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New Company Work Policy
Started by: =Tired Hiker=

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Tired-Hiker
El Bastardo

Gender: Male
Location: Sailing the seas of cheese.

New Company Work Policy

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we'll assume
you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturdays & Sundays.

Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that
they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's
mental health policy.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.
The Management

Pass this on to all who are employed!


__________________

Old Post Dec 5th, 2007 07:54 PM
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MR.Grum
Universal Soul collector

Gender: Unspecified
Location: a nice place..no you cant come.

Re: New Company Work Policy

quote: (post)
Originally posted by =Tired Hiker=
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we'll assume
you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturdays & Sundays.

Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that
they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's
mental health policy.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.
The Management

Pass this on to all who are employed!
lulz


__________________

Grum Rule#1:ALL Grum Rules Apply.


(sig by PiGgLet)

Old Post Dec 5th, 2007 07:56 PM
MR.Grum is currently offline Click here to Send MR.Grum a Private Message Find more posts by MR.Grum Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Mr. Bacon
Who?

Gender: Male
Location: History

laughing

Old Post Dec 5th, 2007 07:57 PM
Mr. Bacon is currently offline Click here to Send Mr. Bacon a Private Message Find more posts by Mr. Bacon Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Kal of Krypton
Lois's Lover

Gender: Male
Location: In front of my computer

quote: (post)
Originally posted by =Tired Hiker=
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we'll assume
you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturdays & Sundays.

Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that
they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's
mental health policy.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.
The Management

Pass this on to all who are employed!
shifty


__________________

Old Post Dec 5th, 2007 08:55 PM
Kal of Krypton is currently offline Click here to Send Kal of Krypton a Private Message Find more posts by Kal of Krypton Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
Hidden Lotus
Jetta FTW

Gender: Male
Location: Drag Racing Jesus...

Re: New Company Work Policy

quote: (post)
Originally posted by =Tired Hiker=
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's
mental health policy.

best part


__________________

Thanks to tylerTOXICITY for the sig

Old Post Dec 5th, 2007 08:57 PM
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