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Golden Moon
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Gender: Female Location: . |
Trapped With God
TRAPPED WITH GOD----------------- tell me what you think
Rachel Carter is a 23–year–old American journalist working for the Marie Claire magazine. She is an intelligent, energetic, outgoing young woman. She has recently graduated from the School of Journalism at Harvard University, and she is very eager to become a first class journalist. She is extremely stubborn and determined as well as selfish. She is an atheist and her motto is “Seeing is believing”. Her light brown hair touches her shoulders, her wide, green eyes make her look like a cunning cat and her red lips are redder than fire. She is slim and fit. She loves dancing and she never goes anywhere without her camera.
Last week Rachel was sent to Rome on her first assignment abroad to write a tourist guide describing the historic and religious monuments of this city. She was eager to do her job although she was not enthusiastic about visiting churches. She was going to start with the Basilica of Saint Peter’s. Early in the morning, she joined the queue outside the great church.
The Basilica of Saint Peter’s in Rome is the biggest cathedral in the world and everything about it is huge. The front court has a circular shape and it’s surrounded by colossal statues of the Saints. As you enter the enormous golden door called the Gate of Paradise, you feel astonished to see the size and the splendour of everything around you. The floor is made of colourful, shiny marble. Michelangelo’s dome is imposing, beautifully decorated with sculptures and paintings. The jewelled throne and the giant statues of angels, saints, popes, are breathtaking. When looking into their eyes, you have the impression that they are real and they follow you wherever you go. The most outstanding feature of the church is the Michelangelo’s “Pieta” that is a white marble statue representing the Virgin Mary crying, holding Jesus Christ dead in her arms. It is so sad and so real.
Rachel found the building stunning. There was a peculiar silence in spite of the crowd. She entered the church and started taking photos of everything. She was so absorbed in this that she didn’t realise that the visiting hours were over. An announcement was made that the church was closing, but she was underground taking photos of the catacombs. So, she didn’t hear it and she was trapped inside.
She tried to scream, to call for help but all was futile. She soon realised that there was nothing she could do. So, she decided to be patient and she lay on a bench. As she was falling asleep, she felt a sudden warmth and… she couldn’t believe her eyes!!! The statues of the saints, outside became alive and descended in a gathering in the centre of the basilica. The statue “Pieta”, Jesus Christ and his mother, the Virgin Mary, rose to their feet and moved to the gathering of the saints. There was a Holy Communion between them. Their eyes spoke. Their conversation was not heard, but Rachel could feel it. She tried to hide but she couldn’t. The light attracted her to the gathering and filled her soul and her being. A warm hand stroked her and that warmth wasn’t a bodily sensation, it went through her. All of a sudden she found herself moving towards Jesus Christ who was smiling to her with the sweetest smile she had ever seen. Unexpectedly she discovered that she wasn’t approaching them, they were all coming to her. A motherly figure took her in her arms and whispered softly in her ears the words, “Believe” and “Love”. The gentle mother of Jesus looked into Rachel’s eyes and her heart was filled with joy.
The next morning, she found herself lying in the middle of the church. She wasn’t sleeping, she knew it wasn’t a dream, it was a miracle. She didn’t know if the previous night had lasted a moment or an eternity. The doors of the church opened and the crowd started coming in. Everything was back to routine but not her. She was a different woman now. Her soul was full of love for everything around her. After that she wrote the best and most inspiring article that was ever written. This incident marked Rachel in the days and the years that followed. She was not an atheist anymore and her selfishness vanished. She believed in God and in love!
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Feb 27th, 2005 10:08 PM |
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Trickster
True KMC Jester
Gender: Male Location: United Kingdom |
Was that a conversion type story? Or is it something somebody actually believed?
If it's fiction, it's very creative.
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"If clowns warred on monkeys, and the monkeys had guns, and were trained to use them, who would win?"
Death only gives another set of choices.
He who dies with the most toys. Still dies.
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Mar 3rd, 2005 09:46 AM |
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Golden Moon
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Gender: Female Location: . |
huh? can you explain more?
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Mar 14th, 2005 06:25 PM |
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Line
Sarkz
Gender: Female Location: Amager |
ah! a woman with a mission!
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Apr 12th, 2005 11:41 AM |
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Zeal Ex Nihilo
Restricted
Gender: Male Location: Account Restricted |
Too much telling, not enough showing. Little sentence variety. Does the information you gave about her in the beginning really matter to the story? Frequent use of passive voice.
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Ask me about my "obvious and unpleasant agenda of hatred."
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Apr 12th, 2005 04:34 PM |
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Zeal Ex Nihilo
Restricted
Gender: Male Location: Account Restricted |
Just so you know, I'm not bashing your story (I can see how someone might mistake the intent of my post).
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Ask me about my "obvious and unpleasant agenda of hatred."
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Apr 13th, 2005 02:38 AM |
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REXXXX
Networking
Gender: Male Location: San Diego Moderator |
Oi, not another person I've met who comments about passive voice! My lit. teacher does that enough!
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Apr 13th, 2005 03:01 AM |
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Zeal Ex Nihilo
Restricted
Gender: Male Location: Account Restricted |
Passive voice is the bane of my existence. Of course, I frequently use it when I post but not when I'm writing-writing. Passive voice often leads to telling, telling leads to boring, and boring leads to me being disgusted with my work.
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Ask me about my "obvious and unpleasant agenda of hatred."
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Apr 13th, 2005 07:02 PM |
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O.A.R21
Senior Member
Gender: Female Location: United States |
Right O captain REX
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"Realitys wrong. Dreams are real."
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Apr 17th, 2005 05:41 AM |
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