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Tired-Hiker
El Bastardo
 Gender: Male
Location: Sailing the seas of cheese. |
 Make up a stupid joke!
The rules are: It has to be stupid.
Question: Why did the Terminatrix lose the battle against the tree?
Answer: Because 'The Termite Ate Her.' Get it?  
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Sep 16th, 2004 08:21 AM |
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Tired-Hiker
El Bastardo
Gender: Male
Location: Sailing the seas of cheese. |
Oh, c'mon. It's easy. Just think of something really lame to turn into a joke. It's that simple. Here, I'll go again.
Question: Why did Tom Cruise cross the road?
Answer: Because Nicole Kidman was serving up spicy chicken wings with Russel Crowe, and Russel pinched Nicole's butt and Tom Cruise got jealous and tried to stop it, but Nicole reminded him that they broke up and if he wants to see her naked, just watch Eyes Wide Shut and Cold Mountain.
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Sep 16th, 2004 08:32 AM |
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Mighty Yoda
The all Mighty One
 Gender: Male
Location: Swamps of Dagobah |
that is lame
i'll think of somethin
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 *Sxc_Sarah*
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Sep 16th, 2004 08:33 AM |
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Tired-Hiker
El Bastardo
Gender: Male
Location: Sailing the seas of cheese. |
See, anything is possible.
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Sep 16th, 2004 08:36 AM |
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Mighty Yoda
The all Mighty One
Gender: Male
Location: Swamps of Dagobah |
Q. What are young yoda's known as
A. Yodalings
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*Sxc_Sarah*
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Sep 16th, 2004 08:39 AM |
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Tired-Hiker
El Bastardo
Gender: Male
Location: Sailing the seas of cheese. |
Yeah! That was a good stupid joke!
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Sep 16th, 2004 08:40 AM |
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Mighty Yoda
The all Mighty One
Gender: Male
Location: Swamps of Dagobah |
so did i.
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*Sxc_Sarah*
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Sep 16th, 2004 08:41 AM |
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Tired-Hiker
El Bastardo
Gender: Male
Location: Sailing the seas of cheese. |
There is no try, only stupid joke.
-Yoda
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Sep 16th, 2004 08:42 AM |
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Mighty Yoda
The all Mighty One
Gender: Male
Location: Swamps of Dagobah |
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*Sxc_Sarah*
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Sep 16th, 2004 08:43 AM |
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TheMuffinMan
Restricted
 Gender: Male
Location: United States Account Restricted |
bring back dukes777 and gorilamanx
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Sep 16th, 2004 02:05 PM |
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Ms Chelle
ubuntu
 Gender: Female
Location: RM118 |
  now thats the funniest thing....
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made by Scribble
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Sep 16th, 2004 02:06 PM |
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Smallville
Last Son of Krypton
 Gender: Male
Location: Metropolis |
What do you call cheese that isnt yours?
[SPOILER - highlight to read]: NACHO CHEESE!
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Sep 16th, 2004 03:46 PM |
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Mr Wiggles
AHHHH!!
 Gender: Male
Location: Over There! *Points* |
Q: What do you call 1,000 heavily armed lesbians?
A: Militia Etheridge.
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Sep 16th, 2004 04:37 PM |
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Smallville
Last Son of Krypton
Gender: Male
Location: Metropolis |
Classic
Did you hear about the new colour paint? Its called Blonde!
[SPOILER - highlight to read]: Not very bright, but it spreads easily
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Sep 16th, 2004 04:39 PM |
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Mr Wiggles
AHHHH!!
Gender: Male
Location: Over There! *Points* |
A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.
“Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.”
“What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?”
“Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not yours.”
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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How did you end up with the peg leg?" he asks.
The pirate replies, "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" says the seaman. "What about your hook?"
"Well," answers the pirate, "we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand."
"Incredible!" says the seaman. "How’d you get the eye patch?"
"A sea gull shit in my eye," the pirate replies.
"You lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the seaman asks.
"Well," says the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."
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A man is walking on the beach when he trips over a lamp. A few seconds later, a genie pops out and says, "I’m required to grant three wishes, but since you did not treat my lamp with respect, I will give twice what you get to the person you hate most—your boss."
The man agrees and makes his first wish: "I want lots of money." Instantly $20 million appears in bags on the beach, and $40 million appears in his boss’ bank account.
Next the man asks for an incredible sports car. Instantly a Lamborghini appears, and at the same moment, two show up outside his boss’ house.
Finally the genie says, "You have but one wish left; you should choose carefully."
The man says, "Well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney."
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator, puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons. "If I open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside, leave ’em there for five minutes, then remove my unit unscathed, will each of you buy me a drink?"
The crowd murmurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps.
After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals—unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and the first of his free drinks is delivered.
"Anyone else have the guts to give it a try?" the man dares the crowd.
After a few seconds, a blonde woman timidly speaks up. "I’ll do it, but no hitting me on the head with the bottle."
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Sep 16th, 2004 04:44 PM |
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Bierbommetje
Senior Member
Gender: Unspecified
Location: |
lol
that third one is class
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Sep 16th, 2004 04:51 PM |
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ladygrim
The Grim piratess
 Gender: Female
Location: Thats so hot |
lol... very funny
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Sep 16th, 2004 04:55 PM |
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Mr Wiggles
AHHHH!!
Gender: Male
Location: Over There! *Points* |
A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he’s retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."
"What’s country style?" asks the city boy.
"Out here in the country," the farmer says, "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin’ wins the dispute."
Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he’s ever felt, crying like a baby and coughing up blood. Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, n-now it’s–it’s m-my turn."
The farmer grins. "Aw, hell, you win. Keep the duck."
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A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads hamburger: $1; cheeseburger: $2; hand job: $10. He beckons to an attractive blonde behind the counter.
“Can I help you?” she asks with a knowing smile.
“I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”
“Yes,” she purrs. “I am.”
“Well, wash your hands,” he says. “I want a cheeseburger.”
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A couple takes their young son to the circus. When his father goes to buy popcorn, the boy asks, "Mom, what’s that long thing on the elephant?"
"That’s the elephant’s trunk, dear," she replies.
"No, Mom. Down underneath."
His mother blushes and says, "Oh, that’s nothing."
The father returns and the mother goes off to get a soda. As soon as she leaves, the boy repeats his question.
"That’s the elephant’s trunk, son."
"Dad, I know what an elephant’s trunk is. The thing down there."
The father says, "Oh, that’s the elephant’s penis."
"Dad," the son asks, "how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
The man takes a deep breath and explains, "Son, I’ve spoiled that woman."
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A fire starts inside a chemical plant and the alarm goes out to fire departments miles around. After crews have been fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $100,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!" The crews try, but no one can get through. Then another fire truck, filled with a volunteer fire company of men over 65, comes roaring down the road and drives straight into the middle of the inferno. The other men watch unbelieving as the old timers hop off of their rig and heroically extinguish the fire, saving the secret formulas. The company president walks over to reward the volunteers.
"What do you guys plan to do with the money?" the president asks the group.
The firetruck driver looks him right in the eye and answers, "The first thing we’re going to do is fix the fuc*king brakes on that truck."
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A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cashbox and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
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A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.
A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.
When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, “These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?”
He shrugs and says, “Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We’re just here to paint the halls.”
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A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of three, nine or 12, and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s ‘the night.’ We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”
He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”
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Sep 16th, 2004 05:12 PM |
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ladygrim
The Grim piratess
Gender: Female
Location: Thats so hot |
kewl jokes....
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Sep 16th, 2004 05:21 PM |
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