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PLEASE READ: Starkiller lives, part 3
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DarthDaniel1001
Sith Mandalore

Gender: Male
Location: Yavin lV

PLEASE READ: Starkiller lives, part 3

Hey everyone, here you go, part 3 of my "Starkiller Lives" story. Note that from now on, all of my Star Wars stories are going to be in the General Fiction area, so if you want to see the rest of my sequels, go there.

Starkiller appeared before his master once again. He had been told that this assignment was of the utmost importance to the Emperor. Starkiller bowed respectfully before his master.

"Go to the Sith world of Korriban." The Emperor said. "There is a holocron there that I require. You will find it in the ruins of the Sith Academy. Now go."

"Yes, my master." As Starkiller got up to leave, their Emperor called him back.

"My spies have reported that there may be rebel forces attempting to retrieve the holocron as well. If you find them, kill them."

Starkiller hesitated. He didn't want to kill members of the very rebellion he had helped to create.

"Of course, my master."

Starkiller took his TIE Advanced fighter to the valley of the dark lords. The ship touched down. Starkiller was a little taken back by the overwhelming feeling of darkness that swept over him as he set foot on the planet's surface. It was a lot, even for someone like him. Starkiller made his way to the Sith Academy. He sensed the presence of others. There where rebels in there all right. Starkiller readied himself, activated his red lightsaber, and walked in.

Upon entering the academy, he was met with several blaster shots that he barely deflected in time.

"He's here! The Sith Assassin is here!"

Starkiller blasted the rebel soldier back with force lighting. Another soldier, a rodian, attempted to shoot him while he was distracted but his nervousness made him much too slow on the draw. Starkiller spun around and sliced his arm off and then did the same to his head.

"Captain, find the holocron, we'll hold him o---Argh!!"

Starkiller had just finished killing the rebel lieutenant when he saw her. The Rebel Captain ran for it as the two remaining soldiers opened fire on him. Starkiller pushed them back with a force push and sped after the rebel captain. As he ran towards her, he was blasted back. Staggering to his feet, Starkiller saw that he was face to face with Maris Brood.

"I can't let you go any further"

"Don't be a fool. You know you can't take me."

"Doesn't matter. I have to try."

At this, Starkiller sprinted towards her with the aid of the force. Maris threw up her lightsaber tonfas to guard the strike. As Starkiller forced his weight on his saber trying to break Maris's defenses, Maris broke the lock herself. Caught off guard, Starkiller stumbled forward a bit and Maris sliced his lightsaber in two with one tonfa and kicked him back. Starkiller took out his old lightsaber and spun around to meet Maris Brood. Maris ducked the swing and tried to jam her lightsaber tonfas into Starkiller's stomach but Starkiller sidestepped out of the way and kicked Maris Brood to the ground. Maris got up and Starkiller sliced her arm off. Maris screamed, dropped her lightsaber tonfas, and fell on her knees. Starkiller grabbed her face with his steel talons, took a good look at her, and put his lightsaber through her. He let go of her and she collapsed. And yet Starkiller sensed that she was still alive. He left, he wasn't about to take the time to finish her when there was still work to be done. She was out of the picture and that's what mattered.

Then he saw it, up ahead. The Rebel Captain had missed it and had moved on to search the dormitories. But the holocron was there, embedded in one of the pillars. From a distance, it looked like a drawing on the pillar which is probably why the Rebel had missed it. Starkiller moved towards it. As he reached for it, it opened, and the whole room, it seemed, was swallowed in darkness. Starkiller now stood on a platform surrounded in darkness. In the sky where strange aliens that he did not recognize. And directly above him, was the image of a battle-station that reminded Starkiller of the Death Star.

Then he felt a cold presence. One that burned of the Dark Side. Starkiller turned around. There stood a cloaked figure who wore a mask and breastplate over his robes. His cape was a little tattered at the bottom, indicating that this man had seen combat.

"Who are you?" Starkiller asked.

The man spoke, his voice sounded like a snake hissing.

"Peace is a lie. There is only passion.
Through passion I gain strength
Through strength I gain power
Through power I gain victory
Through victory my chains are broken
The force shall free me"

Starkiller recognized that anywhere. It was the code of the Sith. But the way this man spoke it, it was as if he had written it himself.

Suddenly, the man pulled out two lightsabers and activated them, one red and one purple. Starkiller threw up his lightsaber as the man sprinted towards him. He fought with an intense speed that Starkiller had never seen before. From what he could tell, this man was an expert at lightsaber forms 2, 3, and 7. The man made a lightning fast strike at Starkiller's lightsaber arm but Starkiller blocked it. The man took advantage of this and struck one of his legs with a glancing blow. The blow was hardly incapacitating but no doubt uncomfortable. Starkiller retaliated with some strikes of his own but the man effortlessly blocked them and kept up his assault. The man then attempted to strike Starkiller with both of his lightsabers at once. Starkiller blocked the strikes but was forced back and off the platform.

Starkiller landed with a crash. One of his ribs felt broken. He looked up and saw the man he was fighting, his lightsabers lowered, waiting for Starkiller to get back on his feet.

"What do you want?" Starkiller shouted as he staggered to his feet.

The man spoke, in a hissing voice again.

"I have come looking for a foe worthy of my skills. As of late, I am not impressed."

This made Starkiller very angry. He called on the dark side and stood up, his lightsaber ready. The man fired a blast of red force lightning at Starkiller who first blocked it with his lightsaber and finally used it to disperse it. The man lowered his lightsabers and charged Starkiller, spinning them rapidly. Starkiller sidestepped as the man stopped and swung his red lightsaber at him. Starkiller did an upward slash that too the man's mask off. The man turned around so that Starkiller could see his face. It was a terrifying sight to behold.

The man had fairly long brown hair but his skin looked pale and diseased, coursing with the dark side. His eyes where yellow and he bore a scar over one eye as well as several small scars across the right side of his face. He was someone's worst nightmare.

Suddenly, the man let loose with a barrage of red force lightning. Starkiller threw up his lightsaber to block the strike but it still knocked him back and knocked his lightsaber out of his hands. The man walked over to Starkiller and placed his hand on his helmet. Sarkiller suddenly saw a rapid series of images. He saw a young boy be taken to the jedi temple on coruscant. He saw what looked like the man he was fighting battling soldiers in red and blue armor. He saw what was clearly the man he was fighting standing with a tall bald man with a blue lightsaber. He saw the man he was fighting be shot down while fighting Jedi. He saw him fighting alongside a wookie, a young twi'lek, a mandalorian, an elderly Jedi, a combat droid, and a republic soldier. Then he saw him again, along with the a young woman killing almost all of these "allies" and then the bald man, who was now a Sith Lord. Then he and the woman killed the republic soldier and kissed each-other as he lay dead.

Finally, the man removed his hand from Starkiller's helmet.

"Do you now, know who I am?"

Starkiller knew. He just couldn't say anything. He was still taken back by everything he had seen. Revan. His name was Revan. He attempted to plunge his red lightsaber in Starkiller's chest but Starkiller deflected the blow. He leapt in the air, calling on the force that coursed within him. Then he released it in a massive force repulse that knocked Revan back. Revan got back up and Starkiller hit him with an upward slash and then followed with a side-slash. Revan slashed at Starkiller's already damaged leg with one of his lightsabers. It was now all but disconnected. Starkiller retaliated by slicing one of Revan's hands off and then knocking him back with a lightning-infused saber strike. Revan tumbled back, reactivated his red lightsaber, and sprinted towards Starkiller. Starkiller fired a blast of force lightning at Revan but Revan knocked it away with his lightsaber and clashed with Starkiller. Finally, he broke the lock and slashed at Starkiller's shoulder, causing him to drop his lightsaber and fall to his knees.

Revan prepared to finish him. But Starkiller had lured him right into a trap. Quickly drawing Rahm Kota's lightsaber with his unwounded arm, Starkiller blocked Revan's blow. He then called his other lightsaber to him and plunged it in Revan's chest. For a moment, nothing happened. Finally, Revan dropped his lightsaber, which disappeared into shadows. There was a blinding light. Starkiller awoke back in the Sith Academy. The holocron was right next to him. Starkiller grabbed it with his hurt arm. He heard Revan's voice in his head as he touched it.

"My time here has ended. Take what I have given you and use it well...Darth Stalker."

So Revan had declared Starkiller Dark Lord of the Sith. Not exactly what he was expecting. Then he heard something. He zipped around, the Rebel was back, her pistol drawn and ready. Now that she was facing him, Starkiller could get a good look at her, and he couldn't believe who it was.

"Juno?"


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Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 01:40 AM
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Darth Truculent
Truth is written in Blood

Gender: Male
Location: Masyaf

Well written, but Starkiller had no where near the power that Revan wielded. Starkiller would have been destroyed. But the plot twist at the end was nice.


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Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 01:59 AM
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DarthDaniel1001
Sith Mandalore

Gender: Male
Location: Yavin lV

Yeah, I know. I still like what I wrote though.


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-Ben Parker

Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 02:06 AM
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Darth Truculent
Truth is written in Blood

Gender: Male
Location: Masyaf

It's very good. Especially with Juno at the end. Have you ever considered sending a rough draft to Lucas and see if you can get it published?


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"Great men are forged in fire. It is the privilege of lesser men to light the flame . . . whatever the cost"

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Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 02:21 AM
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DarthDaniel1001
Sith Mandalore

Gender: Male
Location: Yavin lV

Hmm...now there's a thought. shifty
Too bad that few people have even heard of Revan though. He's actually my favorite Star Wars character, hence the avatar.


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Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 02:24 AM
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Darth Truculent
Truth is written in Blood

Gender: Male
Location: Masyaf

There are alot of fans of Revan, but they do not know his feats. They just like his armor. They don't take the time to learn his history.


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"Great men are forged in fire. It is the privilege of lesser men to light the flame . . . whatever the cost"

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Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 02:50 AM
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DarthDaniel1001
Sith Mandalore

Gender: Male
Location: Yavin lV

Exactly. And yeah, there are a lot of Revan fans out there, but see I'm stuck in a small town where most people just know about the Star Wars movies. The only other person in the neighborhood who knows about Revan is a friend of mine and that's just because I told him about him, but yeah, getting it published might not be a bad idea...


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Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 02:53 AM
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Zampanů
The Blind Critic

Gender: Male
Location: Haven

I like this.


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Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 03:06 AM
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Darth Truculent
Truth is written in Blood

Gender: Male
Location: Masyaf

Take a shot, and send him a rough draft. TFU2 and you have to fight Luke, so send it to him.


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"Great men are forged in fire. It is the privilege of lesser men to light the flame . . . whatever the cost"

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Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 03:21 AM
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mattatom
UNSC's finest.

Gender: Male
Location: Toronto, Canada.

As again Mr.Daniel I enjoyed this one.

Scratch writing stories and write a script, get No.7 made wink
I would watch it if it had no little furry people in it.


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Every time this fool be come along
He gots you noobs cryin' out fo' mom
Leave the scene lookin' like Vietnam
Might as well call him "Matt Atom Bomb"
Like his name suggests, he's quite atomic
And this fool - he likes DC Comics
Two energy swords make up his symbol
And trust me, dawg, this homie's nimble

Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 07:02 AM
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Slash_KMC
Retired Helper

Gender: Male
Location: Above everyone.

quote: (post)
Originally posted by mattatom
As again Mr.Daniel I enjoyed this one.

Scratch writing stories and write a script, get No.7 made wink
I would watch it if it had no little furry people in it.


Or clumsy sea people.


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Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 02:07 PM
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mattatom
UNSC's finest.

Gender: Male
Location: Toronto, Canada.

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Slash_KMC
Or clumsy sea people.
Truth, you do speak.


__________________
Every time this fool be come along
He gots you noobs cryin' out fo' mom
Leave the scene lookin' like Vietnam
Might as well call him "Matt Atom Bomb"
Like his name suggests, he's quite atomic
And this fool - he likes DC Comics
Two energy swords make up his symbol
And trust me, dawg, this homie's nimble

Old Post Jan 25th, 2010 02:42 PM
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truejedi
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: United States

Great story writing Daniel, and you have definitly improved. 2 ideas. the 2nd one i feel would make a giant difference, the 1st, some difference.

1. Be a little more colorful with your language.
quote:
"This made starkiller very angry"
could be replaced with
quote:
"Galen felt the rejection like a slap across the face. If this man wanted to be impressed, all he had to do was ask. Galen's lip curled into a snarl as he gathered the darkside to him. "

for instance. Just little changes like that.
Vocabulary is very important.
2. Give us more detail on fight scenes. Look at your ending:
quote:

Revan slashed at Starkiller's already damaged leg with one of his lightsabers. It was now all but disconnected. Starkiller retaliated by slicing one of Revan's hands off and then knocking him back with a lightning-infused saber strike.


quick questions on this sentence alone: why didn't starkiller block revans blow? How did the wound affect him? Why didn't Revan block starkillers blow? And what the heck is a lightning-infused saber strike?

You need to create circumstances here. Was revan distracted? Was starkiller moving too fast? Did Revan hit starkiller mid-leap? Anything to make it real.

Does that make sense?

Basically, your plot is excellent. Go for that. that is what makes it fun to write. But fix your details. You can't short story a fight if you really want us to see it. I'm sure you can see it in your head, and that is what you are writing, but your descriptions are too vague. We can't see your image on what you gave us. Its an ardurous process. Write, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, edit, edit, edit.

That said, you have made giant strides over the last story you posted.

Don't give up on it.

Old Post Jan 26th, 2010 04:58 AM
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DarthDaniel1001
Sith Mandalore

Gender: Male
Location: Yavin lV

Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.


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-Ben Parker

Old Post Jan 26th, 2010 01:46 PM
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REXXXX
Networking

Gender: Male
Location: San Diego

Moderator

Please do not post fictional stories anywhere but the General Fiction... and please just post your parts as part of the main thread that I forged for you!


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Old Post Jan 27th, 2010 07:36 AM
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