KillerMovies - Movies That Matter!

REGISTER HERE TO JOIN IN! - It's easy and it's free!
Home » Misc » General Fiction Area » My Script

My Script
Started by: Eclipso

Forum Jump:
Post New Thread    Post A Reply
  Last Thread   Next Thread
Author
Thread
Eclipso
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Dark side of the Moon

Account Restricted

My Script

Okay, I enjoy writting, In my spare time I've written some short stories I will be putting up later. This is a script for the first part my own mini Star Wars trilogy.

The video takes place very post-Return, And it tells the story of the nect generation of Jedi and the last great emergance of the Sith. I hope you enjoy it, please leave feedback and let me know where you think the story, characters etc etc could be improved.

Here is the title and cast of characters.

Star Wars - Last Rise of the Sith

Dark Side:

Exar Kun- A legendary Sith Lord, immeasurably powerful, he turned to the dark side faster then any other recorded. He terrorized the universe with unspeakable cruelty, when faced with his defeat he divested himself of his flesh, existing for thousands of years as a disembodied spirit, waiting for the time when his soul might be restored so he could take his revenge. He is the ultimate Dark Lord.

Master Searus- A devoted follower of the Dark Side, he is an anomaly among the Sith because he does not fight for power or control. His only goal is the annihilation of the Jedi Order and all they stand for. Once a member of the Jedi Council he tried to fix what he saw as flaws in the Jedi philosophy, after being rejected out right he attempted to assault Luke Skywalker in mid session. After failing this attempt he was granted a rather infamous honor, one of the few to ever be told by the Jedi to leave their Order and to never return under any and all circumstances.

Darth Mallet- A mystery to all but Searus, This dark warrior is actually a genetic hybrid. A combination of DNA from both Anakin Skywalker and the Vile Emperor Palpatine. Discovered by Searus, he is the most feared weapon since the Death Star itself. A combination of Vaderís powers as well as his skills with a Lightsaber and Palpatineís knowledge of the force. He is a force to be reckoned with.

Jerak- A young and hateful Sith, he and his sister Sel were two of only a handful of survivors from a republic assault on their home planet of Korriban, this assault resulted in the death of their parents and Jerakís hatred of the republic. Recruited into the Jedi Order he found he could not adapt to their lifestyle and choose instead to follow his own path, this lead him to the Sith. Jerak prefers when possible to use more traditional weaponry instead of a Lightsaber which he views as a crutch among the Jedi.

Sel- Sister to Jerak, she was separated from her brother during the evacuation of their home planet of Korriban. She was found by Master Searus she was trained in the ways of the force by the dark lord. Possessed of an almost psychotic passion for killing and only recently reunited with her brother, she serves along side him as spies for the dark side and assassins of all who try to prevent Searusí plans.


Light Side:

Ari- A young and dedicated Jedi, Ari was a survivor of the Empireís assault on Alderaan, she and her closest friend Caris were on a diplomatic mission at the time of the planets destruction. She is very strong willed and determined, almost to a fault. Her skills include weapon specialist with special attention to heavy demolitions and hand to hand combat.

Caris- Very level headed and calm, often playing referee to Anakinís and Ariís arguments. He along with Ari was selected to be Anakinís partners due to their close relationship with his mother Leia. Having grown up in the Royal court of New Alderaan, they were raised under Leiaís care due to the fact that their parents were often too busy to pay attention to them. Out of this has grown a strong attachment and deep friendship to Leiaís son. Caris is an expert in covert operations, computer hacking and intelligence gathering.

Anakin Solo- Son of Han and Leia Organa Solo, and grandson of the dreaded Darth Vader. He is a Jedi Padawan not to far from a full Jedi Knight. He is still rash and impetuous, a common feature among his bloodlines. But due to the fact that he is also the nephew of Luke Skywalker, the head of the Jedi Order, he is given certain degree of leeway in performing his Jedi duties. His expertises include forensic investigation and his grandfatherís fighting abilities with a Lightsaber.

Jedi Master Bentas- Yin to Searusí Yang. Joining the Jedi Order at the same time, he and Searusí became fast friends, this made Searusí departure from the Jedi all the more tragic as he had to fight his former friend during his mid-council assassination attempt on Luke Skywalkerís life. He is a Stalwart member of the Jedi council and the most devoted follower of the Jedi philosophy since Yoda himself. His belief in the Jedi way of life is complete and unwavering, he follows it without arrogance or ambition. He is second in command of the Jedi Council under Skywalkerís guidance. It is said he is unnaturally immune to the powers of the Dark Side and stands as a sentinel protecting his beloved Jedi against all who would harm them.


Opening:

It is a time of calm for the new Republic, Imperial forces
have ceased their attacks and have pulled their forces away
from key sectors. However the new Order of Jedi Knights
formed under the leadership of Luke Skywalker, suspect there is
far more behind these events.

Amidst feeling a new and growing disturbance in the force,
the Jedi, unaware of the formation of a new Sith cult
have dispatched three Jedi (are they Jedi?) to the desert planet of
Tatooine in order to investigate the whereabouts of a former Jedi named Jerak.

On the far rim world of Byss, a planet completely consumed
by the Dark Side, The villainous Master Searus plots to restore
the Sith to their former power and initiate the fall of the fledgling Jedi Order
struggling to bring peace back to the galaxyÖ


Act 1 Scene 1 (Byss) (as the scene opens, Searus, Sel and 2 Sith priests are entering a catacomb, they come to a pit with smoke coming up from it surrounded by ancient runes)

Sel- Looks sort of small to me. Hard to believe all our hopes hinge on this small puddle of goo! You sure youíre not as crazy as they say?

Searus- Sel, more and more you try to join the ranks of the Sith Lords, and more and more you continue to demonstrate why that can never happen. From this scared spot we will raise the greatest power our kind has ever known. And the Jedi will suffer for the humiliations they have visited upon us!

Sel- Yes, I see now. Where I would fight the Jedi with a lightsaber and other weapons, you in your infinite wisdom, have found the true way of fighting them, a small altar. So what is your brilliant plan, bring them each here and drown them one by one?
(Searus reaches out and chokes Sel, he doesnít kill her)

Searus- Byss is a focal point for the Dark Side, it is here that the power of the Sith is at its greatest concentration. Jedi are not the only ones who can cheat the cold grasp of death. It is on this planet all the souls of the fallen Sith gather. And it is from here I will reawaken a power long since lost to us.
(Sel tries to choke out a statement)

Searus- Speak
(He releases Sel, and after regaining her breath)

Sel- Palpatineís soul is lost to us forever; he was consumed in his own force storm.
(Searus reaches out and lifts his hand up; Sel freezes in a position as if she was having a convulsion)

Searus- Palpatine was a fool, he used clones and servants as a crutch to real power, and he let his ego sabotage his plans as badly as the Jedi themselves. What we will raise here is a legend. A force of nature beyond all that came after.
(Released from his grip, Sel drops to the ground and looks up at Searus)

Searus- Now here is what I need from you; you will journey to Dantooine while a few of my priests head off to Yavin. Your brother will be there when you arrive and you will deal with a few wayward Jedi, as insignificant as they are, I do not have time to deal with these annoyances myself. Make quick work of them, or consider this a glimpse of your future.

Sel- What are you talking about?
(Searus hits Sel with lightning)

Searus- Ever the more difficult pupil. Go now and do not fail me.
(Scene fades out as Sel leaves the chamber)


__________________


Eclipso's Sigs My Script Sig Duels W:2 L:0

Old Post Dec 21st, 2006 04:49 PM
Eclipso is currently offline Click here to Send Eclipso a Private Message Find more posts by Eclipso Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Eclipso
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Dark side of the Moon

Account Restricted

Scene 2 (Tatooine) (3 Jedi depart from their ship and walk out towards the desert)

Ari- What a desolate planet, why would Jerak choose such a miserable place to live? A dried up mud ball is hardly befitting of our order.

Anakin- Jedi, even former Jedi live strange lives, we are a difficult breed to understand. And as far as living on this ďdried-up mud ballĒ as you put it, it was good enough for my uncle and his family and he leads us all now. Perhaps you need to look closer and learn to appreciate the value of a place not just the climate.

Caris- Anakin, go easy on her, not all of us are the nephew of a savior. Most of us mere mortals just have to play it by ear, in any event, since your family has such a history with this place, do you think it could be helpful in locating Jeraks whereabouts? Why would anyone wish to live this far from a port or station?

Ari- Yeah, lucky for us we haven't run into any Tuskans yet. Which brings up a good point, why havenít we? Weíre well within the borders of their territory, how come theyíre giving us such a wide birth?

Caris- Not sure, it does seem strange, any thoughts Anakin?

Anakin- Not really. I am sensing something out there; it feels like itís just out of reach. A strange presence. I canít tell much more then that maybe when we find Jerak he can give us some help with it.

Caris- If we find him. Wait, do you sense that?

Ari- YES, Get down!
(Two mercenaries ambush the Jedi and begin firing blasters)

Anakin- I guess we know what happened to the Tuskans, now donít we.
(The Jedi fight off the mercs and begin examining the bodies, they find a strange symbol on them.)

Ari- What do you think it means?

Caris- Not sure, I donít recognize the symbol, but I did feel something strange from them when we were fighting.

Ari- I know, the dark side, I felt it too. This isnít good; we need to communicate with the Jedi for instructions.

Anakin- Not yet we came here looking for Jerak and weíre not going until we find him.

Caris- In that case we can leave whenever youíre ready, look.
(The Jedi walk for a distance, Caris points to a pile of burning rubble.)

Ari- My god! Do you think he survived?

Caris- Iím not sure, the blood here matches his. His body could have been burned up in the flames. We may never know. Why would anyone want to kill him? He wasnít even with the order anymore.

Anakin- I donít think the motives matter right now. We need to get back to the ship and get instructions. Letís go I want to be there before dark, my uncle told me how cold it gets here after nightfall.
(As the three Jedi leave for their ship, two figures step out over a near by hill)

Jerak- Its going to get darker then you think Solo. Iím surprised Skywalker would send them here, he should be more careful.

Mallet- He doesnít realize our plan, so why be cautious? Both the Jedi and the Republic think theyíre winning. Sidiousí former army has been ďconvincedĒ to halt their attacks. So why should they worry?

Jerak- Skywalker may suspect, as you know he and I did not part on pleasant terms.

Mallet- And that is why we are keeping such a close eye on things. Now we have to deal with these brats. Our master wants me to deal with Vaderís grandson myself; this leaves the other two for You and your sister to deal with.

Jerak- If we try to ambush them, itís unlikely that Solo will stay out of the fight. How do we get around that?

Mallet- A Ďdistractioní will be provided for his friends, and then I will deal with him. For now however we will let them stir in their ignorance. After all they deserve some time to enjoy themselves, there entire order, their entire world is about to burn before their eyes. A Birth Pyre worthy of the Sith!
(the two Sith head off down the hill) (Night falls and as the 3 Jedi sleep on their ship when an alarm sounds, Anakin comes racing out of his quarters)

Anakin- Whatís wrong?

Caris- I donít know, I checked the sensors and nothings out there, I donít know whatís going on.
(Ariís voices comes over the intercom)

Ari- Anakin, Emergency communication from the Jedi order, I think you two need to get up here fast.
(Anakin and Caris head to communication room, as they enter the transmission begins)

Master Bentas- Anakin, Caris, good to see you. A troublesome situation has developed near Dantooine; a supply ship from Yavin has exploded in orbit. We need Ari to take a shuttle, go to the planet and see if there are any survivors from the crash. We tried to contact the supply station on Yavin to see if they have any explanation and we were unable to make contact so we are sending Caris to Yavin to ascertain what has happened to the station. Anakin you will remain on Tatooine to discover the fate of Jerak. If he is dead, you must discern the motives behind his assassination. And above all else keep a subtle presence. The Republic is enjoying a brief clam in the storm, and I do not want to disturb this well needed rest unless absolutely necessary. Try to handle this with discretion. Ari, Caris, gather what you need and leave immediately. We need to handle this matter fast and quietly. Two Hawk class ships will be arriving soon to take you to your destinations.

Anakin- Master Bentas, you look nervous. Is there something your not telling us?

Ari- Anakin, it is not our place to question a Jedi Master. If the council wishes us to know more they will make it known to us, until then we should obey.

Anakin- Ari sometimes you amaze me, you have the power of a Jedi and the will of a droid. Donít you ever get tired of being led by the nose?

Master Bentas- Anakin, calm yourself. This situation has us as confused as you. We are all doing are best to unravel it. Rest assured when we have more information we will communicate it to you. Until then prepare yourselves. And remember proceed carefully, all of you. Good luck ) and May the Force be with You.

Ari, Caris, Anakin- And with you, Master.

Anakin- Heís hiding something; I can see it in his face.

Ari- He was nervous because you over-reacted. The fact that you are the grandson of Darth Vader is something most have not forgotten, the anger and rage of your bloodline is in you. You need to learn to control it.

Caris- Ari just because he gets a little upset doesnít mean he will go over to the Dark Side. I think it's you who needs to find calm.

Ari- Despite what the council says these are still very perilous times for us, we need to be careful. Now more then ever, we need to watch ourselves. Some of us would do well to remember that.

Anakin- Sounds like you two are in need of more control then me. But as much as I may argue with them, the council always tries to do what they believe is best. I guess for now weíll have to trust that.
(The ship shakes, Caris checks the scanners)

Caris-The other ships have arrived, we better get going.

Ari- As our Master said Good luck and may the force be with us all.

Anakin- Iíll take whatever helps. See you guys when you get back.
(Ari and Caris step outside.)

Caris- Iím sorry I snapped at you just now.

Ari- I know I can come off kind of strong sometimes, but they donít realize how strong Anakin is he comes from the most powerful bloodline the force has known in a thousand years. If he were ever to turn, it would be disastrous.

Caris- Yes, but heís shown no sign of that. I think sometimes we put to much pressure on the poor guy.

Ari- I guess, but these are desperate times. If not Padawanís would never have been sent out on a mission like this.

Caris- Well not everything is the way it was, before the problems with Palpatine, two Jedi could never become close like us.

Ari- Iím not sure we can, if the council found out.

Caris- Weíd deal with it, but for now we have to stick to our missions, and try to focus on that. Weíll have time after I promise.

Ari- Iíll be waiting. Good luck.
(Ari and Caris hold out and touch hands)

Caris- Take care of yourself.

Ari- Same to you.
(They head off for their separate ships) (Anakin gathers his belongings)

Anakin- Iíve rested enough. Time to get to the bottom of this mystery once and for all.
(Anakin heads off into the desert) (Over a hill Mallet stands watchful, he activates a wrist communicator and begins speaking)

Mallet- Master, the other two Jedi have left to intercept our little gifts, what do you want to do about Solo?

Searus- Test him, make him stronger. We will need him to reach his full potential if we are to complete our task.

Mallet- Do not worry Master, I will have our little sacrifice ready when it is time.

Searus- I would expect nothing less.
(As the conversation ends Mallet looks out towards the path Anakin went)

Mallet- Seems like my master isnít ready for you yet Solo, which means your mine for now. Let the fun begin.
(Mallet heads down the same path after Anakin)


__________________


Eclipso's Sigs My Script Sig Duels W:2 L:0

Old Post Dec 21st, 2006 04:51 PM
Eclipso is currently offline Click here to Send Eclipso a Private Message Find more posts by Eclipso Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Eclipso
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Dark side of the Moon

Account Restricted

Scene 3 (Carisí ship arrives at Yavin, Caris enters the station and finds it in ruins, he finds a dead merchant lying on the ground)

Caris- What the hell happened here? He hasnít been dead long. Computer, can you show me a record of the last 10 hours?

Computer- Malfunction, Core damaged, Reserve power failing. Life support is operating at minimal levels, please begin repairs immediately.

Caris- Computer Can you show me the lay out of this station, and the shortest route to the core?
(Caris looks at the display and heads off down to the Core. As he heads down the hallway, heís pinned down by blaster fire, he pulls his light saber and its blasted from his hands)

Caris- Who are you? Why did you kill that man?
(Blaster fire continues)

Caris- Look if we donít do something soon, weíre all going to die, when I arrived I didnít see a ship out there, so I assume you have now way to get out of here, Iíll take you on mine.

Sith Troops- We would gladly lay down our lives, Jedi Scum! You wont make it out of here alive. And if that means we go too, so be it.

Caris- Your choice.
(Caris reaches out and pulls one of the Troops blasters and uses it to kill both him and the other one. He heads down the hall and into the computer core)

Caris- Now letís see what we can do to get you up and running I have a bad feeling about this place.
(Caris repairs the core, the power comes back on partially)

Caris- Computer. Why hasnít full power been restored?

Computer- Due to power failure structural integrity was reduced, a hull breach caused a fuel leakage. We are down to 30% of fuel.

Caris- Oh great, you couldnít have mentioned that before I got down here?

Sith Priest- Not your biggest concern Jedi.
(Caris turns around and sees two Sith Priests)

Caris- Who or what are you?
(The two Sith activate lightsabers)

Caris-Ah that explains it.

Scene 4 (Ari comes out of Hyperspace near Dantooine, she looks confused as she checks the Computer)

Ari- I thought there was supposed to be a ship wreckage here? My sensors donít appear to show any crash on the surface or any debris in orbit.

Computer- No signs of starship crash, however majority of planet surface shows signs of massive bombardment.

Ari- Imperial forces?

Computer- Negative, weapons appear to be of Republic design.

Ari- What??!! Thatís impossible, no republic ship would fire on a planet without cause and certainly wouldnít level it to the ground like this. Besides there isnít any ships stationed in this sector. And the only Republic weapons her are theÖ.
(The ship begins to receive heavy fire)

Ari- The planets orbital weapons platforms!!! Theyíve been reprogrammed. Computer Whatís our status?

Computer Weapons hit, receiving heavy damage.

Ari- We need to land, get away from those orbital platforms. Prepare to launch escape pod, and set course to intercept those platforms, activate auto destruct. Set it to coincide with the ships proximity to the platforms.

Computer- Understood.

Ari- Is there any areas of the planet surface that have not sustained heavy damage?

Computer- Yes a section of the planet surface was not targeted by the bombardment.

Ari- I wonder why that was? But itís a mystery thatíll have to wait. Computer prepare to eject pod.
(Ariís pod ejects and the ship explodes destroying both the ship and the weapons platforms)

Scene 5 (Tatooine) (Anakin is examining the ashes from Jerakís home. He is recording the evidence)

Anakin- The explosion seems to have come from the outside of the building. The remains while containing Jerakís dna, there just doesnít seem to be enough to account for a person of his size. But if he wasnít killed here then someone must have wanted the Jedi to think he was dead. This is looking less and less like a murder and more and more like aÖ

Mallet- A trap would be the word your looking for.
(Anakin turns around as he pulls his lightsaber, blocking Malletís swing)

Anakin- Who are you?
(They continue to fight, Anakin barely holds his own)

Mallet- Typical of a Jedi, I actually held out hope you wouldíve figured things out by now. Itís quite simple if you think about it. But intelligence as never been the Jediís defining quality.
(Anakin begins to push back)

Anakin- Thatís okay, we have many others, Iíll show them to you.
(Anakin gains some ground on his opponent)

Anakin- And you will tell me who you are and why you have lured me here!
(Mallet knocks the Lightsaber from Anakinís hand)

Mallet- Who am I? I am someone who was looking forward to meeting the grandson of the great Darth Vader. Someone who I am very sad to say is quite disappointing! (Mallet knocks Anakin down) But if you need a name, then you may call me Mallet, Dark Lord of the Sith! I trust you know who they are? (He steps over Anakin) But incase you need first hand experience. (He shocks Anakin, Anakin screams)

Scene 6 (Yavin) (Caris and the two Sith continue to fight their way down the hallway)

Caris- You fight impressively, although I can see your skilled with a lightsaber, I do not sense the force is with you. How can this be?

Sith Priest 1- Our master has taught us the ways of your kind.

Sith Priest 2- And as long as the two of us keep on you, you donít have time to focus the force against us!
(They continue to battle)

Caris- I guess the term ďfair fightĒ is lost to the Sith?
(Sith Priest 1 kicks Caris back)

Sith Priest 1- Yes along with the phrase ďstupidityĒ.
(The two Sith Priests back Caris into a corner)

Sith Priest 2- How did your order manage to live so long?
(Caris tumbles under their swing, and as he gets up he slashes the leg of Sith Priest 2)

Caris- Hereís a hint.
(Sith Priest 1 slashes at Caris who ducks and stabs him, he then walks over to the crippled Sith Priest 2)

Caris- Now, why were you here and why did your people kill that innocent man?

Sith Priest 2- Hahaha It wont do you any good, by now all your friends have fallen into similar traps like this one. And they wonít be a lucky as you were.
(Caris grabs him by collar)

Caris- Why?? Why have you done this?

Sith Priest 2- How else could we get the sacrifices we need? Computer program Sith 6.
(Caris begins to choke)

Sith Priest 2- By now your friends are in the Dark Lords hands. (He begins to die) And if they arenít you will never be able to reach them. Youíll never be able to reach anyone at allÖ
(The Sith dies and Caris checks his wrist computer)

Caris- The air is being poisoned I have to get to the air lock.
(Caris reaches the air lock and discovers its sealed. He drops to the ground and looks up at the monitor. It shows images of the Priests visit to the station led by Mallet, it shows the guards and the merchant being slaughtered)

Mallet- (On screen) Now that we have that out of the way. Stay here and wait for Soloís little friend. Keep him here long enough till we have his friends then kill him one way or another even if you have to give your lives, we only need 2 Jedi to sacrifice for the ceremony! Iím leaving now to face Solo on Tatooine, after that I will take him to Byss myself. Do not fail us or when Master Searus and I are done with you it will take you years to die!

Caris- AriÖÖ
(Caris gets up and musters his strength to slice the airlock open, he stumbles onto his ship)

Caris- (In a weak voice) Computer seal all air locks and take us to TatooineÖÖ..AnakinÖ.AriÖIím coming.
(Caris passes out, his ship heads into hyperspace)


__________________


Eclipso's Sigs My Script Sig Duels W:2 L:0

Old Post Dec 21st, 2006 04:52 PM
Eclipso is currently offline Click here to Send Eclipso a Private Message Find more posts by Eclipso Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Eclipso
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Dark side of the Moon

Account Restricted

Scene 7 (Dantooine) (Ari is walking through the forest)

Ari- I still canít figure out why they would bomb this place? And why leave this area unaffected?
(Jerak steps out from behind a tree)

Jerak- My my, your right that is a puzzling question.
(Sel comes up from behind and punches Ari in the face)

Sel- Yeah if you think on it to much it, you might get a headache (she kicks Ari in the head)

Ari- (Looking up) Jerak. Why are you doing this? You were one of us and how did you survive the attack on Tatooine?

Sel- You really arenít the smart one are you? We staged his death on Tatooine to lure your friend Solo. Of course by this point Iím sure he knows. Oh and your friend Caris? One way or another right now heís in a very large coffin orbiting Yavin. Any other questions?
(Sel roundhouses Ari in the face)

Ari- Why?? Why did you do it Jerak?

Jerak- I was never one of you. I was better, but your holy lord and master Skywalker didnít see what I could do for the Jedi, He only saw me as a threat. He could never understand my greatness!

Ari- I think he understood just fine, youíre insane.
(Jerak kicks her in the stomach)

Jerak- A minor detail. In any event, my sister Sel here found me and showed me that I could do even more with the Sith.

Sel- So have we answered all your questions? (Sel kicks Ari back a few feet) If not weíd continue if thereís anything else you not clear on. Believe me its no trouble.

Ari- No, I think I know everything I need to now.
(Ari jumps up and activates her lightsaber)

Sel- Good, your actually going to put up a fight, it always makes things more interesting.
(Sel and Jerak pull out weapons, Jerak pulls out a sword, Sel pulls out a pair of Sai.)

Ari- You must be joking, Jerak have forgotten that Iím fighting with a saber? Iíll slice through those weapons in no time.
(Ari slashes at Jerak with her Lightsaber, he blocks with his sword which remains intact)

Jerak- Surprised? I can understand that. This metal is ancient, from a thousand years ago; you canít slice it with a lightsaber.

Sel- So what do you do now?
(Ari blocks Sel)

Ari- Tell you what Iíll surprise you.
(Ari fights them for a bit, she begins to loose)

Jerak- Still waiting for that surprise.
(Ari pulls out a grenade)

Ari- This wont kill you but it will take you down. Catch!
(The grenade flies towards Sel and Jerak who stretch out their hands, the grenade stops)

Sel, Jerak- Surprise!
(After a brief struggle the grenade flies back at Ari knocking her into a tree, she falls to the ground unconscious)

Jerak- Lets get going; Searus is waiting for this one. By now Mallet has Skywalkerís nephew. And I canít wait to see whatís going to happen to that little brat.
(They grab Ari by the arms and pull her off)

Scene 8 (Malletís ship) (Anakin is strapped to a table, Mallet enters the room)

Mallet- Youíve regained consciousness, and quicker then most. You may not be a lost cause after all. So what do you think of my ship? I admit the Ravager isnít much to look at from this point of view but it really is quite nice from the outside, I modeled it after an ancient design and made a few upgrades of my own. What do you think?

Anakin- I think you love the sound of your own voice too much.

Mallet- Your quite wrong about that, I much rather enjoy the sound of your voice. For example. (Mallet shocks Anakin who screams) That was quite enjoyable to my ears.

Anakin- What do you want with me? Why have you done all this?

Mallet- Child, all I want from you is to watch your slow and if Iím lucky entertaining death. Itís my master who requires you. He needs the life force of one as strong as you to help him achieve his goals.

Anakin- Why bother going to all this trouble to obtain me? Whatís wrong none of the Sith could measure up?
(Mallet shocks Anakin again)

Mallet- No he needed you for other reasons as well, and unlike you Jedi, we Sith are not expendable. Besides itís not like you Jedi do much with your lives anyway. You sit and meditate all day, you push all your feelings down and suppress them in order to prevent yourselves from becoming one of us. Without us to fight your lives would be boring and dull, you should thank us.

Anakin- Not all of us keep our emotions down.

Mallet- Yes, I see you have the Skywalker rage in you, given time you could probably be turned to our side. Unfortunately, weíre not recruiting right now. Iím afraid weíll have to stick to the plans involving your painful death.

Anakin- So your going to kill me now? Is that it?

Mallet- No, we have lots of time before that happens. Letís get to know one another shall we?
(As the scene ends, Mallet goes back to shocking Anakin, who resumes screaming)

Scene 9 (Tatooine) (Caris lands and looks around for Anakin, when he is unable to find him he communicates with Master Bentas)

Master Bentas- Caris whatís happened?

Caris- Master, Anakin, Ari and I have been ambushed by forces loyal to the Sith, I managed to escape but I fear Anakin and Ari have been captured.

Master Bentas- Captured? Do you know for what purpose?

Caris- All I know is that they are to be sacrificed, something about a ceremony. What should we do?

Master Bentas- Do you know where they were taken?

Caris- To a planet called Byss, and to someone named Searus. Do you know where this Byss is located and who this Master Searus is?

Master Bentas- Searus was an old friend, he and I joined the Jedi Order roughly the same time. He thought we were weak and foolish, too afraid of the power our emotions could give us, he believed the Jedi were a waste. Too stagnant to ever achieve anything of real worth.

Caris- And what About this planet Byss?

Master Bentas- If the Jedi believe in a hell that place would be it. It is the site of Palpatineís fall, a world made of the Dark Side of the Force.

Caris- We have to save them from that place we canít just leave them to that fate we mustÖ

Master Betas- ĎWeí must do nothing, you are not, I repeat not to go to that planet, you might not be able to withstand it. And if we have lost Ari and Anakin then we cannot afford to put you at risk as well. Leave this to us. We will send a shuttle for you.
(The transmission ends, Caris boards his ship)

Caris- Sorry Master, But I canít just sit back and wait, I hope youíll forgive me and may the force be with me. Computer lay in a course for Byss.


__________________


Eclipso's Sigs My Script Sig Duels W:2 L:0

Old Post Dec 21st, 2006 04:53 PM
Eclipso is currently offline Click here to Send Eclipso a Private Message Find more posts by Eclipso Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Eclipso
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Dark side of the Moon

Account Restricted

Scene 10 (The Ravager) (Mallet enters a room and begins talking to a Sith Priest)

Mallet- I have a special task for you, we have almost arrived at Byss. Master Searus was very clear that he wanted Solo at his full power by the time we arrived. And having him locked up isnít exactly helping that goal.

Sith Priest 3- And what exactly do you want me to do about this?

Mallet- As soon as we dock, I want you to arrange an ďescapeĒ for him. Then once heís off the ship make sure he goes where we want him to.

Sith Priest 3- And what do I get out of this?

Mallet- (Choking the Sith Priest) Aside from your life? Letís just say youíll get a rather large reward, and youíll earn the favor of your Masters.

Sith Priest 3- (Gasping) Understood.

Mallet- Glad to hear it, now go make the necessary preparations.
(Sith Priest 3 leaves the room, Mallet opens communications with Searus)

Mallet- Master, Everything is proceeding according to plan, Solo will be in place when you are ready.

Searus- Good, Sel and Jerak have already arrived with the other one. Sheís being prepared. It will be only a short time now.

Mallet- Yes Master, only a short time till the greatest power the Sith have ever known is restored, till the universe is laid to waste and the Jedi order is wiped from history!

Searus- Indeed my apprentice. I must go now and make the final preparations, I await your arrival.

Mallet- Yes my Master.
(Mallet bows and then after the transmission ends, gets up and leaves the room.)

Scene 11 (Byss) (Caris ship arrives, he enters Searusí stronghold, and fights his way through a few guards, after he beats the last one he comes to a room where Ari is being held)

Ari- Caris, what are you doing here?

Caris- Trying to help you and Anakin, do you know where he is?
(He releases her leg)

Ari- No, I havenít seen him , I donít think heís arrived yet. They keep taking about some ceremony.
(He releases her other leg)

Caris- Yes, apparently your both going to be sacrificed. I donít know anymore then that, but Iím betting its not good.
(He lossens her arm)

Jerak- Right about that, you must be the smart one out of this group.
(Sel and Jerak enter the room)

Sel- Really? You think heís the one with the brains? Letís cut him open and check to be sure.

Caris- Jerak? Your alive? What are you doing here?

Ari- Heís with the Sith now. His death was faked to lure us, the ugly one is his sister Sel.

Sel- Oh, lets not be petty now.

Jerak- Sheís probably just after some attention.

Sel- And after we slaughter your friend weíll give you all the attention you deserve.
(Jerak and Sel pull lightsabers)

Caris- I thought you didnít believe in using a lightsaber Jarek?

Jerak- Usually, you would be right, but killing Jedi is a very special occasion.
(They begin to fight, for awhile Caris holds them off, but they begin to overpower him. Sel gets close to the table where Ari is strapped to. She uses her free leg to kick Sel. Her lightsaber flies out of her hand and cuts the bond holding on of Ariís arms. She frees herself and Caris throws her a lightsaber)

Caris- Now lets try this again.
(The fight begins again this time with Ari vs. Sel and Jerak vs. Caris. The battle goes on for a bit but ends with The two Sith standing back to back with the two Jedi stabbing their lightsabers through them.)

Ari- Nice work, youíve been practicing.
(Caris steps closer to her)

Caris- I guess I like to keep you on your toes.
(Ari steps closer to him)

Ari- No one Iíd rather have.
(They lean in for a kiss, the alarm sounds. A soldier comes over the intercom)

Soldier- Attention, prisoner escape!

Ari- How could they know already?

Caris- I donít think itís for us. Anakin must have gotten free.

Ari- Then lets go, there isnít much time.

Caris- But what aboutÖ?

Ari- Theyíll be time for that later. He needs us.

Caris- I need you, IÖ

Ari- You have me, Iíll be right beside you. Now letís go. Our friend needs help.

Caris- (Smiling) Why keep him waiting then?

(They exchange smiles and then head out down the corridor)


__________________


Eclipso's Sigs My Script Sig Duels W:2 L:0

Old Post Dec 21st, 2006 04:53 PM
Eclipso is currently offline Click here to Send Eclipso a Private Message Find more posts by Eclipso Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Eclipso
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Dark side of the Moon

Account Restricted

Scene 12 (Ceremony Room) (Searus is speaking to Mallet)

Searus- Is everything proceeding as planned?

Mallet- Yes master, I shuttled over before we docked by now Anakin has ďescapedĒ and is proceeding to our location as we speak. I wonder even if he knew the sheer hell that his presence here will bring not only to him but all his kind. Would he still come to face us?

Searus- Of course he would, it is a failing of all Jedi, they are so focused, directed by such a single unwavering vision, that they cannot see anything beyond the immediate goal. And it is going to cost them more then they ever thought possible.

Mallet- The force is truly with you to have come up with all of this Master.

Searus- As much as I would like to take the credit, I am not alone in this plan.

Mallet- What do you mean?

Searus- I found my answers and my vision on Korriban. (Fades to a flashback showing the events described) It was after the Republicís assault. And I had just ďleftĒ the Jedi Order, I was curious as to why they felt the need to destroy this planet long ago abandoned by the Sith. It was just after Palpatineís final fall at the hands of that scum Skywalker. In any event, when I landed I found that most of the old Sith academy had surprisingly survived, being inside a mountain and all. So as I searched the area I came upon the unconscious Sel, she had been exploring the ancient ruins in order to find some lost secrets she could use. I found an old abandoned room for her to rest in and as I was laying her down I discovered a strange object, A very old recording device, I activated it and an image of an ancient Sith named Darth Revan appeared before me. He told me that he came to Korriban in search of a source of power he could use to wipe out the republic, and that if he did not succeed in his goal that he hoped one would follow in his stead. He told me the location where this source of power could be found was the tomb of a legendary Sith named Naga Sadow. So I left Sel to rest and I journeyed to the crypt, when I arrived I found the entrance crushed by the bombardment, I had to cut my way in with my lightsaber and as soon as I entered I felt this dark wave flow over me and a voice called out to me.

Mallet- there was someone in the tomb with you?

Searus- Not some ĒoneĒ, a soul. A spirit trapped there for over 4 thousand years, It spoke to me of the potential contained in the dark side and how it could help me unlock it. All I would have to do is provide it a means to regain a foot hold in this world and my revenge on the Jedi would be complete. So it showed me how to bring it back into our world and that set me upon the quest that has lead us here.

Mallet- Did this ďspiritĒ give you its name?

Searus- No and that led me to do some research on that tomb, and in the Sith academy I found records detailing a battle many millennia ago where an ancient Sith named Exar Kun fell in battle and that before he died he split his soul from his body in an attempt to live past the death of his corporeal body. I concluded that this must be the spirit that had spoken to me asking to reunite his soul with that of a physical form and after continuing my research in to the ancient past of our people I found that here on Byss, a world of the dark side lay this ancient and forgotten place where the dead can return if a willing host gives up their body. So who better then that of the nephew of the Jedi that brought us to our knees? Itís a fair trade, his kind took so much from us and I will take from him now and in doing so create a hell for the Jedi to suffer in for eternity!

Anakin- Sorry but Iím afraid I just canít see that happening.

(Searus and Mallet turn around to see Anakin in the doorway)

Searus- You must be Anakin, Iíve so looked forward to meeting you child.
(Anakin pulls his lightsaber)

Anakin- The pleasure will be short lived I assure you.

Searus- See what I said about their narrow vision my friend? (switches his view from Mallet to Anakin) In any event Iíve gone through quite allot to bring you here Iím interested in seeing if it was worth it. Now my friend here will help to test it.
(Mallet pulls out his lightsaber and steps up to Anakin)

Mallet- You donít recognize me do you?
(Their sabers clash in-between statements)

Anakin- Other then the fact that your just another sad pathetic Sith not really.

Mallet- I donít suppose you would, But your dear uncle would.

Anakin- And why is that? Youíre not much older then me, What do you know of my uncle?

Mallet- You would be surprised you might say he and I are old friends. What do you know of Darth Sidious?

Anakin- Palpatine? He was a sick old worm who tried to destroy the universe.

Mallet- Well that is a matter of perspective. And despite what philosophical differences you Jedi had with him you must admit he was a genius.

Anakin- Then why did he fail?

Mallet- Whoís to say he did? One of his greatest triumphs was the clone army he used to rule the galaxy. He was obsessed with clones he saw such potential in them. He cloned many things, including himself.

Anakin- Is that it are you a clone of that monster?

Mallet- Your half-right, you see he also saw potential in one other thing, your bloodline and the power contained within it. He turned your grandfather, but he was injured and his power was diminished as a result, and he failed to turn your uncle. So he found another way. Look closer are you sure you donít see anything familiar?

Anakin- Youíre a clone of my uncle?

Mallet- Close, but a little off. You see as powerful as dear Luke is, he can never reach the potential that his father wouldíve had if not for that fool Kanobi. Properly trained not many could stand up to the power of Darth Vader!

Anakin- NO!!!!

Mallet- Oh yes little Jedi, I am the genetic combination of DNA taken from both Darth Vader and Darth Sidious. I posses all of your grandfatherís powers and skills and all of the Emperorís wisdom and knowledge. The best of both worlds. Through me they both can live again. So I guess that makes you my grandson!

Anakin- Itís not possible, its cant be true!!!!!!

Mallet- Look deep inside yourself Anakin, (In a Darth Vader type voice) search your feelings, you know it to be true. HAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Anakin- (lunges at Mallet) You BASTARD!!!!!!! Why canít you leave my family alone!!?? How could you defile my grandfather like this?!!!
(Mallet easily blocks the move and pushes Anakin back)

Searus- Very good boy, your hate is overwhelming, you are ready for the ceremony, now step into the circle and we can begin.

Anakin- Why would I help you?

Mallet- The lives of your friends would be a good place to start, by now your Jedi partner we captured is being prepared. The sacrifice of one strong with the force must take place for another to come across.

Searus- If you were to co-operate, a substitute could be arranged.

Mallet- Decide quickly (Mallet sneers) my grandson.
(Anakin looks at the and then at the altar, after a pause he deactivates his lightsaber and nods in agreement)

Searus- I think heís ready my friend.

Mallet- As you wish Master.
(Searus and Mallet lash out with lightning and bring Anakin to the floor unconscious)

Searus- His emotions and rage have made him strong, we can begin.


__________________


Eclipso's Sigs My Script Sig Duels W:2 L:0

Old Post Dec 21st, 2006 04:53 PM
Eclipso is currently offline Click here to Send Eclipso a Private Message Find more posts by Eclipso Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Eclipso
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Dark side of the Moon

Account Restricted

Scene 13 (Hallway outside the landing bay) (A cloaked figure enters and is confronted by security, they call for him to stop and surrender and he cuts through them with ease and proceeds down the hallway)

Scene 14 (Ceremony Room) (Anakin is being prepared and is tied to a mysterious looking circle one the floor surrounded by runes with strange glyphs on them, suddenly the noise of battle and the doors open as Ari and Caris enter the room)

Ari- Look its Anakin.

Caris- They must be starting the Ceremony.

Searus- A good question would be how you know about that. A better question is why I should care.
(Mallet and Searus stretch out with their lightning which Ari and Caris channel into their sabers.)

Searus- Mallet deal with them. I donít have time for this distraction.
(Searus throws his saber to Mallet, who begins to fight with the 2 Jedi)

Mallet- So if you two are here that must mean Jerak and Sel are nice and dead by now. I must thank you it saves me the trouble of doing in those worthless slugs myself later.

Ari- Your nothing more then a rabid dog!
(Mallet cuts Ariís shoulder)

Mallet- Yes and youíll learn to appreciate my bite. (kicks Caris down) Believe me I am nothing compared to whatís coming.
( Master Bentas enters the room and uses the force to throw Mallet back)

Bentas- And what is it that would be coming? Hello Searus, I should have expected you were at the center of this mess.

Searus- Hello Bentas, still panting at Skywalkerís feet I see. Donít you ever get tired of being the good little Jedi?

Bentas- The Jedi way is the only path that can give us peace and stability. But this isnít about you and me. Whatever youíre doing here you need to stop it, the forces you unleash today you wonít be able to control. And they could destroy us all before itís over. Stop now I can help you.

Searus- HAHAHA! You always could make me laugh, I miss that old friend. But you are a Jedi and you must die with all the rest.
(Searus uses his lightning and it washes over Bentas barely affecting him)

Searus- Someday youíll have to tell me how it is you do that. But for now you can witness the rebirth of the greatest power the Sith have ever known. Observe old friend.
(Searus uses his lightning on the runes surrounding Anakin they begin to glow and a weird energy starts to rise)

Bentas- Searus, let him go or I will stop you by any means I have to.

Searus- I honestly believe you think you could, but we never did find that out did we, I suppose no time like the present.

Bentas- It doesnít have to be like this, your fight was with the Order not me.

Searus- Your part of that Order and it most certainly involves you. Letís get started I donít have much time.

Bentas- As you wish, Ari, Caris stop his ally and free Anakin. (With a deep and sorrowful sigh) Leave Searus to me.
(A fight breaks out, Ari and Caris take on Mallet as Bentas and Searus begin their struggle, Ari and Caris manage to hold barely back Mallet. Bentas and Searus match each other move for move without either gaining ground. The fight goes on and the runes start to glow brighter. Caris pushes Mallet back)

Caris- Ari, can you hold him off? I have to get Anakin out of there now!
( Ari takes over the fight as Caris gets to Anakin and tries to undo his bonds)

Ari- Caris donít wait for me to help you.
(The runes glow very brightly)

Caris- I donít think we have time for that, whatever happens Iíll always be with you.
(Caris slashes both of Anakinís bonds and pushes him out of the circle)

Ari- NO!!!!!!!

Searus- You Jedi fool!!!!
(Energy shoots up and gets absorbed into Caris, he drops to the ground, Ari in anger begins to beat up Mallet and once heís pushed back she runs over to Caris)

Ari- Are you alright? Please tell me you are all right.

(Caris looks up and his eyes glow red)

Ari- Caris? Whatís wrong with you?
(Caris grabs her throat)

Caris- I donít know who you are, but if you call me that again I will tear out your throat.

Ari- No, You said you would never leave me.
(Caris makes a motion for her to lean in closer which she does)

Caris- Let me tell you something very important then. ItÖwasÖaÖLIE! (He throws her back and shocks her) Where am I?

Searus- You are on Byss my lord, the world of the Dark Side (He steps closer to Caris) as you requested I have brought you back to life!

Caris- I have never seen you before (He grabs Searus and pulls him in) But I do thank you for my restoration, whatever task you had to perform it is over now and your purpose has been served. (He stretches out his hand and fries Searus with his energy and throws him on the runes, energy crackles off of him and the runes begin to glow again)
(Bentas goes over to Anakin and helps him up)

Bentas- Ari, help me with Anakin, we donít have that much time.

Ari- We canít just leave Caris.

Bentas- Whatever that thing is itís no longer Caris. But I can feel the planet, the energies released here are tearing it apart (The ground begins to shake, debris falls) Ari, look at me, there is a shaft under that altar which leads right to the core of the planet, its causing and overload we have to go now.

Ari- You donít know that for sure, we have to try and help him.

Bentas- Stop feeling with your emotions, let the force guide you, whatever that person is itís no longer Caris and this planet is going to explode we have to leave now.
(Bentas takes Anakin and Ari out of the room, as Anakin looks back he sees Mallet getting up, Mallet snickers at him they exchange looks as Bentas pulls Anakin and Ari out of the room) (Mallet walks up to Caris)

Mallet- Should we be letting them escape?

Caris- What does it matter? Itís not as if they pose any threat to us and when my hell comes to the Jedi, there will be no place they can run to. Allow them this momentary pause, in the end a glimpse of peace will make their suffering all the more unbearable.

Mallet- Perhaps some introductions are in order, I am Darth Mallet.

Caris- Yes I know, I sense like myself you are a combination of two entities. This vessel intrigues me, I would have preferred the body of a Jedi who had already turned to the dark side, it makes the transition easier. But I will gain full control of this body in time.

Mallet- You still havenít told me your name.

Caris- I think you know who I am.

Mallet- Kun?

Caris- Yes, I am Exar Kun, Dark Lord of the Sith, banished from my own body by the wretched Republic! (as he continues the anger in his voice grows) Forced for the last 5 thousand years to exist as an empty spirit, unable to touch or feel! Now I am free!!!

Mallet- And I couldnít be more happy, now what do we do about him? (points at Searus)

Caris- He is no longer important. Strange though, he believed he knew me somehow.

Mallet- When he visited your resting place a voice spoke to him and told him to bring you back.

Caris- Strange, it was not me who called out to him and arranged my rebirth but that is a mystery for another time. For now come, the energies released by my rebirth are going to destroy this world, we must be going quickly. Although I suppose it is a suitable birth pyre for the new age of the Sith!

(Mallet snickers in enjoyment they walk out of the room)

Scene 15 (Hallway)

Mallet- And where will we go?

Caris- Isnít it obvious? We will go back to Korriban.

Mallet- Whatís left there for us.

Caris- Secrets, more then your former Master ever knew. And power, beyond anything The Jedi can ever understand.
(They reach the bay doors)

Mallet- Then what are we waiting for. Letís get our plans started.

Caris- In time my new apprentice, In time.

Scene 16 (Ceremony room)
(The energy envelops Searusí body, and he begins to slowly rise He absorbs all the energy around him and stands in the middle of the altar looking up at the sky)

Searus- Ah you have done well my friend, It was not you I intended for my vessel but I suppose it appropriate. My powers are growing and soon I will be at my former strength. But for now I will focus my attention on these fools, they play their little games, they little schemes and all the while they achieve nothing, they create nothing (before him he sees the vision of Jerak and Sel lying dead) and in the end they will become nothing. they will lie rotting in the earth, only a faded memory. (vision switches to Caris and Mallet) They seek power, and yet they have no idea how to use it, they think their schemes will bring them glory. But they lack the insight to use it properly. (switches back to Searus) But I am not so deprived, I have watched for ages as you ants have played your petty little games, but now the time for all that is over. For now I will sit back and let this play out, let the insects scurry around and then when I make my move, no one on either side will survive it. (vision switches to Bentas and Anakin holding a sobbing Ari) You think you have felt pain and loss, you think you have seen dark times, how little you are prepared, Armageddon is nipping at your heals and when the time is right it will consume you. (vision disappears) A new age of wrath and darkness begins now, heralded by the rebirth of the greatest Sith in history. I will teach this universe to once again bow in terror at the name of Naga Shadow!!!!!! (lightning strikes out from his hands as the chamber crumbles he walks out the door.


__________________


Eclipso's Sigs My Script Sig Duels W:2 L:0

Old Post Dec 21st, 2006 04:54 PM
Eclipso is currently offline Click here to Send Eclipso a Private Message Find more posts by Eclipso Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Eclipso
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Dark side of the Moon

Account Restricted

To be continued.......

Let me know what you think.


__________________


Eclipso's Sigs My Script Sig Duels W:2 L:0

Old Post Dec 21st, 2006 04:54 PM
Eclipso is currently offline Click here to Send Eclipso a Private Message Find more posts by Eclipso Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Eclipso
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Dark side of the Moon

Account Restricted

I see people have read, anyone have advice for me? Please be as blunt as you like.

What do you think of the story? Characters? Pace of the action?


__________________


Eclipso's Sigs My Script Sig Duels W:2 L:0

Old Post Dec 22nd, 2006 06:10 AM
Eclipso is currently offline Click here to Send Eclipso a Private Message Find more posts by Eclipso Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
DraconianDevil
Rogue Ice Cream Man

Gender: Male
Location: Behind You!!!

Personally, I hate it when people explain the characters at the beginning of a story, it irritates me. You should write about the characters in the story instead of a paragraph before it.

I'm not to sure about the pace of the action, I think in scripts, you cant make the story flow like in a story. But thats my opinion, others will differ.


__________________

Old Post Dec 22nd, 2006 01:22 PM
DraconianDevil is currently offline Click here to Send DraconianDevil a Private Message Find more posts by DraconianDevil Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Stealth Agent
Screen Writer

Gender: Male
Location:

dont ask for advice in this forum, you wont get any. Everyone on this board is only concerned about their own work


__________________

Old Post Dec 23rd, 2006 04:10 AM
Stealth Agent is currently offline Click here to Send Stealth Agent a Private Message Find more posts by Stealth Agent Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Eclipso
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Dark side of the Moon

Account Restricted

Where would I go to get advice?


__________________


Eclipso's Sigs My Script Sig Duels W:2 L:0

Old Post Dec 23rd, 2006 04:27 AM
Eclipso is currently offline Click here to Send Eclipso a Private Message Find more posts by Eclipso Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Stealth Agent
Screen Writer

Gender: Male
Location:

im still looking for a good forum the only good ones i can find cost money


__________________

Old Post Dec 24th, 2006 09:57 PM
Stealth Agent is currently offline Click here to Send Stealth Agent a Private Message Find more posts by Stealth Agent Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
boobsmagee
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location:

i like it i only read a bit, and i thought the character descriptions were great, mainly because i didnt have time to read it all, and am not a big star wars fan it helped me understand sorta what was going on lol, so if enyone doesnt like character descriptions then why the hell did you read them. ill read more later if u want i can attempt advice smile

ps stealthagent lol u make me LoL!


__________________


Taking Requests
~My Sigs~

Old Post Dec 28th, 2006 06:22 PM
boobsmagee is currently offline Click here to Send boobsmagee a Private Message Find more posts by boobsmagee Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
REXXXX
Networking

Gender: Male
Location: San Diego

Moderator

Unfortunately, what Steatlh says if very very true... erm

Anyways, looked decent enough to me. As DraconianDevil said, it's less interesting to have a 'This is who this is!' paragraph before the story, instead of someone being described in the story.


__________________

Old Post Dec 28th, 2006 07:16 PM
REXXXX is currently offline Click here to Send REXXXX a Private Message Find more posts by REXXXX Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Eclipso
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Dark side of the Moon

Account Restricted

quote: (post)
Originally posted by boobsmagee
i like it i only read a bit, and i thought the character descriptions were great, mainly because i didnt have time to read it all, and am not a big star wars fan it helped me understand sorta what was going on lol, so if enyone doesnt like character descriptions then why the hell did you read them. ill read more later if u want i can attempt advice smile

ps stealthagent lol u make me LoL!


Cool, ya for sure. I'd really like to get comments before I move on to part II.


__________________


Eclipso's Sigs My Script Sig Duels W:2 L:0

Old Post Jan 5th, 2007 04:51 AM
Eclipso is currently offline Click here to Send Eclipso a Private Message Find more posts by Eclipso Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
All times are UTC. The time now is 04:40 AM.
  Last Thread   Next Thread

Home » Misc » General Fiction Area » My Script

Email this Page
Subscribe to this Thread
   Post New Thread  Post A Reply

Forum Jump:
Search by user:
 

Forum Rules:
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is OFF
vB code is ON
Smilies are ON
[IMG] code is ON

Text-only version
 

< - KillerMovies.com - Forum Archive - Forum Rules >


© Copyright 2000-2006, KillerMovies.com. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by: vBulletin, copyright ©2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Limited.