What do you guys think? first 25minutes of story

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Collossus32
Story opens in a dim room where a young male and Female are in a room together, Blind folded and Drugged they are shot and killed as an onoumous dark character in the background simply mutters "You may someday be heroes".

we are then taken to the danger room WHere the 4 soon to be graduates are being tested by there teachers.clips show Storm vs ROgue, WOlv against Colussus, Kitty vs Nightcrawler and a Very Impatient Cyclops kicking the crud out of Iceman when Xavier stops him and calls SCott to talk to him. They began to talk about Jean and Magneto and blah blah blah blah when they hear a familiar scream coming from the living room. The x-crew all meet by the Tv where Jubillee,Syren and ah heck maybe a 12 year old Shatterstar or cannonball are sitting watching a tape showing 2 bodies laying there. Cyclops asks agrilly what they were watching but they were all too shaken up to answer when Xavier rewinds the tape with his neat power and they watch in horror of the tape showing these young adults being killed.Storm in shock speaks outloud the names Doug and ALison(Also known as Cypher and Dazzler)who were former Graduates of Xavier 4 or 5 years ago. Immediatly Cyclops begans to blame Magneto and Argues insistently with Xavier to the point where wolverine gets in his face. Cyclops walks up to his and Jeans room where he lays on his bed and begans to drink a bottle or unknown substance(probably WHiskey).

Xavier very distressed begins to talk to Storm,WOlverine and Nightcrawlerand the new graduates about his belief that this was not Magneto but possibly and much worse than he would want to think about. HE tells Logan to take Rogue and Collosuss with him to go find a former student and friend of his, He asks Bobby and Kitty to take the kids out of the mansion for a couple hours and then tells Storm and Nightcrawler to hang around Because he was going to ask a familiar face to visit the mansion.

Sitting in the kitchen dejected after getting his butt reemed by cyclops, Bobby is talking to Peter about his doubts and abilities and even mentions his inablilty to step up and try to freeze the water that killed Jean Grey. Peter does his best to consol Bobby when Rogue and Kitty walk in and ask whats going on. Rogue comes over and affectionettly cuddles up to Bobby but he just walks away.

Wolverine,Rogue,Colossus fly off to do there thing and then a little later
there is a knock at the door Storm goes to answer and there standing in his self glory is Magneto as an invited guest to the mansion he once helped build. Following behind him was a familiar face by the name of John and a stranger known as Avalanch. Xavier greets Magneto at the door and asks Storm to leave which she does as Xavier and Magneto go to talk Magneto realizes that Pyro and AVal are Frozen at the door and Eric just smiled. He asked about the whereabouts of wolverine and mentioned that there were a couple of admirirs that have been wanting to see him.The Camera shows Sabre and Mystique frozen in the Plane. But then Magnetos realizes that charles had already known they were heal and dealt with them he again smiles and finally asks what he wants..Charles begans to talk to him about the past and there old dreams and ideals that they once shared and then he finally mentioned the possible presence of Nathan which Magneto meets in disbelief.blah blah blah later Magneto says he will not help charles even after seeing the videotape and says that once again he will have to handle it his way and leaves.

G.P
good job, and I notice 2 pbs:
-The crush between Rogue & Iceman has been lasting (sorry if there are grammar mistakes) 2 years ? And nothing has happened ?

-Although X-men is a Sci-fi movie, you're kinda obliged to insert action/fight scenes... 25 minutes => very long (and there is no action scene but the Danger Room...so this particular scene has to be lenghened and very well done)

I like your way to focus on the character's psychology. smile

Collossus32
Actually i agree with you that there is not a whole lot of action but hopefully by the end you will see why.

Phoenix
v. good, but shouldnt this be in the fanfic forum?

Collossus32
we'll im just having fun with what i would make the movie be.and looking for other ideas from other people.

Kes
xaviers power doesn't inclued rewinding lol he can only control peoples mind and make them do stuff. Not move things.
But cool man! Nice characters and they way you worked all the stars!smile

Iceman5281
i think it sounds good....but truthfully....the way the movies have gone....i don't think bobby would be so....glum about his inabilities. he's kinda cocky.....and i doubt he would in some way blame himself for jean's death....he wouldn't be as upset as you make it seem....he woulda been upset right after it happened like everyone but he woulda moved on....plus....i doubt charles would invite magneto to the mansion....one magneto doesn't announce where he is to anyone he's not working with....and if he would be able to find him.....he would try to bring him in........

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