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Well, I was thinking about how people end relationships and a combination of something I heard on the radio and an episode of the Simpsons from last night.
So, anyone got any humdingers for ending a relationship? Here's some I got from the Simpson, the radio, TV and a couple I've had personally.

* Welcome to Dumpsville, population You! (H.J.Simpson)
* I am Gay. (H.J.Simpson)
* You are the weakest link, goodbye. (via phone text!!)
* Well I haven't seen you for 2 months and I don't miss you. (Miss C.Firmin)
* I feel I'm too old for you. (Miss D. Rattcliffe age 21 to Moi age 20)
* But you said we could see other people! (anon)
* We were on a break! (Ross gellar, Friends)
* Never call mne again! (via phone text!!)
* I'm living with your brother now (anon)

Any more, for any more....

How about: "Hi, I'm back and I'll stay here forever and ever and ever."

Um, don't think you quite got it, or maybe you did but that's another story.

Welcome back dosn't have much leaving in it does it? Kinda negates the point...

Have a good life. (Then ride off into the sunset)

I normally got that just asking for a date!!!

Well use one of my oldies: Shut the door when you leave.

Slightly alter form of fint's...

"Don't let the door hit cha in the ass on the way out.."

Hmmm, shades of...

Here's a few from when I was in high school(I've only had 1 girlfriend in college, we are still together):

- When you and broke had sex that pretty much ended us right?

- I used to like you.

- So you're telling me you need to grow up more in order to be with me?

- When I get drunk I tend to sing songs to attractive girls, nothing against you personally

-Lately you've been very distant...and anoying. Plus you boss me so I'm going to have to...please stop crying.

- Guri speak freely with me: "You're attracted to this woman Leia." So.... "Such attraction can lead to bad judgement." HAHAHA...we'll see who wins in the end.

Or: "How much do you charge for these past couple of (years/months/weeks)" while getting out your wallet.

In my first line the guys name was Brock. My second girlfriend had sex with a guy named Brock. I was a sophmore, she was a junior he was a senior.

Hehehehe, pretty good one, Xiz.

Well, I guess that coveres all the major food groups apart from Freshman.

(Sorry, Buffy reference.)

You're excused.

Oh thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!!!

You're........ welcome?

I heard that.

I don't sense anything.

Well, weak with the Force are you....

I guess so... *slumps and walks off in disappointment*

Well, getting BACK ON TOPIC... Lines to dump by?

How about: "Bye.."?

Noo..come on..you can do better than that!

Okay.

"Get the f... out of here!!!"

Yeah..but that's not funny.

But very effective. You can't have it both ways, dear.

How about, Get out and take the stupid cat with you!!!

Aside from "I love You" you mean?

How about "My therapist says I need space to grow as a person"? A reference like that normally worries them enough to make it smooth.

Or "I'm sorry, I just have a biological need to shag other women"?

I can claim credit for neither

"I have to sow my oats. Nature demands it."

BUt I thought there was acourt order against you.

"My girlfriend really thinks we need to stop seeing each other." And I have always loved the old classic, "its not you, its me."

Ooooooo, yeah, I had that one laid on me. "Its not you, its me. I need to find out who I am." Duh, why don't you look at your birth certificate, I'm sure it will tell you. Better yet, let me tell you who you are: You are #@$&*@!"

If you're going to tell her to take the cat, make sure she takes that stinking cat box too.

How about, "its been real, its been fun, but it hasn't been real fun"

"Life's too precious to waste it with you"

"I need someone who stimulates me intellectually. And you're not the sharpest knife in the drawer."

Or the alltime classic:

"I'm off to buy some cigarettes."

What if RC doesn't smoke....cigarettes ?

Even better.

How about Yes you are good but your best friend is better

"I have these strange red spots on my stomach..."

Oooooo..good one, finti..

finti is the only one here with a real sense of humour.

Yeah..that was okay..but a little..typical.

I prefer the Jerry Springer/white trash version..

Yes, you're good, but your mother's better
*note, that can go from bad to worse depending on whether the boyfriend or the girlfriend says it*

Speaking from experience????

Jerry Springer style? Is that just saying: "Yo a ho"!"

Nah that sounds like Rikki Lake the talk show for morons .
Hmm new lines "Talking to you babe is like shoveling snow on a rainy day." or "The more I see you the more I like dogs."

"I was happier when I was shovelling @#%$ in the slaughterhouse."

"I've had a better time with a happy meal"

"Even the toy moved more than you do."

"I'm just not into necrophilia, sweetheart."

"Cold, I don't mind. But this is ridiculous."

out off batteries again?
Do you have your period every day of the month?

Jeezzz, this certainly took a turn...

Nah, didn't like that one very much, RC. I don't think it'll work.

As for finti:

I think we have enough to write a book now.

A manual.

This could become as big a seller as "Handbook for the recently deceased" in Beetlejuice.

Doubt it. There are more deceased people then there are alive.

Good point. Well, RC, what else can we help you with now ?

Let's see. We've handled the separation tips, the wedding preparations are proceeding as planned, we have made him evil and caused him to go off-topic, hmmmm. Looks like we're almost finished.

What could we possibly do for an encore ?

I'm pretty sure we'll think of something.

We could stay on topic for more than one post apiece. Now THAT would really scare everybody.

We don't want everyone to have a heart attack.

I hate to put a pedantic spanner in your earlier comment, but what with the birth rate being over twice the death rate, there could well be more people alive now than have ever died. Scary, huh?

Incidentally, tragic though it is, I know a person who has lost two girlfriends with the line "I'm a Star Wars fan"...

Never tell the girls you are a SW fan not until a long time Monika first found out,before we moved in togehter, when I bought a poster. She was dissapointed in me because she thaught it was of Pamela Anderson so I had to show her my SW poster. ESB poster and I dont know where it is anymore, got lost when we moved int to our new house November 99. Pamela poster as I care for plastic babes. No wonder they are good lifeguards in baywatch, with all the plastic and silicon in their bodies they cant sink..

Oh, I don't know, I never lost a girl over Star Wars, well not yet anyway.

Oh well, I'd take a SW guy over say...a golf guy any day.

Golf is that a sport or is it just the rich peoples way of looking a little bit athletic? They can drive between the holes..

Problem is, Dim, its just hard to find a good SW guy around these days.

Not really! *lifts his hands in the air* But they're all taken.

Mrs. queeq just doesn't know how good she has it. Sigh.

Maybe I should start hanging out at Sci-Fi conventions!
maybe not!

As for golf....it's not a richie sport..it's a wanna be richie sport...but it's dumb. MVHO OC.

Mrs. queeq knows very well how good she has it. After all, she has me to remind her.

OMG, NOW I NEED A BARF BAG !!!!

*a package arrives at Gundy's house: a year's supply of C&M barf bags with the compliments of queeq*

You might as well bring the whole warehouse over here, queeq. Everybody in the forum is gonna need em' soon.

Why? What do you have in store for me?

Maybe golf lessons.

Hey, Dim, if you're going to a SW convention, let us know who's crazier, them or us.

And golf lessons will make everyone barf? You're so weird, I like it.

You like golf!!!!?????

I never knew queeq was an OAP...

Well, I love mini-golf. Tommy has NEVER beaten me at mini-golf in almost 11 years and it drives him nuts.

But regular golf...not my bag...but great if you want to take a nice nap on a rainy saturday afternoon. The announcers talk so quiet....puts me right to sleep.

Oh, so that's what they are for.

*walks around dazed*
queeqer likes golf...

He does?

Don't you?

He has a big poster of Tiger Woods in his office.

GUNDY! I thought my secrets were safe with you... soon you'll tell everyone we only play Yahtzee in that closet of yours while playing WWF soundtapes.

Oh yes, a large straight....excellent. Now if I can get four three's I won't blow my bonus..hmmm...oh, what were we talking about ? GASP!!!! queeq, shut that door, what are you thinking, man ???

Sorry dear, I was just airing you Mother Superior Costume and my Spiderman outfit.

Is it Halloween already ? Or time for the costume party at the Tavern ?

*covers her ears*
You people are SICK!

Nope, just an average closet night, Gundy-dear.

Is there such a thing as average in that closet?

Soooo, Gundy and queeq, playin' in the closet... It's so nice yto see a REAL romance blossoming.

.

Well, I don't know about "ROMANCE". But a lot is going on in there. And as for average, well, as I said, for a closet night it WAS average.

It just a twisted Sith thing you wouldn't understand, RC. You'll just have to roll with us on this one.

Roll? Can't remember doing THAT.

You two can keep your rolling to yourself, I'll just man the video camera.

But WE have the ability to disappear under our robes. Your cameras will capture NOTHING !!! Bwahahahahahahahahaha !!!!

Ah yes, the robes....

Anyway, looks like the end of this episode. Twilight is upon this thread... etc.

Sick Sick puppies..