Gender: Female Location: looking forward to tomorrow
why I haven't been around
Hello everyone, I found out a few months back that my mom had cancer again. This time It was in her bile duct and her pancreas. The only way we found out is she was getting jaundice really badly, and her stomach was hurting all the time. Finally, her family Dr. got her into the hospital and had all the tests done. She had surgery on the Wednesday after we found out, but the pain kept getting worse, and the only thing she wanted to do was sleep. It was extremely hard on my family and me because my father has also been battling Parkinson's for the last 6 years, so a lot of responsibility fell on my shoulders.
My mother was a breast cancer survivor of 11 years, and her sister had passed away about 3 years ago of the same thing. I prayed that we had caught this in time, I did not want to see her go through the same thing that my aunt did. Sadly, it didn't play out like that.
My mother died on November 25th, the day after Thanksgiving from Pancreatic Cancer. Of course, I am devastated, and doing my best to cope. Never has it been so hard to go through the motions of getting up in the morning, and getting dressed, and going to school, and acting like I care about anything other than the fact that I no longer have a mother. But I am managing somehow.
Even though I wanted to take the semester off when I found out about all of this, it was VERY important to my mother that I finish this semester. So I was the dutiful daughter and continued my studies. I will be very glad when exams are over next week, although the upcoming holiday season feels completely lost on me now. I have decided to take a trip after exams to try and clear my mind.
This is why I have been away from the forum. This place really helped me blow off some steam this semester, and I look forward to the day that it will help me do the same in the hopefully near future. But for now, I will still do as I have been doing, which is mainly reading, and post when I feel up to it (which hasn't been often lately). So to those of you I have grown affection for, I look forward to seeing you soon.
Milly
XOXOX
__________________
Not expect anything! Never expect! Only hope! Only hoping best for you. That's not wrong, to hope.
__________________ From this day forth I shall no longer wear the man's clothes, nor speak in his tongue!
It's walking on all fours and grunting for me!
You must be an incredibly strong person to continue school during such a difficult time, I know if something like that to me during the school year there is no way in hell I would be able to finish the semester.
You have my thoughts and my respect. Best wishes.
__________________
"God has no place within these walls! Just as facts have no place within organized religion." - The Simpsons
Gender: Female Location: looking forward to tomorrow
I'm back briefly, to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I just got back from a trip to Port Orange, Florida, where one of my Aunt's live.
Spending time walking on the beach alone watching the waves, smelling the salt in the air and just thinking about my mother, really helped me deal with all that has happened in the last few months.
I know my mother wouldn't want me to dwell too deeply on her death, that's why it was so important to her that I complete last semester, which by the way, I did. She wanted my life to go on, even though I didn't want it to. She always knew what was best for me, even when I didn't or want to accept it. I knew that about her, but hearing my Aunt talk about my Mother and all they had spoken of before that day, really made me realize that my Mother would always be with me.
God, I miss her.
So thank you everyone for your well wishes, I really appreciate them. I hope to be back on a more regular basis after Christmas, I'm leaving to spend time with my Father today.
See you soon,
Milly
XOXOX
__________________
Not expect anything! Never expect! Only hope! Only hoping best for you. That's not wrong, to hope.
Sorry if a nice version of "who the f*** are you?" wasn't nice enough.
BTW, I've already answered a PM to dragon_milly involving this thread, which I regretfully didn't read because I didn't recognize the username and thought it was a noob. Happy?
Gender: Female Location: looking forward to tomorrow
Yeah, you answered.
Thank you all those who stood up for me, and recognize that some people just post in any old thread without taking the time to see what content may be within.
Anyway, I just came back from staying with my father for a week. His Parkinson's seems to be improving, so we enjoyed our time together, even though there was a sadness and emptiness to the proceedings of Christmas. He really helped me come to terms that my mother is really gone, and that she would want me to carry on with my life, not getting bogged down in grief. I was considering taking this semester off, but don't think I will anymore.
I am leaving shortly to go out with some friends, who are taking upon themselves to try and liven my spirits. I am trying to get back to normal. Tomorrow I even start work again after being gone over a month.
Thanks for your support,
Milly
XOXOX
__________________
Not expect anything! Never expect! Only hope! Only hoping best for you. That's not wrong, to hope.
Gender: Female Location: looking forward to tomorrow
Thank you all again for your well wishes.
I am starting to feel a little better, the gloom I was feeling is lightening and I was able to laugh at something really hard last night.
Milly
XOXOX
__________________
Not expect anything! Never expect! Only hope! Only hoping best for you. That's not wrong, to hope.
KMC Community Forums
Dec 10th, 2005 09:13 PM
By Barker
