Hilarious Away Messages

any of you don't know what away message are? It's basically an answering machine on the computer. I got a few really hilarious ones here.....I'll allow laughter to ensue

-You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for you cooperation.

😂 That one cracks me up!

I love Fire's away messages...they are super annoying 😂

Here's another one.....

-I'm sorry I can't come to the computer right now, please leave a message..thanks! *beep* HELP! THE EVIL PINK BUNNIE SLIPPERS ARE ATTACKING!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *gun shot* I think I got one, I think I-- *end of message*

and another.........

-I'm gone, but if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.

and another.......

-I'm dead, sorry for the inconvenience.

aren't these great?!

😂

i love them!!

-Just think, if your name was "Homework," I could be doing you on my bed right now.

LMFAO! 😂

Ha!_ You JUST missed me!_ Gotta be quicker than that!!

Alright, I'm off for tonight, I'll post the rest tomorrow 😄

An homage to Monty Python......

-I am out looking for a shrubbery. Will be back soon.

-Hi. I am running in terror at the moment, being chased down by evil, horrifying demonic creatures. Who are at this time, tearing, ripping and biting at my flesh. I will get back to you as soon as my dead, mangled, bloody carcass can get back to the computer.

-I'm practicing my witch doctorisms right now... And if you feel a sudden pain in the near future,_I swear it's not me... *hides voodoo doll behind back*

-I'm masticating.

(for those of you who do not know, masticate means to chew...I'm either eating or trying to chew off the straps of this bloody coat! I feel like I'm hugging myself!!!!!!! wait...how am I typing?? telekinesis? cool!!!!!!! 😄 )

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-If you are a friend try back in 10 minutes. If you are an enemy go away. If you are a sales person I don't want any. If we are married I will get back to you. If we don't know each other then go away, because I have enough annoying friends already.

-You've reached the hostage hotline. Please leave the amount of money that you are willing to pay for your selected hostage to be released. We apologize for any inconvenience.

-Greetings! _I am currently too preoccupied ignoring more important mortals, so if you wish to communicate with me, leave me a message, and at a later time of my choice, I will get back to disregarding, avoiding, or otherwise neglecting you.

-Hello from the Happy Valley Insane Asylum! We are sorry to announce that the occupant of this screen name is not here right now. They are currently rocking to-and-fro in a straight jacket, in a padded room. Please leave a message and they will get back to you as soon as they have regained sanity. Which may take quite a while, but we hope that you care enough about them to wait 😛

here is a cute one:

I'm away right now...but hey want to know how to keep a blond busy?
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wow .. i kept the scroll up / down for about 6 minutes 😑

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