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Your mission...
Started by: Plasma

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Plasma
Irrevocably Human

Gender: Male
Location: Standing in a Crowd

Your mission...

I go sleep now,

I will log on 2moro at work at 1800 bst,

You have until then to come up with the funniest Cookie related joke/phrase/comment,

Prizes will be given!

Nite All

Plasma

evil face


__________________
I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I've realized that you are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment. But you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague.
And we are... the cure.


Old Post Oct 21st, 2003 09:40 PM
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ITALIAN926
Senior Member

Gender:
Location: United States

There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. led down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.

With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.

Gasping for breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that?"

"Those are for the funeral."

Old Post Oct 21st, 2003 11:57 PM
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ITALIAN926
Senior Member

Gender:
Location: United States

A fellow walks into his doctor's office, complaining
that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor makes a physical
examination and listens to the symptoms, and concurs with the self
diagnosis.

"I want you to come back tomorrow, to start treatment.
And bring a banana and a cookie with you" said the doctor.
Despite the seemingly odd request, our hero complies,
and returns the next day with a banana and a cookie. The doctor says
"Okay, now drop your pants and bend over. This is going to hurt a
bit."

Although leery about the turn of events, the patient
drops his pants and bends over. The doctor peels the banana and with
one deft motion rams it up the guy's ass. While the doctor consults
his watch, our hero dances around the room shouting at the doctor.

"Okay, one minute is up, and we have to complete the
second part of the treatment if you truly want to get rid of this
tapeworm" advises doc. Despite the pain, the patient does want to be
cured, so complies with the order to bend over again. The doctor
takes the cookie and rams IT up the patients ass.

"Okay, tomorrow I want to see you here at the same time,
and bring another banana and a cookie" says the doctor. The now
humbled patient, with tears of pain in his eyes, nods his head.
Next day, the same routine ensues. First the doctor rams
up a banana, waits exactly one minute, then rams up a cookie. And the
next day, and the next day and the next!! Every day UP goes a
banana, wait one minute, then UP goes a cookie.

After one full week of treatments, the doctor finally
says "Well, tomorrow is the LAST day of treatments. I want you to =
bring in a banana and a hammer."

"Not a cookie?" asks the very frightened patient, trying
to imagine what a hammer was going to feel like. "Nope, a hammer"
confirmed the doctor.
The last day the doctor says "Okay, you know
the routine". So the man drops his pants and bends over. UP goes
the banana, and the doctor looks at his watch and picks up the
hammer. One minute passes. Then two minutes. Three. Four minutes
pass.

Then a little head pokes out the patients ass."WHERE'S MY COOKIE?"

*********WHAM*********

Last edited by ITALIAN926 on Oct 22nd, 2003 at 12:08 AM

Old Post Oct 22nd, 2003 12:03 AM
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