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Hello, my name is Matt and I haven't received a good blow job in a long time. I can't even remember the last time I received a blow job that was good and made me ejaculate. Last night, my wife was kinda drunk and went down on me only to fail miserably and make my feelz hurt because it was such a shitty experience. The night ended sadly with her passing out and, thus, leaving me with a lonely erection that I had to take care of myself with a shameful session of Internet pornography. The conclusion to my tale of woe is that my wife of 7 years absolutely can't give a good blow job to save her life and I need help. I have come here to all of you for your love, support, and wisdom in helping me find a good and satisfying blow job. Thank you all very much.

Go find a hooker. LOL.

Never forget the balls.

i'd like to volunteer my services wink1

LOL.

Originally posted by Impediment
Hello, my name is Matt and I haven't received a good blow job in a long time. I can't even remember the last time I received a blow job that was good and made me ejaculate. Last night, my wife was kinda drunk and went down on me only to fail miserably and make my feelz hurt because it was such a shitty experience. The night ended sadly with her passing out and, thus, leaving me with a lonely erection that I had to take care of myself with a shameful session of Internet pornography. The conclusion to my tale of woe is that my wife of 7 years absolutely can't give a good blow job to save her life and I need help. I have come here to all of you for your love, support, and wisdom in helping me find a good and satisfying blow job. Thank you all very much.

Have you given any good blowjobs at least?

I can attest to Matt's excellent blowjob skills.

Is she open to the idea of a threesome so you can at least get a BJ from someone else while still making sure she gets taken care of?

Originally posted by NewLanceWindu
Is she open to the idea of a threesome so you can at least get a BJ from someone else while still making sure she gets taken care of?

Walshy for example.

The best BJ I ever received was from a guy.

#nohomo

Originally posted by Impediment
The best BJ I ever received was from a guy.

#nohomo you're welcome, btw.

http://replygif.net/i/970.gif

i find that bj's are better when you go first... and do a good job.

My ex gave me a blowjob, it was pretty... awful, honestly. I prefer vagina though.

Originally posted by Jmanghan
My ex gave me a blowjob, it was pretty... awful, honestly. I prefer vagina though.

I like any of my wife's holes.

I hope I'll be decent at blow jobs when the time comes.

Originally posted by marwash22
you're welcome, btw.

http://replygif.net/i/970.gif




I always wondered what you were wiping off your mouth in your avatar picture. I guess I know now.

Ball play is a major factor here

i myself have never came from a BJ so there is that but i have given plenty

there is also more then one way for a girl/ guy to make you cum if they cant do it by oral alone

Originally posted by Jmanghan
My ex gave me a blowjob, it was pretty... awful, honestly. I prefer vagina though.

wern't you complaining that girls have "wet Vagoo's" a few months ago?

My wife lets me put it in her ass, so that kinda makes up for it.

ever tried the other way round ?

Yes, and I didn't much care for a sore assh0le.

#nohomo

then practise

#EhHomo

I like pussy better.

I've kinda always wanted to f*ck a transwoman, though.

go for it

althou you have a wife so talk about it first

I won't lie; trannies are hot. Google Mia Isabella and Mariana Cordoba.

I'm drunk and I'm sharing WAAAAAYYYYY too much right now.

eh i agree with you

Hot Hot HOT

Originally posted by Impediment
I won't lie; trannies are hot. Google Mia Isabella and Mariana Cordoba.



I have to agree with you on Mia. She's the finest transexual I've ever seen. Never heard of the other one before though.

hot !!!!!!

I got laid last night and ate some pussy. No blow job, though.

This thread is very interesting.


Also, I don't car for receiving oral but I love to give it.

Intriguing. mmm

Originally posted by Impediment
Google Mia Isabella and Mariana Cordoba.

what has been seen can't be unseen

It's all about the cradling

Dom, what mind of man doesn't like his dick sucked?!?!?

Originally posted by Impediment
Dom, what mind of man doesn't like his dick sucked?!?!?

A Mormon. haermm

Sorry Dom, had to.

this thread is rather intriguing

Oral is awesome, both giving and receiving. Every one over 18 should be taught how to give proper oral.

Originally posted by SugrFrostdFreak
Oral is awesome, both giving and receiving. Every one over 18 should be taught how to give proper oral.

^^THIS.

This whole thread.

https://static.dyp.im/KXDJld4PJE/b2ebb8214253381f87e47111dd87514a.jpg

i love giving

Originally posted by Impediment
Dom, what mind of man doesn't like his dick sucked?!?!?

And I like to drop the whole load right on the cervix when I'm as deep as possible.







I could go into more details instead of being gross about it, if you'd like.


1234

go for it

Originally posted by Impediment
My wife lets me put it in her ass, so that kinda makes up for it. NOPE, never tried it, never will...


What if you get... brownies on your knob.

Plus a Vag is moist and wet and sloshy whereas an ass is just a tight hole, it'd be weird to put my dick in a girl's poop place.

Originally posted by Jmanghan
NOPE, never tried it, never will...


What if you get... brownies on your knob.

Plus a Vag is moist and wet and sloshy whereas an ass is just a tight hole, it'd be weird to put my dick in a girl's poop place.

Don't knock it til you try it.

If I got poop on my dick, I would immediately vomit on the spot, literally on the spot.

Teeth.

Teeth changes day to night.

But tongue changes night to day.

Anal is awesome, but you have to time it right so you don't get a Hershey Kiss on the end of your dick. My wife loves anal and will actually orgasm from it.

Originally posted by Jmanghan
NOPE, never tried it, never will...


What if you get... brownies on your knob.

Plus a Vag is moist and wet and sloshy whereas an ass is just a tight hole, it'd be weird to put my dick in a girl's poop place.

I guess you never served time.

Originally posted by dadudemon
I could go into more details instead of being gross about it, if you'd like.


1234

Please do.

i honestly love teeth

i dont like the idea of a girl gagging and chocking on my dick but i do LOVE teeth

Originally posted by Impediment
Anal is awesome, but you have to time it right so you don't get a Hershey Kiss on the end of your dick. My wife loves anal and will actually orgasm from it.

thats impressive seeing as girls dont have a prostate

Originally posted by Impediment
Please do.

I enjoy the full body on body contact. And I like to make out and bite necks. That's not very possible with a BJ. A decent alternative is the 69 position but that is missing the "face-to-face" element.

But here's something to try (but be careful doing this if you are above average in size or your wife has a below average 'depth' because you may end up stabbing the cervix over and over which, contrary to popular belief among men, not all that great for a gal): while on top in the missionary position, put both of your hands underneath her butt and pull her hips up into yours on each thrust. You'll go deeper and it feels pretty dang nice for both parties. Also, it is nice to have both hands full of booty.



Originally posted by NewLanceWindu
A Mormon. haermm

Sorry Dom, had to.

I forgot to say I got a chuckle out of this.

Originally posted by NewLanceWindu
Don't knock it til you try it.

This a thousand times. When done right it feels AMAZING. naughty

Myself, I enjoy getting oral, especially of the spontaneous variety; however I enjoy giving it much more. I havent in a while and im starting to have withdrawals.

Originally posted by Stringer
I guess you never served time. I'd rather fight and get beat to death then just take an anal rape.

Vagina is the best.

Besides, I like dick-breaking rough sex.

Originally posted by Jmanghan
I'd rather fight and get beat to death then just take an anal rape.

Lol, difference is you won't get beat to death first.

Originally posted by Stringer
Lol, difference is you won't get beat to death first. They can't immobilize a full-grown man by themselves long enough to anally rape them. Especially someone like me who's 250lbs. Thats blasphemous.

Originally posted by Jmanghan
They can't immobilize a full-grown man by themselves long enough to anally rape them. Especially someone like me who's 250lbs. Thats blasphemous.

Whole lot of you to hold down.

Thats right. Muh'****a's wanna step to me. Hell naw. I hold da bridge down, ya dig?!

Originally posted by Jmanghan
Thats right. Muh'****a's wanna step to me. Hell naw. I hold da bridge down, ya dig?!

Dont get mad at me man. It's not my fault you sucked 37 dicks.

Originally posted by Stringer
Dont get mad at me man. It's not my fault you sucked 37 dicks. I don't need to know about your casual Fridays.

I need/want/deserve a good blow job.

I don't care who it's from anymore.

^ this thot.

Call me gay. I don't care.

You should just refuse to eat your wife out till she gives you a proper BJ.

Originally posted by Jmanghan
You should just refuse to eat your wife out till she gives you a proper BJ.

Yeah, cause that's how it works

Originally posted by Impediment
Call me gay. I don't care. thot = that hoe over there.

Basically if it comes to bj's, most porn can yeah you. When it comes to eatin pussy, most porn won't teach you.

Originally posted by Jmanghan
They can't immobilize a full-grown man by themselves long enough to anally rape them. Especially someone like me who's 250lbs. Thats blasphemous.

no offence dude but i could probably hold you down due to Brazilian jujitsu

honestly prison is a very cruel nasty place and you only realise that when you srv time or have been around them for long enough


Woman's prisons are the scariest shit thou, mens prisons arent that bad in comparison

imp i think you mean BI

Originally posted by Genesis-Soldier
no offence dude but i could probably hold you down due to Brazilian jujitsu

honestly prison is a very cruel nasty place and you only realise that when you srv time or have been around them for long enough


Woman's prisons are the scariest shit thou, mens prisons arent that bad in comparison I know Martial Arts as well.

Also, thats if you can avoid my strikes.

Originally posted by Jmanghan
I know Martial Arts as well.

Also, thats if you can avoid my strikes.

My power level is over 9000. Highly unlikely that a low-class warrior like you could touch me.


Check you scouter.

I hate when people think they can win every fight because of Martial Arts. Despite me knowing Martial Arts, doesn't mean I can take a police officer, or even a street thug.

Originally posted by dadudemon
My power level is over 9000. Highly unlikely that a low-class warrior like you could touch me.


Check you scouter.

OH MY GOD, IT SAYS!....


1006...

Kick his ass, Nappa.

Originally posted by dadudemon
My power level is over 9000. Highly unlikely that a low-class warrior like you could touch me.


Check you scouter. ur so manly DDM

Originally posted by Genesis-Soldier
i love giving
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd an erection for spawny

Your place or mine ?

Both

i dont lways like recieving but i usually prefer to give

I've been told that I, apparently, give good head. srug

Originally posted by Genesis-Soldier
imp i think you mean BI
Also, gj w/ that correction.

oh right, thank you Khar

i feel silly now

The last time I got a truly spectacular BJ was when I was stationed at Ft. Hood......in 2001.

so its been a while ...

the question remains

spit/swallow

"spitter's are quitters" -Genesis Soldier

Lance got one last night.

If a woman is bad at it..you increase her skill via having her practice a lot on you. How could a woman married for years still not know how to give a blowjob?

That for me is like a college math professor not knowing what 2+2 is.

ok being the voice of reason

Have you ever tried it?
are you bad at it?

does a woman have to be good at blowjobs because she is a woman? or a wife?

now back to what i was going to say

Wash your Dick's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if you have given oral before hand then you know what has been happening down there

seriously people hygene

my dick is a important part of me and i keep him clean because if your going to gag on something or put it in your mouth, you want it clean at least

Genesis-soildier PHD in dick sucking

nah son just some good tips with the tip

i should totally post some good BJ advice later on

You should have your wife read How To Make Love Like a Porn Star by Jenna Jameson. It's an autobiography, where you learn a lot more about her than you ever would through her videos and "bios" on the internet. She also sprinkles sex tips and stuff throughout the book, which was really helpful for me.

Also, does your wife watch porn at all? I learned a lot about blowjobs just from simply watching porn. But I have also learned my limits from porn and what I hate, i.e. that head-bobbing-head-****ing, ugh no thanks

Originally posted by Selphie
You should have your wife read How To Make Love Like a Porn Star by Jenna Jameson. It's an autobiography, where you learn a lot more about her than you ever would through her videos and "bios" on the internet.

That's good, I've literally learned nothing through her videos and "bios"...

practise makes perfect

nuff said

if guys complain about a bj then go out, give one and compare notes with your partner