31 Days of HORROR(ible) HALLOWEEN JOKES!

Text-only Version: Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.



Flyattractor
Time to put The Kooky back in the Spooky!

http://38.media.tumblr.com/beafe4827e2503daf4c8d2b15a5f1dcc/tumblr_n25xifWBdx1tuwvboo1_250.gif

Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties ?
Because there is lots of school spirit !
What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party ?
The cat are her !
What do witches eat at Halloween ?
Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie !
A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head.
"Are you a ghost ?" asked his friends
"No, I'm an unmade bed !"
Another boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head.
"Are you an unmade bed ?" asked his friends
"No, I'm an undercover agent !"
What did the really ugly man do for a living ?
He posed for Halloween masks !
Why did the ghost go trick or treating on the top floor ?
He was in high spirits !
What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ?
No one moved, they couldn't stir without her !
Why was the little boy unhappy to win first prize for the best costume at the Halloween party ?
Because he just came to pick up his sister !
Why was everyone tickled by the fried chicken at the Halloween party ?
Because the feathers were still on the chicken !

riv6672
Much like i told my old college roommate, i dont think we can keep this up for a month!

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Flyattractor
Of course we can't ....that's part of the fun!

What do Ghosts and Goblins drink when they get hot and thirsty?
GHOUL-AID!

riv6672
Why didnt the skeleton attend the party?

He had NO BODY to go with!

Flyattractor

riv6672
Mouth full of sheet...laughing

Genesis-Soldier
Originally posted by Nuke Nixon

Why doesn't a witch wear underwear?

So she can get a better grip on the broom. [/QUOTE

riv6672
Two 5 year old black kids (boy and girl) went out trick or treating in a rich Texas suburb. They knocked on this guys door and said trick or treat, The guy asked them what they were dressed as? The little girl said "Jack n Jill" The guy said "You cant be Jack n Jill your black" So the kids left and came back and the guy said "And what are you guys supposed to be this time?" The little girl said "Hansel n Gretal" The guy says "You cant be Hansel n Gretal your black" So the kids leave upset only to come back a few min later. This time they were naked. The guys says " and just what are you supposed to be now?" The little girl says "M&M's, I'm plain and he got nuts"

Genesis-Soldier
mother ****er that is funny

Dave_97
I had some cookies at work yesterday, they were left over from a funeral. I decided that the cookies were haunted, therefore I had spookies

Flyattractor
Q: Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?
A: They're afraid of flying off the handle

Q: What do witches use in their hair?
A: Scare-spray

Q: How do you make a Witch scratch herself?
A: Take away the W!

Q: How do you know a witch invented the alphabet?
A: Because you have to spell it.

Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A: A sand-witch.

Q: Why does a witch ride a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.

Q: What do you call a witch's garage?
A: A broom closet.

Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broommates.

Genesis-Soldier
so bad it's kinda funny

Flyattractor
That kind is my fav.

riv6672
Originally posted by Dave_97
I had some cookies at work yesterday, they were left over from a funeral. I decided that the cookies were haunted, therefore I had spookies
Ha...!

Flyattractor
Its the Pumpkin Milk that really makes the spookies good.

jinXed by JaNx
How do Monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope


How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch

Flyattractor

riv6672
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."

Flyattractor
What do you get if you cross a School Teacher and a Vampire?

A Blood Test.

riv6672
^^^That was good!

A vampire an an IRS agent?
An IRS agent.

Flyattractor
http://www.funnygreetings.net/images/irs.gif

Flyattractor
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ab/27/67/ab27673b1dac3a5b9c8998e5231565ab.jpg

riv6672
Friklin' haha!!!

Flyattractor
Time to put some YO MAMMA in dis Halloween.

3CtZbeRXJm4

AsbestosFlaygon
The title is a horrible joke.

Flyattractor
Funny. YO MOMMA said the same thing BOUT YOU!

AsbestosFlaygon's MOMMA said he so ugly. She never had to put out a jackolantern at Halloween. Just had him stand on the porch holding a Candle!

AsbestosFlaygon
Shut yo mouth boy, or imma slap yo daddy's man-boob.

riv6672
^^^eek!

Flyattractor
So now we know what Asby is going as for Halloween.



aka a man-boob.

Nuke Nixon
http://s24.postimg.org/xwn3jrlyd/207301_I_Whip_My_Hair_Back_And_Forth.gif

Nuke Nixon
https://static.dyp.im/JBuqa75rx5/477873a9639bfa461446d608d452b744.jpg

meep-meep
Why is Halloween a rednecks favorite holiday?

Nuke Nixon
Free candy?

Flyattractor
The pump kin.

AsbestosFlaygon
Originally posted by meep-meep
Why is Halloween a rednecks favorite holiday?
They get a sore throat from all the treats they've eaten.

riv6672
Originally posted by Nuke Nixon
https://static.dyp.im/JBuqa75rx5/477873a9639bfa461446d608d452b744.jpg
Nooice!

Nuke Nixon
http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcmtvukqS81rc113po1_500.jpg

riv6672
^^^My spouse found that hilarious just now...

On a sadder note i heard in passing some lasy was recently murdered, wound up on her property's fence, and was mistaken for a halloween decoration.

Nuke Nixon
And so it begins...

Flyattractor
Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Men

1. Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.

2. No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready to greet you with a smile.

3. One usually makes a better pie.

4. They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you!

5. If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up another face.

6. If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw him out.

7. From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty, mush filled head to begin with.

8. A pumpkin is turned on (lit-up) only when you want him to be.

riv6672
Bah humbug, you!

Nuke Nixon
Wrong holiday insult, that's for Freakmas.

Flyattractor
Freakmas is NO JOKE!!!!!

riv6672
God bless our balls!

Flyattractor
We gots the BIGGEST HALLOWEEN BALLS OF EM ALL!

riv6672
Simpsons Halloween episode last night was hella funny. Not a Treehouse one, an actual episode.
At one point Homer is scared and says "i'll just whistle a happy tune!". Cue Michael Meyers theme song. A minute later Lisa is doing it too, as 3 psychos stalk them in the house.
I admit i laughed pretty hard!

Flyattractor
The Halloween specials are about the only reason to watch the Simps anymore.

What do you read on Halloween?
BOO-ks

riv6672
^^^They have the regular special next week, so...wait for it...BOO yah!

Flyattractor
I imagine that new fxx channel will marathon them all. They do love to whore out the simps on that channel.

riv6672
Nothing wrong with that. After 27 years, and doing everything most other cartoons are doing now, first and better, they deserve their own channel!

Nuke Nixon
Is it weird I enjoy Simpsons rule 34 stuff more than the actual show?

Flyattractor
YOU GUYS IS DE-RAILING MY HALLOWEEN FUN TRAIN!

KEEP DA SPOOKY CHOO CHOO ON DA RAILS!!!!!

riv6672
Uh...BOO!

Flyattractor
Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go back at it again.

8. The stranger you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave it to you.

6. Person you are with doesn't fantasize you're someone else, you already are.

5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last nine months.

4. If you wear leather and chains, no one thinks you're kinky.

3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the next morning from over-indulging.

1. If you don't get what you want at one place, you can always go next door to get more!


chugga chugga BOO BOO!

riv6672
Q: Did you hear about the vegan Zombie?
A: He went to the insane asylum and only ate the vegetables.

riv6672
http://i522.photobucket.com/albums/w344/riv6672/image_zpslh6uf1b2.jpg

Flyattractor
HALLOWEEN SKELETON JOKES



When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone.

Why don't skeletons like parties?
They have no body to dance with.

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetite !

Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
It's good for the bones

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.

What is a young skeleton?
A skeleteen

What do skeletons like to eat?
Ribs

Which skeleton is a famous comedian from yesteryear?
Red Skeleton

What do you call a stupid skeleton?
A numbskull

What is a skeleton's favorite insult?
The word 'Bonehead'

How does a skeleton get into his house?
With a skeleton key

What do skeletons have nightmares of?
Dogs

What forms of major education do skeletons attend?
High Skull

What did the skeleton get for killing a ghost?
2000 Bone-us points

riv6672
Red Skeleton...thumb up laughing out loud

riv6672
I'm making a horror film where a sadistic snowman sets death traps for other snowmen and they have to melt bits of themselves to escape.

It's called Thaw.

Flyattractor
I would have gone with SHIVERS!

riv6672
Thats cold. wink

Flyattractor
Well somebody already took Goosebumps.

Flyattractor
What do you get if you cross Bambi with a Ghost?

Bamboo.

riv6672
What road has the most ghosts haunting it?
(A dead end!)

Flyattractor
Qnn8Hz4zRmE

Flyattractor
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/dd/f6/80/ddf6805a2b0998e61745e630739c6ea3.jpg

riv6672
^^^And THAT was the perfect way to cap things off! laughing
Great thread, Fly!!!

Flyattractor
And someone was moaning we couldn't keep the thread going for the whole month.....

riv6672
Moaning...uh, like a ghost! embarrasment

Nuke Nixon
All Hallows Eve is serious business.

Flyattractor
Sure is the way I do it.

riv6672
Damn fun night. Tired now.

Flyattractor
Could we pull off 30 days of Turkey Day Jokes?

Nuke Nixon
Jokes are like rule 34, if there's a holiday there's tons of jokes for it.

Flyattractor
So the eyes have it.

Nuke put those back in the bowl..

riv6672
Originally posted by Flyattractor
Could we pull off 30 days of Turkey Day Jokes?
I'm ON it!

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!

riv6672
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving?
A turkey because it is always stuffed.

riv6672

Flyattractor
Originally posted by riv6672
I'm ON it!

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!

You know you should probably start an actual Turkey Day Thread that way it won't get mixed up for a Halloween Thread.

riv6672
Meh, no one wants another RIV thread!

Nuke Nixon
You could etch that on your tombstone.

Nuke Nixon
Oh wait... is Halloween over? Oops.

Flyattractor
Hell. I am already ready for New Years EVE!

riv6672
Originally posted by Nuke Nixon
You could etch that on your tombstone.
Thats what SHE said.

Nuke Nixon
Originally posted by Flyattractor
Hell. I am already ready for New Years EVE!



https://media.giphy.com/media/GCLlQnV7wzKLu/giphy.gif

riv6672
Mmmm. Leo....

Text-only Version: Click HERE to see this thread with all of the graphics, features, and links.