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Darkness Haunts
Member
 Gender: Female
Location: Minnesota |
=+~ Creations ~+= (A collection of ss, poems )
Instead of starting two topics with my short stories and poems I decided to combine them into the same topic. What I post will depend on my mood but I think I'll start out with a poem. Comments are really wanted... Thank you in advance for reading.
Resurface
Trying to resurface,
I'm trying to break though,
But when my fingers reach the air,
Some one else pulls me down too.
When I need to be rescued,
No one is there to be found,
No one is there except nothing,
And nothing let's me drown.
I try to defend for myself,
But I'm lost with out a 'you',
So you can stay away from me,
But I'll try to be true,
You may not know how I feel,
But what I feel has a purpose,
May some day I'll tell you,
But I'm trying to resurface
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Oct 3rd, 2004 09:24 PM |
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Darkness Haunts
Member
Gender: Female
Location: Minnesota |
I thank you for commenting upon my poem. I'm glad you liked it and you're absolutely right. I could have lengthened it and gone into far more detail upon the feelings and twisted views with in the hidden messaage that the poem gave. Maybe some time I will try to further it...
Well, here is another poem that I've wrote.
The Senses
We caper the intricate dance
Of wits, smiles and truth
We sing the complicated song
Of being flirts and aloof
Breathe
Take a lapse from the music
I smile the ever-lasting grin
With hope, pride and trust
I believe the spirited maiden
With memory and lust
Watch
Fleeting images take flight
You perceive the glittering reality
In body, soul and mind
You capture the exotic fantasy
In intuition and grind
Grasp
Truth will slip through fingers
We live the twisted life
Of soul, death and dancers
We love the vague lust
Of questions and answers
Realize
All webs will interlace together
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Oct 7th, 2004 02:31 AM |
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In the interest of constructive criticism though, I think the subject matter is too complex for the length of the poem... Too many little bits and pieces, it doesn't really come across as a complete image or thought. Very good overall though. I'll keep watching this thread for new writing.
