For all of my life, I have demonstrated narcissistic and egocentric traits, and this has typically manifested itself when I debate with other people. My family enjoys exchanging stories about how, when I was five- or six- or seven-years-old, I would constantly ask questions and debate with either my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles -- not necessarily about anything intellectually stimulating (I have been considered "gifted" all throughout my educational career, though I don't think I'm regarded as anything approaching "genius" or "prodigy"
-- but about anything. And, a common fact for those who know me seems to be that I am undeniably stubborn and shackled by the strengths of my so-called convictions; by that, I mean, when I absolutely -- positively -- believe that I am right, and I am debating, there is no middle ground, and I have to convince the opposition that I am right. Now, obviously, this has not always worked; I've either been proven to be wrong, or people still refuse to accept what I consider to be an obvious truth. We could go on and on about where I believe this problematic trait derived itself from, but I didn't make this thread with the intent to simply vent on my frustration.
Thanks for reading.
I used to be Catholic, but I'm not anymore. Instead I'm a Christian who doesn't really have that much faith in a specific church, or that the Bible is any more perfect than the human hands that wrote it, or that man's understanding of God or morality will ever be 100% perfect, or that hell is a thing (I believe that the imperfections of the world exist so this imperfection can be used to forge us as beings with our own individuality, emerging from a state of nonexistence through birth into a state of imperfect existence where we evolve as individuals and progress the world and our fellow man, through death into a period of purgatory where we receive fitting but not eternal punishment to complete the process of evolution where we reach heaven, a state of perfect existence). What I believe in is the Holy Trinity (ie. the Father, the Son, and the Holy spirit), and try to understand it based on my experiences in the world and the philosophical understanding those have lead me to.
My belief in God stems from the belief that a higher power has to exist beyond the rules of our universe to have established the existence and purpose of those rules and universe, and that such a power wouldn't need something to create it as it would fall beyond deterministic principal. That doesn't prove the nature of said higher power (and having a conversation with an atheist friend of mine, I realized from an atheist point of view that higher power could very well be chance).
Recently, I had a few experiences with LSD that gave me some philosophical revelations about the nature of the universe, humanity, and progress, and ultimately became a better person because of those experiences. Those experiences were experiences of deeper connection with myself and the outside world, I realized that the universe itself was defined by connection (scientific law, change, power, knowledge, time, space, etc.), and that connection is central to human progress in the sense that progress arises from balancing individuality and conformity (the two main elements that seem to make up connection to me) and from the motivation of love (which is emotional connection). As such from my understanding of connection as this ubiquitous thing that defines the universe, I believe that this higher power is a being embodying connection, and the Holy Trinity to me makes since in that light and is something I have faith in.
The Holy Trinity to me seems to perfectly embody this connection in the sense that connection on such a level relates to power, understanding, and love, hence the omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent nature people tend to describe God with. It also perfectly relates to connection with mankind in the sense that God created us as the Father, permeates us as the Holy Spirit, and lived as one of us as Jesus (the self sacrifice also being a pure representation of God's loving nature). Then the Trinity represents connection within itself as a balance between individuality as it is three individual aspects conforming to one nature.
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