Gender: Female
Location: Chillin on the Beach

Castle Essay

PLEASE READ MY ESSAY FOR MY ENGLISH CLASS AND VOTE WHETHER IT IS GOOD OR NOT!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASEEEEEE!! I WANT TO KEEP MY GRADES UP!! THANX!




The chill air lashed out at my face and the fierce wind howled furiously like a wolf when the carriage made way for the mountain. Harnessed to the carriage were two fairly fat brown horses, both smelled of dust and manure. As the horses brought us closer to the top of the mountain I looked up and saw a large white structure that stood tall like a soldier. It glistened in the snow the same way that the stars twinkle in the night’s sky. It was called Neuschwanstein, King Ludwig II castle, and it is one of the world’s most famous castles. As I walked in through the entrance that led into the courtyard it was like walking into a fairytale from a storybook. I saw many tall pillars that were connected to leaping stairs that winded around. Once I was inside the castle it seemed old and deserted since no one has lived in it since the late 1800s.

Cold crisp air lurked about through the castle and there was a musky smell lingering about. As I continued to walk through it I realized that it was not so deserted after all. The castle had been brought to life by a painter who had painted many beautiful murals which could be found on almost every wall and ceiling. When the tour guide led us into the throne room it seemed like I had just walked into a rainbow. As I gazed around the room I noticed I was surrounded completely by the most magnificent murals I had ever seen. The murals swam around on the walls. This room was a particular favorite of mine. It was very vibrant. King Ludwig II was very keen on having many elaborate and colorful murals in his royal rooms.

The remaining parts of the king’s royal rooms were just as appealing as the throne room. King Ludwig II had insisted for them to have murals. The servants’ quarters and the knights’ quarters were very un-lively, they did not have any murals or any other sort of paintings or design to them. The king had wanted them left very dull. When Ludwig II had met with the architect he had wanted to create a fairytale castle that would stand out against all others. Truly Neuschwanstein was more than just a magnificent piece of art, it was his dream that had come to life.

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Currently Writing: An Adventure Bookl!!!

Gender: Female
Location: Chillin on the Beach

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Currently Writing: An Adventure Bookl!!!

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Location: in a double decker bus...

I would change the word "un-lively" in your last paragraph... maybe use "drab" or "dowdy" or "dingy"

Other than that, it looks good to me!

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Gender: Female
Location: in a double decker bus...

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Gender: Female
Location: in a double decker bus...

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under the pale tree - my [email protected]

I can hear the call of the dragon...

Gender: Male
Location: United Kingdom

I didn't really notice that, but I suppose it's a valid point. I could only see one mistake which I suppose your teacher might pick up on. In the very last sentence it says 'since no one has lived in it...' which is in the present tense and the rest of the essay is in the past tense.
Unless you meant it to be like that - and if so then there's is nothing I can see that's wrong at all!

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"If clowns warred on monkeys, and the monkeys had guns, and were trained to use them, who would win?"

Death only gives another set of choices.

He who dies with the most toys. Still dies.

Gender: Female
Location: Chillin on the Beach

THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL YOUR CRITIQUES....I didn't like un-lively too...i was a loss for words at the moment!

My fellow classmates critiqued it as well and they loved it!! YAY!!!

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Currently Writing: An Adventure Bookl!!!

Gender: Female
Location: Chillin on the Beach

I changed un-lively to lifeless!

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Lava_wacky_j

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having nothing but a hyphen under my name makes me look so xhardxcorex. like a felon.

Gender: Female
Location: Chillin on the Beach

yeah..i was sleepy when i wrote that last part. yeah..i put loads of them in there b/c that's how she wanted it.....it's not easy either..

thanx for the critique!

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