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Reborn Again
I'm HELL's Wrath!
 Gender: Male
Location: |
Vulture's Master Plan on FF.net
I just finished a Spidey story. Vulture & Venom team-up against Spidey and Johnny Storm of the FF4. After a surprise encounter with Venom at FF HQ in NYC, Johnny Storm storms off and is attacked again in Central Park. Vulture creates havoc for all concerned and absorbs Johnny Storm's Human Torch power becoming the new Human Torch. But can he defeat Spidey even with his new found powers? Click on the link to find out!
I decided to post a link here because I thought some readers would be interested in an interesting story.
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/324635/
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Oct 24th, 2004 12:25 AM |
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Reborn Again
I'm HELL's Wrath!
Gender: Male
Location: |
Sorry, I posted this in the wrong section. Thanks for moving it to GF.
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Oct 24th, 2004 01:02 AM |
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fever red
Paola's doll
 Gender: Unspecified
Location: missing- if found, return to Paola |
SPOILERS in this response- those who haven't read this story should do so first. It's good.
Especially the action was swift, clear, and exciting.
The tension of not knowing what Venom's plan was, and then the Vulture's, kept me reading.
The last chapter was superb. I am not saying this merely as a Venom fan. Toomes was nicely in charactor. I didn't know what was about to happen. I knew Venom was angry, and that he would attack Toomes, but I didn't know if Toomes would remain confused or become fully aware of his danger and be able to defend himself- so there was some doubt in my mind about the outcome! Exciting.
One suggestion-
The exposition at the beginning could be dropped- it was too much information, too fast, as exposition tends to be. Personally, I hate summaries. Could you have a charactor convey that information to us? Maybe put it in the Torch's thoughts? Start with the showerscene, and have the Torch reflect that he is tired and sore following the battle with Dr. Doom. Maybe have him think that Spidey is probably even more worn out, since Spidey was fighting to save his wife, and endured the stress of having his identity revealed. Show that the Torch is concerned for his friend, and eager to get out to the common room and check up on Peter. That would introduce the situation, and it would have a more personal touch.
Just my thoughts, I hope they're interesting to you. Your story certainly was to me.
Thanks for posting!
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Oct 24th, 2004 01:28 AM |
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Zeal Ex Nihilo
Restricted
 Gender: Male
Location: Account Restricted |
It is surprisingly good, especially for a fanfic, although you rely heavily on adverbs and tag-lines.
At its current state I would give it a 3/5. Lose your dependence on the above, add a little more depth, and it would be better.
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Ask me about my "obvious and unpleasant agenda of hatred."
Last edited by Zeal Ex Nihilo on Oct 24th, 2004 at 01:49 AM
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Oct 24th, 2004 01:45 AM |
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Reborn Again
I'm HELL's Wrath!
Gender: Male
Location: |
I figured as much, but I've been carrying this story for so long that I just wanted to get it posted. I appreciate the feedback. It's exactly what I wanted. Yeah, and I agree that I should have began with Johnny Storm's thoughts on the battle instead of a recap. I had this intitally but dropped it because I wanted to focus more on Spidey. I'm still learning about placement of characters and their inner thoughts in relation to the story. Thanks for the feedback.
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Oct 24th, 2004 04:09 AM |
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fever red
Paola's doll
Gender: Unspecified
Location: missing- if found, return to Paola |
You can still focus on Spidey- Johnny's thoughts can be "fleeting." They don't have to include any details of the battle- just his knowledge of it, or maybe one remembered image of a battered Spidey at some pivotal point- which would galvanize Johnny to get his @ss out of the shower and back to his friend.
And you're welcome- it's terribly hard to write fiction without feedback- I don't know if anyone actually does.
Let us know if you make updates or a sequel- and ALWAYS inform us in the "office" (the official sym thread) if you post any more sym stories anywhere.
And if you come across people who are Venom fans, (you know, reviewing your fic) encourage them to stop in at KMC. Let's get this community some fresh meat. Thanks!
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Last edited by fever red on Oct 28th, 2004 at 02:22 AM
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Oct 28th, 2004 02:18 AM |
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