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what do you think of this short part of my book????
You do not have permission to vote on this poll.
wow realy good 0 0%
good 1 33.33%
not to go over board about 2 66.67%
how crap was that rubbish 0 0%
Total: 3 votes 100%
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Kantars Tale
Started by: Kantar

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Kantar
Member

Gender: Male
Location: United Kingdom No ENGLAND!!

Barf Kantars Tale

part but any feedback would be loved . Please no one add anything to the story.

I walked over to the door and found it to be unlocked.
"Kash the door is unlocked" I said confused
"What unlocked well where is everyone?" Kash questioned
I didn't have the answer. I was worried however, what if something had happened while we were late. I looked out the window by the stairs and saw cars but no people. Something was wrong there wasn't anyone about.
"Kash what are we going to do..where is everyone?" I asked trying to not let my concern come out of me
The door one floor below us slambed open. I jumped as kash looked down to see what it was.
"Kantar....Kantar wh-whats that?" She whispered
I looked down the stairs and saw a man covered in bited and cuts, he groaned and roared but mamaged to walk normaly. His cloths were mudded and covered in blood as well and torn and riped.
"I donno but i ain't gonna wait and find out" I whispered " Come on lets hide"


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ok hold up people say that death is only the biginning not the end ::shrugs::

Old Post Oct 27th, 2004 02:07 PM
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H. S. 6
Approaching the End

Gender: Male
Location: Ministry of Magic

i voted not to go overboard about only because there were some grammar mistakes and i had no idea what you were talkin about. maybe you could write a sort of preface or prologue that explains a little bit more about the sample.


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Old Post Nov 2nd, 2004 06:00 PM
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Trickster
True KMC Jester

Gender: Male
Location: United Kingdom

The same. Perhaps if you used longer setences? You've only really given us examples of your ability in writing dialogue, so maybe some descriptive parts of the book as well?

What is the storyline of the book, btw?


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"If clowns warred on monkeys, and the monkeys had guns, and were trained to use them, who would win?"

Death only gives another set of choices.

He who dies with the most toys. Still dies.

Old Post Nov 2nd, 2004 08:17 PM
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