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IS THIS STORY GOOD? (IT'S TRUE)
You do not have permission to vote on this poll. |
VERY GOOD |
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5 |
71.43% |
IT WAS OK |
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2 |
28.57% |
IT NEEDS IMPROVEMENT (if so..please post) |
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0 |
0% |
IT SUCKED |
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0 |
0% |
Total: |
7 votes |
100% |
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~Air Angel~
Armed & Dangerous
 Gender: Female Location: Chillin on the Beach |
Castle Essay
PLEASE READ MY ESSAY FOR MY ENGLISH CLASS AND VOTE WHETHER IT IS GOOD OR NOT!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASEEEEEE!! I WANT TO KEEP MY GRADES UP!! THANX! 
The chill air lashed out at my face and the fierce wind howled furiously like a wolf when the carriage made way for the mountain. Harnessed to the carriage were two fairly fat brown horses, both smelled of dust and manure. As the horses brought us closer to the top of the mountain I looked up and saw a large white structure that stood tall like a soldier. It glistened in the snow the same way that the stars twinkle in the night’s sky. It was called Neuschwanstein, King Ludwig II castle, and it is one of the world’s most famous castles. As I walked in through the entrance that led into the courtyard it was like walking into a fairytale from a storybook. I saw many tall pillars that were connected to leaping stairs that winded around. Once I was inside the castle it seemed old and deserted since no one has lived in it since the late 1800s.
Cold crisp air lurked about through the castle and there was a musky smell lingering about. As I continued to walk through it I realized that it was not so deserted after all. The castle had been brought to life by a painter who had painted many beautiful murals which could be found on almost every wall and ceiling. When the tour guide led us into the throne room it seemed like I had just walked into a rainbow. As I gazed around the room I noticed I was surrounded completely by the most magnificent murals I had ever seen. The murals swam around on the walls. This room was a particular favorite of mine. It was very vibrant. King Ludwig II was very keen on having many elaborate and colorful murals in his royal rooms.
The remaining parts of the king’s royal rooms were just as appealing as the throne room. King Ludwig II had insisted for them to have murals. The servants’ quarters and the knights’ quarters were very un-lively, they did not have any murals or any other sort of paintings or design to them. The king had wanted them left very dull. When Ludwig II had met with the architect he had wanted to create a fairytale castle that would stand out against all others. Truly Neuschwanstein was more than just a magnificent piece of art, it was his dream that had come to life.
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Currently Writing: An Adventure Bookl!!!
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Feb 4th, 2004 06:45 PM |
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~Air Angel~
Armed & Dangerous
 Gender: Female Location: Chillin on the Beach |
NOTE: my teacher asked for many similies, metaphors and personifications b/c my story was supposed to be lifelike (come to life)
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Currently Writing: An Adventure Bookl!!!
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Feb 4th, 2004 06:49 PM |
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Phoenix
Luna Lovegood
 Gender: Female Location: in a double decker bus... |
I would change the word "un-lively" in your last paragraph... maybe use "drab" or "dowdy" or "dingy"
Other than that, it looks good to me! 
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Feb 4th, 2004 09:49 PM |
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Phoenix
Luna Lovegood
 Gender: Female Location: in a double decker bus... |
Or maybe even "dead"...
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Feb 4th, 2004 09:50 PM |
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Phoenix
Luna Lovegood
 Gender: Female Location: in a double decker bus... |
"lifeless", something like that...
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Feb 4th, 2004 09:50 PM |
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Peach
mordrem
 Gender: Female Location: verdant brink Moderator |
I agree with Phoe...it's very good, just that little bit in the last paragraph doesn't seem to fit with the rest, because of that one word. I think that 'drab' would fit in there the best.
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Feb 4th, 2004 10:09 PM |
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Trickster
True KMC Jester
 Gender: Male Location: United Kingdom |
I didn't really notice that, but I suppose it's a valid point. I could only see one mistake which I suppose your teacher might pick up on. In the very last sentence it says 'since no one has lived in it...' which is in the present tense and the rest of the essay is in the past tense.
Unless you meant it to be like that - and if so then there's is nothing I can see that's wrong at all!
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"If clowns warred on monkeys, and the monkeys had guns, and were trained to use them, who would win?"
Death only gives another set of choices.
He who dies with the most toys. Still dies.
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Feb 4th, 2004 10:31 PM |
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~Air Angel~
Armed & Dangerous
 Gender: Female Location: Chillin on the Beach |
THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL YOUR CRITIQUES....I didn't like un-lively too...i was a loss for words at the moment! 
My fellow classmates critiqued it as well and they loved it!! YAY!!!
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Currently Writing: An Adventure Bookl!!!
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Feb 5th, 2004 06:42 AM |
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~Air Angel~
Armed & Dangerous
 Gender: Female Location: Chillin on the Beach |
I changed un-lively to lifeless! 
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Currently Writing: An Adventure Bookl!!!
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Feb 5th, 2004 12:41 PM |
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Laviera_j
Kadehadaire_Mage_:)
 Gender: Female Location: |
It was a good piece of writing angel, but the only thing that I would say is that I didn't read to many metaphores though I did see similies.
Like you could have said;
"The wind was a beast and it lashed out at my warm skin."
Also, what about,
"The murals swam around on the walls - they were enigmatic dancers."
But otherwise it was very intriguing, and I liked the storyline. Did you make it up? Maybe you should continue with it.
I hope that you get an A!
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Lava_wacky_j
Work that magic!
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Feb 5th, 2004 05:33 PM |
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~Air Angel~
Armed & Dangerous
 Gender: Female Location: Chillin on the Beach |
yeah..i was sleepy when i wrote that last part. yeah..i put loads of them in there b/c that's how she wanted it.....it's not easy either..
thanx for the critique! 
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Currently Writing: An Adventure Bookl!!!
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Feb 6th, 2004 05:57 PM |
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Arena52
Junior Member
Gender: Location: |
I did not know that is so easy to convert the MOV to MPEG files for the videos on Apple Mac though that is a very convenient and effective way which putting us in a good swing and making relax also I do use the australian writing service writing online service where I have met many professionals who are expert in this matter. they write too well for us to get the things done even on time without being delay
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May 5th, 2020 06:10 PM |
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