I just wanted to dedicate this thread to all of the bright people that have lost their lives in the dumbest of ways.
I think I'll begin in 1995 a great year. So if you find any interesting candidates, be sure to post them here!
I'll begin
"Fish-Impersonation Deaths On the Rise in Melbourne"
(29 November 1995, Australia) The badly decomposed remains of Neil of Melbourne were discovered in a paddock near Toolondo Reservoir Neil's death was shrouded in mystery, tragedy, and a fish suit.
Local law enforcement officials said the 49-year-old man was wearing a "heavy green plastic bodysuit," constructed from old waterbed material. The suit, from which one could only be extricated painstakingly after unfastening a full-length zipper along the spine, constricted his legs into one mermaid-esque tail. The only openings, aside from the zipper, were two eyeholes.
Neil's garb, enclosing his entire body like a maritime mummy costume, restricted his breathing as well as his movement. He was discovered in this attire, which the Melbourne Fish Costume Bureau stresses was "not approved," less than a kilometer from Toolondo Lake. He apparently had attempted to swim home.
A second yellow-colored suit was found in his garage.
The psychological motivation for Neil's fatal excursion remains unclear. Police have learned that he was taking medications for epilepsy and diabetes at the time, and speculate that his behavior may have had a chemical basis, but locals have their own theories about the aquatic abberation.
"He wanted to be a fish," disclosed one unnamed resident, recalling incidents in which Wilson would swing from a rope while wearing the suit at the lake. Other comments from the Australian community included "bollocks" and "criminey."
Wilson's death brings the Melbourne fish impersonation fatality toll to one, up infinity percent from zero in the previous year.
Count Your Chickens
1995 Darwin Awards Runner-Up
Confirmed True by Darwin
(31 August 1995, Egypt) Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18 year old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said his sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help. But they apparently were pulled by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo. The chicken was also pulled out. It survived.
Repairs on the Road
1995 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(March 1995, Michigan) James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Michigan, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
Jet Assisted Take-Off
1995 Darwin Awards Winner
Confirmed Bogus by Darwin
URBAN LEGEND! The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.
The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.
It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.
Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.
The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:
The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.
The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
"How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT."
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Last edited by Stoic on Jul 15th, 2008 at 09:23 AM
Train of Thought
1994 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(September 1989, USSR) The Soviet Union is home to a growing number of psychics and mentalists. One of them, E. Frenkel, became convinced that he could use his powers to stop vehicles in their tracks. He believed that "in extraordinary conditions of a direct threat to my organism, all my reserves will be called into action."
Frenkel started small -- a bicycle here, an automobile there -- before graduating to streetcars. Finally, he devised an ultimate test of his psychic power: he would halt a freight train in its tracks.
The engineer of the train that ran Frenkel over saw him toss his briefcase aside, and step onto the tracks with arms raised, head lowered, and body tensed. The engineer applied the emergency brakes, but it was too late.
The mentalist psyched himself out.
Rockrelf says, "I wonder how many of the bicycles and cars this guy 'stopped' were driven by alert drivers who were able to hit the brakes before turning this nincompoop into roadkill. One would think a person of average intellect, or even average stupidity, would jump four feet to safety at the last moment, as they realized the 'mind trick' wasn't working."
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly - and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents.
The site I was on had "confirmed" or "false" for their entries....I just noticed that that particular submission had "unconfirmed", but snopes says it's false.
KMC Community Forums
The Darwin Awards
So if you find any interesting candidates, be sure to post them here!
Jul 15th, 2008 09:07 AM
