KMC Forums - No turning Back

Wrote this awhile back, I'll start with just one post and if anybody likes it I'll keep going, keep in mind this story is long. It was 40 pages double spaced on Microsoft Word. Hope you like it. In any case comments are appreciated, good or bad.

The fog began to consume the dampened streets of New York. As the sun began to rise over the horizon, it revealed the sins which had so carelessly been committed.
By 8:00 that morning the cops had already taped off the crime scene. They had to work fast to avoid the press. As the old saying goes if it bleeds it leads, and with what happened the previous night the press would be all over it.
Sure enough they arrived at the first sign of that yellow tape, it was like the bat signal for them, and as soon as they saw it they came rushing. The reporters were accompanied by about a hundred more people, some eager to get home others just passing through.
At about that time two people pushed through the crowds, a man and a woman, moving aside anyone in their path. The press swore at the two as they pushed them aside. Upon reaching the tape they were met by a cop. He raised an eyebrow. “Can I help you?” he asked. The man nodded. “I’m Jones and this is my partner Franklin, we were told there was a….accident.”
The cop smiled in realization of who they were. “Ah,” he began, in a broken and crackled voice. “Yeah, we’ve been expecting you two.” He lifted up the tape allowing them to go under. As Jones and Franklin began to walk away from him he started talking again. “Yeah, you two are big in cases. Pretty famous from what I’ve heard. Didn’t you two…..” He continued but the rest just turned to mindless blabbering in Jones’ mind. He’d heard cops tell him what he knew he’d done time and time again and he couldn’t stand it.
Franklin looked to her partner and could see he was having a hard time listening to this guy, so she decided to say something. “Excuse me,” she interrupted. “We really need to be going.” The cop flashed a fake smile and apologized for keeping them.
As they walked away he muttered something under his breath, which Jones and Franklin knew was about them.
After a short walk they reached their destination. Jones was talking to Franklin and not minding his surroundings, stepped in a puddle and cursed, at the fact that he’d soaked his new hundred dollar shoes. He looked down at them only to realize that small bits of blood were in the puddle. He raised his foot out of the puddle and shook it in a desperate attempt to rid it of the blood. Jones set his foot back down and looked up to see another investigator. “Davidson?” He said softly.

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I've got a Charisma of 23, max ranks and skill focus in Seduction, and I just rolled a 17. Are we doing it yet?