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NEWS FLASH: Major Earthquake Hits Essex, UK.
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Catch 22
Disinterested

Gender: Unspecified
Location: In my Happy Place

NEWS FLASH: Major Earthquake Hits Essex, UK.

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Sunday 4th May 2003. Epicentre: Canvey Island,Essex.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "f*ckin mentoe", "innit" and "sh*t".

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30.00 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa’s were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their benefit cheque arrived. Essex News reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Canvey.

One resident – Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two: Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster;

Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps,
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers),
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms,
£2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9,
£5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population or neighbouring areas of Vange, Pitsea and Laindon.


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Catch 22!

Old Post May 4th, 2003 09:14 AM
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Ushgarak
Paladin

Gender: Male
Location: Chelmsford, Essex, UK

Co-Admin

Great, that'll be refugees coming Chelmsford way now...

(goes to get shotgun)

Sure as hell aren't letting the Canvey hicks near OUR promised land...

And I think I know that girl!


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Old Post May 4th, 2003 11:00 AM
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mechmoggy
Northern Monkey

Gender: Male
Location: Changing nappies

Oh my! They have had a bit of Barney Rubble, haven't they. laughing out loud


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Old Post May 4th, 2003 09:34 PM
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Thomas H
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Location: Norway

hahaha


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Semper Fidelis

Specialist Thomas H

Old Post May 4th, 2003 09:36 PM
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Corran
Lucifer

Gender: Male
Location: Look out of your Window

laughing out loud


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Old Post May 4th, 2003 10:17 PM
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Julie
The Student

Gender: Female
Location: New Jersey

eh I don't get it...must be british humor:-)


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Old Post May 5th, 2003 03:17 AM
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mah
J-type 327 Nubian

Gender: Male
Location: Florø, Norway

mohoh


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Old Post May 5th, 2003 07:22 PM
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finti
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quote:
eh I don't get it...must be british humor:-)
british what??????

Old Post May 5th, 2003 07:37 PM
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Catch 22
Disinterested

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We don't have humor....


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Catch 22!

Old Post May 6th, 2003 08:26 AM
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Catch 22
Disinterested

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And we're British, not british......


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Catch 22!

Old Post May 6th, 2003 08:26 AM
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finti
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yeah as I said british

Old Post May 6th, 2003 09:39 AM
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Catch 22
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stick out tongue


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Catch 22!

Old Post May 6th, 2003 09:45 AM
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Tex
Yumsz

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Tampa, FL, USA

Earthquake eh? Sure you weren't just doing dance aerobics at the timestick out tongue


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Old Post May 7th, 2003 02:58 AM
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finti
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well it looks like Bjørks face was the centre for the 1906 Frisco quake

Old Post May 7th, 2003 06:38 AM
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Catch 22
Disinterested

Gender: Unspecified
Location: In my Happy Place

quote:
Originally posted by Tex
Earthquake eh? Sure you weren't just doing dance aerobics at the timestick out tongue
Nah, I don't do Dance Aerobics on a Sunday.

Only on Mondays, Wednesdays amd Thursdays. Well actually, Mondays and Thursdays are Step Aerobics. Happy Dance


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Catch 22!

Old Post May 7th, 2003 08:22 AM
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Member.
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right, what a laugh.

Old Post May 8th, 2003 03:14 AM
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Catch 22
Disinterested

Gender: Unspecified
Location: In my Happy Place

quote:
Originally posted by Member.
right, what a laugh.
What? The earthquake or my aerobics classes?


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Catch 22!

Old Post May 8th, 2003 07:44 AM
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finti
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are you wearing tights on your aerobic classes catch?

Old Post May 8th, 2003 08:38 AM
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Catch 22
Disinterested

Gender: Unspecified
Location: In my Happy Place

Yes, and a little pink to-to obviously..... roll eyes (sarcastic)

[Can you smell the sarcasm Finti???]

Happy Dance


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Catch 22!

Old Post May 8th, 2003 09:51 AM
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Member.
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both i believe.

Old Post May 8th, 2003 01:03 PM
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