Stuck living with someone I absolutely hate down to my core

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Jmanghan
Moving out isn't an option, nor are interactions with them, as they sleep out in our living room.

What do I do? Today I reached a boiling point where me and this individual got into a physical altercation.

Neither them, nor I, are moving out anytime soon, enough if we wanted to, we can't, for the moment anyway.

Nothing happened but my mom had to physically move me back into my room, insults were thrown and we both had our fists raised.

Please give me some insight on how to deal with this, it's to the point where it's making me depressed just having them in the same house.

They don't have a job, they do not go out (They really CAN'T either, but thats beside the point).

The sit in the same spot all day, and I have to pass them to get to the kitchen.

My mom is on his side and if he is forced to leave it probably means she'll go too.

I also don't want to join the army, nor do I have friends I can stay with or even remotely the money to get even a really shitty apartment.

Please help.

Quincy
Who is this person?

Jmanghan
Originally posted by Quincy
Who is this person? step-dad.

riv6672
Move out.

Nuke Nixon
You're not going to like hearing this but all you can do is live with this situation, keep the peace and deal. I was in a similar situation but I was 6-10 and lived through 4 years of hell and if I can do it then you can and you will.

Quincy
Is this person abusive? Physically or emotionally? Or involved in illegal activities? Or do your disagreements come more from personal distaste?

Jmanghan
Originally posted by Quincy
Is this person abusive? Physically or emotionally? Or involved in illegal activities? Or do your disagreements come more from personal distaste? He and my mom argue, I realize it isn't his fault, but do they have to do it here?

If me and my girlfriend are arguing, we make it discreet, we don't involve the whole damn house.

To be fair, I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that I could beat the hell out of him, I weigh more, I'm younger, I'm stronger. He's 50, has bad legs (can walk but has trouble getting up), and frequently gets dizzy to the point of nearly passing out.

The problem is, the dude's a damn psycho, I legit think someone could hold a gun with his head, and his immediate response would be to try and punch the guy and get himself killed.

His first response to any type of male trying to tell to even calm down, is to get louder and angrier.

Jmanghan
Originally posted by Nuke Nixon
You're not going to like hearing this but all you can do is live with this situation, keep the peace and deal. I was in a similar situation but I was 6-10 and lived through 4 years of hell and if I can do it then you can and you will. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and yeah, it sucks.

Tzeentch
You need to physically assert yourself as the man of the house. Make your step-dad understand that you are your mother's son and that he while may financially support her, her heart, and her body, belong to you.

This sounds alarming but don't despair. EVERY son of divorce has had to go through this. Just remember your birth rights and you'll be fine.

Jmanghan
Originally posted by Tzeentch
You need to physically assert yourself as the man of the house. Make your step-dad understand that you are your mother's son and that he while may financially support her, her heart, and her body, belong to you.

This sounds alarming but don't despair. EVERY son of divorce has had to go through this. Just remember your birth rights and you'll be fine. I tried earlier today, I got blamed as the bad guy, despite the awful shit he was saying to my mom.

My mom's screaming at me defending him to the teeth.

rudester
I use to work in a shelter. U can go there for as many nights as possible.

Jmanghan
Originally posted by rudester
I use to work in a shelter. U can go there for as many nights as possible. Is there heating among other stuff? Any guarantee I won't get belongings stolen?

I'm thinking about checking into a mental institution to see if I qualify.

I need to be able to keep in touch with my girlfriend so no wifi isn't an option.

rudester
Umm actually a mental institution has a drop in as we.. Heating food etc.. But u have to tell them ur hearing voices and would like to check in.. They should be able to accommodate u. They do however steal in those places.

riv6672
Originally posted by Jmanghan
Is there heating among other stuff? Any guarantee I won't get belongings stolen?

I'm thinking about checking into a mental institution to see if I qualify.

I need to be able to keep in touch with my girlfriend so no wifi isn't an option.
You really think wifi is going to be an option in a mental institution?

When i said move out, i meant it.
You are wasting the best years of your life in a situation you can change if you really want to.
Dont want to join the Army? Join the Navy. Its a lot easier. Apply to the police academy. The frikkin' peace corps.
Get out and see the world, or at least more of where you live than where you are now.

Jobs with room & board:

https://www.thebalance.com/top-jobs-with-free-room-and-board-4114192

The above was said with about as much caring as i can muster for someone i dont actually know.
Rest assured if i knew you in RL i'd have gotten you off your ass way before now.
Anyway, good luck.
I wont post in here again as i'm not gonna hold your hand and tell you how bad you have it.
Thats not what you need to hear.

Nuke Nixon
Whatever you do, good luck with it.

walshy
hey jman hope it gets better and sorts itself out, shit situation by the sounds of it. stay positive.

shiv
This is going to be hard to take in

but you do not always know the one on one

personal history and dependency two people have.

The person you see today 50 with bad health in a bad place.

That person may have helped your mom through an even worse situation than you're going through - whatever they have between them - I think you've got to respect that - those two have something - walk past him - respect the fact that he's your mothers friend - say hi

Like Riv says - work on moving out
And at the same time - in your mind treat it as a grace period - you've had the physical altercation - you've had the strong words - you've had the death stares - the toxic body language - Draw a line and say ok - done that - now I'm going to be me.

Theres enough sadness in that house. This may seem impossible but while you are there try to laugh

One place I was at - it was terrible - To protect his spirit one guy would sing and he was an awful singer - but it lifted the atmosphere - I used to talk - I talked to the people I hated - I wasn't going to be like them - I was going to be me - Fair to everyone - If you keep in your mind at all times everyone - even a completely insane psycho - can do something that can actually help people - it can make it easier to talk to and to be polite - over time if you do this enough - you will develop very good people skills - in my case - some enemies became warm allies - People are funny.

You have a fight and a flight instinct

Turn off your fight instinct (It won't help you or your mom)

Go with the flight instinct

Although you don't have an option out right now - Today - right at this second

Say to yourself I have a new job I'll be starting soon - You're obviously intelligent

And put all the energy and all the thinking and 'feels' you would have put into getting your point accross, winning the battle of the living room, winning your mom all that energy all that thought all the research into this situation - all of that energy into actually getting work - opening up your wings and flying the nest.

Everyone has to fly the nest at some time

All our stories are different

As you get to work on your own story

to make it easier on your mom - to give her some solid memories of you when you're gone - show her you - her son - at your best.

Jmanghan
I'm the type of person that can't let stuff go.

One day I am going to have to do something TO him.

I'm not the type of person that just goes on with my life later on.

Like, for me to have closure, I am going to have to... 1. Beat the shit out of him. 2. Get others to know of him and know what kind of person he really is. 3. Get him put behind bars.

It's gotten so bad that I've actually started to despise people in my own family who are fine with his actions.

I plan on having children one day and I just wanna keep my kids away from my mom and anyone else who condones his actions.

Anyone who doesn't cut him out or say something to him, I just can't deal.

Yeah its selfish, but I can't change that decision, I can't knowingly let my child around someone who didn't immediately ditch someone who was a child abuser.

Furthermore, if I pressed charges, would it stick?

rudester
So punch him in the face and move on, you could kill him but you'll get 20 to life. The DNA is always under the fingernails.

rudester
But a friend to a friend. You need to learn to let things go, as you get older you become more wiser and you need to learn when to pick a fight with someone and when to walk away. Holding in anger is waiting for a bomb to eexplode. You need to find someone who's subjective that you haven't talked to about this situation and talk to them for advice. You also need to be responsible in life because you are a father, your actions have consequences and how you deal with your problems will ultimately form how your kids deal with life. You are teaching them skills as well. Dude, learn to meditatemeditate everyday through breabreathing techniques, learn to forgive people and theirtheir" way of lifelife whatever that might be. Finally forgive yourself for wanting to hate someone else. You can't control others only yourself. Master yourself and you master the universe.

Jmanghan
Originally posted by rudester
But a friend to a friend. You need to learn to let things go, as you get older you become more wiser and you need to learn when to pick a fight with someone and when to walk away. Holding in anger is waiting for a bomb to eexplode. You need to find someone who's subjective that you haven't talked to about this situation and talk to them for advice. You also need to be responsible in life because you are a father, your actions have consequences and how you deal with your problems will ultimately form how your kids deal with life. You are teaching them skills as well. Dude, learn to meditatemeditate everyday through breabreathing techniques, learn to forgive people and theirtheir" way of lifelife whatever that might be. Finally forgive yourself for wanting to hate someone else. You can't control others only yourself. Master yourself and you master the universe. How do you forgive someone who believes they've done nothing wrong? Who believes you're wrong for even attempting to suggest they're wrong, about anything?

How do you let things go when they continue to go on about it, to the point that it irritates them if you ignore them?

That irritating them causes things to eventually get physical.

Jmanghan
Like, example, he always encourages us to beat our dog if she does anything wrong, kick her even, in the face.

He routinely threatens to kill the dog whenever it does anything wrong, out of pure anger and hate.

He has no filter, he does not see a difference between young and old, skinny or fat, nor does he think he's ever wrong, even in the face of his girlfriend's (my mom's) mother. (my grandmother).

I think everyone's so scared of him that they just refuse to kick him out because he'll get violent, and they're also too scared to call the police.

But they also discourage us from saying anything back to him, or standing up for ourselves.

I've also seen him intimidate 4 grown men at once, I'm not talking causing them to walk off angrily or storm off, I'm talking INTIMIDATING them, to the point their voice shakes and they are apologetic.

rudester
You teach them and you teach yourself. My dad is a very special human being, he's one of a kind. He never lets things go and will bring it up years later out of the blue. Sometimes I step out of the room just to breath. But I've taught my dad a lot of life's lessons and one is to have patients with yourself. Let's face it life isn't easy for anyone, everyone has their shit stick. You need to form your life around people and things that make you happy. If you can't move then bloCK him out by ignoring him completelycompletely or forgive him. Forgive his parents who made him the way he is. Forgive God whoever your God is for putting him infront on you and move on. Set a goal to move out, if you can't do it on your own ask for helphelp! Churches take in families and set them up, go talk to a priest.

rudester
There's a movie you should watch it's called, shack. It's about a man who goes to rescue his daughter from drowingdrowing and his youngest daughter gets kidnapped, raped and murdered.

walshy
Sorry Jman he sounds like a real shithouse. What did he do exactly that he can be charged for? You can't help who your mum likes but if he is that bad I don't blame you for wanting to smack him. Maybe you should teach him a lesson.

I'd say just try how ever you can to move out, maybe move in with your girlfriend somewhere. Or you could create a fake Facebook and cat fish the guy, reveal it to your mum and get him out.

Originally posted by rudester
There's a movie you should watch it's called, shack. It's about a man who goes to rescue his daughter from drowingdrowing and his youngest daughter gets kidnapped, raped and murdered. why would watching that movie help? That sounds really depressing

Jmanghan
Originally posted by walshy
Sorry Jman he sounds like a real shithouse. What did he do exactly that he can be charged for? You can't help who your mum likes but if he is that bad I don't blame you for wanting to smack him. Maybe you should teach him a lesson.

I'd say just try how ever you can to move out, maybe move in with your girlfriend somewhere. Or you could create a fake Facebook and cat fish the guy, reveal it to your mum and get him out.

why would watching that movie help? That sounds really depressing He used to hit me when I was a kid, answering what he did that can get him charged.

Though I doubt it'd stick, even back then. My own mom and others would stick up for him and I was basically told by EVERYONE, including people who didn't like him, to keep quiet, as it would embarrass our family.

rudester
As you get older your perspective on life changes, what seems like the end of the world one min is small peanutspeanuts later. Telling someone to be violent won't solve your problem, even though it might feel good. Who are you to judgejudge a man you don't knowknow? Did you live his life? Did you go through the pains and struggles he went through to be the man he is today. For all you know he was raised to talk back to dogs, to use bad words and to not care. Can you change himhim? No!! You need to find your supports and move forward with your life. Move out and do what u have to do to live the life you want.

Robtard
1) Wrestle him to the floor, sodomize him, thereby asserting your dominace

2) Find a way to move out

4) Start secretly filming his insane and violent moments on your phone, get lots of these. Him making threats, him beating the dog, him breaking things etc. If he catches you filming, keep filming, even if he threatens/attacks you, but don't fight back, get him on camera beating you. Then you can press charges and the cops will believe you. If you get lots of footage, you might purposely let him catch you filming him during a violent episode so he does attack you and you can't record it.

edit: Obviously be wary of your safety and don't let yourself get in critical danger

Jmanghan
Originally posted by Robtard
1) Wrestle him to the floor, sodomize him, thereby asserting your dominace

2) Find a way to move out

4) Start secretly filming his insane and violent moments on your phone, get lots of these. Him making threats, him beating the dog, him breaking things etc. If he catches you filming, keep filming, even if he threatens/attacks you, but don't fight back, get him on camera beating you. Then you can press charges and the cops will believe you. If you get lots of footage, you might purposely let him catch you filming him during a violent episode so he does attack you and you can't record it. erm... I'm kinda a coward in the sense that... I'd rather almost never get punched in the face willingly if I can help it.

Like, to the point where, if you walked up to me, and said you'd pay me $100 to punch me in the face.

It's not that he's super violent, he's just very... quick to jump to very angry emotions. Anger controls him, its clear.

He just has a very very warped sense of right and wrong, he's a hardcore redneck, is the best way I can put it. He has a son that doesn't bother with him... at all.

His mom was a very nice woman, to me and my siblings, but from what I heard, his dad wasn't horrible, but had a very messed up way of discipline.

He would throw shit at his kids, which is horrible, but its not excuse for his actions, and its certainly no excuse to hit kids who aren't even yours.

We told people and the consensus was for me and my brother to literally stop spreading it around or telling people, by everyone we told.

I consider him a redneck by the company he keeps (they're all bums), and the fact that all he watches are shows like Duck Dynasty, and a show about hunting alligators in a bayou.

Robtard
I'd still try to secretly record him when he's making threats and acting insane, in case anything happens, you have proof of his anger an instability.

Though making threats is enough for you to call the cops on him, just have evidence. It that happens enough times, they will arrest him, otherwise they could be held accountable in not acting beforehand if he does attack you/someone at some later point. But of course, be aware of your safety.

He sounds like a Grade A piece of shit bully.

Jmanghan
Originally posted by Robtard
I'd still try to secretly record him when he's making threats and acting insane, in case anything happens, you have proof of his anger an instability.

Though making threats is enough for you to call the cops on him, just have evidence. It that happens enough times, they will arrest him, otherwise they could be held accountable in not acting beforehand if he does attack you/someone at some later point. But of course, be aware of your safety.

He sounds like a Grade A piece of shit bully.

He just thinks he's right a bit too often, like one night, we got into an argument simply because he assumed I yelled, had no proof and said he saw me yelling, when I wasn't, and of course eventually he got louder and yelled himself. I feel like some days are cool, in which I can even get along with him somewhat, other days are simply hell incarnate where he's just irritable at everything.

I understand, the dude's been through some shit, friends have died, dad would throw shit, I get that. At some point he just needs to look at himself and realize he needs to calm down. One day he's going to say something to the wrong person and they will legitimately beat the **** out of him.

rudester
Where do you live? How old are you now? You sound young.

Getting beaten as a kid is normal, don't let that phase you. You need to find a positive role model that's male in your life. You need to find a social worker that you can talk to to figure out what to do next. Social workers are free unless you live in some third world country? Education is the most important thing you can give yourself, it will give you the power to control your life the way you see fit. You need guidance it seems.. Go to a community centre or neighborhood centre and ask if they have a community social worker. Start saving up money to escape and move out.

Jmanghan
Originally posted by rudester
Where do you live? How old are you now? You sound young.

Getting beaten as a kid is normal, don't let that phase you. You need to find a positive role model that's male in your life. You need to find a social worker that you can talk to to figure out what to do next. Social workers are free unless you live in some third world country? Education is the most important thing you can give yourself, it will give you the power to control your life the way you see fit. You need guidance it seems.. Go to a community centre or neighborhood centre and ask if they have a community social worker. Start saving up money to escape and move out. "Getting beaten as a kid is normal".


Lol.

Robtard
Yeah, no.

rudester
I'm sorry you seem to come from a fairytale land where parents dont discipline their kids. Depends on the degree of what is being donedone to you? How old are you Jman

walshy
Join the military j , you move out and get a job in one go

Air force might be easier for you

Jmanghan
Originally posted by walshy
Join the military j , you move out and get a job in one go

Air force might be easier for you No, I want to be a video game collector, I don't wanna focus part of my life on other things.

Plus I need to be near family of some sort.

Jmanghan
Originally posted by rudester
I'm sorry you seem to come from a fairytale land where parents dont discipline their kids. Depends on the degree of what is being donedone to you? How old are you Jman Er, first off, you don't discipline someone elses kids... ever...

I don't care how angry they are, and I'm sorry, even if they killed your pet cat or something, you damn sure don't have the right to hit them. If I started dating a girl and I found out she had hit one of my children, I've never hit a woman but I would smack the **** out of that girl and throw her out of my apartment/house. Damn that, I went through hell for years just for doing the tiniest things.

Secondly, if you are gonna discipline your kids, you do not ever use a closed fist, and you don't hit them as hard you can unless it's serious, and they're old enough to be hit like that.

For real, one time when I was 9, I made a bird noise, right? Thats it, I made a noise at his pet bird.

He tried to hit me for that, punch me, actually, and my mom was holding him back, so since he couldn't hit me cause my mom was in the way, he threw water in my face.

Apparently he was mad cause I "made fun of his pet bird".

Was also swung around a room, and then literally thrown against a wall cause me and my little brother were play-fighting.

He also screamed angrily for hours like a madman because I (using MY money) wouldn't buy him food. I bought myself a calzone and something else, and he was absolutely ****ing LIVID that I didn't get him anything, even after I offered to let him eat the thing I bought exclusively for myself, he still went ballistic. He walked into our bathroom and started screaming like a crazy person, and I mean SCREAMING, he was going absolutely apeshit crazy. (It's worth mentioning he apologized, but only because my mom forced him to)

Dramatic Gecko
Kill them.

Jmanghan
Originally posted by Dramatic Gecko
Kill them. Is it bad that I actually legitimately sometimes wish I could?

Like no joke I've had dreams where I've joked him to death.

I do get afraid that one day I will snap and actually legitimately kill him and go to prison.

He just doesn't know when to shut up, he talks about everyone behind their backs too, my grandmother, my sister, my, my brother, my mom to her face but also behind her back, our whole family.

He believes we're weirdos because of the way we live, and honestly we live relatively normal, he is obsessed with appearing tough and dominant.

But honestly, I feel like he has severe bipolar disorder, in all honesty.

Dramatic Gecko
Originally posted by Jmanghan
Is it bad that I actually legitimately sometimes wish I could?

Like no joke I've had dreams where I've joked him to death.

I do get afraid that one day I will snap and actually legitimately kill him and go to prison.

He just doesn't know when to shut up, he talks about everyone behind their backs too, my grandmother, my sister, my, my brother, my mom to her face but also behind her back, our whole family.

He believes we're weirdos because of the way we live, and honestly we live relatively normal, he is obsessed with appearing tough and dominant.

But honestly, I feel like he has severe bipolar disorder, in all honesty.

You need to leave. Its so unfortunate that modern society makes it hard for young people to do that. Do you have any other family? Or if you applied to remote locations where labour is extremely valued you could sustain yourself. That's what I did. Moved to an island as a Canteen Worker at a remote school for aboriginals. I get free rent and decent pay because they find it hard to get workers that want to stay out there. I don't know if there is an equivalent to that situation in your country (Unless you are an Australian too in which case move to the Northern Territory it will be the best thing that you ever do as a young person).

Jmanghan
Originally posted by Dramatic Gecko
You need to leave. Its so unfortunate that modern society makes it hard for young people to do that. Do you have any other family? Or if you applied to remote locations where labour is extremely valued you could sustain yourself. That's what I did. Moved to an island as a Canteen Worker at a remote school for aboriginals. I get free rent and decent pay because they find it hard to get workers that want to stay out there. I don't know if there is an equivalent to that situation in your country (Unless you are an Australian too in which case move to the Northern Territory it will be the best thing that you ever do as a young person). choked him*

walshy
Originally posted by Jmanghan
Is it bad that I actually legitimately sometimes wish I could?

Like no joke I've had dreams where I've joked him to death.

if you want to joke him to death I suggest you open with this:

Originally posted by Jmanghan
No, I want to be a video game collector, I don't wanna focus part of my life on other things.

Plus I need to be near family of some sort.

Jmanghan
Honestly I feel like the only person who's taking it seriously at all is my girlfriend, I swear I think I'd be downright suicidal right now if not for her.

Jmanghan
I feel kinda destructive, with him being here.

It's made me feel like being mean and horrible to others.

Earlier I just yelled at some girl for no reason.

walshy
I'm sorry Jman but I couldn't just leave that, I tried to help. Maybe you should talk about this with a therapist rather than on here.

Dramatic Gecko
I've had good history with call services when it comes to my schizophrenia.

Robtard
Walshy is right though, military might be a great outlet for you. Get you out of that house, you'll have a job and you can get paid to learn a trade/skill.

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