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frankenfeltch
Oh the hugemanitee!
 Gender: Male
Location: the bad side of the moon |
 what do you think of these lyrics?
i started writing a jazz song and wrote these lyrics and i was wondering what you think of them and what i could do to make them better...
its a slow lullaby type song, very breathy and calm, itll make you sleep:
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My fingertips are tingling
Goosebumps on my skin
My mind is racing, through the stars
Awaiting her sugar lips
My body’s trembling all night long
From my head down to my toes
And I furnish inside those chestnut eyes
Oh- and yeah, ayeah e yeah, ayeah e yeah, ayeah e yeah- yeah
Underneath the willow tree, weeping through the night
And the moonlit clouds, the cityscape, twinkling like fireflies above
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its not quite finished though
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Mar 3rd, 2004 05:18 PM |
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KMC
Eternal Respect to BC
Gender: Female
Location: On the Road |
good lyrics- be great in a little smoky jazz club- piano and double bass maybe? Can just imagine it...
Kate xx
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Mar 3rd, 2004 06:44 PM |
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furryman
honky
 Gender: Male
Location: Flying |
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Mar 3rd, 2004 07:06 PM |
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frankenfeltch
Oh the hugemanitee!
Gender: Male
Location: the bad side of the moon |
thanks; the smokey jazz club feel is kinda what i was longing for.
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Mar 3rd, 2004 07:32 PM |
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cermiestar
kitten
 Gender: Female
Location: London |
oh this sounds very jazzy! i am a big jazz fan....this sounds good! keep writing!
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Mar 3rd, 2004 08:09 PM |
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frankenfeltch
Oh the hugemanitee!
Gender: Male
Location: the bad side of the moon |
thanks guys!
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Mar 4th, 2004 01:52 AM |
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Ronny
Love is Blindness
 Gender: Female
Location: California |
very nice
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"After coming into contact with a religious man
I always feel I must wash my hands."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
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Mar 4th, 2004 02:08 AM |
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smittenkitten
I give you everything.
Gender: Female
Location: NOLA |
By "furnish inside those chestnut eyes," do you mean you're decorating the interior of her eyeballs?
Maybe you're thinking of a different word.
-Smitten Kitten-
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Mar 4th, 2004 02:18 AM |
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frankenfeltch
Oh the hugemanitee!
Gender: Male
Location: the bad side of the moon |
wel the explanation of that comes later in the song
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Mar 4th, 2004 03:06 AM |
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