KMC Forums - Darth Maul versus Darth Vader

I have made a short story as to what events I think would take place should this battle had ever happened. Some of it is comedic and some is serious:
Maul and Vader are dueling on a volcanic planet (sort of what OB1 and Anakin duel on in ROTS) and Vader has been countering every move Maul has attacked with thus far. Maul growls and does a spinning attack with his saber and this unexpected move damages one of Vader's shoulders. All through the battle Vader has been calm but this makes him extremely mad that "such a weak fighter" had landed a successful attack, much less damaged one of his shoulders. A few sparks spew out of the damaged shoulder and this enrages Vader even more. He starts hammering at Maul and manages to hit the middle of Maul's double blades lightsaber and cut it in half. Maul drops one half of it but doesn't have time to pick it up as Vader continues his relentless attack. Maul is getting desperate as he can't hold off this attack for much longer as he is getting pushed into a lava pit by Vader. Maul frantically tries to think of a way to get back on the offensive before he gets pushed into the lava. This is when he sees a few plots of land in and around the lava. Vader is about to land the finishing blow and hit him into the lava when Maul backflips onto the closest plot of land. Maul had successfully gotten out of Vader's assault and frantically tried to find a way to get back on the offensive when Vader quickly levitated to where Maul was and continued his assault! Maul was beginning to think that he'd never get a chance to go on the offensive but now wasn't the time to have doubt his skill and, for now, all he could do was evade Vader. Vader picked up his saber and slashed at Maul with all of his strength. Maul saw this coming and quickly jumped to another plot of land. Vader's attack had completely decimated where they were standing and Vader continues after Maul. This continues for some time, with Vader getting madder and madder everytime Maul evades. Maul jumps to another plot of land and Vader jumps high (higher then Maul did) and puts his lightsaber right through the middle of the the plot of land. (this attack causes cracks to form around where Vader is and a shockwave pushes the lava around them back) Vader says "that's the last time I miss" and jumps off after Maul before the waves of lava come back and engulfs where he was standing. He lands on solid ground (out of the lava pit) and deactivates his saber. This confuses Maul (who is still standing on one the plots of land in the pit) he looks around then realizes that Vader had been playing him for a fool and had destroyed all of the plots of land around Maul within a leaping distance when he was pursuing him. With no way out of the pit for Maul, Vader makes a gesture with his hand and the lava sprouts up into a huge wave and Vader direct it towards Maul. Before the lava can completely engulf him, Maul throws his lightsaber with all his remaining strength through the wall of lava and Vader (who couldn't see him throw it with the wall of lava between them) doesn't have time to react and gets his head decapitated.

This is where the story gets crazy, if you're in the mood for some silliness then read on otherwise don't.

Artoo and Threepio have been watching the whole battle. Threepio says some stupid line then waddles over to get a closer look and makes a stupid gesture with his hand(s). This is where Artoo has to make a choice, should I join the darkside? Before making the choice, Artoo plays back some recordings of him and Threepio's many weird adventures. The choice is clear and Artoo keeps shocking Threepio until he trips into a lava pit. Artoo turns on his rocket boosters and flies to Vader's decapitated head. He uses one of his little droid arms and picks up vaders helmet and puts it on himself. Artoo feels the power of the dark force and starts beeping, making little sparks of electricity, jumping and spinning. Artoo then proceeds to kill Luke and have droid/human hybrid babes with Leia (don't ask me how)

Prologue - Begining:
Maul has been training ever since his apparent defeat by OB1. Right after he had fallen, a mysterious droid beeped at him and has constructed him new legs. Maul had been keeping himself anonymous from the emperor with stealth ships and such but now he feels that he is strong enough to defeat Vader and become his apprentice again. Maul does a huge force attack and causes a series of eruption on the volcano planet that he's on. This gets the emperors attention who was in the middle of getting a face lift done by the most gifted doctors in the empire. Vader is in his private bathroom and is subsequently constipated. He is using the dark side of the force to help him squeeze the excrement(s) out from between his mechanized butt cheeks. When he had gained all of these mechanized parts, it granted him greater strenth and prowess in battle, but in the process it had slowed down his bowel movement to a dismal rate. The emperor can sense Vader's anal trauma and force-pushes the excrement(s) from Vader. Vader thanks him and Sidious sends him to seek out and destroy Maul. Meanwhile, Maul is patiently waiting on the planet looking up at the sky and clenching his fist(s). A droid is beeping at him from the shadows (this is the same droid that had given him his legs years before as the beeps we heard then and now are the same. Maul can obviously understand these serious of beeps and replies with "I won't fail you". The droid comes out of the darkness and reveals itself to be R2-D2. He spins around his radar dish and tells (beeps, whichever you prefer) Maul that the force is telling him that Vader draws near. Maul takes out his lightsaber. Artoo starts making another, more louder series of beeps then before (these are obviously supposed to be a sinister laugh) Begun the Maul/Vader duel has!