KMC Forums - Sylv's Christmas Carnage. ( Yay )

*Quickly ambushes and restrains before comfortably tucking you into an empty studio audience seat*

Now, just when ya thought you'd never see me or my semi-random garbage, I've come once again! Now, I know what most of you are thinking, 'it's not Christmas yet...’ yeah, well, I'll tell you that if the local malls can sell Christmas decorations in September, I can damn well do a Christmas special before x-mas! So sit back and enjoy the carnage. Oh, and if you try to escape before I finish, I'll gouge your eyes out. =)

So...lets start it all off with a rousing Christmas rhythm, eh?

The Santa From Hell

Up in a house all quiet and snug,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a bug.

I lay in my bed, with dreams of joy,
Of videogames and dirty tapes,
Not a sissy plastic toy.

When suddenly a noise shook me awake.
It could have been my parents nestling...
With the door open by mistake ^_~

I crept out of bed, and out into the hall,
I would not be afraid!
Less the intruder was tall...

I saw the figure round the Christmas tree,
He was taking our stuff,
And a Michael Jackson CD!

I leapt on the brute, with the force of a bear!
He laughed and threw me aside,
For he did not care.

I switched on the lights, and gasped in fright...
It was ol' Saint Nick here,
On this silent night!

He said "Now, shouldn't you be in bed?
Shouldn't you be sleeping soundly?
With sugarplums over your head?"

I smiled and turned away,
I was finally at ease,
I made for the stairs.

But before I left,
I turned round to say,
"Why were taking that Jackson CD?
It's almost Christmas day!"

He said "I really like his stuff,
And his music is really fine"
But I saw through his bluff.

"I think you're lying,
I know you love children,
But that's just plain sick!"

"Well, if you couldn't see,
I'm a paedophile at heart,
Breaking into kids homes on X-mas eve."

That Christmas was one I shall never forget,
I met the Santa from hell,
To which I regret...

The End

Sick and perhaps more twisted then it is hilarious...such is one of the many benefits of being partially-insane.

More Coming Soon

[Time for a commercial break]

Are you tired? Lonely? Depressed? Do you feel your life is meaningless? Consider suicide.

From the people at the "Go Kill Yourself" institution:

[Next Commercial]

Has this ever happened to you?

*Dramatization*

A happy unsuspecting American citizen strolls through a parking lot minding his own business when suddenly...

"LOOK! There's an AMERICAN...let's take his job!"

A horde of immigrant savages steals his job.

*End Dramatization*

Jobless and feeling your life is a failure? Well blame the immigrants, because you're a racist ^.^

From the people at the "Go Kill Yourself" institution

[Commercial break over]

More Coming Soon

Well, now it’s now time for some audience reflection, this is where you get to comment on just how wonderful the show is so far. So...go on, tell me how great it is. ...Do it! *Shakes fist* We'll be back soon after this short break ^.^