Okay so I'm just listening to these cds in my moms old cd shelf thing and im listening to this christian worship music cd and I'm feeling really guilty not beliving in god, My mom was really religious and she had breast cancer almost three years ago. and it spread all over her body and they wernt able to save herand of course they couldnt 'put her to sleep' so i had to watch her for about half a year wasting away in the greatist pain in my own house and it made it hard for me belive that any god who got so much worship from her would let her sufffer like so. So i compleatly lost it and stopped beliveing in it all together, and now im listening to this music and seeing that so many people belive in all this and dont care how much pain they o through now becuase thay belive that only 70-80 so years they'll suffer and then be rewarded after they die forever, and its scary for me to think about people actully accepting the fact that everyone dies, thats the only thing in life that is enivitable, and i just cant understand why theyre okay with that. I mean people have their doubts about life, like 'am i ever going to fall in love' or 'will i get my dream job and become a great hero-like person to my kids" and all i can think of is, is it really worth it thinking about all these things that so many people face and have to deal with like it REALLY matters. does it really matter? No im starting to think maybe since jesus did that whole crusify thing at the end of his life for all the sins that the human race commitited maybe all the really good people in the world have to suffer alot at the end for the people they care most about, and im feeling horrible because ive been such a horrid person in my life and i dont want to have to be responsible for what my mother went through and its just killing me. I feel like such a digusting person, and ive been crying like a 4 year old for the last 10 mintues thinking about this.
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"After coming into contact with a religious man
I always feel I must wash my hands."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Belief in a higher being is as personal as ones own private thoughts Ronny. It's different from person to person...and quite often, when we are faced with tragedy or loss in our lives, it makes us question whether there really is a "God" out there. I think we've all done it. I think to a certain extent we all question or HAVE questions about the existence of an all powerful being who watches over us and judges our lives. It's normal for you to have both FELT how you did, and now, how you are.
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I know that everyone goes through shit like this but it doesnt really feel like it, alot of people i know belive in God and it makes me feel even worse.
I'm not trying to be selfish or anything, I just feel so guilty for my mothers death because she felt she had o be there for me and look out for me and getting breast cancer would get in the way so she never tested in fear that shed get it. And I know im being stupid thinking about sometyhing that happened two and a half years ago, I shouldve already been over it, along time ago.
__________________
"After coming into contact with a religious man
I always feel I must wash my hands."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Gender: Female Location: in the deepest
darest
corner
of
ronny bad things happen to good people if you religous god is suposably testing you
if your not then lifes a ***** make it work for you im sorry about your mom though
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hate me becuase i cant love you
but this happened A LONGtime ago, i wasnt this upset when it happened, i was shocked and it hurt and i did go through all this depression but when i explain what happened to myself now it hurts so much more, and its confsing me.
__________________
"After coming into contact with a religious man
I always feel I must wash my hands."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Who says you have to be over it now, tomorrow or next year? Heal at your own pace.
I don't think you should be feeling guilty...your mother I would gather from what you've said, would certainly not want you to.
And whether you believe in God or not is irrelevant really. God is to different people, very different things. In some people's mind, God is non-existent. That in itself, if you choose not to believe, is not a reason to feel guilty, hon. Your mother loved you, you loved your mother....God's existence or lack thereof, doesn't enter the equation.
And Ronny, ignore the idiots in here...they have the combined IQ of a salad bar.
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Are you a Moosey Hall of Famer? Check my Profile! If not, ask how you can become one- TODAY!! ~sig by DaPittman~
I'm very sorry,
You are not responsible for your mother's death. It happens; many people who don't deserve to die do. I do believe there is a god out there, and no doubt will question his existence if I lost a beloved family member. But my thoughts are that everything that happens, there is a reason.
I won't tell you to get over it fast or slow; you will find your own pace.
It's good that you had the compassion to do this, Ronny. It shows that you are pure inside.
I probably don't understand what losing a family member is like, so I'll express my sympathies and hope in time, you'll feel better.
KMC Community Forums
I'm so confused!
Aug 8th, 2005 05:48 PM
