quote: (post)

Originally posted by Corran
DON’T waste money on expensive Ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks”, simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p*ss before the film starts.
RAPPERS. Avoid having to say ‘know what I’m sayin’all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

DON’T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

EMPLOYERS. Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

MEN. When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.

GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £ 50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

BLIND PEOPLE. Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

PREVENTburglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

DEPRESSEDpeople. Instead of attempting suicide as a ‘cry for help’, simply shout ‘Help!’thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

MOTORISTS.Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

JEREMY Beadle. When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of midi disks.

SINGLE men. Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

McDONALD’S. Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they’ve been thrown out of car windows.

WOMEN.Don’t waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn’t give a sh*t anyway and you could use the saved energy to vacuum the house after you’ve been banged.

quote: (post)

Originally posted by Corran
DON’T waste money on expensive Ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks”, simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p*ss before the film starts.
RAPPERS. Avoid having to say ‘know what I’m sayin’all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

DON’T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

EMPLOYERS. Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

MEN. When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.

GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £ 50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

BLIND PEOPLE. Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

PREVENTburglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

DEPRESSEDpeople. Instead of attempting suicide as a ‘cry for help’, simply shout ‘Help!’thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

MOTORISTS.Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

JEREMY Beadle. When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of midi disks.

SINGLE men. Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

McDONALD’S. Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they’ve been thrown out of car windows.

WOMEN.Don’t waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn’t give a sh*t anyway and you could use the saved energy to vacuum the house after you’ve been banged.

quote: (post)

Originally posted by Corran
SINGLE men. Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

quote: (post)

Originally posted by Corran
DON’T waste money on expensive Ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks”, simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p*ss before the film starts.
RAPPERS. Avoid having to say ‘know what I’m sayin’all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

DON’T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

EMPLOYERS. Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

MEN. When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.

GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £ 50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

BLIND PEOPLE. Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

PREVENTburglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

DEPRESSEDpeople. Instead of attempting suicide as a ‘cry for help’, simply shout ‘Help!’thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

MOTORISTS.Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

JEREMY Beadle. When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of midi disks.

SINGLE men. Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

McDONALD’S. Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they’ve been thrown out of car windows.

WOMEN.Don’t waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn’t give a sh*t anyway and you could use the saved energy to vacuum the house after you’ve been banged.

quote: (post)

Originally posted by Phoenix Aska
lmao

where'd you find this stuff at?