to life apparently wasn't a big rush to do.

Dormammu comes out nowhere using Johnny Storm trapped in an amulet. Dr Strange is about to defeat Dormammu... nope, Strange is dead. Literally squeezed to death and his head turned purple. His head then blows ups.

Hulk is on some sort of rampage for whatever reason, and Jean mindrapes him.

Angel then attacks Magneto and Angel is drawn exactly like Thor with wings so that confuses. Sabretooth comes out of what seems like the same window Angel came out of which makes no sense and kills Angel. Hawkeye shoots an arrow through Sabretooth's head.

Valkyrie cuts off a fleeing Magneto's arm and he goes to face the X-Men.

Wolverine starts beating up Magneto. Magneto uses Iron Man to kill Wolverine. Wait he's not dead so he stabs Magneto... and adamantium tore off. Wolverine is dead.

Mystique tries to take on Hulk and Colossus. Imminent death... woah, twist, Sabretooth saves her and they blow up a bomb.

They catch up with Magneto and Fury reveals to him that humans created mutants in a lab.

Magneto cries and realizes he did bad. He shifted the axis of the Earth by throwing of the Magnetic poles. He is too weak to fix it, the Earth is doomed. No wait nevermind, he fixed it three tiny panels later. Cyclops blows off his head.

Cyclops makes a speech saying all mutants must surrender. Plot twist, he gets shot in the head and dies. We see a flash of light zip away in the confusion.

Doom is shown holding Namor in a tube. A random stranger comes in. It's the Ever Loving Blue Eyed Thing come to make Doom feel less like a man with some harsh words. Hell, maybe he'll even congratulate him for helping save the day! Though we find out he's mad that Doom pushed Magneto's buttons by killing his daughter, so it's probably harsh words.

Nope, he crushes Doom's head with one hand and kills him.


Pietro reveals to be the one who killed Cyclops, and he has Magneto's helmet, planning to do Magneto like things in the future. The end.


Or to summarize:
http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o106/bigbran1/th_Ultimatum%20005-023.jpg



A must read if ever there was one. thumb up

Branlor Swift
World War Hulk




*So it's important to note that this event spins off of Planet Hulk and the events that started and ended that series. For the purposes of this summary I will in no way hint what even happened to start this event.



Hulk is on top of his big spaceship all mad and stuff over the shocking events of Planet Hulk. He's madder than ever. The maddest one might say. Who is piloting this ship? Well, his lifelong buddies the Warbound who of course we all remember from all the classics. So this ship is going really fast towards Earth, but it takes a detour towards the Moon to take payback on Black Bolt who Hulk acknowledges is the best.

Hulk arrives and fights Black Bolt, almost gets killed to death by a whisper, and he comes back and says he wants to hear him scream. We get a page saying a piece of the moon the size of Rhode Island was dislodged in the fight, and then Hulk broadcasts to the world that he beat Black Bolt and he's coming for the Illuminati. It also recaps the classic Planet Hulk.
Spoiler alert: This was a Skrull Black Bolt who was weaker than all shit.

So the Illuminati talks about it and decides they won't just casually bfr Hulk off world which will get rid of him for years or decades because he could smash some other world, so they decide to be really stupid and think:

"Hey, this Hulk is stronger than ever, let's fight him either one at a time or in small groups of heroes that wouldn't even take down Hulk when he was weaker."

And everyone is like "Great idea."

So they go talk to Sentry, and he decides he's ready to take down Hulk, but he realizes he's a terrible hero and doesn't do anything. This is the first issue.

We're introduced to Iron Man in huge robot armor who attacks the Hulk. The whole world is watching as he beats up Hulk. He reveals he injected Hulk with nanobots that supresses his powers, and Hulk is well on the way to losing. Some jets for whatever reason fire on Hulk and engulf him in flames which reminds Hulk of the classic unforgettable events of Planet Hulk and severely pisses him off. Hulk rages and kicks the absolute shit out of Iron Man. Good job jets that had no hope of doing anything other than pissing off Hulk.

A group of heroes attacks Hulk and the Warbound that would never have a chance and lose easily. The Fantastic Four and Storm attack him and lose easily. Sue calls Sentry and says they need his help and Sentry sits there like he's watching porn and just thinks to himself how terrible a hero he is.

Hulk is shown fighting Hercules (Hercules lets him beat on him to show how cool he is in a tie in) and the army attacks. They rip through him with adamantium bullets and Hulk is like ouch. Dr Strange speaks to Hulk on the astral plane while this is going on and Hulk somehow breaks his hands even though Strange is an astral projection. Hulk beats up the army because really, and then president calls Sentry for help and Sentry realizes he's still a terrible hero and does nothing.

Strange eats Zom (not the terrible poster, the comic character) and beats up the Warbound. Then he just ruins Hulk's life blasting holes in him and shit. Gets distracted by Hulk saving humans, and Hulk takes advantage of the distraction and punches him in the face a lot.

Then Hulk makes the captured Illuminati fight in gladiatorial games like in the classic Planet Hulk. After they kill a big monster he makes them fight each other. Tony vs Reed, Black Bolt vs Strange. Just as Tony is about to have his head caved in, but really doesn't because Reed resisted, Sentry decides he doesn't want to be a terrible hero anymore and attacks. Sentry decides this at the absolute end of the 4th issue.

Sentry is knocking Hulk all around, and then gets hit a couple times to unleash the power of a trillion suns, and becomes a bigger threat to the planet than Hulk. It was at this moment that everyone realizes that even when Sentry tries to do good that he's an incredibly dangerous retard. They grab each others jerseys in the flaming tornado and exhaust each other to a point they turn into Bruce and Bob. Bruce knocks out Bob.

For some reason they're about to forgive Bruce when Miek (of Warbound fame) stabs Rick Jones in the back with a massive spear that should have killed him instantly. Hulk gets mad and beats him to near death. Then Miek explains he was the one behind the shocking events of Planet Hulk not the Illuminati, in an attempt to turn Hulk into a super sayian. Hulk gets mad and turns into a super sayian.

Hulk tippy toe steps and almost sinks the Eastern Seaboard. Then they laser him out cold with a satellite, because that was always there.

Game over, Hulk is captured, it's the end. But wait... some green rockstar monster comes out of some shit on the planet where the classic Planet Hulk took place. Who is this mysterious man? We may never know...












It was Skaar. He sucks.

Branlor Swift
Here's one I did a while ago:

Superman Beyond

Originally posted by Branlor Swift
Well...

I'll throw a shortened version out there of their history as I understand it.

Basically the original Monitor from COIE was all shitvistated and split himself in two after the Primal Monitor was bi curious about what was going on inside him and sent the original Monitor to investigate. One was the armor that was used as a scab to seal the damage and the other was himself corrupted and shit.

So the Monitors all worship the Superman armor and are like oh ****, it must be a weapon. Yes, it must be the Ultimate Weapon that Dax left for us. It was also really ****ing big.

So anyway while all this shit is going on, Dax now Mandrakk is all eating the bleed and shit, leaching the stories and thus the structure of the entire DCU. And all the other Monitors are essentially doing the same thing to a lesser degree. But Dax went too far and had some followers so they locked his ass away.

So some giant spaceships come into the main universe but they're really nanotech of Mandrakk's iirc. They start wrecking up some shit. Then the infinite book happens and then Dr Manhattanmanofsteel grabs Superman and Ultraman and let's them attack each other so the matter and anti matter makes a big Superman ball of energy and shit, and then broadcasts that energy to a higher dimension.

That energy is the only thing capable of operating the Superman robot since it's the only story cool enough to do it. So it's basically Ultraman/Superman driving this thing around in a vastly higher dimensional plane where universes are palm sized.

Then they go and walk into a room where Rox Ogama (a disciple of Mandrakk) is having sex with the multiverse and absorbing the sex juices. He's basically a sex vampire here. And the reader is like **** this dude he's bad. And then Rox is like "Oh you thought I was the big evil, no friend, I'm merely a crazy ass hole, but the real evil is waking up from his nap"

Then some anorexic giant ass Monitor the size of Superman comes out and he's like "Dude, I got some fresh Bleed for you. But I really don't want to give it to you. Also only we Monitors can touch it because you're allergic and you'll get hives. Hacha!"

And the Superman half needed that Bleed for Lois because she was having dying disease time. So they fisticuff fighted.

Then they fighted some more and adapted to each other and then Superman kicked him down into the Unimind where the Eternals erased his existance. Mandrakk also one shot killed his bottom hoe Monitor Zillo in the fight.

Then the Thought Robot was damaged beyond all repair, and threw Superman back with the Bleed to Lois somehow. And it tossed Ultraman out like a sack of last weeks shit.

But Ikaris apparently left some trace of Mandrakk and Rox Cox ated him and turned into Mandrakk Jr and turned a scorned Ultraman into his evil slave. Then he ated Spectre and Radiant and got his ass hole turned inside out by the GL Corps and a bunch of Supermans.




Basically, Mandrakk was ultimo evil and CA was mega good. The goodest and the worstest.
And the feats are basically being able to eat all existance and being **** huge and the CA Armor sealing up the wounds left by Anti Monitor doing anti things to DC. Mandrakk 2 also beat Radiant and Spectre. He also one shotted a Monitor.

Though one could make the case that has to do with their dimensional plane but that was also their natural forms.





And that's all for now. Enjoy it, don't. Doesn't matter

I'll be adding something soon though.

One_Angry_Scot
I didn't know if you wanted comments clogging this up or not. But I thought this was quite funny.

leonidas
ima take full credit for inspiring him with my summary of the whole countdown/secret wars arc in the other thread. i am the iwn beneath bran's wings. thumb up

Galan007
I would like a detailed synopsis of the first 1,900 issues of 2000AD.

TY. smile

krisblaze
Do one where you shit on Galan's favourite arc, aka Infinity.

Branlor Swift
Originally posted by One_Angry_Scot
I didn't know if you wanted comments clogging this up or not. But I thought this was quite funny. Oh I don't care. It's still a normal thread even if I didn't want them. All I wanted for rules was no leo's, but that's thrown out the window and now there's chaos.

Originally posted by leonidas
ima take full credit for inspiring him with my summary of the whole countdown/secret wars arc in the other thread. i am the iwn beneath bran's wings. thumb up Originally posted by Galan007
I would like a detailed synopsis of the first 1,900 issues of 2000AD.

TY. smile http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o106/bigbran1/9b3cd0b9-4b5b-47bb-9ed1-3ed5f0e0adfb.jpg


Originally posted by krisblaze
Do one where you shit on Galan's favourite arc, aka Infinity. Actually yeah, I'll probably do that. I thought about that and one other. I don't even think I'll have to reread Infinity... we'll see

dynamix
Bran, this was entertaining as fck lol. keep doing them!

Galan007
Originally posted by krisblaze
Do one where you shit on Galan's favourite arc, aka Infinity. How come that has to be my favorite? srsly

Insane Titan
Great thread thumb up


Review Siege when you get chance

Branlor Swift
Infinity




*It's important to note that tie ins play a crucial part in this story. So for the purposes of completeness, I'll be acting like those don't exist at all. Also this is way longer than I intended so yeah...



The Illuminati are shown blowing up a planet probably teeming with life. Out of context this makes them look like bloodthirsty murderers, so let's go with that. The Illuminati kill billions of people in this story.

We get some talk of a tribute, and then Corvus Glaive of the Black Order (Thanos lackeys) goes to collect a tribute from some random planet we'll never see again. He comes back with babies to Thanos' delight.

We then see some four armed Goro thing that the game Destiny directly ripped off their design from hopping around the planet.

We're introduced to the Builders who are retconned into being the oldest civilization in the universe and create other civilizations. They're pretty much Celestials, but small and weaker, but we pretend they're the most powerful thing ever until they aren't.

There's some war on Galador with the Space Knights and the Builder's robot douches the Alephs. Captain Universe who is apparently Eternity tells them they're going to lose. So the Builders blow up the planet. How did she know?

The Avengers then bust in on some Skrulls minding their own business eating a delicious meal. Naturally this was an act of evil or some shit so they start murdering Skrulls. The Avengers realize none of them were warriors and have no sympathy. Captain America everyone.

That Destiny creature thing invades a sleeping Black Bolt's mind. Cutaway to Captain "I am Eternity" Universe being in a coma after she came back from Galador going kablammo. The Avengers then realize these Builders are coming to Earth. Cutaway to the Destiny thing finding out about the Illuminati and Infinity Gems and it starts digging deeper. Black Bolt wakes up and rips off its arm. It runs away and BB whispers at it and it falls onto a ship. BB realizes he has secrets because he's the only one who does.

The Avengers realize they want to be Space Avengers and leave Iron Man behind.

The Destiny thing comes back to Thanos and we're introduced to the Black Order. Supergiant, Proxima Midnight, Black Dwarf, and the Ebony Maw. Then Corvus murders the Destiny creature and tells Thanos Earth has no Avengers. Rape smile from Thanos.

So Thanos invades Earth. Corvus and Supergiant beat up the X-Men. Including Corvus spearing the dickens out of Wolverine. I think that's a very important detail in this series. Proxima Midnight beats up Atlantis. And Ebony Maw is shown feeling up Dr Strange and whispering sweet nothings into his domepiece.

Black Panther and Wakanda are shown about to face off against Black Dwarf and the crew. While Corvus goes to Attilan to go and be an ass hole to all the Inhumans. Then he gets all his crew to kill themselves to show he means business. He wants all the Inhumans between the ages of 16 and 22 to cut their heads off as a tribute to the Thanos who for some reason is a bloodthirsty murderer again.

The Avengers are shown to lose a space war battle. We have a Gladiator speech and another battle where it talks about how the Builders had a hand in human evolution while a space war is happening. So the Avengers and the Shi'ar are winning the space war above a planet when the Ex Nihili arrive and poison the planet making it full of disease and icky. Those bastards! Everyone evacuates as much as they can of the planet. This was their first win against the Builders.

Black Bolt summons the Illuminati to a convenient pocket reality that neutralizes his voice so he can speak. He tells them Thanos has a son. Suddenly the tribute makes sense, because no one likes having kids. And one kid is worth an entire planet getting invaded. Especially when that kid will surely in no way become a villain and never come back to Earth again!

The Builders blow up some big spaceship in a space battle and then force a bunch of planets to surrender, including the Kree. Ronan is not happy.

The Avengers win a space battle and steal a planet killer to blow up Builder ships. The Builders run away and Starbrand destroys some fleeing ships. This turned the tide apparently.

We're then shown some Earth battles that I have severe doubts were ever covered in tie ins. Thanos shows up on Attilan for the tribute and Black Bolt starts yelling at him in a high pitched whiney tune. This ignites a bomb that detects high pitched whiney squeals and Attilan goes kablooey. Attilan was shown evacuated. But when Attilan blew up it likely murdered thousands of people in New York that Attilan was floating over. Good game.

We're then shown a single Builder talking jive to the entirety of Hala. These must be big deal villains if a single one can take over a planet. Surely they can't be brutally slaughtered by Thor throwing his hammer through one and beating them to death!

We're shown Thanos' son (Thane) who's a cracker ass whitey instead of a purple guy. Apparently he's a healer, good guy. It then talks of Terrigen Mists that transform Inhumans into mutants and that high pitched whiney screaming bomb apparently sends them all over the planet. Perfect set up.

Thanos kicks the absolute shit out of Black Bolt while he high pitch screams at him over and over again. Luckily this was retconned later that had absolutely no effect on any story as a weaker Black Bolt due to the high pitched whiney scream bomb blowing up.

We're seen Thane getting turned into a purple guy with a magma hand who murders his entire clan. Great guy. Also his name is Thane, because the one Inhuman named "Thane" is shockingly the son of Thanos everyone was looking for.

So Thor shows up on Hala to bow to a Builder. He throws his hammer around the sun so he appears unarmed. The Builder then proceeds to start slapping Thor around and talking about how cool he is. Shockingly the hammer comes back and goes through the Builder and Thor brutally slaughters the Builder by beating him to death. So this turns the tide of the war against armies that vastly outnumber their own because they find out Thor can brutally murder one. Because the amount of people they have equal to Thor on their side is enormous.

So because Thor murdered one with a sneak attack, half the next issue shows how big of cannon fodder their forces are as the Builders just keep losing. Yup.

We see Ebony Maw give Thane a suit that controls his powers like a Cyclops headband, and traps him in a tube when he grabs it.

We see them torturing Black Bolt and trying to get the arming sequence for planet destroying bombs that the Illuminati are using to murder billions. Ebony Maw then tells Thanos he captured his son Thane. Thanos teleports to Thane and they have a real father son moment where Thanos tells him he wants to murder him.

The Avengers are headed back towards Earth now because the Builders weren't worth more than 7 or so pages to show how they lost an entire war in the time it took for Thanos to threaten his son.

It shows an Earth space battle, and it shows Black Dwarf beating up Gladiator like a giant pussy before Ronan blows up Black Dwarf's head.

Tortured depowered controlled (by Supergiant) Black Bolt then knocks out the Illuminati outside Dr Strange with a whisper. Namor, Iron Man, and even more surprisingly, Beast are all knocked out.

Then Hulk comes out of nowhere and gets slapped away by Thanos. Naturally this sets up an epic battles between Thanos and the Avengers because Thanos' minions are in no way going to get more spotlight here because Hickman created them.

Thanos sends Corvus and Proxima to go deal with Hulk... well, it's just Hulk right, Thanos will surely be the spotlight after this... well, anyway, they easily beat Hulk and the rest of the Avengers show up. Thanos becomes background art dealing with Thor while the rest of the Avengers fight Corvus and Proxima.

Black Bolt beats up Dr Strange and Black Panther uses a rumbler to stun everyone. Apparently it rumbles really hard.

Cut back to stunned Hulk getting turned into Banner by Proxima Midnight. Thanos is shown eyeblasting Thor. Proxima rocks the whole Avengers including Hyperion. Thanos stands around.

Supergiant gets murdered by getting teleported to a planet with the anti matter bombs. Starbrand blows up a bunch of spaceships in the space battle.

Corvus then stabs Hyperion and has him dead to rights. Naturally Proxima throws a spear and it pierces Corvus who then proceeds to get burned to death by Hyperion. Proxima just sits there for a while crying and gets blasted by Binary who gets knocked out by Thanos, and then she cries some more. Because her and Corvus did penis in vagina sex.

Then Thor throws what might as well be wet hands holding a plug in at Thanos, hits him in face with a rubber hammer, and then Thanos catches his hammer and starts transforming into a super sayian and blowing all the Avengers away.

Naturally Thane touches Thanos and traps him and crying Proxima in amber. What a great and in no way anti climatic way to end the fight and event. Hickman never wrote Thane again.

In the epilogue Black Bolt decides to become a deadbeat king, and they talk of all the Inhumans he forcibly made powerful. No side effects naturally. There's some Annihilation World that will surely be touched upon in the future. Also the Illuminati had amber Thanos in their basement.



Another thing to point out here is that it was retconned that Ebony Maw was always dead at this point in time, even though we saw him interacting with people, and Thanos touched him sensually as well. So...


The end.

Branlor Swift
Cataclysm




*Ultimate Universe, 616 Galactus. This event nigh outright said that the Ultimate Universe was going to end. Let's see how that turned out.



There's about 6 issues of a hungry Galactus standing around doing nothing while Ultimate heroes (including Thor) ineffectually attack him at random points in time. Oh yeah, they went to the 616 universe to get intel on him as well.

So it looks pretty dire for Ultimate Universe because it takes 6 issues for Galactus to eat a planet here and they couldn't stop him.

But wait, Kitty Pryde uses Pym Particles to turn big and she damages him a little and loses. Because Ultimate Thor was much weaker than Giant Man...

Then Galactus gets put in the Negative Zone. The end.





This event made me sit here and contemplate life while staring into the cold abyss. Are we all just standing around doing nothing waiting to be shoved into a giant black hole, or are we all scared waiting for the end until we shove it in a giant black hole? I'm not entirely sure of the answer to that, but this event sucked.

A must not read.

Magic Joe
Comic book college !!

Digi
Thought I was coming in here to close this. I thought wrong. Proceed.

Branlor Swift
This event was one of the greatest events of all time for any company. It was just beat out in time by Marvel's Secret Wars, but it was a much more thought out crossover, with a lot more impact on the company as a whole. The original purpose of this event was to clean up DC's history as it basically became a huge convoluted mess and nothing seemed to add up in the big picture. So the writers thought up a way to get everything to make sense, and it largely worked out in the end.

The main villain of the story, "The Anti Monitor" became one of the most iconic villains of all time despite a lack of appearances, due largely in part to this story alone.

Keep in mind this was 12 issues chock-full of context, so you're going to have to bare with me as I go through it slowly.

This was in 85-86, so with that in mind, let's see how this story holds up today boys and Sin!




Crisis on Infinite Earths



The story starts out as there being a Monitor (Good), and an Anti-Monitor (bad). These two beings fight and knock each other out as they are too evenly matched. So the Anti-Monitor decides he's going to start destroying and absorbing the infinite universes that DC currently encompasses. A multiverse that the Monitor watches over and observes.

Before he can accomplish that, 4 time travelers appear before him to stop him. They are Parallax, Superman, Supergirl, and the Flash. Anti-Monitor questions of how they know about him, and the Flash, ever the quick wit exclaims "I'm going to hit you so hard you get severe angina and have a massive cardiac arrest. Then I'm going to leave a "DNR" sign on you and do backflips over your limp body."

Then they fought and the heroes absolutely kicked the Christ out of Anti-Monitor. Leaving him a lifeless heap of scrap on the floor. True to his word, the Flash did at least 10 backflips over Anti-Monitor's body, and slipped on his 11th attempt. Everyone laughed. The context is unclear, but I'd say Parallax laughed the hardest.

Then they left and high fived each other.

Later Pycho Purate found Anti-Monitor's corpse on the floor and called the ambulance, but it was too late and the "DNR" sign squandered any chance to save him.

Somewhere Monitor breathed a heavy sigh of relief.






My personal opinion on this event is that it certainly still holds up today. thumb up

ODG
laughing out loud

Henry_Pym
There is actually a really good Youtuber with this name.

Branlor Swift
Well, now I gotta change the title.

"Bran tells you a story" was the original but I didn't want to exclude non brans.

Guys using common words and the hobby name together. Who even does that? Real sickos that's who.



Also as per Titan's request, I'll probably do Seige sometime soonish.

Henry_Pym
Sorry sad

Branlor Swift
My brain will forgive you but I don't think my feelings will ever heal. Thanks a lot pal.

StiltmanFTW
Do Civil War big grin

leonidas
do convergence... shifty

Branlor Swift
Siege




*The only thing you really need to know is that people thought it was a good idea to let Norman Osborn basically be in charge of America, and he was juicing up Sentry with the serum that made him Sentry in an attempt to bring out Sentry's evil side, the Void. Apparently this was also a good idea at the time.
Also Asgard is on Earth and all the Asgardians are there.



The series begins with Loki and Norman talking about creating an incident with Volstagg, as he knows not of the Earth's ways like Thor.

The U-Foes attack Volstagg while he's in an Earth city and knock him into a stadium. Then they unleash their power and murder everyone in the stadium and disappear to make it look like Volstagg did it. Because all of the cameras and people who saw him get knocked away didn't see anyone else. This is also a repeat of what happens in Civil War with heroes getting blamed for villains doing the dirty deed (which you'd know if you came from the future and read my Civil War summary or whatever it was).

So now to the world it looks like some ginger obese man just murdered a stadium full of people for no reason. Norman now has a reason to invade Asgard and he gets a force together to do it. Norman tells everyone they're even if they help him murder a bunch of Gods, and that's enough. And Norman gets an army full of super villains to do it. Nobody bats an eye when Norman says they're going to murder a city full of GODS.

We're shown a scene where the president tries to get Norman to stop and says Norman is out of control. Which is shocking considering Norman was an outstanding fellow before hand with the rape and murders.

So Loki gives Balder a tiny warning, and then all of the sudden it's a full out attack with Sentry flying through the floating city of Asgard like a big yellow dildo, and a bunch of super villains right behind him.

Donald Blake sees this out the window and decides to turn into Thor as he leaps at Iron Patriot (Norman), then Sentry being the big yellow dildo he is rams Thor before he gets to him, and takes him a ways away. It's time for a huge showdown now!

Nope. Sentry gets one shotted.

Thor forgets his basic function of the hammer as a tool for absorbing or deflecting energy attacks, and takes a huge blast from numerous other super villains. Then he gets beaten down physically without lifting a finger. What a useless appearance for him here.

Ares and Balder are fighting, and then Heimdall comes out of nowhere and explains that Ares was fed a heavy dose of lies and then turns on Norman. Ares is terribly trustworthy in this series.

We cut back to Thor doing his best impression of a corpse as Maria Hill in a truck with a rocket launcher single handily blasts all the super villains away... which is just all the more hilarious considering how bad Thor did. Thor wakes up and hits Moonstone away, and that's all he did as they escape in a truck from numerous villains who can go supersonic... indicating two rockets from a rocket launcher are enough to completely deter like 20 high meta level enemies.

We're shown Cap assembling a weak group of heroes.

Ares turns on Norman and somehow jumps down on Norman when Norman was almost at the highest peak of Asgard already... Then Sentry coldcocks Ares with a big hit.


*You're going to want to skip to the next post here to get your official Siege companion food ready







Alright, Sentry is clearly going to just knock out Ares here. Real big deal here. Pretty serious looking fight though. Sentry really appears to be focused here. OK, Sentry gets sliced open and a big black tentacle comes out, that can't be good. Wait... wait... wait...

WHAT! Sentry just tore Ares in half. And it wasn't even like top and bottom, it was more like winning Connect 4 diagonally. His intestines and insides are spilling out. That is hilariously over the top. laughing out loud

Captain America and the heroes super travel to Asgard, which is kind of a minor detail considering what Sentry just did.

Then Daken is reporting to Norman about Thor when he gets fried to a crisp by Thor. "Good" everyone who read this comic said at the same time.

Cap smashes Iron Patriot with his shield and we have a good old fashioned hero vs villain brouhaha. Which at this point, we're led to believe that the rest of the Gods of Asgard are completely below a ragtag group of heroes hastily assembled by Cap. In a tie in, even Daken was slaughtering Gods. Asgard is nothing without Thor or Odin apparently.

Sentry then appears to a hurt Thor and says "How many Gods will I have to kill today?"
Quanchi had this as a sig.

Thor hits Sentry with his apparent rubber hammer he likes flaunting around all the time. Does nothing.

Then Norman orders some help from Loki, and Loki sends him The Hood (with the Nornstones) and the Wrecking Crew and some useless villains.

Speed (that's his ****ing name) then gives Tony a briefcase, and the president orders his jets to take down HAMMMER (Norman's version of SHIELD). We get some shots of the big war going on.

Thor then hits Sentry with lightning and red and black crab legs start coming out of him. God dammit

Norman gets beat up by Cap a bit until Tony appears and shuts down Norman's Iron Patriot armor.

Sentry's crablegs are then seen hugging Thor, and Thor is not the hugging type so he looks unsure of what to do. Norman then orders crablegs Sentry to bring down Asgard, and he stops sexually hugging Thor and takes down the floating city.

Asgard falls, and Thor says "No". Surprisingly Thor saying no didn't stop Asgard from getting destroyed.

The Iron Patriot armor falls off, and Norman is shown to have the Green Goblin face. Spider-Man punches him. He then goes crazy and says he was saving everyone from Sentry even though he pretty much forced Sentry to turn into what he is.

Sentry is now Mr Krabs

Mr Krabs is shown beating all the heroes including the weakened Thor. Loki realizing he just now made a mistake takes the Norn Stones away from The Hood, and amps all the heroes. Now all the heroes are able to cause decent damage to Mr Krabs. Thor destroys his body temporarily and Mr Krabs realizes something is up.

"Arg this is a trick to steal all me money isn't it boys?"

Then Mr Krabs realizes it's mischief and goes straight after Loki and murders him. All the heroes lose their amp due to the Nornstone user going down, but Thor is now back to full strength at least.

Thor now spams lightning like he's playing Marvel vs Capcom until he gets Mr Krabs out of the city. Tony turns a helicarrier into a bullet which is historically Sentry's weakness and it goes KABLOOEY right onto the Sentry. It was also pretty close to Thor, which considering how Thor liked to pretend he was a cadaver earlier, that was pretty risky.

Norman tries to get away in the confusion, but then Volstagg smashes him in the face.

Bob (Sentry's human form) is shown in the blast crater and he's naked having sex with the ground for whatever reason. Must have been the big cool explosion that made him stiff. He then politely asks Thor to kill him, which he refuses, so Bob turns into a huge version of Mr Krabs to politely get Thor to murder him, so Thor is like "alright fella, here comes my murder hit!"

"It had to be done" remarked Tony. So Thor throws his crispy ass corpse in the sun.

They then deal with all the villains, Cap is asked from the president to be Captain America, they have a big party, and Thor joins the Avengers. Everything worked out well in the end. Except for Ares, who died the most savage death I can think of in a comic event.

There's a tie in after this where everyone pretends Sentry was some great hero and he was the best person ever, also he had sex with Rogue before anyone even Magneto! He was the best guy ever, what a real standup dude. Recent and past events with the Void had no impact in what a magnificent guy he was! Awesome and such. There's not enough words to describe how cool and great he was.
And other shit like that.

Branlor Swift
So you've got Siege in hand, in your hard drive, or you're about to read what I wrote on it, but the big question in your mind is:

"What am I going to eat while I read this?"

And there's a lot of theories floating around the web on this one. Spaghetti seems to be a big one. Maybe a whole pound of bacon. Maybe Lasagna.

No to all of these! Maybe some foods fit the mood of Siege better, but you will find no better looking food as well as taste for what you're about to read. What you're going to want to eat is this:

Taco in a Bag


First thing's first, turn some raw hamburger into cooked hamburger. I know the appetizing insides of Ares look most appealing if you picture it as raw hamburger, but trust me, that shit's gross.

So you leave the hamburger cooking, and then you're going to want to cut up some lettuce, tomatoes, grate some cheese, and get some salsa, and sour cream ready.

I'm not a big fan of lettuce personally as it adds nothing to most things, but it seems to work out here. The salsa you're going to want to use is Newman's Own. I've heard old fables passed down through the ages that every batch of Newman's Own contains a pinch of Paul Newman's ashes, but whatever the special ingredient is of it, it's delightful.

Once the hamburger is all brown, you want to add the seasoning and a touch of water. Not too much as it drowns out the seasoning, but enough. I like Clubhouse personally, but every once in a while Old El Paso knocks it out of the park.

Once everything is cooked, you're going to want to grab your Doritos, preferably Jalapeno and Cheddar. Now, if the only place you went to doesn't have Jalapeno and Cheddar, you can substitute it for Nacho I guess. Course, you could always give up, which I wouldn't oppose at this stage. You might as well just not eat for the whole day actually if you don't get Jalapeno and Cheddar. Better luck tomorrow.

The - I don't know what to call it - individual size (?) bags work the best for this. What you're going to want to do is jam a knife at the side of the bag, and then crush all the chips. Now you'll want to toss the meat in. It's a widely debated topic of how the order goes after this. All I know for sure is that if you put the cheese directly on the meat, you might as well just throw it out immediately and start over.

After you jam all the toppings on there, you're going to want to stab your fork in there, and then ram it into your mouth at speeds entering and exceeding 20 mph at least for optimum flavor.

Maybe make another one if that doesn't do it. Now you're ready for Siege, or more importantly, Ares vs Sentry.

The Nuul
Great thread Bran!! I appreciate the work, it's well done, funny and entertaining. thumb up

I used to be one of those collectors that didn't buy "tie in's" so I missed a lot of pieces within the stories. With this thread, from your work.... I am now able to complete the stories.

abhilegend
Originally posted by Branlor Swift
This event was one of the greatest events of all time for any company. It was just beat out in time by Marvel's Secret Wars, but it was a much more thought out crossover, with a lot more impact on the company as a whole. The original purpose of this event was to clean up DC's history as it basically became a huge convoluted mess and nothing seemed to add up in the big picture. So the writers thought up a way to get everything to make sense, and it largely worked out in the end.

The main villain of the story, "The Anti Monitor" became one of the most iconic villains of all time despite a lack of appearances, due largely in part to this story alone.

Keep in mind this was 12 issues chock-full of context, so you're going to have to bare with me as I go through it slowly.

This was in 85-86, so with that in mind, let's see how this story holds up today boys and Sin!




Crisis on Infinite Earths



The story starts out as there being a Monitor (Good), and an Anti-Monitor (bad). These two beings fight and knock each other out as they are too evenly matched. So the Anti-Monitor decides he's going to start destroying and absorbing the infinite universes that DC currently encompasses. A multiverse that the Monitor watches over and observes.

Before he can accomplish that, 4 time travelers appear before him to stop him. They are Parallax, Superman, Supergirl, and the Flash. Anti-Monitor questions of how they know about him, and the Flash, ever the quick wit exclaims "I'm going to hit you so hard you get severe angina and have a massive cardiac arrest. Then I'm going to leave a "DNR" sign on you and do backflips over your limp body."

Then they fought and the heroes absolutely kicked the Christ out of Anti-Monitor. Leaving him a lifeless heap of scrap on the floor. True to his word, the Flash did at least 10 backflips over Anti-Monitor's body, and slipped on his 11th attempt. Everyone laughed. The context is unclear, but I'd say Parallax laughed the hardest.

Then they left and high fived each other.

Later Pycho Purate found Anti-Monitor's corpse on the floor and called the ambulance, but it was too late and the "DNR" sign squandered any chance to save him.

Somewhere Monitor breathed a heavy sigh of relief.






My personal opinion on this event is that it certainly still holds up today. thumb up
crylaugh

Do it for AvX and Fear Itself.

leonidas
Originally posted by Branlor Swift
I've heard old fables passed down through the ages that every batch of Newman's Own contains a pinch of Paul Newman's ashes, but whatever the special ingredient is of it, it's delightful.

wait, paul newman is dead? no expression

Endless Mike
Explain Lucifer

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